Groucho Marx

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977), was an American comedian and film star

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Famous quotes by Groucho Marx:Sort:PopularA - Z

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Rate it:
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.Rate it:
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.Rate it:
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.Rate it:
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.Rate it:
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.Rate it:
Go, and never darken my towels again.Rate it:
Hello, I Must Be GoingRate it:
I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.Rate it:
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.Rate it:
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.Rate it:
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.Rate it:
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.Rate it:
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.Rate it:
I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.Rate it:
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.Rate it:
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.Rate it:
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.Rate it:
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.Rate it:
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.Rate it:
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.Rate it:
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.Rate it:
If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.Rate it:
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.Rate it:
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.Rate it:
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.Rate it:
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.Rate it:
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.Rate it:
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Rate it:
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.Rate it:
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.Rate it:
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows--marriage does.Rate it:
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.Rate it:
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.Rate it:
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.Rate it:
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.Rate it:
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?Rate it:
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.Rate it:
Women should be obscene and not heard.Rate it:
You are only as old as the woman you feel.Rate it:

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"Groucho Marx Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2015. Web. 31 Jan. 2015. <http://www.quotes.net/authors/Groucho Marx>.

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