Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner (born September 17, 1953) is an American comedienne, writer and actress

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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.Rate it:
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.Rate it:
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rate it:
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.Rate it:
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.Rate it:
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.Rate it:
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.Rate it:
Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.Rate it:
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.Rate it:
My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.Rate it:
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.Rate it:
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.Rate it:
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.Rate it:
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.Rate it:
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.'Rate it:
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with'Rate it:

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"Rita Rudner Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2015. Web. 29 Mar. 2015. <http://www.quotes.net/authors/Rita Rudner>.

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