Robert Benchley

United States humorist (1889-1945)

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A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Streets full of water; please advise.
Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

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