- Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce »
- Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Ambrose Bierce »
- Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. Ambrose Bierce »
- Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. Ambrose Bierce »
- Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. Ambrose Bierce »
- Brain an apparatus with which we think we think. Ambrose Bierce »
- Cabbage A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. Ambrose Bierce »
- Calamities are of two kinds misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. Ambrose Bierce »
- Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum Ambrose Bierce »
- Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. Ambrose Bierce »
- In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. Ambrose Bierce »
- Painting The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Ambrose Bierce »
- Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. Ambrose Bierce »
- Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. Ambrose Bierce »
- Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. Ambrose Bierce »
- Pray To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. Ambrose Bierce »
- Quotation, n The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. Ambrose Bierce »
- The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce »
- The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. Ambrose Bierce »
- There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know. Ambrose Bierce »
- To be positive To be mistaken at the top of one's voice. Ambrose Bierce »
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