United States writer of caustic wit (1842-1914)

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History is an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction.
Egotist a person more interested in himself than in me.
Genius - To know without having learned to draw just conclusions from unknown premises to discern the soul of things.
Pray To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessed unworthy.
Quoting the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
There are four kinds of Homicide felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
This ONLY is denied God The power to undo the past.
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.

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