Finley Peter Dunne

Finley Peter Dunne (July 10, 1867-April 24, 1936) was a Chicago-based U.S. author, writer and humorist. He published Mr. Dooley in Peace and War, a collection of his nationally syndicated Mr. Dooley sketches, in 1898. The fictional Mr. Dooley expounded upon political and social issues of the day from his South Side Chicago Irish pub and he spoke with the thick verbiage and accent of an Irish immigrant. Dunne's sly humor and political acumen won the support of President Theodore Roosevelt, a frequent target of Mr. Dooley's barbs. Indeed Dunne's sketches became so popular and such a litmus test of public opinion that they were read each week at White House cabinet meetings

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A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Many a man that couldn't direct you to the drug store on the corner when he was 3 will get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th'ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.

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