George Burns

United States comedian and film actor (1896-1996)

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out -- and you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
How can I die? I'm booked.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I get a standing ovation jaust standing.
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Life's but a day at most.
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
Nice to be here At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning anf a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

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