Groucho Marx

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977), was an American comedian and film star

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Hello, I Must Be Going
I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows--marriage does.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
You are only as old as the woman you feel.

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