- A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
Jack Benny »
- Growing old is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny »
- I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny »
- My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny »
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