Josh Billings

United States humorist who wrote about rural life (1818-1885)

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I never question a success, any more than I do the right of a bulldog to lie in his own gateway.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do.
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost--he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
After enlightenment, the laundry.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are and doing things as they ought to be done.
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail then you can let go when you want to.
Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he had got.
Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
Good nonsense is good sense in disguise.
I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.
It ain't what folks know that's the problem, it's what they know that ain't so.
It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Knowledge is like money the more he gets, the more he craves.
Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners.
Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
My son, observe the postage stamp! Its usefulness depends upon its ability to stick to one thing until it gets there.
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.
The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.
The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
The trouble with people is not that they dont know but that they know so much that aint so.
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do.
When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.

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