Ogden Nash

United States writer noted for his droll epigrams (1902-1971)

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An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
A flea and a fly
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Nietsche is Pietsche."
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave When they think that their children are nave.
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long.
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,
Were each of them once a kiddie.
A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it Whenever you're right, shut up.
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
When there are monsters there are miracles.

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