Oscar Levant

Oscar Levant (December 27, 1906 - August 14, 1972) was an American pianist, composer, author, comedian, and actor. He was more famous for his mordant character and witticisms, on the radio and in movies and television, than for his music

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An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Happiness isn't something you experience it's something you remember.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I have no trouble with my enemies. But my goddam friends,...they are the ones that keep me walking the floor nights.
I knew her before she was a virgin.
I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'
I once said cynically of a politician, Hell double-cross that bridge when he comes to it.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. -- On Dwight D. Eisenhower
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
So little time and so little to do.
So little time, so little to do.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real tinsel underneath.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
When you give up drinking, you have to deal with that wonderful personality that started you drinking in the first place.

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