Robert Orben (born March 4, 1927) is an American magician and professional comedy writer. He is also an author of books for magicians. He wrote a book called "Speaker's Handbook of Humor"

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Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

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