Famous quotes by Tom Zegan:Sort:PopularA - Z

I'm making some changes in my life. If you don't hear back from me, you're one of them.
Even unconditional love has its conditions.
Character is something you do when no one else is watching.
Cultural Values Determine Behavior
Ed Hardy called . . . he wants his clothes back!
I'm working on my second million . . . I gave up on my first.
Life isn't always the way it's suppose to be, it's the way it is.
Love makes the world go round but money pays for the trip.
When I was young my Dad told me that Alcohol kills thousands of brain cells and he said, son . . . you're not the smartest kid in your class!
All things happen for a reason . . . even No Reason is still a reason.
Don't forget to take life one day at a time because if you miss a day or two it's called being in a coma.
Everybody wants to go to heaven . . . nobody wants to die!
Excuse me, but can you be a little more vague?
Humans are the only creatures that have the ability to forgive.
I asked God if He could hear me . . . He said "No".
I don't believe in reincarnation, but then again I didn't believe in it last time either.
I use to put ant poison on my front lawn but I actually found that putting sugar on my neighbor's lawn works just as well.
I wish I had a million dollars for every time I wished I had a million dollars.
I'm not afraid of falling, I'm afraid of landing.
Once I had a dream that I was sleeping.
Sex is only 10% of a Good Marriage but it's 90% of a Bad One.
Translogic: A comment or statement that sounds logical and makes sense at the time it is said but when later closely examined it actually makes no sense at all.
Why when you have 31 Flavors stick with Rock Road?
A few years ago I made a New Years Resolution never to make another New Years Resolution again and so far it's the only one that I have actually kept.
A Soulution to Rubik's Cube is not a series of individual good guesses, each surmounting move has twelve to one odds against success. It is a series of perplexed movements or algorithms that form a coherent method of returning back to it's original (correct) state.
Clowns taste funny.
Does anyone know when they are going to come out with the new Mayan Calender?
Everybody who sets out to prove that God exists succeeds and everybody who sets out to prove that God does not exist also succeeds.
Everyone's personality is a manifestation of their combined past experiences. If you are able to observe and interpret someone's behavior, you will eventually be able to predict that person's behavior as well.
Five is a Four letter word
Four out of Five Dentist think that the Fifth Dentist is an idiot.
FYI: There's no such place as Carmen, San Diego.
Have you ever used Diet Shampoo before? It's for people with Fat Heads.
Heaven called . . . we're a match!
I am such a firm believer in the idea of "Free Press" so much that I took my neighbors newspaper off his porch this morning.
I came into this world with nothing and not much has changed.
I don't have alzheimer's, . . . I have sometimers!
I found that life will go on pretty much with or with out you.
I had an out a body experience once and when I returned someone else was there.
I heard of a guy who had a heart attack and died when he realized that he had just won the Lottery! What are the odds of that?
I just finished my first book . . . I enjoyed it so much I'm thinking about reading another one.
I know what it takes to become a millionaire . . . a million bucks!
I love my kids to death . . . so far it's not working.
I might not be a Nobel Peace Prize winner but I know that the opposite of love is not indifference, it's hate. Indifference would be the fulcrum (center point) between love and hate. To think otherwise is ludicrous.
I once had a memory pillow, but I forgot where I put it!
I owned a mountain cabin once that had hot and cold running water . . . hot in the summer and cold in the winter.
I think it's funny how some people can think about eternity but the same people only think that the earth is 6,000 years old.
I used to date homeless chicks, they weren't very picky and at the end of the date you could just drop them off at any corner.
I went to the Hollywood Bowl last night . . . I bowled a 126.
I'd be a Vegetarian if I didn't have to give up eating meat.
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm thinking of a number between One and Infinity.
If Gillette put a One after it's name it would be Gillette One.
If I wasn't here right now, I'd be somewhere else.
If you can't think of the right word to say, make one up.
If you want to know something, ask my kids. They think they know everything.
If you want to master something then it's best to learn from a Master.
In case you hadn't heard, I'm winning the human race.
It's a Recession if it's happening to other people, it's a Depression if it's happening to you!
It's never to late to do the right thing.
It's not what you know, it's what they think you know.
It's your story, run with it
Its only deep if you're short.
Its time for someone to stand up and say "Stop spending all our hard earned tax dollars".
Just because you believe something is true doesn't automatically make it true.
Just think, if I was born one day earlier I would have written this yesterday.
Life isn't always fair . . . but it's sure fairer than death!
Life's not fair . . . get over it.
Math Problem: What does Three take away Two equal? I can prove that Three take away Two equals Two. Don't believe me? OK, you have Three apples I take away Two apples, how many apples do I have?
Money is the consolidation and storage of energy
Money talks . . . It says you're cheap.
My ex-wife thought that the grass was greener on the other side . . . so now she's mowing someone else's lawn.
My Favorite kind of animal is a stuffed one.
My name translated into Chinese is "Hy Yu"
Never Drink and Drive . . . you might spill.
Never judge a book by it's cover . . . judge it by it's price.
New and Improved actually means that the Old Stuff actually Sucked!
Once I had a dog that died of lead poisoning . . . I shot him in the head.
One man's trash ends up another man's wife.
One time a waitress asked me how I wanted my eggs, I said "Cooked"
People who live in Stone Houses shouldn't throw Glass.
Personally I don't care to watch a bunch of millionaires throw balls at each other.
Question for the Family Feud game show: "Name something that you can't say on TV.
Remember what I told you to forget?
Some kids wanted to be Firemen when they were growing up . . . I wanted to be a Fire Truck!
Some people say that you should fight fire with fire but I say you should fight fire with water.
Someone, somewhere right now is thinking about You!
Strangers have the best candy.
The average person believes that they are better than the average person.
The first time I ever did standup a guy yelled out "Down in front.
The French, they're so . . . French.
The only faith that really matters is the one that you believe in.
The only way that I can see America ever becoming a strong nation again is to stop being a debtor nation and to begin spending less than is taxed on it's people.
The President didn't vote for me so I'm not voting for him either.
The solution of a Rubik's Cube is not a series of individual good guesses, each surmounting move has twelve to one odds against success. It is a series of perplexed movements or algorithms that form a coherent method of returning back to it's original (correct) state.
There are two reasons why a person does something, one that sounds good and the real one.
There are two things I hate . . . No Three. Haters, Haters & Haters!
There are two ways to take over a country. Externally by force or Internally by fiscal collapse.
There is a big difference between Assigned Prestige and Achieved Prestige. Assigned Prestige will usually abuse it's power where Achieved Prestige won't.
There is no more powerful form of rejection than taking someone for granted.
There's nothing better than to have a mate that actually likes you let alone loves you.
They say keep looking up, things could get worse. So I kept looking up and sure enough things got worse.
Time is the measurement of the rotation of the Earths Surface around the Circumference of it's Axis
Today's not my day . . . tomorrows not looking any better.
Two wrongs don't make a right but Three lefts do.
We are all Strangers . . . Some of us are just Stranger than others.
We only fear what we don't know, if we knew everything we would have no fear.
What you do with your hands you mess up with your feet.
What's the first thing you ask for when you spill a drink? That's right, another drink!
Whats right isn't always popular and whats popular isn't always right.
When I die I want my tomb stone to say "See, I told you I was sick.
When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread out over a soccer field so that the kids can kick my ash.
When I was young my parents use to move a lot . . . but I'd always find them.
When people try to bring you down they are only trying to bring you to their level.
Whoever said "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" was an idiot!
Why walk to work when you can take your lunch?
Wisdom is using knowledge through God's perspective.
Woke up this morning. CHECK
You are not truly rich until you have something that money can't buy.
You don't have to motivate passion, unless you're married
You hear preachers say that the prosperity gospel doesn't work but I say that it's worked for the preachers who preach it.

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