Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land everyone was happy, until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her- gasp!
Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?
She's on her honeymoon.
Honeymoon? With whom?
So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young.
Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in the tower.
I only did that because I love her!
Oh, yeah! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!
Your fallen tears have called to me, so here comes my sweet remedy. I know what every princess needs for her to live life happily. With... just a wave of my magic wand your troubles will soon be gone. With a flick of the wrist in just a flash, you land a prince with a ton of cash, A high priced dress made by mice no less! Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed! Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse Confide in your very own furniture friends We'll help you set a new fashion trend! I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great! The kind of gal a prince would date They'll write your name on the bathroom wall MALE VOICE: For happy ever after- give Fiona a call! A sporty carriage to ride in style. A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle. Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay... celulite thighs will fade away A hool and a hey! Have a Bichon Frise And oh, what the hey... have a Bichon Frise! Nip and tuck here and there, to land that prince with the perfect hair. Lipstick liners, shadow blush! to get that prince with a sexy tush. Lucky day, hunk buffet For the lipstick a roll in the hay You can spoon on the moon with the prince to this tune Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? Have some chicken fricassee - chorus