What's Up, Tiger Lily? 
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Phil Moscowitz: But you said you loved me!
Wing Fat: I love you in my own way.
Phil Moscowitz: Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes and bring a cattle prod.
Shepherd Wong: I'm dying. Call my rabbi.
Phil Moscowitz: Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly!
Phil Moscowitz: Uh-huh.
Wing Fat: Don't tell me what I can do, or I'll have my mustache eat your beard.
Shepherd Wong: That's too bad. I was going to marry her. I already put a deposit on twin cemetery plots.
Phil Moscowitz: No bullets? Ah, but if all of you in the audience who believe in fairies will clap your hands, then my gun will be magically filled with bullets.
Phil Moscowitz: I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Suki Yaki: I managed to find this dress in there, but no underwear.
Phil Moscowitz: No underwear? I find that very interesting.
Suki Yaki: Don't excite yourself. I never sleep with a man who owns a dress.
Phil Moscowitz: Oh, neither do I. I feel exactly the same way.
Phil Moscowitz: He lives in that piece of paper?
Phil Moscowitz: Nothing much to report... oh, somebody tried to shoot me during the credits.
Wing Fat: This is my mother. We're very close. Isn't she sweet? And the best thing about her is: she can really take a punch.
Suki Yaki: So, who did help me escape?
Phil Moscowitz: Don't you have any idea?
Suki Yaki: I had an idea that it was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but there's no motive...
Shepherd Wong: I didn't order any fumigation! It's Wing Fool, you fat! I mean... it's Wing Fat, you fool!
Shepherd Wong: You interupt Shepherd Wong? That's the thing to do?
Shepherd Wong: You want egg salad, I'll give you egg salad! Did you bring the mayonnaise?
Suki Yaki: Mayonnaise?
Shepherd Wong: I told you to take a jar!
Suki Yaki: Boy is he weird.
Shepherd Wong: Oh, nevermind. If there's none on board, forget it. We'll use Miracle Whip. Heee-yee-hee-hee-ha-ha!