Dave:
Tell me the first thing that pops in your head.

Wally:
Pussy!

Eve:
Any last requests, Mr. Carew?

Wally:
I suppose a fuck is out of the question.

Eve:
I'm afraid so.

Wally:
So, you're the fat fuck who's running this show!

Sutherland:
Beautifully put, Mr. Karew. You're obviously a poet, a man after my own heart.

Dave:
And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broom stick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.

Wally:
I think I was married to that woman once.

Dave:
Small world.

Capt. Braddock:
What's the story here, Gatlin? I got the commissioner crawling up my ass!

Wally:
I hear prison isn't so bad if you like it up the butt.

Dave:
Yes and zen suddeny dey excepted American Express.

Wally:
Yes, don't go home without it.

Capt. Braddock:
Okay no more bullshit

Capt. Braddock:
was there or wasn't there a woman?

Dave:
Are you serious?

Capt. Braddock:
Yes I'm goddamn serious.

Dave:
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?

Dave:
Today I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection.

Dave:
You swear an awful lot.

Wally:
You're fucking-A right!

Dave:
Who are you talking to?!

Wally:
I'm talking to you, you prick.

Dave:
Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?

Wally:
I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.

Dave:
You're blind?!

Wally:
Yes I'm blind, what are you fucking deaf?

Dave:
Yes, I'm fucking deaf!

Wally:
You're really deaf?

Dave:
I'm really deaf.

Wally:
Then how do you know what I'm saying?

Dave:
Because I'm reading your lips now you want the job or not?

Dave:
Well excuse me! Pardon em moi, masseur hot shit!

Wally:
Where are we?

Dave:
Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.

Wally:
No kidding! I got family in there! Do you wanna come with me?

Dave:
Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.

Wally:
That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?

Dave:
I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!!!

Wally:
Is THAT what it is?! I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!

Dave:
That's very kind of you! Thank you!

Wally:
These streets are bumpy.

Dave:
You're driving on the sidewalk!

Wally:
Where are we?

Dave:
I think we're floating towards New Jersey.

Dave:
We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.

Adele:
I think David got a little messed up.

Dave:
What did she say?

Wally:
She said she thinks you're an asshole!

Dave:
How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?

Wally:
Three!

Dave:
That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.

Dave:
Fucking-A. Something bothers you, fuck it. Your wife leaves you, fuck her. Your boss fires you, fuck him. Fucking-A. Fuckin'em. Right?

Wally:
You're fucking right!

Dave:
It's a gift to be able to do that.