Dan Vs.

Dan:
Tell me a story.

Elise:
There was once a little prince who was so very angry...

Dan:
Is his name Dan?

Chris:
He's like an angry goldfish.

Dan:
Rainbows are nature's rainbows.

Clerk:
Do you blog?

Dan:
Do I what?

Barry:
She almost touched me.

Dan:
Your probably wondering why I'm wearing face paint and attacking you with a plastic toy hatchet?

Chris:
Oh, is it "Put on Face Paint and Attack Your Best Friend with a Hatchet Day" already?

Dan:
That's not till January.

Elise:
My folks are here.

Chris:
They are? But their three hours early.

Elise:
Welcome to my world.

Elise:
Okay, let's go. Dan, you are not invited on this camping trip, don't follow.

Dan:
Your not the boss of me, lady. I go where I plea- Hey! Is that my car battery? I'LL PUT YOU ON THE LIST! I'LL PUT ALL OF YOU ON THE LIST!

Dan:
I don't recognize that guy with, Chris.

Mr. Mumbles:
Meow.

Dan:
Heh, your right about that, Mr. Mumbles. Whoever he is he sure is dreamy.

Dan:
He's not just dreamy, he's got the strength of ten men. And was it just me or were his eyes even more captivating close up? I think he won the fight because I got lost in them.

Dan:
No chainsaw? Why doesn't anything ever go right for me?

Mr. Mumbles:
Meeeowww.

Dan:
Was that sarcasm, Mr. Mumbles?

Dan:
Stupid Spider-man.

Cop:
Every man I got is up in the tree with a sniper rifle itching to shoot a hole in the first hockey mask they see.

Dan:
Heh, maybe not the best time to be dressed as the maniac.

Dan:
Well, that was completely unpleasant.

Chris:
Dan! Run!

Dan:
Oh, thanks! Hadn't thought of that!

Dan:
What took you so long?

Chris:
Nice to see you too!

Dan:
Stupid Wolf-Man, I'll get you!

Chris:
There's no such thing as a Wolf-Man, Dan.

Dan:
How could you be so naive? Look at the fur, look at the paw prints!

Chris:
There's an animal shelter right there.

Dan:
Look!

Chris:
Those are sneaker prints.

Dan:
Exactly!

Chris:
Exactly what?

Dan:
What wears shoes but also has paws? The Wolf-Man!

Chris:
So you're saying that the Wolf-Man's a jogger.

Dan:
He's an evil beast with an unsavory bloodlust! Of course he jogs!

Chris:
If he's wearing shoes, what's with the paw prints?

Dan:
Obviously, he runs like this!

Chris:
He doesn't run like that in the movies.

Dan:
This isn't the movies - THIS IS REAL LIFE! STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD - THE WOLF-MAN SCRATCHED MY CAR, AND HE MUST PAY! NEXT MONTH!

Chris:
Why next month?

Dan:
Next full moon. Don't you watch movies?

Chris:
So what are we doing today?

Dan:
Nothing! Go home!