Danger Bay

[Jonah honks the Jeep horn]

Nicole Roberts:
Jonah!

[Jonah pulls up, Jan and Nicole scramble into the Jeep]

Jonah Roberts:
Aren't you gonna introduce me?

Nicole Roberts:
Jonah, get out of here! They're after us!

Jonah Roberts:
The little green men?

Nicole Roberts:
Jonah, get out of here now! Gun it!

[Jonah speeds away]

Jan:
[speaking in Czech accent] If I lived here I would eat burgers all the time and just hang with friends.

Jonah Roberts:
[laughing] Hang out with friends. Hang out with friends.

Jan:
Oh doctor, never would I have involved Nicole if I knew you were her father.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
What have you involved Nicole in?

Nicole Roberts:
[stammering] Dad, it - it's a little complicated, uh...

Jan:
[interrputing] No! Not complicated at all. Now I will stay.

Nicole Roberts:
What?

Jan:
I ask you to help me defect.

Jonah Roberts:
Defect?

Nicole Roberts:
Defect?

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
You want to defect?

Jan:
Yes, doctor. I *will* defect!

[Jan is cooking a Czech dish in the Roberts kitchen]

Jonah Roberts:
Great, uh - branish maski nabraski. Do we have any peanut butter toast?

Nicole Roberts:
Someone forgot to do the grocery shopping.

Jonah Roberts:
Ah, *someone* found themselves driving the getaway car in a Bond movie.

Jonah Roberts:
[imitates James Bond] My name is Roberts - Jonah Roberts. See you guys later.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
I'm going to take some pleasure in reporting you to the police.

Mona:
Well we were only playing a prank.

Jerry:
It was just a harmless hoax. We didn't hurt anybody or break any laws.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
The authorities may take a different view of that. You've endangered lives, and you *have* done some harm with your hoax. Some day a new animal *may* turn up and a memory of a stunt like this just may keep it from being properly investigated. Did you ever think of that?

[last lines]

[Grant, Joyce, Jonah and Nicole are watching Sanderson's TV show "Stranger Than Fiction"]

Sanderson:
And so ends the strange tale of Abby, the Abbots Bay monster. The perpetrators of this monstrous hoax have been put out of business and I for one am proud of having uncovered this fraud. One day, a new animal might show up but memories of stunts like this might keep it from being properly investigated. And that, my friends, is a true tragedy. Strange? Yes... Stranger Than Fiction.

Joyce Carter:
[Grant shuts off the TV] He's taking all the credit for what you guys did.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
I can't believe that guy. First he puts words into my mouth then he takes them out without so much as a by your leave.

Jonah Roberts:
It's also very unsanitary.

Joyce Carter:
I know you're burned up about Sanderson but [sniffs] isn't that real smoke!

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
My chicken!

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
[Grant runs off to the kitchen and comes back holding a dish with a charred and smoking chicken] Well it *was* a chicken.

Nicole Roberts:
Don't worry about it, Dad. The pizza we ordered should be here any minute now.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
You ordered pizza when you knew I was cooking dinner?

Jonah Roberts:
You may be a great dad but as a cook - you're Stranger Than Fiction.

Jonah Roberts:
So what are we going to do with the money?

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
I thought we could pay off the mortgage and buy some savings bonds.

Nicole Roberts:
Savings bonds?

Jonah Roberts:
Mortgage? No no no! We gotta do something really special with it. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself. Something like, uh ...

Nicole Roberts:
A trip to Europe.

Jonah Roberts:
A cigarette boat. Twin V-8. A spoiler. A nose that goes on forever.

Nicole Roberts:
He doesn't want a stink pot. There's the sweetest little sloop for sale in the marina.

Jonah Roberts:
Great - it takes a week to get across the harbour.

Nicole Roberts:
What's your hurry?

Jonah Roberts:
Dad's a busy man. He doesn't have time to sail.

Nicole Roberts:
So you want the Environmentalist of the Year to drive around in a boat that pumps out his body weight in fossil carbons every hour?

Jonah Roberts:
You're right. *I* better drive it.

[Jonah is sporting an expensive new outfit and a certain piece of jewellery]

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
An earring? My son is wearing an earring?

Jonah Roberts:
It's just a sleeper, Dad. Warren got one too.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
[sarcastic] Oh, good for Warren.

Dr. Donna Chen:
I think it's great!

Dr. George Dunbar:
Well uh, even pirates used to wear earrings.

Jonah Roberts:
Beards too.

Dr. George Dunbar:
Hmmm...

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
It's your ear, Jonah.

Warren:
Who's for a brewsky?

Jonah Roberts:
What are you talking about? Your parents will skin you!

Warren:
Oh lay off, Saint Jonah! My brother got it for me.

Jonah Roberts:
Dad, I need a hundred dollars.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
[stunned] A hundred dollars!

Jonah Roberts:
I've got it all worked out. I'll pay you back in no time.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Read my lips - no! What do you want it for?

Jonah Roberts:
I'm taking Trudy to this concert Thursday night. I've already promised her.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
A hundred-dollar date? On a school night? Are you sure that new hole in your head stops at your ear?

Jonah Roberts:
But Dad, everybody's going.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Well everybody's going without you. Just stop for a minute and look at what you're asking me. It might be alright for those new girls that you guys have been hanging around with but you know better.

Jonah Roberts:
[defiant] I don't criticize your friends. Why do mine have to pass your standards? [storms away]

Dr. Donna Chen:
How's Jonah?

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Which one?

Dr. Donna Chen:
Come on, you were his age once. We all go through different stages. Growing up's not easy.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
I think it's harder on the parents.

Dr. Donna Chen:
My dad used to have this expression about roots and wings. Give your children roots and wings. You know, a good basis and the freedom to use it. You've given Jonah goot roots.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
This coming from an experienced parent such as yourself.

Dr. Donna Chen:
[laughs] No, from an experienced teenager. I drove my parents up the wall. You have to let him try his wings a little.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
That's fine with me as long as he doesn't expect to fly on a school night.

Cully:
Bert?

Bert:
Yeah?

Cully:
[gazing skyward through blind eyes] Does that big old cedar still have an eagle's nest on top?

Bert:
Yep, she's still there, Cully.

Cully:
What about the mountains?

Bert:
Yeah?

Cully:
Is there still snow on 'em?

Bert:
The mountains are still there. The snow's gone.

Cully:
I guess it's still as beautiful as it ever was.

Bert:
Yep.

Cully:
I wish we still owned it, Bert.

Bert:
Aw, it don't make much difference who owns the land, Cully. It's all on loan from the good Lord anyway, rich or poor.

Cully:
I'm gonna finish tuning up the truck. We might have to sell it.

Jonah Roberts:
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.

Nicole Roberts:
[annoyed] Would you quit with those dumb wise sayings!

Jonah Roberts:
[mocking] O thou art sharper than a serpent's tooth!

Nicole Roberts:
[flagging down Grant's Jeep] Dad!

Nicole Roberts:
[screeches to a halt] What happened?

Nicole Roberts:
[frantic] It's Jonah! Well, we found the poachers by accident and he hid in the back of the camper to see where they were going!

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
He hid in the camper? That crazy kid! Which way did they go?

Nicole Roberts:
That way! Look! It's a salmon! It must be Jonah leaving a trail of fish! [climbs into the Jeep]

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
He's leaving a trail of FISH? [tears off in pursuit]

Jonah Roberts:
[running onto the tennis court] Sorry I'm late.

Tennis Coach:
These early morning sessions were *your* idea.

Jonah Roberts:
My dad wanted to talk about priorities.

Tennis Coach:
So do I. Evan Black; the kid you've got to beat to get a shot at the junior national championship.

Jonah Roberts:
I'll clobber him.

Tennis Coach:
With your backhand. His is great.

Jonah Roberts:
My forehand's great.

Tennis Coach:
Look, he's big and he's strong. You might say he's the Darth Vader of junior tennis.

Jonah Roberts:
I can take him.

Tennis Coach:
[Jonah finishing a tennis lesson] Good one! Okay, come on in.

Jonah Roberts:
[catching his breath] Think I'll beat Evan Black?

Tennis Coach:
What do you think?

Jonah Roberts:
Yeah!

Tennis Coach:
You should. If nothing throws you off your stride. But the world won't end if you don't win, will it?

Jonah Roberts:
No, winning isn't everything. [smiles] It's the only thing.

Tennis Coach:
[frowns] Vince Lombardi might have meant that when he said it. But if I were you, I'd give it a lot of thought.

[last lines]

Tennis Coach:
We could've contested that call.

Jonah Roberts:
I know. But I really do think the ball was in. Winning isn't the only thing. It isn't even everything.

Tennis Coach:
Good game.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
[Grant, Jonah, Don and Martin viewing the fossil with flashlights] This specimen is remarkable for the intact preservation of the hands and feet with ossified carpals and tarsals.

Don Bared:
It should increase an understanding of tetrapod limbs.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Incredible, isn't it?

Don Bared:
Yeah, earliest known records of amphibians dates to 360 million years ago.

Jonah Roberts:
[awestruck] That's longer than the human race has been around!

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Look, you can tell me this is none of my business, but I like Marty. He's a - he's a bright kid. Do you know why he took the fossil?

Don Bared:
To show off, that's why.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
I think you're wrong. I think he was trying to get close to you the only way he knew how.

Don Bared:
[laughing] I love it. Amateur shrink, right? Stick to the animals, Grant. My kid is just fine.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Does he get to spend much time with you?

Don Bared:
Well that's true. We don't spend a whole lot of time together but, uh, you know, I'm away a lot with the work I do, you know how that is, and he's - at boarding school. He understands.

Dr. Grant 'Doc' Roberts:
Are you sure?

Don Bared:
You know something? [bangs down his coffee cup]

Don Bared:
You're right. You *should* mind your own business.

Charlie Dobbins:
Hey! Uh, now I'm not saying it's so, mind you, but suppose that snake was a micrurus surinamensis and suppose, just suppose, he got away on the pier while someone was cleaning his cage, or something like that. Well, knowing that wouldn't do anybody one bit of good, you see, because there is no antivenin on *earth* that will kill its venom.