Designing Women

Julia:
Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed!

Allison:
Oh, Julia, just so you know, the next time you see your lawyer on company time, it's going on your record.

Julia:
Just so YOU know... The next time you speak to me in that tone of voice, you're going to the moon.

Mary Jo:
Anthony, where have you been all morning?

Anthony:
The question should be, "Where have I been all night?" I'll tell you where I've been. I was locked in the basement of Suzanne's house!

Allison:
Oh, were you locked in there? I thought I heard something.

Anthony:
Did it sound anything like someone shouting "Let me out of here, b*tch!"?

[Their Yuletide Homes design has been stolen]

Bernice:
Well, I think we should get some bricks and some baseball bats and go over there and teach them the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford:
You look so beautiful.

Mary Jo:
Where do you want to do this: upstairs or downstairs?

James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford:
Honey, I thought we would have some wine and music, then a littlle foreplay...

Mary Jo:
I was too embarassed to tell you...

James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford:
Tell me what?

Mary Jo:
I have never had sex with anyone but Ted.

James Dean 'J.D.' Shackelford:
You haven't?

Mary Jo:
And I do not know anything about anyone else. I mean, Ted's idea of foreplay was holding me by the feet and saying, "Make a wish."

Vanessa Hargraves:
I am going to work. It is great working at the library. If any of y'all want, I can get you free books!

Suzanne:
I got pulled over this morning for having all the mirrors in the Mercedes turned so I could see myself.

Suzanne:
I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.

Julia:
Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.

[Boarding a plane]

Suzanne:
Where are our seats?

Julia:
I don't know. If history teaches us anything, mine will be next to a baby who smokes.

[En route to Japan]

Suzanne:
And I'll tell you something else. I am not eating octopus, walking around in my stocking feet, or takin' a bath with my neighbors no matter what those little people say.

Julia:
It's always stimulating to travel with the international voice of racism.

Bonnie Jean 'B.J.' Poteet:
In Texas, we have what's called the "Bubba Factor," where everyone is nicknamed Bubba. Except Ross Perot... they call him Mr. Bubba.

Julia:
[reading aloud a letter from Dash Goff] Yesterday, in my mind's eye, I saw four women standing on a veranda in white, gauzy dresses and straw-colored hats. They were having a conversation. And it was hot. Their hankies tucked in cleavages where eternal trickles of perspiration run from the female breastbone to exotic vacation spots that southern men often dream about. They were sweet-smelling, coy, cunning, voluptuous, voracious, delicious, pernicious, vexing and sexing... these earth sister/rebel mothers... these arousers and carousers. And I was filled with a longing to join them. But like a whim of Scarlett's, they turned suddenly and went inside, shutting me out with a bolt of a latch. And I was left only to pick up an abandoned handkerchief and savor the perfumed shadows of these women... these southern women. This Suzanne. This Julia. This Mary Jo and Charlene. Thanks for the comfort, Dash Goff... the writer.

Carlene Frazier Dobber:
You know, Allison, you remind me of someone I saw on the Discovery Channel last night.

Allison:
And who might that be, Carlene?

Carlene Frazier Dobber:
Adolf Hitler.

[about Nancy Reagan's book]

Suzanne:
She said it was a gag gift.

Julia:
Well, it certainly made me gag.

Julia:
I think you should tell them to take their invitation, fold it in five corners, and stick it where the sun don't shine.

[Suzanne modeling a fur pull-over]

protestor:
50 animals died because of that coat!

Suzanne:
Wanna make it 51?

Mary Jo:
And why do you know all the capitols of every country, Charlene?

Charlene:
Because, Mary Jo, I love knowledge. As a matter of fact, I yearn for it.

Julia:
I guess I'm excited about seeing Mother again, visiting a totally new country. Of course, seeing Japan with Mother will be seeing the real Japan.

Suzanne:
Julia, I am just here to visit Mother and pick up a car. I do not want to have any cultural experiences. As for seeing the "real" Japan, I've noticed that whenever people start talking about seeing the "real" anything, what they're talking about, basically, is hanging around with poor people. Now, I say I don't hang around with poor people at home, why should I do it on vacation?

Mary Jo Shively:
We think that your friend, Monette might be practicing the oldest profession.

Charlene:
You think that Monette is a carpenter?

Carlene Frazier Dobber:
I've learned one thing in my life; never fry chicken when you are naked.

Mary Jo Shively:
You know, Allison kind of reminds you of an elf; a mean, vicious little elf.

Charlene:
I asked this Northern woman, "Where are ya'll from?" And she said, "I'm from a place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions." So I said, "Okay, where are ya'll from, b*tch?"

Julia:
[when a flight attendant refuses to tell her the age of the plane they're flying in] What exactly are they supposed to do, wait for a wing to fall off and count the rings?

Suzanne:
[packing for a camping trip] Those are all my cosmetic bags.

Reese Watson:
No-one's that ugly.

Suzanne:
She's not only old, she's stupid!

Julia:
Excuse me, aren't you Marjorie Leigh Winnick, the current Miss Georgia World?

Marjorie:
Why, yes I am.

Julia:
I'm Julia Sugarbaker, Suzanne Sugarbaker's sister. I couldn't help over hearing part of your conversation.

Marjorie:
Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was here.

Julia:
Yes, and I gather from your comments there are a couple of other things you don't know, Marjorie. For example, you probably didn't know that Suzanne was the only contestant in Georgia pageant history to sweep every category except congeniality, and that is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. Or that when she walked down the runway in her swimsuit, five contestants quit on the spot. Or that when she emerged from the isolation booth to answer the question, "What would you do to prevent war?" she spoke so eloquently of patriotism, battlefields and diamond tiaras, grown men wept. And you probably didn't know, Marjorie, that Suzanne was not just any Miss Georgia, she was the Miss Georgia. She didn't twirl just a baton, that baton was on fire. And when she threw that baton into the air, it flew higher, further, faster than any baton has ever flown before, hitting a transformer and showering the darkened arena with sparks! And when it finally did come down, Marjorie, my sister caught that baton, and 12,000 people jumped to their feet for sixteen and one-half minutes of uninterrupted thunderous ovation, as flames illuminated her tear-stained face! And that, Marjorie - just so you will know - and your children will someday know - is the night the lights went out in Georgia!

Julia:
I'm saying I want you and your equipment out of here now. If you are looking for somebody to suck pearls, then I suggest you try finding yourself an oyster. Because I am not a woman who does that, as a matter of fact, I don't know any woman who does that, because it's stupid. And it doesn't have any more to do with decorating than having cleavage and looking sexy has to do with working in a bank. These are not pictures about the women of Atlanta. These are about just the same thing they're always about. And it doesn't matter whether the clothes are on or off... it's just the same ol' message. And I don't care how many pictures you've taken of movie stars - when you start snapping photos of serious, successful businessmen like Donald Trump and Lee Iacocca in unzipped jumpsuits with wet lips, straddling chairs, then we'll talk.

Julia:
Yes, you can give him a message. You do take shorthand, don't you? Good, we take it in the South too. Anyway, just tell him that I have been a Southerner all my life, and I can vouch for the fact the we do eat a lot of things down here... and we've certainly all had our share of grits and biscuits and gravy, and I myself have probably eaten enough fried chicken to feed a third world country - not to mention barbecue, cornbread, watermelon, fried pies, okra, and... yes... if I were being perfectly candid, I would have to admit we have also eaten our share of crow, and for all I know - during the darkest, leanest years of the Civil War, some of us may have had a Yankee or two for breakfast. But... speaking for myself and hundreds of thousands of my Southern ancestors who have evolved through many decades of poverty, strife, and turmoil, I would like for Mr. Weaks to know that we have surely eaten many things in the past, and we will surely eat many things in the future, but - God as my witness - we have never, I repeat, [shouts] never eaten dirt!

[after Charlene turns juror Julia in for discussing her case outside of court]

Charlene:
[on the phone] Now Julia, you sound overwrought.

Julia:
Yeah, well you're gonna think overwrought. If I miss my dinner with Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter because of this, you're going to pay and pay big. I'm going to find you and hunt you down like a dog! I'm talking about you running through the woods in the snow with blood hounds ripping your clothes off! And remember Charlene, I have your address. You'd be wise to ask yourself "Do I know where my baby is?"

Anthony:
Julia, excuse me for overhearing, but I just want to add my two cents.

Julia:
[laughs sarcastically] Oh please... I just want to hear from EVERYONE on this topic! Call your friends!

Anthony:
No no, I was just going to say that you can't force yourself to start dating again if it isn't time. I know because there was a time where I wasn't interested in any romantic involvement at all. The whole idea didn't appeal to me, period... no matter who approached me, I just wasn't interested.

Julia:
Really, Anthony. When was that?

Anthony:
That was the day I entered prison.

Anthony:
[in a bubble bath, ringing a bell persistently]

Allison:
[walks into bathroom exasperated] What is it this time?

Anthony:
I need a hand towel.

Allison:
I already gave you a hand towel!

Anthony:
Well this one isn't fluffy enough!

Allison:
This one is PLENTY fluffy, I fluffed it myself!

Anthony:
Well, you need to work on your fluffin'!

Anthony:
Oh ALLISON!

Allison:
[annoyed] What?

Anthony:
My ginger ale isn't bubbly anymore! [Allison takes the glass of ginger ale, blows bubbles into the straw, and hands it back to him]

Anthony:
You know, you are obnoxious.

Allison:
I know... I have OPD, it is NOT my fault!

Allison:
[annoyed because Anthony has made her his "servant" due to the fact that her name isn't on the lease to the house] Oh forget it, I'm not doing this anymore!

Anthony:
Well then just go ahead and leave!

Allison:
You know very well I can't leave! Possession is 9/10 of the law if I leave, I don't have any chance of getting back into this house... but you are not driving me out of here, I don't care what you do to me. [starts to fake-cry] Well, I hope you're happy with yourself. Torturing me like this!

Anthony:
Oh now, don't start this, now you know that if you had just stayed in the guest room instead of trying to take over the whole house, it wouldn't have gotten this far.

Allison:
[still fake-crying] My tears don't mean anything to you, do they?

Anthony:
[short pause] Uh-uh!

Allison:
[stops fake crying] OK, let's move along to credit then!

[repeated line]

Julia:
Have you all just COMPLETELY lost your minds?

Julia Sugarbaker:
[Eldon and Julia are looking at a book of wall paper samples and discussing how important it is to make the selection as the finish deadline approaches] Now, this is the wall paper we would like you to use. I know you said that the other wall paper made you dizzy...

Eldon Ashcroft IV:
[Interrupts Julia] I don't like it.

Julia Sugarbaker:
I beg your pardon?

Eldon Ashcroft IV:
It doesn't have any red, white or blue, and I told you I wanted something that goes with the American flag.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Yes, well, we've been all over that, but we simply cannot decorate around the American flag.

Eldon Ashcroft IV:
Why not?

Julia Sugarbaker:
Because no one puts a flagpole in the middle of the room.

Eldon Ashcroft IV:
Why not?

Julia Sugarbaker:
Because... it would look... ODD!

Eldon Ashcroft IV:
Well, I thought... that the customer... was *always* right.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Well, you... were *mistaken* [drops the book on the ground] That was two weeks, 3 wall papers, 2 floor coverings, 11 sofas, 4 end tables and 16 LAMPS AGO! WE ARE NO LONGER *INTERESTED* IN WHAT THE CUSTOMER THINKS, OR WANTS, AND FURTHERMORE, THERE IS *NOT* GOING TO BE A VIBRATING BED WITH A PAY BOX OR A REVOLVING SCREEN LAMP WITH A CAMP SCENE! NOT AS LONG AS THE NAME *SUGARBAKER* RESTS ON THIS PROJECT! NOT NOW, NOT EVER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Julia Sugarbaker:
Just remember, Clareton is not the only school in Atlanta.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
What are you trying to say?

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
What she's trying to say is: you're stupid too. I get that all the time. They think just because we got extra help in the boob department, we got skimped on everything else.

Mary Jo Shively:
You know what you are, Mr. Winchester? You're a rapist!

Mary Jo:
[indicating her trial breast implants] These things are *power*!

Mary Jo:
Big b*obs, tiny brain. It's a story as old as the hills, I didn't write it.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
What is this 'Littlest Angels' stuff, anyway?

Mary Jo:
It's the name of a training bra, Suzanne. I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about that.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
A training bra? You little people have to train yours and you call us dumb?

Julia Sugarbaker:
I don't like to brag, but I've turned a few heads in my time.

Mary Jo:
Well, you didn't do it with those. No offense.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Hey, hey, hey! New Orl?ans! I am Julia Sugarbaker and Imma' go sleep in Anthony Bouvier's room! I am white, he is black! We are not engaged and he is significantly younger than I am! So just put that in your ?touff?e and chug on it!

Mary Jo:
Well, that's a fine thing to see first thing in the morning: "The Return of Rusty," or "Nightmare on Crack Street, Part Two!"

Julia Sugarbaker:
[Suzanne has just informed everyone that she is dating Mary Jo's ex] You know Suzanne, I find this really incredible. Three hours ago you were looking for a new gynecologist. Mary Jo here very graciously gave you the number of her ex-husband. We were all under the impression that this was to be a professional medical visit. Now, you return with the news that you dating this person. I mean, forgive my stupidity, but just exactly how does one make that leap from the stirrups in a doctors to a booth and TGI Fridays?!

Julia:
Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Julia! Why, you look awful! What happened to you?

Julia Sugarbaker:
[stumbling down the stares from her hangover] I look awful because I feel awful. And I feel awful because last night Reese Watson and I drank all the champagne in Georgia. Then, we got married.

Mary Jo Shively:
You got what?

Julia Sugarbaker:
Married. You know,husband and wife, bride and groom, *BALL* and *CHAIN*!

Reese Watson:
Now darlin', you know how I feel about you. But we shouldn't have to suffer the rest of our lives for one [starts to laugh] careless, stupid, drunken blunder.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Why, you old sweet *talker* you!

Terry Wilder:
Well, I see I'm getting nowhere. We're both business women, let's just leave it at that. I won't bother you and you won't bother me.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
I think these pantyhose are too dark for this dress.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Oh, my goodness. Suzanne, do something. That could be embarrassing. I mean, in 45 minutes when the finest people in Georgia are gathered here before me, I wouldn't want anyone to say, "Did you see that woman with her head stuck in the staircase? Yes. That woman the Governor just stepped over? Don't you think her pantyhose are a little dark for her dress?"

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Now, listen, I have a lighter pair right here.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Suzanne, of all the experiences I would like to avoid, I believe having my pantyhose changed in the front hallway of the Governor's Mansion would rank right up there.

Suzanne:
You know, I'm sorry, but I don't think we like your tone of voice. Who do think you're talking to? For your information, we are the Sugarbaker sisters of Atlanta. We had people living here long before it burned. Our great great grandfather was Robert E Lee's roommate in college. Our other grandfather helped write the Georgia constitution. I, myself, have stood in the rose garden with Jimmy Carter. So, even if we do, on the particular day, happen to have our head temporarily stuck in a fence, we are not going to take any crap off some 2-bit low level bureaucratic usherette.

Mary Jo Shively:
Anyway, Julia maybe this Primmie whatever her name is, isn't exactly what you had in mind, but... I mean maybe you should give her a chance.

Julia Sugarbaker:
I just don't understand why all of you are acting as if this is nothing. I mean, Charlene, you have ranted and raved for weeks about how they brought Bobby Ewing back. But, let *my* son bring home "Grandma Moses", and you can care less!

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
[Referring to condoms] I remember my Daddy used to keep a whole bunch of them in his top dresser drawer. I got in so much trouble once 'cause I blew them all up on my birthday. I mean I was real confused about the facts of life. One time my parents were out of town and I crashed my bicycle into this wall and I couldn't find a Band-aid. I showed up at school the next day with a Kotex taped to my forehead.

Mary Jo Shively:
[to Julia] I need you to show me how you do what you do.

Julia Sugarbaker:
I'm not sure exactly what that is.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Oh get serious Julia. They don't call you the terminator for nothin'.

Mary Jo Shively:
[Mary Jo wants to practice becoming angry] Let's all think of somethin' that really makes us mad.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Oh, oh! I've got one. This just makes me furious. You know when men use women's liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for them. Oh I just hate that! I don't care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!

Julia Sugarbaker:
[Elegantly] I don't think i can add anything to that.

Julia Sugarbaker:
I'll tell ya something that makes me mad about the whole thing.

Mary Jo Shively:
You about to get fired up?

Julia Sugarbaker:
Just a little. I was reading yesterday's papers about how all these Hollywood producers who are NOW going to depict people not sleeping around because of AIDS. What I want to know is what was wrong with not sleeping around before AIDS? I mean, God forbid that anybody would be sexually discriminating because it's virtuous, or loyal, or classy. No... now it's as if they've found a whole new reason for people to have morals again.

Mrs. Salinger:
As far as I'm concerned this disease has one thing goin' for it. It's killin' all the right people!

Mrs. Salinger:
[Referring to homosexuals] I just know that these people are getting what they deserve!

Julia Sugarbaker:
Imogene get serious, who do you think you're talking to? I've known you for 27 years and all i can say is if God was giving out sexually transmitted diseases to people as a punishment for sinning then you would be at the Free clinic all the time!

Kendall:
[Kendall wants the Sugarbakers to plan his funeral] I'm about a quart low on T-cells, which is kind of like standing on the edge of a cliff. So that's why I want to get going on this. Will you do it for me? [the girls look at each other in hesitation] [Kendall] There are a lot of people out there now that don't have anybody. You'd be sending 'em off in style.

Julia Sugarbaker:
When do we start?

Mary Jo Shively:
[At a PTA debate] We're not just talking about preventing births anymore, we're talking about preventing deaths... for me, this debate is over. More important than what any civil leader or PTA or board of education thinks about teenagers having sex or any immoral act my daughter or your son might engage in, the bottom line is I don't think they should have to die for it. Thank you.

Suzanne:
Oh, hey, how 'bout one of them? No, wait, forget it. 2 guys, 1 cart, fresh pasta... figure it out.

Suzanne:
[Mary Jo is about to junk her dating tips book] Now wait a minute. That book's guaranteed. I think if it doesn't work, they are supposed to give you your money back.

Mary Jo Shively:
Oh, they're going to return my money? How about a refund on my pride and self-respect?

Suzanne:
No, those are gone for good.

Julia Sugarbaker:
[Julia is counting juror ballots] One for, One for, and one against. Alright that's seven to four. Who didn't vote? [Janice, a mime, raises her hand] Well, Janice, what is the problem? Did you intend to mime your vote?

Janice:
I'm just not comfortable making a decision yet.

Julia Sugarbaker:
I see. Yet you are perfectly comfortable smearing your face with white grease paint and annoying pedestrians all over Atlanta, interesting.

Julia Sugarbaker:
[On the phone with Charlene] I just want to thank you again for turning me into the judge. Now the whole jury is sequestered 'til Lord only knows when and I am here in motel hell sharing a room with a woman with no lips.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
Now Julia, you sound overwrought.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Yeah, well you're going to think overwrought. If I miss my dinner with Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter because of this you're gonna pay and I mean pay big! I'm gonna find you and hunt you down like a dog! I'm talkin' about you runnin' around in the woods in the snow with bloodhounds rippin' your clothes off! And remember Charlene, I have your address. You'll be wise to ask yourself do I know where my baby is!

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
[Julia has hung up] Julia! Julia? [Hanging up the phone] Oh my gosh, she threatened Olivia.

Mary Jo Shively:
What did she say?

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
She said she's gonna hunt me down and hire bloodhounds to rip my clothes off. Now I, I- I thought the judge was just gonna give her a warning, I didn't know she'd be shut up in a motel room. Now Suzanne, you know Julia, I mean when this is all over she'll realize I had to do it and, and- and forgive me, dontcha think?

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
I think you and your baby should get some black wigs on and get the hell outta town.

Suzanne:
Haven't you ever heard of Darwin?

Julia:
You mean Darwin Sanders? The man who used to take care of our lawn?

Suzanne:
No, Silly, Charles Darwin. Don't you people ever read?

Julia:
Yes, Suzanne, yes. We do. But you don't, so I thought... well... go on.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
Men like Danny are just not walking the streets.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
That's good, because men like him would be bumping into each other.

Mary Jo Shively:
I think we can all agree that Dan Hedgecock has every good quality in the book. There's just one little, tiny thing that's a matter with him.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
That he's blind.

Mary Jo Shively:
No, that he wants to go out with you.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
I'm sorry, but I can't go out with every man that asks me. If I did there'd be a backed up waiting list from about 1972.

Anthony Bouvier:
I know you can be selfish sometimes. A tiny bit vain, petty...

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Anthony, there better be a 'but' coming up around now. I'm starting to feel that these honest, heart felt talks are just highly overrated.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
What was that like having a hillbilly Thanksgiving? Did you have turkey?

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
No, possom!

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Okay, okay, I was just asking.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
You are always just asking. I curse the day I ever told you we had an outhouse.

Mrs. Perky Sugarbaker:
[explaining Bernice's odd behavior to Suzanne and Julia] She has an arterial flow problem above the neck.

Anthony Bouvier:
Ladies, what can I say? It's been a fine afternoon. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks again for turning me in for murder.

Mary Jo Shively:
[the third Miss Pre-Teen Atlanta finalist has been announced] Oh, puh-leeze, did you see the hips on her? She could haul grain to market.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
[chidingly] Mary Jo!

Mary Jo Shively:
[begins fanning herself with her program] I am so sorry. I don't know what's come over me.

Julia:
I do not think everyone in America is ignorant! Far from it! But we are today, probably, the most uneducated, under read, and illiterate nation in the western hemisphere. Which makes it all the more puzzling to me why the biggest question on your small mind is whether or not little Johnny is gonna recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning! I'll tell you something else, Mr. Brickett. I have had it up to here with you and your phony issues and your Yankee Doodle yakking! If you like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance everyday then I think you should do it! In the car! In the shower! Wherever the mood strikes you! But don't try to tell me when or where I have to say or do or salute anything, because I am an American too, and that is what being an American is all about! And another thing, I am sick and tired of being made to feel that if I am not a member of a little family with 2.4 children who goes just to Jerry Fallwell's church and puts their hands over their hearts every morning that I am unreligious, unpatriotic, and un-American! Because I've got news for you, Mr. Brickett. All liberals are not kooks, anymore than all conservatives are fascists! And the last time I checked, God was neither a Democratic nor a Republican! And just for your information, yes I am a liberal, but I am also a Christian. And I get down on my knees and pray everyday - on my own turf - on my own time. One of the things that I pray for, Mr. Brickett is that people with power will get good sense, and that people with good sense will get power... and that the rest of us will be blessed with the patience and the strength to survive the people like you in the meantime!

Minnie:
Oh, I'm just a tread, a little thread in the tapestry, but I had a good time. Everybody has troubles, and as the saying goes: ain't nobody nowhere living no dream life. I thought as I got older, the bold outlines of truth would be revealed to me, but it hasn't happened. When I was young, I was in such a hurry, and now I've been here a hundred years. And, it seems like only yesterday I held my babies in my arms. I'm glad to be going home, its been a long time since I've seen my family. And I wish for all of you all the love and happiness I had in my life. And I hope the world keeps going toward freedom. And I hope that people everywhere can learn to live together in peace. As my papa used to say, "We ain't what we should be, we ain't what we gonna be, but at least we ain't what we was."

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
I hope this next nanny is better. I don't know; I guess what I'm hoping is that Julie Andrews will just land on top of my roof with her umbrella. I just love her. I mean Mary Poppins and Maria Von Trapp. She'd be perfect, wouldn't she?

Mary Jo Shively:
You know, when you think about it, Mary Poppins wasn't all that great of a nanny, you know? Stuffing the kids up chimneys and making them dance around on roofs? Today she'd probably be arrested for child endangerment, and Dick Van Dyke with her.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
I don't feel anything but deeply ashamed.

Julia Sugarbaker:
[shocked at Charlene's garish sweater and leather mini-skirt] You'd feel less ashamed if you changed outfits.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
[defending her novelty lingerie purchases] These are gag gifts.

Julia Sugarbaker:
They certainly make me gag.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
They're having their convention this year in Atlanta. All the Belles are gonna be here.

Mary Jo Shively:
Sounds scary.

Julia Sugarbaker:
How many?

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
500. Stay out of the supermarkets.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
I would think you would use your popularity and influence for good instead of evil.

Anthony Bouvier:
It's a changing world, Suzanne.

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
Well, I do not care for it.

Charlene Frazier Stillfield:
I can't think of reasons to quit I have to think of reasons to succeed.

Julia Sugarbaker:
You're not quitting. You're choosing not to pursue this particular line of endeavor.

Mary Jo Shively:
Julia, that sounds an awful lot like quitting.

Julia:
Suzanne, Bernice has put out 1200 non-refundable dollars, we have all just sat through a 4 hour lecture. Now I don't want to go anymore than you do, but I'm telling you, I have rolled my sleeping bag, I have backed my pack and I have filled my canteen.

Julia:
Madame, and I use that term loosely, you couldn't find your considerable derriere if you were sitting on it!

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
[trying to find a dress for the class reunion] Maybe I have gained a little weight. I don't think it's that noticeable. I mean, it's not like I'm going to enter the banquet room followed by a tidal wave. I'll just wear something that, you know, covers everything up.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Well okay, but you've gained a little weight in your face too.

Julia Sugarbaker:
Okay that's it! I don't have to take this. If I wanted to be insulted I could have stayed at home and waited for a crank call! Anyway, you all have certainly made your point. I'll just be going now. That is if you think the streets of Atlanta can stand the strain of *both* me and my Mercedes.

Anthony Bouvier:
Hey Suzanne! You're just the person I'm looking for. How would you like to sign up for a two day food fast?

Suzanne Sugarbaker:
How would you like fat lip?!