Double the Fist

Steve Foxx:
G'day, and welcome to the television phenomenon that is "Double the Fist". This week, we tackle something that is very close to my heart: protesters. Protesters are the weakest form of virus known to society! Is it any wonder the governments of the world won't listen to a word they're saying when they're dressed like half-naked, hairy, drum-beaters? I don't think so! That's why this week, we're going to put the "pro", back into "protester".

Steve Foxx:
[Winston is handcuffing herself to the underneath of the front wheel of Steve's car] Okay now, Winston, apart from being an environmental activist, you're also a racist. Do you feel as though there's any contradictions there?

Winston:
Not at all, mate. I believe in conserving the environment. I think it should be preserved so it can be enjoyed by future generations of white people.

Steve Foxx:
Hmm. [gets in his car]

Winston:
[shouts] Save the forest! Stop immigration! Save the forest! Stop immigration! [Steve starts the engine and drives forward]

Winston:
[off screen] Save the... aaaaah! [car front bumps upwards and keeps going]

Steve Foxx:
[Rod is competing in a twisted version of "The Price is Right" game "Cliff Hangers", only with an upended lawnmower at the end] Rod, pick a number between 1 and 500.

Rod Foxx:
Ey?

Steve Foxx:
I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 500, what is it?

Rod Foxx:
You mean I have to guess?

Steve Foxx:
Only if you can't work it out.

[first lines]

Steve Foxx:
[Steve chuckles] [to Camera] G'day, and welcome to "Double the Fist". The show where we, the Fist Team, present you, the piss-weak audience, with some of the most extreme lifestyle choices you could make. [quick-cut montage of Steve doing Kung-Fu moves to rock music] First up, we hit the sunny seaside town of Kiama, where we show some of those spineless locals how to earn fist. [close-up on Steve's face] [shouts] Let's go!

Steve Foxx:
[voice-over with scenes of people and places in Kiama] We're at the seaside town of Kiama, which is about 70 minutes drive south of Sydney. A popular site for family picnics, art 'n' craft fairs, and outdoor puppet-shows, which makes it one of the weakest towns on the eastern seaboard. Little surprise, then, that Kiama is the home of abseiling.

Steve Foxx:
[walking along the top of a cliff towards an abseiler about to start over the edge] [to Camera] Abseiling. Lots of ropes, lots of safety precautions, but not much fun. In fact, abseiling has taken the adventure out of jumping off a cliff. Well, we're here today to put it back in! [pushes abseiler over the edge]

Steve Foxx:
[informing the fist team about their task to jump off the cliff without any safety ropes] If you make it to the bottom and survive, you will receive the "Full Fist" earning you the respect and admiration of your peers in the extreme community.

The Womp:
Welcome to "Fistory", a celebration of our extreme past. In 1912, the Titanic was the most sea-worthy vessel that modern technology could build. It was so unsinkable that one book-maker offered 1,000,000-1 odds against it against it going down. And then it did. Just minutes after it left the dock, the Titanic was struck by lightning! ...It was hit by an iceberg, killing 1500 passengers, and a book-maker. Iceberg, I think you get the "Full Fist", for your power that remained unrivalled until 1974, when a ham sandwich came out of nowhere to take on Mama Cass!

Steve Foxx:
G'day. Now, we do a whole lot of extreme stuff on our show, a lot of stuff that you kids shouldn't try... unless you're filming. Make sure you've got a friend with a camera if you're gonna do anything that could get you killed. Send the footage to "Double the Fist", care of the address below!

Steve Foxx:
Make sure you've got a friend with a camera if you're gonna do anything that could get you killed.