Drawn Together

[repeated line]

Xandir:
I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend!

Spanky Ham:
Oh, this is too good. She thinks you're a servant... CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK!

Vietnamese kid:
Please Honorable Spanky-san. We are losing our jobs and we can't eat or live.

Spanky Ham:
Yeah? Well, me no care-y!

Toot Braunstein:
[trying to get Xandir's attention with her head in a guillotine] I swear to God I'll cut my f***ing head off! [Xandir ignores her, Toot slices off her head and flashes him while Spanky takes a dump in her skull]

Toot Braunstein:
Sometimes I cut myself to relieve the pain

Xandir:
[about to cry] Strong Xandir, strong Xandir.

Spanky Ham:
They're gonna cut off my health insurance? I'll be more diseased than Dumpy the Medical Waste Man!

Dumpy the Medical Waste Man:
[Cut to medical waste container full of syringes] Kill Me!

Foxxy Love:
That was one crazy Yom Kippur.

Spanky Ham:
What you need is some good old-fashioned positive reinforcement. You can do this. [starts whipping Ling-Ling] I respect you because you're you! There's two I's in Ling Ling!

Ling-Ling:
Say my name b*tch!

Ling-Ling:
Ling-Ling is no pet! Ling-Ling here to kill, and to give children seizures!

Spanky Ham:
[laughing] Oh My God! she thinks your our servant, cause your black! Haa Haa, this is the best day of my miserable life, SWEEET! I love racism!

Ling-Ling:
I use your skull for sex, and a decorative bird house.

Ling-Ling:
That'll do pig. That'll do.

Spanky Ham:
Nothin reminds me of my first time like a chick crying!

Captain Hero:
Hey, pig! Great news!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol!

Captain Hero:
Are you defecating into a cantalope?

Spanky Ham:
[farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze.

Captain Hero:
I could stick and stir anyone of these broads, but I really wish we had one of those sexy black chicks

Foxxy Love:
[Opens Door] Bling bling! Foxxy Love is in the house!

Captain Hero:
Damn, I am good! I wish we had a twelve-year-old girl and a donkey! [camera shifts from the door to Captain Hero several times; nothing happens]

Captain Hero:
Damn.

Toot Braunstein:
If I can't be the sex symbol, then I'll just be THE B*TCH!

Princess Clara:
Why should I apologize? It's not like I made her black.

[Spanky and Clara are neck deep in a ball pit and are discussing her bigoted views]

Princess Clara:
I don't see why I should apologize. I mean, where I come from all my servants are black... or Presbyterian.

Spanky Ham:
Yea, but honey, where you come from animated objects spring to life and spout silly catchphrases.

Blue Ball:
[springs to life] Whach'u talkin' 'bout, pig?

Princess Clara:
No, he's right, Blue Ball. Maybe I should just apologize.

Blue Ball:
Usually, Clara looks to us for advice, but this time it came from Spanky. It's a good thing too, because I was going tell her to shoot the President.

Xandir:
Why is it whenever something isn't working, your first impulse is to eat it?

Xandir:
[Flashback - Toot is eating the TV] TOOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Toot Braunstein:
I couldn't find the Remote.

Foxxy Love:
[the housemates have to vote on whether or not to keep Foxxy] You know this vote is total crap. She was totally into it! You saw us tongue-bang it!

Captain Hero:
Sorry Foxxy, but if I vote you out now, I'll be one step closer to the million dollars!

Foxxy Love:
Million dollars? You know this ain't one of them kinda shows right? Ain't no prizes!

Captain Hero:
[aside in the confessional] Ah, silly Foxxy. She'll never win the million dollars with *that* kind of attitude!

Princess Clara:
Oh f*ck me.

Ling-Ling:
[upon encountering a three headed acid spitting needle monster] Ling Ling pray for battle since Ling Ling first enter house! L. Ron Hubbard has finally answered!

Spanky Ham:
I don't remember ordering a pizza... [opens a box with his turd in it] with sausage!

Ling-Ling's Father:
[looks around the confessional room] Huh? What is this place?

Toot Braunstein:
Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I...

Captain Hero:
Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone!

Toot Braunstein:
I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor!

Captain Hero:
[in a girlish voice] I said I'm on the phone!

Xandir:
[while holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up and nods] Too bad there's no such thing as a Santa Claus! I bet your disappointed. [Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot]

Toot Braunstein:
Ling-Ling, what's this in your ear? Is it a quarter? [Ling-Ling perks up] No, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to a sickly-looking Wooldor]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas? [Ling-Ling perks up] Oh, no, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off]

Ling-Ling:
[disappointed sigh] Ah, Mitsubishi.

Princess Clara:
[Spanky, Clara, and Foxxy are waiting for a pizza in order to play a prank on the delivery man] I had never been more nervous. The pizza would be here in thirty minutes or less, and with Foxxy's hands tied up in her hair, she was as useless as a Mexican!

[Clara just called Spanky's hobby of craping on pizza a little game]

Spanky Ham:
What? What did you just say? The travel sized version of Battleships, *that's* a little game! Screwing with the Pizza Man, that's a way of life! Its who-I-Am!

Spanky Ham:
Why must I ruin everything beautiful?

Toot Braunstein:
Damn it! Clara's pissing me off like Fat-Free sour cream!

Princess Clara:
[about her octopussoir] Oh, please, please don't tell anybody. I'm afraid that I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear!

Foxxy Love:
I pinky swear.

Toot Braunstein:
[They look at Toot] FINE! I pinky swear. [Clara's octopussoir also pinky swears]

Captain Hero:
[knocks on door] Clara, Toot told us that you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a meeting about it.

Princess Clara:
How is that even possible?

[Foxxy and Clara stare at Toot]

Toot Braunstein:
Oopsey-Tootsey! I couldn't help myself.

Spanky Ham:
I, for one, am not just going to wait around to be swallowed by a giant vagina! [thinks for a minute] Huh? Oh... wait, no, no, no.

Foxxy Love:
We'll always have Paris. That's what we called it when I smashed his penis with a lead model of the Eiffel Tower

Ling-Ling:
Ling Ling wake up inside land whale. Nothing to do. Only sex with chicken.

Captain Hero:
[while playing spin the bottle with Spanky Ham and Wooldoor sockbat] Hey! If you're gonna be gay about this, you can't play!

Princess Clara:
What is this thing in my mouth? / It's slippery and it's slimy / Travelling down my slender virgin pink esophagus. / Some black chick's tongue. / It's such a new sensation.

Foxxy Love:
I got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole / And we've only just begun...

Princess Clara:
It's really quite thrilling...

Foxxy Love:
It's right. Now you know...

Princess Clara:
I can taste a filling...

Foxxy Love:
And it's solid gold...

Princess Clara:
I never dreamed I would be so willing / To let myself go.

Foxxy Love:
Tell me about it! / I'm totally frenching a racist 'ho!

Princess Clara, Foxxy Love:
This black chick's tongue

Princess Clara:
What a wonderful feeling

Foxxy Love:
Damn where'd this b*tch get her earrings?

Princess Clara:
I've never had so much fun

Princess Clara, Foxxy Love:
As with this black chick's tongue.

Captain Hero:
How cool is this? / We've only been here a day / And I already find myself in a 3-way!

Xandir:
I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend!

Ling-Ling:
Say my name, b*tch!

Toot Braunstein:
We have to fight for our food now? These competitions are bulltoot!

Captain Hero:
I would've been more pissed at Spanky, but you know, I just won FIFTY DOLLARS!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Clock Tower. [c*cks a sniper rifle]

Toot Braunstein:
[after hearing of Spanky's game of crapping on pizza] You want to do *what* to pizza? The most tasty and delicious of all that is tasty and delicious? So you can sh*t on it? I should kill you where you stand! [punches a hole through the wall]

Xandir:
You used to care about me!

Captain Hero:
What?

Xandir:
You used to say I was pretty!

Captain Hero:
No, I didn't!

Xandir:
You used to dress up for me!

Captain Hero:
Only that one time!

Toot Braunstein:
[drunk] I thought you loved me, Captain Morgan! [smashes bottle of booze against the wall] Oh no, you're bleeding! I'll save you, Cap'n Morgan! [licks booze off wall]

Xandir:
Grapes are fun. [giggles]

Captain Hero:
Oho! We fell for the ol' neck-sprain, well-lit pie diversion.

[Xandir tells Toot how to make herself throw up and Toot makes a comment about having her fingers in Pepe Le Pew]

Xandir:
You were with Pepe Le Pew? You MINX...

Toot Braunstein:
Not *the* Pepe LePew... *MY* Pepe Le Pew!

Foxxy Love:
Come on, people! Fight the power! We know you're a little games producer! Mama didn't raise no fool, and Daddy didn't raise me at all!

Princess Clara:
You're probably wondering about my octopussior... It's french. [in the confessional] I've never shared my story with anyone before. It's all so... so personal. I told the girls that the only way I could get it out was through interpretive dance.

[she then dances interpretively]

Foxxy Love:
Really? When you was but a child, your stepfather cast a curse on yo' vagina?

Princess Clara:
What? Weren't you paying attention? [demonstrates a move] My evil step *mother*! *Mother* placed the curse on me!

Toot Braunstein:
Uh-duuuuuh!

Toot Braunstein:
So, Clara, how was your day?

Princess Clara:
It was magical!

Toot Braunstein:
I guess it would have been if you were violated by a magician.

Foxxy Love:
Now Foxxy Love did not want a riot to break out - even though she 'sho could use a new TV set. So, Foxxy decided to call a house meeting.

Toot Braunstein:
So we're just a bunch of monkies dancing for the cameras! And what do we get in return? Nothing! At least monkies get beat off by their owners once in awhile!

Princess Clara:
Look, everyone! It's that a**hole Jeff Probst!

Foxxy Love:
[on attending Wooldoor's funeral] That was the first funeral I'd been to in a long time that did not take place in my womb.

Foxxy Love:
Just when you thought racism couldn't get any more racismer!

Captain Hero:
Jerk-off a**holes...

Xandir:
Wow, you're from Mortal Kombat? I'm from a video game too! So tell me, what's your special move?

Scorpion:
Get over here!

[catches Xandir with his spear and pulls his head off]

Computer Voice:
Fatality...

Xandir:
Impressive. My special move's the reach-around!

Scorpion:
Oy vey...

Foxxy Love:
I'm like Sherlock Holmes, if he played tambourine and shaved his cooch.

Captain Hero:
Don't make me kick your ass!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Don't make me suck your cock!

Captain Hero:
Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Don't make me suck your cock!

Princess Clara:
Have you noticed we didn't get any screen time this week?

Toot Braunstein:
Well, uh, duh! That's because we've been in the basement all week making this awesome potato gun!

Ling-Ling:
Ling-Ling find great new shampoo... also worst lingual nightmare. [trying to pronounce the brand name Prell] P... Plerr...

Wooldoor Sockbat:
So God killed everyone... the good guys... the bad guys... and even Steve from Long Island... but not me. And I know why. With everyone else gone, I can finally enjoy masturbating the way he intended: by myself.

Spanky Ham:
Says to Princess Clara - if that will get you out of this ball-pit so I can check out that precious vertical smile of yours.

Foxxy Love:
Foxxy found herself in a pickle, instead of the other way around.

Foxxy Love:
She doesn't know anything about sex. How does she get men to pay her rent?

Princess Clara:
I needed to help Wooldoor before he flushes his life down the sink!

Captain Hero:
Here's to the tiniest ass you can tap without setting off an Amber Alert!

Princess Clara:
[in the confessional] The Producers told us that we must start a business of our choosing. I wanted to have a bake sale but the stereotypes had other ideas.

Xandir:
Let's open a hair salon!

Foxxy Love:
OOOH, we could shine shoes!

Ling-Ling:
I say full-release massage parlour that serves wok-fried puppies!

Toot Braunstein:
LET'S EAT POTATO SALAD!

Foxxy Love:
[on the producers word edits] God damn white producers with their god damn white flashes. They can edit us to make us say whatever they want.

[edited]

Foxxy Love:
My... thang... is... made... out... of... bacon.

[after the editing]

Foxxy Love:
STOP IT! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. My thang's 100% pure bacon.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Holy crap! I'm supposed to be in the Witness Protection Program!

[repeated line]

Toot Braunstein:
Goddammit!

Toot Braunstein:
[Toot wants to show off at her fat camp reunion] Meet my husband, *doctor* Zander.

Jelly Donuts Leader:
[Sees Zander; who's skinny] You bagged yourself a one chin? No f***in way!

[repeated line]

Foxxy Love:
Oh Timmy, Mommy misses you.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[the housemates are role-playing, Wooldoor speaks to Xandir] "Now, you be the gay's dad".

Xandir:
"Oh, O.K". [deeper voice] "I love football!" [slaps Toot, who is Xandir's mother] .

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[points to Captain Hero] "And you be the gay".

Captain Hero:
[as Xandir's father] "I ain't gonna be no homo!".

Wooldoor Sockbat:
"Fine, you be Xandir's mum".

Captain Hero:
[as Xandir's mother in a higher voice] "Alright, I'm asking for this!" [slaps himself] .

Toot Braunstein:
[Angrily] "Then who the hell am I?".

Wooldoor Sockbat:
"You're the homo".

Toot Braunstein:
[wistfully] "Can I be the dad?".

Wooldoor Sockbat:
"Fine, you be Stan".

Xandir:
[confused] "Then who the hell am I?".

Toot Braunstein:
[angrily, as Xandir's father] "The queer!" [punches Captain Hero, who is Xandir's mother] .

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[disappointed] "I wanted to be the queer!".

Captain Hero:
I told you not to huff airplane glue when you were pregnant.

Toot Braunstein:
At least airplane glue knows how to make me feel good, Zima dick!

Captain Hero:
Zima helps me relax!

Spanky Ham:
[in a sarcastic tone] Ooh, look at me. I'm old. I don't know what DVDs are.

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
Oh hey, Hero, I was thinking, maybe we should throw Toot a surprise birthday party.

Captain Hero:
If we're all gonna shout out what we're thinking, I've been thinking about paying a prostitute to shove bowling pins up my ass!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Sorry fellas, we can't show you Clara's pink sink. Don't blame us, blame the FCC, which stands for faggoty cuntblocking clamf***ers! Whee!

Toot Braunstein:
Don't make me wash my mouth out with ham!

Toot Braunstein:
[her baby is missing] I looked for my baby everywhere. I looked by the pool... [camera shows her lounging at the pool]... by the refrigerator [camera shows her pulling a six pack from the fridge]... by the pool again. [back at the pool, she's drinking the six pack] It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.

Xandir:
We can't find your baby anywhere.

Toot Braunstein:
YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH! Oh, did you check the fridge?

Toot Braunstein:
[grabbing her baby] Oh, where WERE you? Since you've been gone I've been so DRUNK!... Uh, I mean, wasted! Nah, no, no, [beep] faced. YEAH, that's it, [beep] faced.

Child Services Representative:
Miss Braunstein, we found your baby shoplifting.

Toot Braunstein:
Shoplifting? I spare you the pain of all those vaccination shots and THIS is how you repay me?

[Toot starts shaking her baby]

Toot Braunstein:
[in the confessional] Even this incitful sattire of religion couldn't cheer me up. I thought i would never be happy again. But then I saw something, something that would change my life forever. And suddenly, I knew the solution to all my problems!

Person offscreen:
Yeah, ice cream lard ass!

Toot Braunstein:
[angrily] NOOOOO! [happy again] A baby!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
This doesn't make sense... How do you horribly "penis" someone?

Spanky Ham:
Alright, but I'm only gonna show you this one more time... [he says as he starts unzipping his shorts]

Captain Hero:
[while talking about Hustler magazine] It gives every man x-ray vision, if you know what I mean. Buy a copy and see for yourself.

Toot Braunstein:
[Toot enters drunk to the house] Mommy's home!

Toot Braunstein:
[Toot rises her skirt and vomits inside of it] Who threw up in the air?

Princess Clara:
And where have you been all night, mommy fattest?

Toot Braunstein:
[Still inside her skirt full of vomit] I don't know! I don't know where I am now! For wherever I am somebody throw up everywhere!

Captain Hero:
Would you be more comfortable if I broke your arm in three places and wrapped it in 100 dollar bills?

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Are you threatening me - or bribing me?

Captain Hero:
What an insulting accusation! Take that back before I pull out your spleen and then drive you to the hospital in your... BRAND NEW CAR!

Captain Hero:
Don't make me kick your ass!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Don't make me suck your dick!

Captain Hero:
Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Don't make me suck your dick!

Foxxy Love:
...And that's how two people who love each other very much make a welfare cheque. I mean baby.

Ni-Pul:
I have a crazy thought. Now, bear with me. What if, instead of battle, we just f***?

Ling-Ling:
So you suggest we drop metaphor... and Ling-Ling dip crispy noodle in your duck sauce.

Bob the Cucumber:
[to Wooldoor] Were gonna give you all to the count of John 3:16 to stop this abomination, or else.

Larry the Tomato:
You tell him, Bob the Cucumber. [chuckles]

Bob the Cucumber:
Thank you, Larry the Tomato.

Larry the Tomato:
This wasn't part of the plan! We agreed nobody would get hurt!

[Bob the Cucumber shoots Larry the Tomato]

Spanky Ham:
Holy sh*t! Bob the Cucumber has gone crazy!

Bob the Cucumber:
Is this crazy?

Spanky Ham:
No, please!

[Bob the Cucumber shoots Spanky]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
I never mastribate again! I don't want to go to hell! I QUIT!

[he runs off crying like crazy]

[Bob the Cucumber points his gun at Wooldoor]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[begging] Please don't kill me! I don't want to die!

Bob the Cucumber:
Don't be scared, Wooldoor. I saved them all from going to hell, and now I will save your soul too!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Oh my god! The VeggieFables! I love your religious propaganda clumsy disguised as children's entertainment!

Bob the Cucumber:
ENOUGH F**KING TALK! IN THE NAME OF GOD, PUT THE F**KING CLUM BABY DOWN!

Princess Clara:
But, but, but...

Bob the Cucumber:
We're not here to fight, we're here to sing.

[Wooldoor, Clara, Bob, and Larry are at a church, praying]

Larry the Tomato:
I'm sorry for thinking impure thoughts! [whips himself]

Bob the Cucumber:
I'm sorry for being so phallic! [whips himself]

Princess Clara:
I'm sorry for buying child slaves from Third World countries. [whips herself]

Chinese Boy:
[puts down his feather duster] Free!

Princess Clara:
I said I'm sorry, not stop dusting!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
I'm sorry I masturbated! [whips himself] Ow! And I'm sorry I helped people! [whips himself again] Ow! And I'm sorry I spied on Clara going potty every morning

Princess Clara:
What? That's disgusting!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[smiles] Oh, you're one to talk, Princess Smell-Your-Wipes. [Clara whips him] Ow!

Princess Clara:
I see it! I can see myself! Emptying my bowels onto the pizza!

Xandir P. Wifflebottom:
[to Captain Hero] Your such a tattle tale you adopted homo!

Ling-Ling:
Attica! Attica!

Jun-Jee, Ling-Ling's father:
[to Ling-Ling] You are a disgrace to family name! I am ashamed to call you Ling-Ling Hitler bin Laden Seacrest!

Foxxy Love:
I used to pretend I wasn't black. I told people I fell into a vat of chocolate pudding.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[licking Foxxy's foot] You mean this isn't pudding?

Foxxy Love:
Did I tell you to stop lickin'?

[about Xandir being gay]

Xandir:
There's no reason Mrs. Pac-Man should know about this.

Pac-Man:
[puts on a bow] Oh, I think she already knows.

Toot Braunstein:
Of course Xandir's gay. Why else wouldn't he want all this?

[shows off body]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Because you're fat! And nobody likes fat chicks!

Foxxy Love:
[after Xandir takes Gay Test] Accordin' to this, You *real* gay.

Xandir:
Dare I say it? I, Xandir, am on a never ending quest to save my boyfriend!

Snagglepuss:
[to Xandir] Heavens to mergatroid! You look fabulous, even!

Elmer Fudd:
What a weally gweat behind.

Xandir:
Good bye cruel world!

[dies and comes back]

Xandir:
Good bye cruel world!

[dies and comes back]

Xandir:
Good bye cruel world... this could take a while

Toot Braunstein:
[to Xandir] Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero?

[a body hanging from a tree blows in the breeze]

Captain Hero:
Uh... yeah. Killed himself.

Xandir:
Good-bye cruel world!

Toot Braunstein:
Damn it, Xander, that noise! You're keeping us all awake. Can't you kill yourself more quietly, like Bizzaro Captain Hero did?

[camera pans to Bizzaro Captain Hero, who is hanging dead from the ceiling]

Captain Hero:
Uh, yeah, right. Killed himself, tragic!

Genie:
[to Xander] Say, why don't you come into my lamp? And I do mean that as a double entendre!

Foxxy Love:
Homo say what?

Bizzaro Captain Hero:
Oh, hello, hello Captain Hero! I not see you since initiation into league of heroes.

Captain Hero:
Zip it! What happens in Bizzaro World, *stays* in Bizzaro World!

Bizzaro Captain Hero:
Well, technically bathroom at bus station not considered Bizzaro World.

Captain Hero:
[speaking to the other house guests] Oh, come on! If you're in a bus station and they sell postcards for Bizzaro World, you have to assume you're in Bizzaro World, right? I mean, am I crazy?

Xandir:
[referring to "Mrs. Pacman"] That big-mouthed tranny is gonna tell my girlfriend I'm out!

Foxxy Love:
You and Pacman huh? Well, you won't be the first fruit he's eaten! Go Foxxy! It's your birthday, not for real real, just for play play!

Elmer Fudd:
Shh, be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm going to welease your thwobbing member from its weather pwison.

Princess Clara:
Genocide is easily remedied by small gestures of inadequate compensation.

Spanky Ham:
[to Xandir] Hey, Dungeons and Doushbags, you're up.

Captain Hero:
Please, don't be mean to me. I'm going to be somebody.

Spanky Ham:
You pathetic fools! Now we're all gonna die!

Excludie:
Even me?!

Spanky Ham:
No! Not you, Excludie! Now, here's a blanket and a thermos of delicious hot cocoa.

Excludie:
Aww... [walks off]

Excludie:
You can say that again.

Toot Braunstein:
Shut up, Excludie!

Excludie:
Aww... [walks off]

Captain Hero:
Oh yay! I can't wait to go to Baby Gap, In-N-Out Burger, Foot Locker, and all the other euphemisms for vagina.

[Captain Hero pulls a gun on Foxxy]

Foxxy Love:
Oh my God, he's got a Puerto Rican credit card!

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
Well Xandir, like the Grateful Dead, you've gotten us into yet another stupid jam.

Foxxy Love:
Clara? I'm sick of that Bible-humping b*tch. Besides, what fun is doing a group activity if you can't exclude somebody?

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
Today's the day you promised we'd all go to the mall together.

Captain Hero:
I thought today was the day you were going to shut the f*** up!

Kirk Cameron:
To learn about your unavoidable descent into hell via the impending rapture, press one.

Foxxy Love:
The "King of the Hill" boredom helmet!

[Foxxy puts on the helmet and waits a few seconds]

Foxxy Love:
It's almost as boring as the show itself!

Princess Clara:
Get up, black person! Time to repent!

Foxxy Love:
Hot Topic! They got everything a suicidal preteen could want. Except for parents who'd listen.

Hot Topic Manager:
What part of "We need to evacuate" do you not understand?!

Princess Clara:
I haven't seen a bovine with such kind eyes since Mother Teresa died!

Foxxy Love:
Are you done?

Princess Clara:
I'm not sure. How do you know when you're done killing something?

Foxxy Love:
When your man pick you up from the clinic and take you drinking at the club.

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
I'm leading us out of this van, like Moses led the Jews out of the desert, to the world's everlasting regret.

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
So, like the time Fernando and I went to a diner and ordered a bowl of soup to split, but we didn't feel like crackers, we got a roll!

Toot Braunstein:
I know it's against gay policy, but spit it out!

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
There is hope. As long as we're together. Drawn-

Spanky Ham:
If you say "Drawn Together", I swear to Christ I'm going to cave your skull in with a tyre iron and eat what drips out!

Xandir P Whifflebottom:
All right. Fair enough.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
We can't all keep dying and then coming back to life the next episode! It's totally illogical!

Ling-Ling:
[who was earlier killed and eaten] Tell me about it!

Hot Topic Manager:
Do you think Hot Topic can support itself by selling Hello Kitty coin purses and Invader ZIM steering wheel covers? What kind of business model is that?

Princess Clara:
And so, like a roadie for Cher, I traveled the Earth at Satan's side.

[Wooldoor is crying while trying to get his stomach off a cactus]

Princess Clara:
Wooldoor, what's the matter?

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[Crying] Spanky said my stomach was making too much noise, so he put it up in that cactus.

Princess Clara:
[retrives Wooldoor's stomach] Aw Wooldoor. Spanky is just a bully. You need to stand up to him.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[puts his stomach back inside of himself] I do?

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[running around the house excitedly] Guys, guys, guys, guys! Guys, guys, guys, guys! Oh this is great! Oh I love it! Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

[Wooldoor freeze frames in the air and a subtitle with his Latin name appears just like in the Road Runner cartoons. His Latin name is "Ritalinus Shouldatakus"]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Uh, D-O-G. Cat!

Judge:
Oh. Close, but that's not the correct spelling of "centrifuge".

Toot Braunstein:
[while discussing Foxxy's stereotype tumor] Uh! "Tumor"? "Racism"? Dr. Wooldoor, are you just making up words again, like "morbid obesity" and "adult onset diabetes"?

Foxxy Love:
[Foxxy is being a stereotype and being chased by soldiers] Hey!! I'm free!! Ain't you ever heard of the Emancipossum Locomotion?!

Spanky Ham:
Foxxy's a minstrel, Captain Hero's in a wheelchair, [farts] I just crapped myself! It's a Holy freakin' Trinity!

Foxxy Love:
The AIDS-Walk isn't a contest. It's a charity! Like not spitting on ugly people! [She spits on Toot] I gave at the office.

Spanky Ham:
All right, team, let's make these guys eat shuttlecock.

Captain Hero:
Hey there, bub. I need the strongest stuff you've got.

Vitamin Store Clerk:
Well, sir, we've got a terrific line of herbal supplements.

Captain Hero:
Herbal? What do I look like to you? Some crazy wacko who'll put anything inside his body, and then take pictures of it coming out, and post them on his website, which gets over 10,000 hits a day--most of them in Germany? Do I? Do I?!

Stimpy:
Hey, can we get this game going already?

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[after Clara replaced his job with Spanky] How could you guys? How could you?

[Wooldoor starts crying and runs away]

Spanky Ham:
I feel so guilty.

Princess Clara:
Me too. Poor Wooldoor.

Princess Clara:
Psst. Wooldoor. Up here. We can escape through this vent.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[angrily] No. I don't want your help.

Princess Clara:
Oh Wooldoor. I'm sorry I didn't wait for you. You deserve better. [holds her hand out to Wooldoor]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[sheds tears] Oh Clara. That's all I ever wanted to hear.

[repeated line]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Wheeeeeee!

Captain Hero:
With my super powers, I could have easily saved my housemates, but I couldn't react. Why? Because I smoke marijuana. Still think drugs are cool?

Princess Clara:
[in the confessional] As soon as I saw the horse and carriage, I knew it had to be someone from my kingdom. But as soon as I saw the short bus, my heart sank. Why? Why did SHE have to come? [Cousin Bleh comes from the bus and does the retarded blink.]

Princess Clara:
[outside] Oh f*** me.

Captain Hero:
Something was amiss. Xandir was acting strange, Tim Tommerson was awfully quiet and I noticed that I was getting f***ed in the ass more than usual.

Pluto the Dog:
[while holding Goofy hostage] He's the only f***ing dog good enough to wear f***ing pants? Well, I want to wear the f***ing pants for once! [Shoots Goofy, then himself]

Spanky Ham:
All right TV Reviewer, you've gone too far! And who are you to tell us - WHAT THE HELL!

Spanky Ham:
No wonder you hate the show. You're everything we make fun of.

Spanky Ham:
You're a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Asian Lesbian broad who cuts herself.

Spanky Ham:
So, maybe somebody who doesn't happen to be a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Indian lesbian broad who cuts herself, might not be offended by the show.

Spanky Ham:
Yes! But people should know you're not our audience, a**hole!

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[singing] So clench your teeth and not ethnicity