Front Page Detective

[first lines]

David Chase:
[narrating] This is David Chase, and this is my town with millions of wonderful people. Yours truly loves them all because they're interesting people. But tonight one of them is, uh, well, shall we say more interesting than the rest?

Lil Carver:
What was that shot?

David Chase:
You had a visitor, Lil, but I'm sure not going after him. You'd better call the cops.

Lil Carver:
What do you mean - visitor?

David Chase:
Hiding behind one of those bales with a smile on his face and a luger in his hand.

Sharon Richards:
David, you've been shot! Quick, Lil, call a doctor!

David Chase:
No, no, no, it's all right. Call the cops first.

Sharon Richards:
You don't know how bad it is.

David Chase:
If I was ventilated, I'd feel the breeze, honey.

Lil Carver:
It was so dark we couldn't tell which way he went. He took off like a frightened canteloupe.

David Chase:
Like a frightened canteloupe?

David Chase:
Tell me, is the Malay Prince sailing soon?

Lt. George Andrews:
Yeah, I think it's going...

Lil Carver:
Naw, she's docked in port indefinitely. I can tell you that.

David Chase:
Uh-huh. Well then, it's a cinch he wasn't trying to stow away again. He went back after something.

Lt. George Andrews:
Oh, sure. Maybe he forgot his umbrella.

David Chase:
Could be. Maybe he was saving something else for a rainy day.

David Chase:
I still think we should have another look.

Lt. George Andrews:
Aw, you're crazy, Chase.

David Chase:
So was Columbus and look what he found.

Lt. George Andrews:
Don't push me, Chase.

David Chase:
You know, George, you're like a wheelbarrow. You never get anywhere unless someone pushes you.

[pulling his pistol from his holster]

Dr. Oscar Grandell:
There's no time like the present... and let's see if we can do this without bungling it.

Dr. Oscar Grandell:
Won't you come in, sir. This is indeed an unexpected pleasure.

David Chase:
Yeah, I'm sure it's unexpected, but I don't know about the pleasure.

Dr. Oscar Grandell:
I'm very happy, sir, to learn that you're not carrying any weapons. It's frightfully bad manners, you know.

David Chase:
You know, Doctor, you should give lessons in manners. You know all the bad ones.

David Chase:
Sounds like our sailor friend is coming to. All right, come on, up you go, Duke. From now on, you're changing your course, old boy, from easy street to the federal pen.

[last lines]

Lil Carver:
David, you're such a sweet boy. Why, if I was just ten years younger, maybe fifteen...

Sharon Richards:
Oh, you're enough competition now, Lil.

Lil Carver:
I don't know about that, but I'm as strong as an ox and frisky as a mule.

Sharon Richards:
Well, a woman must always hang on to her youth.

David Chase:
Yeah, except when he's driving.

[referring to the murdered man Chase found in his closet]

Lt. George Andrews:
I thought you might be interested in knowin' who your boyfriend was.

David Chase:
Give!

Lt. George Andrews:
Joe Blake - alias Peewee, Peanuts, Blakely, Blackstone - small-time hood. Associated with the numbers racket, bookmakin', wire service. Arrested, ah...

David Chase:
Did you find out what he was doing in my apartment?

Lt. George Andrews:
Un-huh. He ain't talkin' and, according to the coroner, he ain't goin' to do no talkin'.

David Chase:
Angelpuss...

Dorabelle Hansen:
Oh, what is it? Doesn't a working girl get an eight-hour day?

David Chase:
This is important. I want you to check something for me.

Dorabelle Hansen:
Wait a minute... Okay, shoot.

David Chase:
Joe Blake. B-L-A-K-E.

Dorabelle Hansen:
I can spell, Mr. Chase. Anyone we know?

David Chase:
That's what I want you to find out - where he hangs his hat; who he plays around with.

Dorabelle Hansen:
Full treatment, huh?

David Chase:
That's right.

Dorabelle Hansen:
What's the pitch?

David Chase:
Oh, just a little skeleton in my closet.

Mr. Keeley:
My we come in?

David Chase:
How far?

David Chase:
What assurance have I that you won't kill me after I turn it over to you?

Mr. Keeley:
None - except my word as a gentleman.

David Chase:
Oh. Well, of course that's different.

Dorabelle Hansen:
Hello? Anybody home?

[Dorabelle hears banging from a closet and releases Josephine who was locked inside]

Dorabelle Hansen:
I've been looking for Mr. Chase. Have you any idea where I can find him?

Josephine Blake:
Well, we weren't playing jacks in the closet, if that's what you're wondering.

Lt. George Andrews:
All right, you mugs, come on. You've got a whole honor guard waiting for you downstairs.

[last lines]

[Chase answers his phone]

David Chase:
Hello.

Dorabelle Hansen:
Mr. Chase, are you all right?

David Chase:
Dorabelle, of course I'm all right. Where are you?

Dorabelle Hansen:
Where do you think I am?

David Chase:
One guess.

[cut to Dorabelle taking a bubblebath]

Dorabelle Hansen:
All right, one guess, Mr. Know-It-All.

David Chase:
At the office working overtime.

Dorabelle Hansen:
Oh, you're so right, Mr. Chase. As usual, Mr. Chase. Good night.

David Chase:
Good night. That's what I like about a secretary - always on the job.