Glee

Glee

Glee means delight, a form of happiness. Glee may also refer to: Glee (music), an English type of song music Glee (TV series), an American musical comedy-drama TV series, and related media Glee (Bran Van 3000 album) Glee (Logan Lynn album) Glee.com, a social networking site for LGBT communities Graph Layout Execution Engine (GLEE), an earlier version of Microsoft Automatic Graph Layout, a .NET library OpenGL Easy Extension library (GLee), a C/C++ library

Year:
2009
2,041 Views

Rachel Berry:
Thanks for helping with the party clean up, especially since you didn't even drink.

Kurt Hummel:
I was in the neighborhood.

Rachel Berry:
At 10 o'clock? Are you sure you're not here just to find out how my date with Blaine went?

Kurt Hummel:
Oh, that was tonight?

Rachel Berry:
Look, we're friends, so I'm gonna be honest with you... the date was lovely. We saw Love Story at the Revival Theater. We even dressed up as the characters.

Kurt Hummel:
[Sarcastically] That's not gay at all. Did you kiss?

Rachel Berry:
No, or lips spent the evening mouthing Ali MacGraw's dialogue. Frankly, I did expect a little snog as the date drew to a close, but I guess the timing just wasn't right.

Kurt Hummel:
Or the blood alcohol level.

Rachel Berry:
Look, I know that you have feelings for him and I'm sure you think I'm crazy for asking him out, but Blaine is obviously conflicted and if he turns out not to be gay, well then, I guess I will have done you a favor.

Kurt Hummel:
And I'm doing you a favor by telling you that Blaine is the first in a long line of conflicted men that you will date that will later turn out to be only the most flaming of homosexuals.

Rachel Berry:
Blaine and I have a lot in common.

Kurt Hummel:
A sentiment expressed by many a hag about many a gay. Look, I don't doubt that you and Blaine would have a jolly good time shopping at Burberry and arguing who would make the better Rum Tum Tugger. I don't dispute that, but there's something that you and Blaine will never have and that's chemistry.

Rachel Berry:
Fine. Then I'm gonna prove you wrong. I'm gonna take the beer goggles off and I'm gonna kiss him sober. And if the spark is still there, then I am taking you to your bakery of choice for a piping hot slice of humble pie.

Burt Hummel:
[Having "the talk" with his son] Now for most guys sex is, just, ya know, this thing we always want to do. Ya know, its fun, feels great, but we're not really thinking too much about, ya know, how it makes us feel on the inside, or, ya know, how the other person feels about it.

Kurt Hummel:
Women are different?

Burt Hummel:
Only because they get that its about something more than just the physical. Ya know, when you're intimate with somebody, in that way, you're exposing yourself, ya know, you're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. Believe me, I can't tell you how many buddies I've got who have gotten way too deep with a girl who said she was cool with just hooking up.

Kurt Hummel:
But that's not going to happen to me, Dad.

Burt Hummel:
No, its gonna be worse. Because its two guys. With two guys you got two people who think that sex is just sex. Its gonna be easier to come by. And once you start doing this stuff you're not going to want to stop. Yah just... you gotta know that it means something. You know, its doing something... to you, to your heart, to your self esteem, even though it feels like... you're just having fun.

Kurt Hummel:
So you're saying I shouldn't have sex?

Burt Hummel:
I think on your 30th birthday it is a great gift to yourself. [pause] Kurt, when you're ready, I want you to be able to... do everything. But when you're ready I want you to, use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around, like you don't matter. 'Cause you matter, Kurt.

Kurt Hummel:
[pause] Is that it?

Burt Hummel:
That's it, for now. Can I make you some toast?

Kurt Hummel:
I think I'll take it up to my room to eat while I look over my new pamphlets [he gathers the gay sex ed. pamphlets his father has brought home] . Thank you Dad.

Burt Hummel:
You're welcome. [Kurt leaves. Burt sighs a deep sigh of relief]

Santana Lopez:
Hi.

Brittany Pierce:
Hey.

Santana Lopez:
Can we talk?

Brittany Pierce:
But we never do that.

Santana Lopez:
Yea I know, but I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I'm such a b*tch all the time. I'm a b*tch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't.

Brittany Pierce:
I understand that.

Santana Lopez:
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Brittany Pierce:
No, not really.

Santana Lopez:
I want to be with you, but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school.

Brittany Pierce:
But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words.

Santana Lopez:
Yea, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love *you*, and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please.

Brittany Pierce:
Of course I love you! I do! And I would totally be with you if it wasn't for Artie.

Santana Lopez:
[confused] Artie?

Brittany Pierce:
I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him.

Santana Lopez:
Yes, you can! He's just a stupid boy!

Brittany Pierce:
But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. *Proudly* so.

Santana Lopez:
[Crying] Yea, well, wow. Whoever thought that for being fluid, you could be so stuck. [Brittany tries to hug her] Get off me!

Sue Sylvester:
Why would I stoop to such puerile acts? Because I hate you, Will Schuester, and I will stop at nothing until I see you homeless in the streets drinking gutter runoff and allowing passersby to perform lewd acts on your butt chin for money. You are a fatuous, dim-witted, borderline pederast who tears up faster than a gay jihadi in a sandstorm. You have befouled the profession of teaching by accepting not only one but two Teacher of the Year Awards despite not speaking a word of the foreign language you purport to teach. Like the storied predators of yesteryear, Will, you pick only the most vulnerable students to favor while actively neglecting the others. Like that gross kid with the dreadlocks, or that poor Irish idiot Rory, or the black dancer whose name none of us remember because you rode his back to a win at sectionals and then promptly ignored him into oblivion. You positively worship a student if they can so much as carry a tune and yet you don't know a single name of the only true musical geniuses in that choir room: THE BAND, who have demonstrated time and again that they can, at the drop of a hat, play literally any song you can name and still you treat them like so much nameless human garbage. Your bizarre, psychosexual obsession with that Glee Club was disturbing from the first moment you stalked a nude student in the showers. You know, I'm honestly surprised you didn't re-enact what was clearly the formative event of your own teenage years and Sandusky the poor kid right there and then. Oh, and I think those absorbent sweater vests actually hide the fact that you lactate every time you give one of your excruciatingly condescending pep talks. Your charms wore off a long time ago, William. Somewhere around Bieber Week. So why don't you take your washboard abs and your washboard forehead and get the hell out of my office. Oh, and take that uncomfortable smirk and the nine foot fart you must be holding in with you, and let'er rip the second you get home. Because, you know what, if you're lucky that sphincter might just toot out the first minute and a half of "Wheel in the Sky," which is the only Journey song you haven't yet managed to ruin.

Burt Hummel:
Hey! What did you just call him?

Finn Hudson:
Oh, no, I didn't call him anything. I was just talking to the blanket.

Burt Hummel:
You use that word, you're talking about him.

Kurt Hummel:
Relax, dad, I didn't take it that way.

Burt Hummel:
Yeah, that's because you're 16 and you still assume the best in people. You live a few years, you start seeing the hate in people's hearts. Even the best people. [to Finn] You use the N word?

Finn Hudson:
Of course not.

Burt Hummel:
How about "retard"? You call that nice girl on the Cheerios with Kurt, you call her a retard?

Finn Hudson:
Becky? No, she's my friend. She's got Down's Syndrome. I'd never call her that, that's cruel.

Burt Hummel:
But you think it's okay to come in my house and say "faggy"?

Finn Hudson:
But that's not what I meant.

Burt Hummel:
I know what you meant! What, you think I didn't use that word when I was your age? You know, some kid gets clocked in practice we tell him to stop being such a fag, shake it off. We meant it exactly the way you meant it. That being gay is wrong. That's some kind of punishable offense. I really thought you were different, Finn. You know, I thought that being in Glee Club, and being raised by your mom, meant that you were some, you know, new generation of dude who saw things differently. Who just kinda, you know, came into the world knowing what it's taken me years of struggling to figure out. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry Finn, but you can't, you can't stay here.

Kurt Hummel:
Dad.

Burt Hummel:
I love your mom and maybe this is gonna cost me her, but my family comes first. I can't have that kind of poison around. [turns to Kurt] This is our home, Kurt. [turns back to Finn] He is my son. Out in the world you do what you want; not under my roof.

Quinn Fabray:
[stands at Rachel's locker after she closes it] Listen here, treasure trail. We're about to have a smack-down.

Rachel Berry:
I don't want to have a confrontation. [Passes Quinn and starts to walk off]

Quinn Fabray:
Don't play stupid with me, stubbles. I'm having Finn's baby and you need to back off! I'm asking you as nice as I possibly can. Leave him alone.

Rachel Berry:
[Stops walking and turns to Quinn] You're right. I-I've helped you not because it's the right thing to do, but because I had romantic ulterior motives. But just so we're clear, you're the one who's cheating.

Quinn Fabray:
Excuse me?

Rachel Berry:
[They start walking once again] I have on good authority that you're Sue Sylvester's mole and you can deny it all you want, but I know it's true.

Quinn Fabray:
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Rachel Berry:
[They walk up a flight of stairs] Sue's not on your side, Quinn; she's not on anyone's side but her own. Can you imagine what she's going to do when she finds out about your situation? She'll probably rip off your uniform with her bare hands. [Rachel stops walking at the top of the stairs and turns to face Quinn] All right. Every time you whisper in her ear you empower her to do more damage to the Glee Club. And right now, Glee Club is all you have. And if I were you, I'd recognise who my true friends are. And I'd practice a little more because you obviously have a lot you need to express.

Quinn Fabray:
Oh, you have no idea! [Quinn turns around and breaks into song as she sings 'You Keep Me Hangin' On']


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