Green Gables Fables

Anne Shirley:
Yeah, my name isn't actually Cordelia... I made that up. It's Anne. Anne Shirley. Basically, the most boring name in the history of everything. The real me, I guess, not the me I imagine. But if you're going to use that name, spell it right. Anne, Anne with an 'E.'

Anne Shirley:
It would be lovely to sleep in a wild cherry tree all white with bloom in the moonshine, don't you think? You could almost imagine you were dwelling in marble halls, couldn't you?

Anne Shirley:
I love it here already, more than anything. Dreams don't usually come true, do they? But I think this one has. And no amount of imagination can make it better. And, if it is a dream... I'll keep dreaming as long as I can.

Anne Shirley:
On the drive here, I kept asking my social worker a ton of questions about my to-be parents. What do they look like? Do they have pets? Where do avocados come from? Are they strict? Do they have... twins? And she kept saying that she didn't know and would I please stop asking so many questions. But how are you supposed to get answers if you don't ask questions? And where do avocados even come from?

Anne Shirley:
I like to imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't me! I often like to imagine what I'd be like if I didn't have this red hair, for instance. One, it doesn't go with most shades of pink, which is absolutely one of the worst things, because pink is one of my favourite colours, and I can't wear pink without it looking like I don't know what colour schemes are.

Anne Shirley:
But no matter who I'm with next year or what I'm doing, I hope there will be lots of trees.

Josie Pye:
[talking about Anne and Gilbert] We all think that Anne needs to just get over herself and stop pretending that she hates him so they can both get this unresolved romantic tension out of their system.

Josie Pye:
If your name is Anne Shirley or Gilbert Blythe, stop being an idiot.

Jane Andrews:
I'm just who I am. I'm Jane Andrews. I do my homework. I play Scrabble. I make sarcastic jokes when I'm with my friends.

Jane Andrews:
I'm definitely just as smart as Gilbert Blythe, but the girls don't think I'm nearly as handsome.

Anne Shirley:
No one will ever be able to convince me that magic doesn't exist when I can look out of my window and soak in everything that's perfect in this world.

Anne Shirley:
Ms Thomas also told me I needed to stop dramatically painting myself as the victim and be grateful. She was right, I can't complain. I've had a roof over my head all seventeen years of my life, and I've never gone hungry or had to go through anything as dismal as orphans do in old books.

Anne Shirley:
[about her parents] They were both teachers and met in college- they both had high marks and pretended to be rivals but everyone else knew they were just madly in love.

Jane Andrews:
Has anybody applied for university yet?

Anne Shirley:
Nooooooooooooooooo!

Gilbert Blythe:
Hey, Shirley, merry Christmas!

Anne Shirley:
[joyfully] You too! [realizes what she just said]

Gilbert Blythe:
[gestures at Anne's hair] I really am sorry about your hair. I like it, I like your hair. I mean, this belongs on Pinterest.

Anne Shirley:
I am so glad that I live in a world where there are Octobers.

Anne Shirley:
[holding a letter] I don't know what to do with this. Redmond University... I don't...

Matthew Cuthbert:
You open it. It's what people do with letters.

Anne Shirley:
[Matthew removed the letter from the envelope] What does it say?

Matthew Cuthbert:
[slowly] I have not read it yet. I have removed it from the envelope.

Anne Shirley:
Okay...

Matthew Cuthbert:
[unfolds the letter] I am unfolding the letter.

Matthew Cuthbert:
[reads the letter] I am reading the letter.

Anne Shirley:
Aloud!

Matthew Cuthbert:
Oh! Oh, you... you want to know what it says!

Anne Shirley:
Matthew! That's not fair!

Matthew Cuthbert:
[reads the letter] 'Dear Miss Shirley... ' Oh, that's nice of them, to call you Miss Shirley. I think of you as Miss Shirley, too. That's- that's very nice...

Anne Shirley:
Okay just... moving, moving on...

Matthew Cuthbert:
'Dear Miss Shirley... Congratulations.'

Anne Shirley:
It's just this feeling of how big the world is and how many things there are to experience. Like when you go outside and you look up at the stars and you can literally feel how vast everything is and how small you are, but you still feel alive and maybe even a bit significant. Or the feel something swelling in your chest when someone's playing a peace of music on the piano, and you don't know why you want to cry, but you do because it's so beautiful and lovely and it makes you want everything in the world.

Ruby Gillis:
How do you feel about girls with freckles?

Gilbert Blythe:
I guess I'm pretty indifferent to whether a girl has freckles or not.

Ruby Gillis:
Okay...

Gilbert Blythe:
How do you feel about girls with...

Ruby Gillis:
They're pretty cool! But the more important question is how do girls with freckles feel about you?

Gilbert Blythe:
I don't know every girl with freckles in the world so I assume their opinions would vary.

Ruby Gillis:
Well, I know that at least some of them like you even if sometimes it seems like they don't at all.

Ruby Gillis:
I mean it's like I'm supposed to meet Prince Charming before I'm 20 or I'm going to die an old maid!

Anne Shirley:
And now for #1: this is definitely the worst fIirting technique ever observed by mankind in the entire history of the universe. When all other steps have failed, insult my physical appearance in the hallway after chemistry class in front of everyone. Make fun of my hair and refer to its unusual Titian colour by calling me "CARROTS!". And when your demeaning, inconsiderate insult still failed at riling the indomitable soul of the girl you're pursuing - that's me by the way - PULL MY BRAID LIKE YOU'RE A FIVE YEAR OLD ON A PLAYGROUND!

Gilbert Blythe:
[reading fan question] Will you marry me? [with serious face] I'm so sorry. There's another woman.

Gilbert Blythe:
[reading fan question] Favourite Disney princess? Rapunzel, by far. There's just something mystical about a woman who can beat people up with a frying pan.