Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Lauryn Shannon, Jessica Shannon:
Mama, you don't appreciate anything.

Jessica Shannon:
Put some cheese balls out for the reindeer.

Alana Thompson:
I thought reindeer ate carrots.

Jessica Shannon:
They don't know the difference, it's orange, they'll eat it.

Alana Thompson:
This was the greatest Christmas ever because we got to spend it with Kaitlyn.

June Shannon:
Yeah, the main thing is that we had fun and were together.

Anna Shannon:
I think Kaitlyn liked the paper better than her present.

Alana Thompson:
How does Santa deliver all the presents around the world in one night?

June Shannon:
Because there's time zones, and so... that's how he does it, 'cuz there's time zones and so in some countries it's already tomorrow, because of the different time zones.

Alana Thompson:
I better go to sleep then.

Lauryn Shannon:
I only got one eye and you're still aggravating me.

June Shannon:
Well you aggravate me the other 364 days of the year.

June Shannon:
[the girls show off their June scarecrow] You took my underwear outside?

Alana Thompson:
And I took your bra!

June Shannon:
...I just hope it scares the gnats away.

Anna Shannon:
You flunked history, didn't you?

June Shannon:
I mean, I can't remember everything.

June Shannon:
[about Kaitlyn, who was born with an extra thumb] Every baby is born with something unique.

Jessica Shannon:
[to baby Kaitlyn, who has an extra thumb] Give me high six, Kaitlyn.

June Shannon:
Anna Marie, are you in pain?

Anna Shannon:
[in labor] Yes.

June Shannon:
Are you in a lot of pain?

Anna Shannon:
Yes.

June Shannon:
Is this the worst pain you can imagine?

Anna Shannon:
Yes.

June Shannon:
Do you recommend anybody else get pregnant at 17?

Anna Shannon:
Do what you want.

Alana Thompson:
I wish I had an extra finger so I could grab me some more cheese balls!

June Shannon:
Pumpkin hasn't been the same since she got struck by lightning.

June Shannon:
[discussing what to do for Pumpkin's birthday] Something fun and *cheap* sounds good.

Jessica Shannon:
I know what's fun and cheap, a graveyard!

Alana Thompson:
[showing 'before' and 'after' drawings of Pumpkin being hit by lightning] Normal Pumpkin, crazy Pumpkin, happy Pumpkin, stupid Pumpkin, uncooked Pumpkin, cooked Pumpkin.

June Shannon:
[tricking Pumpkin into thinking she's going to have a lame birthday] We stay home, have dinner, I'm thinking meatballs, mashed potatoes, spend about $10, that sounds like a good birthday to me.

Alana Thompson:
[clapping, singsong] Jessica has a boyfriend, Jessica has a boyfriend! His name is Philip! His name is Philip! But he should be MINE, not Jessica's! [stops clapping] I just thought the wrong thing, I don't want a boyfriend, I don't need the drama.

Lauryn Shannon:
[after getting caught cheating at the bowling alley] And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.

June Shannon:
...Wow!

June Shannon:
Cheaters never prosper, Pumpkin, they just rub people's feet.

June Shannon:
[laughing] One of your boyfriends just sent you a text, 'Can you call me?' Say 'No I can't, I'm locked in a cheese ball can!'

June Shannon:
We're gonna revolutionize the wrestling world, wrestlers are gonna be passing out left and right.

Mike Thompson:
[to the girls after the butter fiasco] Y'all made a mess in there.

June Shannon:
That I am STILL cleaning up today.

Jessica Shannon:
[about her sisters] We get along better in separate rooms.

Alana Thompson:
Mo' butter, 'mo better, 'mo slipperier.

June Shannon:
[leaving the hospital] Come on, let's break out of here.

Mike Thompson:
Got my paperwork, I can escape.

Alana Thompson:
Sugar Bear needs to stay out of hospitals because any place that doesn't allow kids is not fine with me.

Jessica Shannon:
[planning June's bridal shower] People who're gonna go: Molly-Beth, Meg and Mrs. Johnson. Dreijda, Bobbie, maybe Dezi, Brittany, Miss Susan, Granny, Doe-Doe, Amber, Sharon, Colleen, Naomi, Chandra, Mikka, and Pit Wolfy.

Lauryn Shannon:
You forgot about the girl that smells like fish.

Alana Thompson:
Anna's right here!

Alana Thompson:
[the menu at Mama's bridal shower] Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, and wings.

Alana Thompson:
Right now Mama's biggest skin-scurn is Sugar Bear getting better.

June Shannon:
What're you and Cha Cha doing out here?

Alana Thompson:
We are thinking.

June Shannon:
What you thinking about?

Alana Thompson:
Sugar Bear.

June Shannon:
I really love Sugar Bear and I think if anything would happen to him, that I would be lost.

Lauryn Shannon:
...I would be lost too.

Alana Thompson:
Jessica, I wanna sleep with you until Sugar Bear comes home.

Alana Thompson:
Why don't you have no shoes on?

June Shannon:
Alana, when do I ever wear shoes?

Alana Thompson:
Never.

June Shannon:
Uh yeah, I know.

June Shannon:
[to Alana] You know, Sugar Bear's gonna get better, and he'll be home before we know it. You just gotta, you know, you gotta have faith and everything.

Alana Thompson:
So you saying he got pancreas-in-titis?

June Shannon:
Yeah pancreatitis. So his pancreas is sick just like when you get sick, and you get to coughing and your chest hurts and your belly hurts.

Alana Thompson:
Does his pancreas hurt?

June Shannon:
Yep.

Lauryn Shannon:
If you don't want me to rip out your mustache, then don't grow one.

Alana Thompson:
Of course Kaitlyn won cutest redneck, she's got an extra thumb!

Mike Thompson:
I love me some watermelon.

Alana Thompson:
[Pumpkin's doing spa treatments on them] God help me.

June Shannon:
Sugar Bear is a big Dukes of Hazzard fan, especially because one time he actually got to meet Daisy Duke, and he was so excited he about pissed on himself.

Mike Thompson:
We never have any alone time.

June Shannon:
Yeah well that's called being a parent and having responsibilities.

Mike Thompson:
No, it's called a bad house layout plan.

Alana Thompson:
Before we go, we have to beat the crap out of a pinata.

Mike Thompson:
Sounds good to me.

Mike Thompson:
I'm gonna build us a room with a lockproof door on it.

June Shannon:
I like it this way because then the girls can't sneak out, because I can hear like a damn lion.

Mike Thompson:
[sending the girls away to be alone with June] The sitter's here!

Alana Thompson, Jessica Shannon, Lauryn Shannon, Anna Shannon:
[going out the door] Don't do nothing I wouldn't do

Lauryn Shannon, Anna Shannon:
Don't make too many babies!