Cosmo:

Betty Hapschatt:
Alimony is just another word for RAPE.

Cosmo McKinley:
Romance is not a children's game.

Nation McKinley:
But you keep going back; it's driving you insane.

Brad Majors:
You're a dead-end, dead-beat, nowhere mister with a kisser like a Mississippi alligator's sister!

Betty Hapschatt:
Macy Struthers with my husband. God, I must have been blind! Still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde.

Harry Weiss:
A man must know the right occasion to indulge in tax evasion.

Betty Hapschatt:
Oh my god, character actors!

Brad Majors:
We lost our mom, we lost our dad, and if I'll have to lose you too well that's just too bad!

Janet Majors:
I need some young blood, I need some young blood. I need it now!

Brad Majors:

Judge Oliver Wright:

Brad Majors:

Judge Oliver Wright:

Brad Majors:

Judge Oliver Wright:

Brad Majors:

Judge Oliver Wright:

Emily Weiss:
(about Brad Majors) Thank God he was born an orphan. It would have killed his parents. And thank goodness he didn't end up like that Slibstrini boy.

Harry Weiss:
What are you talking about? Danny Slibstrini's a chip of the old block. Why, I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week and Hank says that Danny's moved to New York to better himself.

Emily Weiss:
He moved all right. And they found him in the back of Wilson's bakery, naked, with fifteen other men.

Janet Majors:
(with a look of confirmation) Mexicans.

Harry Weiss:
(Looks disguted) I'm gonna catch up on a few jobs that need doing outside. (Storms out, slamming the door.)

Emily Weiss:
You shouldn't have said that.

Janet Majors:
But why?

Emily Weiss:
Your father doesn't like Mexicans.

Farley Flavors:
Time's tight, Janet. Do it right, Janet. Until tomorrow night, Janet?

Macy Struthers:
Like a good-time girl, I'm gonna try some new tricks.

Ralph Hapschatt:
This could be the start of a whole new career.

Macy Struthers:
Got a deep plum lipstick and some therapeutics.

Ralph Hapschatt:
This could lead us to a town that's nowhere near here.

Emily Weiss:
This is the Mecca of America.

Harry Weiss:
The Bethlehem of the west.

Betty Hapschatt:
Oh, Ralph.

Ralph Hapschatt:
Yeah?

Betty Hapschatt:
SHOVE IT!

Janet Majors:
Why did you tell not to sign now?

Nurse Ansalong:
That way, you get the first day free.