Maria Gambrelli:
You can have one of my cigarettes.

Clouseau:
Oh, thank you.

Maria Gambrelli:
You have it in backwards.

Clouseau:
Oh... it tastes very bad that way.

Clouseau:
Facts, Hercule, facts! Nothing matters but the facts. Without them the science of criminal investigation is nothing more than a guessing game.

Clouseau:
You are forgetting the most important fact: motive.

Hercule LaJoy:
He beat her.

Clouseau:
He was Spanish!

Hercule LaJoy:
He tore her dress off.

Clouseau:
Oh, don't be ridiculous. Would you kill someone who tore your dress off?

Maria Gambrelli:
Tell me, why do so many men smoke afterwards? No wonder tobacco companies get rich.

Clouseau:
And I submit, Inspector Ballon, that you arrived home, found Miguel with Maria Gambrelli, and killed him in a rit of fealous jage!

Dreyfus:
Give me ten men like Clouseau and I could destroy the world.

Clouseau:
I am here on official business and I am looking for someone in the recreation area.

Camp Attendant:
Not unless you take off your clothes...

Clouseau:
You, sir, are under arrest.

Camp Attendant:
Arrest? What for?

Clouseau:
For making lewd and suggestive remarks to an official of the French government.

Camp Attendant:
Lewd and suggestive remarks?

Clouseau:
Also for indecent exposure... doesn't anyone wear any clothes around here?

Camp Attendant:
No.

Clouseau:
What!

Camp Attendant:
This is a nudist colony.

Clouseau:
There is something... personal... in this?

Dreyfus:
Yes, deeply personal. I hate you! Every little bit of you! Now get out!

Clouseau:
You want me to leave?

Clouseau:
Well... that just goes to prove what I have said all along.

Dreyfus:
What you've said, Clouseau, qualifies you as the greatest prophet since Custer said he was going to surround all those Indians!

Dreyfus:
What about the maid?

Clouseau:
The maid?

Dreyfus:
Was he jealous of her too? He strangled her.

Clouseau:
It is possible that his intended victim was a man and that he made a mistake.

Dreyfus:
Mistake?... in a nudist camp?

Clouseau:
Uh... What was I saying? Uh... Listen, you, you daydreaming fool, what are you doing there? I mean, can't you pay attention when I'm talking? Don't know know what I was saying? You're not listening to me.

Maurice:
With the greatest respect, monsieur, I heard every word that you said.

Clouseau:
Would you be kind enough to tell me what it was that I said?

Maurice:
You were talking about the closet, monsieur...

Clouseau:
Uhhh, yes?

Maurice:
You were saying that when the closet door was open, Maria received a bump on the head, and from that that you inferred that someone had been hiding in the closet, monsieur...

Clouseau:
Yes, she received a bump on - And, listen, monsieur, next time I may test you without warning!

Dreyfus:
François would you please call for a doctor.

Françios:
Are you ill?

Dreyfus:
I seem to have stabbed myself with the letter opener.

Clouseau:
I'm sorry, my idiot driver parked too close to the fountain.

Clouseau:
You fool! You have broken my pointing stick! Now I have nothing to point with!

Dreyfus:
François, I seem to have cut my thumb.

Dreyfus:
Someone has been murdered here. Please let it be Clouseau.

Clouseau:
I believe everything and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone and I suspect no one.