Kenny Starfighter

Markus:
Remove the cornea and locate the lense. Make sure the eye doesn't burst when you lay the first stitch.

Tyrone:
Look, skin dead mice I can handle, but dissect cow eyes, that's my limit.

Burken:
But Tyrone, I saw this movie once, there was a guy who was going to operate on an eye, and then when he was about to cut in it, it started following him with its look, so he turned all mad and transplanted it in his forehead so he could use it as an analyzer and zoom in and people like this, "zzz", "zzz"...

Markus:
Cut it out, let's do this now so we're rid of this sh*t, OK?

Burken:
OK.

Markus:
[opens the box and finds a pack of cards] Whoa! Look!

Markus:
Whoa! Look!

Tyrone:
Awesome! No cow eyes - no homework!

Sofia:
We'll have to give them back tomorrow and say they made a mistake.

Markus:
You think these are Slem-Sven's cards?

Burken:
No, it's gotta be some kind of game, to test our intelligence!

Tyrone:
[sighs, exasperated] Get this: Slem-sven doesn't play games, he plays with dead animals, and sews hats out of them.

[Marcus' mom gives him a turban she bought at Tax-Free]

Tyrone:
[laughing] Hey, look at Gandhi!

Kenny Starfighter:
[Kenny's space bus is about to crash] Like, it's happening stuff here, like.

Memorymatic:
Navigation system is out of order.

Kenny Starfighter:
I can't steer!

Memorymatic:
[shouts] Out of order!

Kenny Starfighter:
What do I do?

Memorymatic:
Use the catapult chair!

Kenny Starfighter:
Are you nuts, that means abandoning ship! I just picked it up, this is my first space bus!

Biology teacher:
[wearing a hat made of mice] Biology... is to live... and to die.

Kenny Starfighter:
[meeting a washing machine for the first time] Who are you? Identify! [slaps the washing machine with a flyswatter]

[washing machine starts making noises]

Kenny Starfighter:
Hey, don't cry! Sorry! Hey, boli boli, my name is Kenny Starfighter. Hey, do you know where I am?

[washing machine makes more noises]

Kenny Starfighter:
Hee hee hee hee hee, I didn't see that. This helmet and everything, you know. So how long have you been here?

[washing machine makes more noises]

Kenny Starfighter:
Wow, I have no plans of staying that long. Bye then. Sorry!... Hey, do you know how I get out of here?

[washing machine makes more noises]

Kenny Starfighter:
Flip a coin? No way. NO WAY! Then I'd rather use the teleporter, then I know where I'll end up.

Tyrone:
[about Slem-Sven] I knew it, I *knew* he was going to make one of those hats!

[Markus is in biology class, daydreaming that a group of vampire cannibals are attacking his girlfriend, Jaqueline]

Jacqueline:
Ooooh! It's the vampire cannibals!

Markus:
Die, you evil beasts! [shoots them with a blaster]

Jacqueline:
Oh, Markus. I love you!

Markus:
I know. Let me kiss you!

Jacqueline:
Oh, Markus. [starts kissing Markus]

[Markus wakes up to realise he's been kissing a lung]

[Kenny has used too much washing powder in the washing machine, and foam is all over the floor]

Sofia:
Hey! Maybe you could try and clean this mess up?

Kenny Starfighter:
Yeah, maybe I could do that, as a matter of fact! [fires Hairminator]

[the Hairminator's beam bounces all over the room, forcing them all to duck down but leaving the foam unharmed]

Kenny Starfighter:
...Or maybe not.

Hempo #2:
[in the underground Chocolate Zingo factory]

Hempo #2:
Where are we?

Hempo #1:
Well it's not very hard to tell is it? [pointing at the huge tanks of Zingo] See? Zingo, Zingo, Z?ngo. ZINGO!

Hempo #3:
Huh-huh... Zingo. F***in' sweet.

Biology teacher:
[after almost crashing into the Hempo team with his Hovering Vacuum Cleaner] F***ing hooligans! Don't you know you always have to look both ways? Goddamn youth of today!

Kenny Starfighter:
[speaking to Markus through a hidden mike] Hey, what are you guys doing, don't just sit there!

Markus:
We're going to see school nurse now.

Jacqueline:
Duh, I know that, f***ing freak!

[Dr. Deo has been defeated, making all the teachers go back to normal again]

Principal:
Oh, my head... what day is it? What's happened?

German teacher:
I tink it vas teacher's party yesterday...

Principal:
Well, that must've been fun, I don't remember anything.

[meeting Kenny for the first time]

Mona:
Haven't we met before? You seem so right - I mean, familiar...

Mona:
...I actually don't meet many men - *people* at work anymore. Well, most of them are homosexuals, anyway.... You do know what homosexual means, Markus? It's when, men are with men, and they don't want to be with women.

Markus:
Mom, you're so *embarrassing*!

News reader #1:
In other news: For reasons unknown, the moon has turned into a grapefruit!

News reader #2:
Uh, orange.

News reader #1:
Yes, anyway, apparently there was some kind of beam [illustrates this on a chalkboard] coming from Earth like this, hitting the moon and turning it into a grapefruit.

News reader #2:
Or orange.

German teacher:
[to a miniature model of Earth] You're screwed now, kleine kartoffel!

Bookworm:
Bookworm awake, bookworm hungry, bookworm eat, bookworm kill!

Hempo #1, Hempo #2, Hempo #3:
Aaaaaah!

Principal:
[on the school loudspeaker] Attention, attention! All students are to visit school nurse and take their lockjaw syringe - IMMEDIATELY! And remember, you are SILENT when you take the syringe!

Markus:
[to Tyrone] Didn't we get the lockjaw syringe last week?

Tyrone:
Well, it sure hurt.

German teacher:
Ruhe, bitte.

Kenny Starfighter:
[online with Col. Heinz, who is on Sun Planet] OK, that's cool, I'll find that Zingo factory. Now where did you say those secret maps were again, on a box?

Col. Heinz:
[angrily] No, *in* a box!

[Kenny logs off]

Kenny Starfighter:
*On*, *on*, *on* a box.

[the gang is walking through the underground labyrinth that is supposed to lead to Dr. Deo's lair]

Kenny Starfighter:
Hey, hey, there's a sign on that pipe, what does it say?

Sofia:
Uh..."Old pipe, not used".

Kenny Starfighter:
And that one?

Sofia:
"New pipe, often used".

Kenny Starfighter:
Yep. That's where we're going.

Sofia:
But Kenny, wait... according to the map, we're going the *other* way.

Kenny Starfighter:
Yeah, but that map is old, they've probably changed it since then. [walks off]

Tyrone:
Hey Kenny, it's *that* way!

Kenny Starfighter:
No it isn't!

Tyrone, Sofia:
Yes it is!

Kenny Starfighter:
No it ISN'T!

Markus, Tyrone, Burken, Sofia:
YES IT IS!

Kenny Starfighter:
Well how often have YOU followed these kind of pipes before?

Markus, Tyrone, Burken, Sofia:
Um...

Kenny Starfighter:
NOW we're getting somewhere! [goes the 'right' way]

Burken:
[aboard Kenny's space bus] Hey, look, it's marshmallows!

Kenny Starfighter:
Oh, hey, please don't touch the wall insulation!

Burken:
But it's strawberry flavor!

Kenny Starfighter:
No, it isn't.

Kenny Starfighter:
[after eating a banana without peeling it] Yeech! How can Burken eat stuff like this?

[in front of the Gate of Dr. Deo's lair]

Kenny Starfighter:
Look, it's some kind of code! Hey, y'know, hey, hey, you know what I think? I think if you break that code, you can go through without burning up... or, the other way around, maybe.

Sofia:
You can't read, can you?

[pause]

Kenny Starfighter:
Yes I can!... It's just that this, this is another dialect, or something.

Dr. Deo:
Caspadia promised me the throne, if I defeated Emperor Zing. But she lied. She said I was just a simple soldier... who smelt bad.

Kenny Starfighter:
[sniffing] Hey, you *do* smell bad. I never thought of it before.