Big Girls Don't Cry... They Get Even 
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Keith: I think we know who is responsible for this!
Laura Chartoff: Me? You gotta be kidding! If I count to ten, will you disappear?
Keith: You watch your mouth, young lady, or no Hawaii.
Laura Chartoff: Gee, then I'd better not say what a complete dickhead you're being!
Laura Chartoff: Did you know it's estimated that by the year 2000, one out of every three people will be a member of my family?
Stephanie: Respect! I wrote a haiku about respect. And the moon!
Laura Chartoff: Fine! I quit this family. I hope you choke on poi! I hope your leis shrivel up and die! I hope Don Ho's show REALLY SUCKS!
Laura Chartoff: Why torture yourself when life will do it for you. Who said that? I did! Go ahead and quote me.
Laura Chartoff: If these are the best years of my life, I must have some serious third degree burns in my future.
Laura Chartoff: The problem with my dad is that he's 40, looks like he's 30, talks like he's 20, and acts like he's 10. He's fun to play board games with.
Laura Chartoff: Is philosophy biodegradable?