Mork & Mindy

[repeated line]

Mork:
Nanu-Nanu!

[repeated line]

Mork:
Shazbot!

Mork:
K.O.

Mork:
[Mork's emotions are out of control. His solution is to introduce them to Mindy's emotions] OK guys, come on over here [mimes football huddle] Right! [leaps back over to Mindy]

Mindy McConnell:
Well?

Mork:
I've got mixed emotions.

[alarm for Mork's wristwatch which he wears round his ankle goes off]

Mindy McConnell:
Ah, your foot's ringing. I'll get it. [bends down and pushes button on watch, pulls out small piece of paper under watch strap] What's this piece of paper?

Mork:
Must be a footnote.

Customer:
[Mork has taken a job working in a health food shop] My doctor says I need to get more iron in my diet, now what do you suggest?

Mork:
Eat your car keys.

Eugene:
[Seeing Holly for the first time] She sure is a doll.

Mork:
An android maybe, but not a doll.

Eugene:
No, that's not what I meant. A cute chick, a fox. Real hot stuff.

Mork:
Ohh, a fox. [makes noise like barking hound]

Holly:
[Mork places his hand on Holly's forehead] Why are you doing that?

Mork:
Well, Eugene said you were hot stuff, you're actually only 98.4.

Mork:
If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.

Mindy McConnell:
Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.

Mork:
Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?

Mindy McConnell:
Yeah, it can.

Mork:
Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?

Mork:
[Eugene has just said that he needs to tell him something important] Well, come on, I'm waiting here with a worm on my tongue.

Eugene:
Huh?

Mork:
Baited breath.

Politician:
You know I'd like to thank you for the time and trouble in bringing this to my attention. Before you go, I would like to present you with one of my souvenir pens.

Mork:
Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I'd have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don't need any more pens. Look at this. [Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket] And look at that, it's a Ronald Reagan pen, it's got no point

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, why are you building a tower of Cheerios?

Mork:
Because it's hard to stack oatmeal.

Mindy McConnell:
[Mork and Mindy are trapped in a giant birdcage facing certain death] Mork, I have something to confess to you. When you were out one day, I... I... I put on your spacesuit.

Mork:
[shocked] The helmet, too?

Mindy McConnell:
Boots and all!

Mork:
[after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation] Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you. [Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots]

Mindy McConnell:
[Mork has proposed, and after chatting with Fred and Cora, she decides to not marry Mork] I guess what I'm really trying to say is... I can't marry you

Mork:
Mind', That's a joke right, like the volunteer army? Ha ha ha... R R R!... R R Rrrr.

Exidor:
[Exidor is trying to get Mork's memory back] All right, Mork, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. "Oh, no, please don't."

Mork:
Oh, no, please don't... oh...

Exidor:
[Exidor takes a poster off Mindy's wall and smashes it over Mork's head] Too late.

Cora Hudson:
That man is an absolute raving lunatic.

Exidor:
Madam, you flatter me.

Mork:
[excited] Wait a minute, I've got to show you something. I've already picked out my bumper sticker. [runs into bedroom and returns with a whole car bumper]

Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT:
[reading the sticker] "Aliens make better lovers".

Mork:
And look at this one here. "Horn if you're a honky".

Mearth:
[seeing that the apartment has been filled with expensive toys] Mammy, the tooth fairy *has* been keeping up with inflation.

Mindy McConnell:
[sarcastic] Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.

Mork:
[Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room] Surprise!

Mindy McConnell:
No, not really.

Mork:
[referring to the Exidor Boutique, in which Mork invested all of their savings] Come on, Mind, Exidor *knows* what he's doing.

Exidor:
[storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend] What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.

Exidor:
[to Mork] Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.

Mindy McConnell:
We want our money back now, and don't call me the little woman.

Mork:
What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we've had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.

Exidor:
I've only been open two hours. Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.

Mindy McConnell:
We want our money back.

Exidor:
Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?

Mindy McConnell:
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Exidor:
Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I'm some kind of crack-pot? Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.

Mindy McConnell:
Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.

Exidor:
*I* did... [suddenly looks the other way] Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don't clip his nails [Exidor storms off with "Pepe"]

Louise Bailey:
[in a jail cell with Mindy] Funny the way things happen. I'm in here because of a silly old parking meter.

Mindy McConnell:
You're kidding!

Louise Bailey:
No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.

Mindy McConnell:
I don't believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.

Louise Bailey:
Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter's arm fell out.

Mindy McConnell:
Who's Walter?

Louise Bailey:
My husband.

Mindy McConnell:
What was he doing in the trunk?

Louise Bailey:
Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn't believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night's sleep I've had in 31 years.

Mindy McConnell:
[Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell] Well, you look well rested.

Louise Bailey:
You don't snore, do you, dear?

Franklin Delano Bickley:
That's diddly, he's just going out of town, I'm going out of business. I used to be the best greeting card writer around. I can't work any more.

Mindy McConnell:
Oh, come on, we don't make that much noise.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I know, I was blaming it on you but it's time i faced it. I've lost it.

Mork:
We could form a posse and find it if you want.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more. [pulls a card from his pocket] Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".

Mork:
Aww, that's sad.

Mork:
Exidor!

Exidor:
[looks away from Mork] Mork! Is that you?

Mork:
[as a 3 year old, to a moose head] Moo Moo bit me! And then he came down and attacked my knee, BAD Moo Moo! [hits the moose and hurts his hand] Owwwwwwwhaaaaa!

Mindy McConnell:
I'm worried I just don't know what it would be like to have a child.

Mork:
And I'm sad, because I don't know what it'd be like to have a mother.

Mindy McConnell:
Well at least I've got a way of finding out.

Mork:
I've got a way we can both find out. I'll set my age machine for 3 years old, for 10 minutes, that way I'll be a baby, and you'll be my [age machine kicks in, high pitched voice] MAMA! Mommy hold me!

Mindy McConnell:
You must've fallen asleep while you were watching TV.

Mork:
If I was asleep, then the TV was watching me.

Mindy McConnell:
All night long, Dan just kept talking about babies, then I realized he never talked about us. He wasn't into having a wife so much as he wanted a family; and I want to be a couple before I'm a group.

Mork:
I'm sorry you lost your husband. Did my becoming a child affect your decision?

Mindy McConnell:
Well I have to admit it opened my eyes, it's hard to be a mother.

Mork:
Yeah, it's pretty tough being a kid too, but you made it easy. Know something?

Mindy McConnell:
What?

Mork:
You're gonna make a terrific mother.

Mork:
On Earth, babies aren't grown in test tubes, they're grown in something wonderful called a mother.

Orson:
That's the old fashioned way, Mork. 80 bleems ago a few of us did it up here too, as part of a nostalgia craze.

Mork:
Sometimes I think the old ways are the best ways, Orson.

Orson:
Nap, nap, our method is much more efficient.

Mork:
Orson, when you were a baby, don't you remember being held and cuddled, taken for walks?

Orson:
Magnavac26 did that.

Mork:
But on Earth a mother does it. And she does all sorts of other nice things for her children for her entire life. Oh it's a warm and wonderful thing.

Orson:
How much does she get paid?

Mork:
Nothing.

Orson:
Is it because her work is considered of no real value?

Mork:
No, because it's considered priceless.

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, are you here?

Mork:
[busts through the wallpaper] Here I am!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, why did you wallpaper the door?

Mork:
Well I didn't want to stop, I was on a roll!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Let's be honest, an apartment is for wild young people, but an apartment is...

Mork:
For wild older people!

Mindy McConnell:
Aw gee, why am I feeling like this? I mean it's just a house.

Jean DaVinci:
It was your home, Mindy, there is a big difference between a house and a home.

Mindy McConnell:
Yeah, a house is bricks and wood siding and a home is memories.

Jean DaVinci:
Yeah, where you lick cookies off the mixer blade.

Mindy McConnell:
Aw, you did that too?

Jean DaVinci:
Yeah, I always had to keep my eye on Remo so he wouldn't turn the mixer on.

Jean DaVinci:
[Mork screams and runs under the table] I think something's troubling him.

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, will you come out? [Mork screams high pitched] Mork, what's the matter?

Mork:
Oh nothing much, just that your house tried to attack me! That's all!

Mindy McConnell:
Oh come on, Mork, really!

Mork:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'COME ON REALLY'? [comes out from under the table] Mindy I'm telling you the truth! I was at the house and I was hanging wallpaper, and a wind BLEW in the air across the room! Then it got real cold! Then real hot! And then a swarm of bees came in! Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya! Then a swarm of flies! Zip-zip-zip-zip-zip-zip-zip! And then I ran flamboyantly to the window screaming 'Ah-a-a-a-a-a-ah!' and it slammed shut! Then this is the terrifying part, I was standing there and the furniture started attacking me! Yes! A little ottoman, and an ottowoman too! They're coming at me! And the armchair couldn't keep its hands to itself! And a strange voice kept crying out 'GET out of HEEERE!' By the time it said 'here', I was HERE!

Mindy McConnell:
Have you been hitting the cream soda again?

Mork:
Mindy, you gotta believe me! You gotta believe me!

Mindy McConnell:
Believe you? What am I supposed to believe? That my house is haunted?

Mork:
Well it's either that or I've lost my mind. [laughs] Maybe you better call the police and ask them to look for a little gray squishy thing!

Jean DaVinci:
He could be right! You know there are case histories of haunted houses?

Mindy McConnell:
[takes sheet off antique rocker] See this chair? [Mork raises bat] My mother did the needlepoint on this entire chair.

Mork:
That's beautiful, did she crochet this stain too?

Mindy McConnell:
And see these marks on the door? That was how tall I was each birthday from 2 to 13.

Mork:
We have the same thing on Ork except they tattoo it on the back of our head.

Mindy McConnell:
Do you see any flies? You see any bees?

Mork:
No but they were here last night.

Mindy McConnell:
Well bugs get in sometimes.

Mork:
Oh yeah, big suckers like that! How does that explain the furniture moving? The bees underneath going [mimes holding up furntiure, buzzing] 'ee-ee-eeeee'?

Mindy McConnell:
Sometimes a truck goes by and it moves things.

Mork:
You sure?

Mindy McConnell:
I'm positive. [later, hears a voice saying 'Get out of here!] Did you hear that?

Mork:
Hope it was a truck!

Mork:
[a voice is calling for them to get out of the house] Mindy, I always believe you must follow the advice of the spirit world, LET'S TAKE A HIKE!

Mindy McConnell:
It sounds like it's coming from that closet!

Mork:
That's wonderful, let's talk about it over tea in Wyoming.

Mindy McConnell:
I'm not leaving! This is my house!

Mork:
[hands her a baseball bat] Well, good luck, aim high!

Jean DaVinci:
Mindy, I don't want to upset you, but after Mork told us what went on in your house, I did a little research, and I found this old book in the library.

Mindy McConnell:
Colorado Legends?

Mork:
Oh, intriguing!

Remo DaVinci:
That's just bunk!

Jean DaVinci:
[opens book] Recognize this?

Mindy McConnell:
Yeah, it kind of looks like my house.

Jean DaVinci:
It is, in 1921. Only then it was known as Lafalette House.

Mindy McConnell:
Lafalette is my mother's maiden name.

Jean DaVinci:
Well, this book says two sisters built this home in 1894, Lucinda and Dedra Lafalette.

Mindy McConnell:
Lucinda and Dedra? They must've been my great, great aunts or something.

Jean DaVinci:
Well according to this, Lucinda was the older sister and she wasn't so attractive, but she was madly in love with this handsome young silver miner named Harrison Monteith; but he was in love with the young and beautiful Dedra. Then one night they found Harrison's body. He'd been mysteriously poisoned, but no one could prove who did it. After that, the sisters boarded themselves up in the house, and they were never seen again until the day they died.

Mindy McConnell:
Oh that's great, that happened in my house? That's terrific.

Jean DaVinci:
Well, it could be that Lucinda and Dedra don't want their house sold.

Mork:
I wonder what ghosts do when they're not busy scaring people. [hears toilet flush] That's the last thing I would've dreamed of!

Mindy McConnell:
Exidor! Thank God somebody normal's here!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, are you okay?

Mork:
Mind? Can you help me get up?

Mindy McConnell:
Oh, Mork, you shouldn't balance on your nose.

Mearth:
That's it? What a gyp. You had Charles Manson on for a whole hour.

Mindy McConnell:
Do you realize where we're are? We're at the dawn of man.

Mork:
Old man. Finally, we'll be able to buy land in California, cheap.

Policeman:
What is this, a fraternity prank?

Mork:
No, I'm just weird.

Mindy McConnell:
Don't you think you should change your clothes first?

Mork:
Oh you're right, it's tough to be macho in a plastic green dress.

Mindy McConnell:
Come on, Bickley, open the door!

Mork:
Yoo hoo! Sticky fingers!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, it can be against the law to go in somebody's apartment when they're not home, even if the door's not locked.

Mork:
Oh can you honestly say that since Watergate? Come on.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[finding Mork's age machine] What's this, some electronic noise maker?

Mork:
No, it's a sign language radio for deaf people. [sign language while singing] I'll love you more than you'll ever know.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[about the noise] Keep it down!

Mork:
[lowers his hand and continues] I'll love you more than you'll ever know.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Who keeps sucking ice cubes and spitting them back into an empty cup?

Julius:
Oh, sorry!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[to Mindy] And quit putting ice cubes in the drinks. Do you know what it's like to have 13 people above you all tinkling at the same time?

Julius:
Oh, sorry!

Mork:
What's a kleptomaniac?

Mindy McConnell:
Well a kleptomaniac is somebody who steals compulsively.

Mork:
Oh, like politicians.

Mork:
He stole your necklace, he stole your ribs, he's obviously not kosher.

Policeman:
Found him going back and forth on the highway.

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, why were you crossing the road?

Mork:
I think I was evolving a joke. Kept having an urge to get to the other side.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[to his dog] You know Bicky, you're like my own son. If you could talk, I wonder what you'd say.

Mork:
You're a thief, pop!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Well that hurts, Bicky, but... wait a minute, dogs can't talk, there must be some other animal in here. Come on out!

Mindy McConnell:
[coming out from behind his couch] Hi, Mister Bickley.

Mork:
[hands up] No shoot, GI, no shoot.

Orson:
The report, Mork.

Mork:
This week I discovered a terrible disease called loneliness.

Orson:
Do many people on Earth suffer from this disease?

Mork:
Oh yes sir, and how they suffer. One man I know suffers so much he has to take a medication called bourbon, even that doesn't help very much because then he can hear paint dry.

Orson:
Does bed rest help?

Mork:
No because I've heard that sleeping alone is part of the problem. You see, Orson, loneliness is a disease of the spirit. People who have it think that no one cares about them.

Orson:
Do you have any idea why?

Mork:
Yes sir you can count on me. You see, when children are young, they're told not to talk to strangers. When they go to school, they're told not to talk to the person next to them. Finally when they're very old, they're told not to talk to themselves, who's left?

Orson:
Are you saying Earthlings make each other lonely?

Mork:
No sir I'm saying just the opposite. They make themeslves lonely, they're so busy looking out for number one that there's not enough room for two.

Orson:
It's too bad everybody down there can't get together and find a cure.

Mork:
Here's the paradox sir because if they did get together, they wouldn't need one. Isn't that zenlack?

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[seeing a bunch of people bent over playing Twister] Please! Don't get up. They didn't all come in that way, did they? That's obscene, that looks like a Christmas card from Hugh Hefner.

Mindy McConnell:
It's a game, they're not supposed to fall over.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Oh really? [kicks one player and knocks them all down]

Mindy McConnell:
Are you alright?

Mork:
Sure, I just love to play 'Squash the alien'.

Mindy McConnell:
Oh, could you breathe down there?

Mork:
Only out.

Mindy McConnell:
Oh, well I'm sorry all those people fell on you, Mork.

Mork:
Oh that's a great game, let's play another game like 'musical spikes' or 'hide and go kill'?

Mindy McConnell:
Why don't you just come out and say you don't want to play the silly game?

Mork:
I didn't want to be rude.

Mork:
We'll try to be more quiet. We'll only play 'spin the sock', we'll replace our stereo needle with a Q-tip, and we'll all play charades wearing gloves.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Shut up!

Mork:
Thank you!

Mindy McConnell:
I can't believe you called all my friends!

Mork:
I can't believe what they called you!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, that girl is not a criminal, she's a cheerleader!

Mork:
Oh so that's why when she told me to drop dead she spelled it out, 'Give me a D, give me an R, give me an O'.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Don't play that stolen radio all night!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I'm not leaving until there's no more dancing, singing, laughing, talking or bodily sounds!

Julius:
Oh, sorry!

Mork:
[on the phone] Any friend of Mindy's is a friend of mine, listen, did you steal Mindy's necklace? What? Well I don't know what that has to do with anything but yes I can blow it out my ear!

Mindy McConnell:
I didn't know you were married.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I lost her in 1966. [tears up]

Mindy McConnell:
Oh, I'm sorry...

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Every night, I pray... the old bat doesn't find me. She didn't like me either.

Mork:
[after smashing a cantaloupe] Oh, happy melon-choly!

[last lines]

Orson:
What about your friend?

Mork:
Eh, she spent a lot of time feeling lonely, but then she realized her best chance of going out was to be more outgoing.

Orson:
That reminds me of an old Orkan saying...

Mork:
Me, too, sir. "If one stays too long in his shell, he'll wind up nuts." On that same note, sir, nanu.

Mork:
Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!

Susan:
ERK teaches you how to love yourself.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I bet you got an A.

Susan:
A+!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, you've been acting awfully strange lately. I mean, more strange than usual.

Mork:
Oh, you've noticed.

Mindy McConnell:
Noticed! How could I help it? Like, yesterday you spent all day walking and talking backwards.

Mork:
Well, that's all behind me now!

Mindy McConnell:
Mork, why are you doing all these strange things?

Mork:
To cheer you up.

Mindy McConnell:
But I'm not sad.

Mork:
Well, you will be after you hear the news that I have to tell you.

Mindy McConnell:
What news?

Mork:
That I've got orders from Orson. I've been transferred to another planet and I'll never ever see you again.

Mindy McConnell:
[sitting down in shock] What?

Mork:
[bravely] Well. You've got to look at the good side. You're not losing an alien, you'll... you're gaining an empty room!

Mork:
You don't have to be sad on account of me.

Mindy McConnell:
How can I help it? You're being sent off to some remote corner of the universe. I don't even know where.

Mork:
It's not that far away. It's just the other side of the universe, and it's a Sigma 7 Galaxy. It's a troubled planet called Cirrhus.

Mindy McConnell:
Why would you want to leave here? Are you unhappy? Is it something I've done?

Mork:
Oh, no. It's something you have. Emotions.

Mindy McConnell:
That doesn't make sense.

Mork:
Oh, yes, it does. See, one day I'm going to have to leave the Earth, and it's going to hurt you very much. And I've only been here a few months, and look how you feel. Imagine what it would be like after ten years. The longer I stay, the harder it'll be for you.

Mindy McConnell:
Well, what about you?

Mork:
[he gives a fake little laugh and deepens his voice] Me? The cosmic Charles Bronson?

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I was blaming it on you, but it's time I faced it. I've lost it.

Mork:
Well, we can form a posse and find it, if you want!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[glares at him] No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not anymore. Listen to this: "Your pet rabbit died / Poor little Muffet! / Your two choices are: / Eat it or stuff it."

[Mork thinks a real rabbit has died]

Mork:
Aw, that's sad!

Mindy McConnell:
Mr. Bickley, you're just going through a writer's slump. Mork is leaving for good!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
Look, sister, Little Muffet ain't coming back, either.

Mork:
Oh. None of us has a reason to be happy now.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
[helping himself to their drinks] I'll drink to that.

[Susan bursts through the door, all smiles]

Susan:
Knock, knock, knock!

[Her smile fades. Mork is slumped over, rubbing his ear. Mindy is slumped over, shading her eyes because of tears. Bickley is leaning on the counter, burying himself in a drink]

Susan:
Well, what a group. Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Feel No Pain. What's wrong with you people?

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I've lost my talent.

Mindy McConnell:
Mork is leaving.

Mork:
The rabbit died.

Susan:
You people have got to get ERK!

Franklin Delano Bickley:
You've been irking me since you came in.

Susan:
Mindy, listen. ERK would help you with your depression. And Mr. Bickley, you know, you could use some help with your drinking.

Franklin Delano Bickley:
I drink fine by myself.

Susan:
Oh, and Mork, I bet he could come up with something for you.

Mork:
Yeah. That sounds exciting. Come on, Mindy! [taking her hands and leaping up] Let's not poop the party!

Susan:
This is Ellsworth!

[Mork and Mindy stand up to shake hands, but Ellsworth ignores them]

Susan:
Oh, Ellsworth, you know, we're so lucky to have a man like you, so unselfish - it's a special gift for...

Ellsworth:
[interrupting her with a huge smile] Yes, excuse me, excuse me. Could you hold that thought just a moment?

Susan:
[almost swooning toward him] Ohh, yes.

[Ellsworth, checkbook in hand, starts counting how many people are attending]

Ellsworth:
Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Twenty bodies, twenty checks! Okay, we're all set. [He puts his checkbook in his pocket] Now, what were you saying?

Mork:
She was saying how nice it was that an unselfish man like you came all this way for a little thing like money!

Mork:
[about Mindy] This is my brother, he likes to dress up a little, come on, Roland.

Robin Williams:
You know you look a lot like... no, he's a woman now.

Mindy McConnell:
Excuse me, Mister Williams, but I have a big big big favor to ask of you. I know you don't know me and I don't want to impose, but I was supposed to get an interview with you for KTNS, and if I don't, I'll be fired.

Mork:
Yeah, and it's been a bad year for her, she bet on Carter, Roberto Duran, and she had to buy stock in Chrysler too.

Mindy McConnell:
[to Robin] You sure are a hard man to get in touch with.

Mork:
Yeah, you have tighter security than the Pope. A bullet couldn't get past your manager's security's security's security's answering machine.

Orson:
I thought all stars were rich, live in mansions and drive big eggs.

Mork:
I know, sir, that's the common misconception. But you see to get that you have to pay a very heavy price: you have responsibilities, anxieties, and to tell you the truth, sir, some of them can't take it.

Orson:
I'm not buying it, Mork.

Mork:
Why, sir?

Orson:
It sounds to me like they have it made.

Mork:
Well, most of them do sir, but some are victims of their own fame, very special and talented people: people like Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe... Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Lenny Bruce, Freddie Prinze, and John Lennon.

Mork:
Well, where I come from everybody believes in you.

Peter Pan:
Oh, well, where's that?

Mork:
I come from a place far, far away where the plants are as intelligent as the people. And the sky is yellow and brown.

Peter Pan:
Pittsburgh?

Mork:
[after walking in the snow without a coat, entering the apartment stiffly] Shazbot, I'm frigid!

Mork:
[holding snow in his hand] Wow, it's cold, and beautiful... and not house broken!

Mindy McConnell:
Look, it's snowing outside!

Mork:
Shazbot! The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Mayday, Mayday! Take evasive action, you get under there with the baby, you don't have a baby, too bad! They scoffed at Chicken Little but they're not laughing now. That little sucker's gonna make a lot of money off this. [picks up phone book] I've got to call him, I've got to call him... just my luck, he's unlisted.

Mindy McConnell:
Calm down, snow is perfectly harmless.

Mork:
It is?

Mindy McConnell:
Yes.

Mork:
Boy do I feel like a flake.

Mork:
Oh therefore if I think the sky is falling, ipso facto, I'm gullible.

Mindy McConnell:
Yeah, I'm afraid so. Like yesterday when you heard that TV commercial say 'run out and catch a bus' and you started building a trap?

Mork:
Oh, I would've caught one too, I was going to use a segregated school as bait!

Mindy McConnell:
You should go out and observe the snow, it'll be a whole new experience.

Mork:
Are you sure those sky flakes won't bash my brains out?

Mindy McConnell:
I promise you it's perfectly safe.

Mork:
Thank you, Mindala. And now... a man who is said to have the warmth of a snow pea... Mr. Bickley. Mr. Bickley, if you would, mumble, mumble, mumble...

Franklin Delano Bickley:
With heavy heart, and mournful eyes, and tears that softly flow, we say our final sad goodbyes... to a fuzzy Escargot... Hogslop!

[Mindy discovers that Mearth has built a robot, M.I.L.T., in their living room for a school project]

Mork:
What do you think of our little Mearth's science project here, huh? Ha ha! I always said he had my brains and your love of shellfish.

Mork:
You see, sir, I've learned that although it's good to encourage your child to shoot for the stars, it's not always good to choose which galaxy. You see, if it's up to parents, there'd only be three jobs in the whole world: doctor, lawyer and wholesale jeweler.

Orson:
But don't you want Mearth to pursue a career you can be proud of?

Mork:
Sir, that's not our decision. And we'll honor his choice even if he wants to become a network executive.

Miss Geezba:
Stand up straight, Mork.

Mork:
Ma'am.

Miss Geezba:
And don't forget that book report.

Mork:
Yeah... yes, ma'am. I'm doing it on the wit and wisdom of Richard Nixon. It'll be a one-page essay.

Mork:
It's not what's in front of you that blocks your way, it's what's inside you that holds you back.