My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

[theme song]

Theme Song singers:
My Little Pony, My Little Pony/Ahh ahh ahh ahhh... /My Little Pony

Twilight Sparkle:
[singing] I used to wonder what friendship could be.

Theme Song singers:
My Little Pony...

Twilight Sparkle:
Until you all shared its magic with me!

Rainbow Dash:
Big adventure!

Pinkie Pie:
Tons of fun!

Rarity:
A beautiful heart.

Applejack:
Faithful and strong.

Fluttershy:
Sharing kindness...

Twilight Sparkle:
It's an easy feat/And magic makes it

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy:
All complete!

Twilight Sparkle:
You have

Theme Song singers:
My Little Pony;

Twilight Sparkle:
Do you know you're all my very best friends?

Fluttershy:
[her pet bunny, Angel, is holding up a pocketwatch] You... found a watch? You... wanna be a watch? You're running! Running out of time? No. You're... late?

Fluttershy:
[clock strikes four] I'm late for a very important date! The big brunch for Princess Celestia at Sugarcube Corner. Oh, the Princess is here in Ponyville for a party and we all promised we'd be there. But I'm not there! Oh, do I look all right? Do I need to bring anything? Maybe I shouldn't go?

Rainbow Dash:
[to two guards who are guarding the door to Sugarcube Corner, where Princess Celestia is visiting] So... what do I have to do to get to be one of the Princess's royal guards, anyway? [silence] Is the pay good? [silence] Hellooo! Anybody home? [makes a bunch of faces and noises at them; they don't react]

Rainbow Dash:
Ooh, you're good. [silence] Too good. I'm bored. [she dashes inside and they don't stop her]

Mrs. Cake:
[Princess Celestia finishes her tea] Empty teacup at 4 o'clock!

Mr. Cake:
Uh, I see it, honey bun!

Princess Celestia:
[Mr. Cake refills it] Oh, um... thank you.

Mr. Cake:
Not at all, Your Highness.

[she takes a sip, Mrs. Cake refills it again]

Princess Celestia:
Thank you again.

Mrs. Cake:
Oh, but of course, Your Majesty.

[Celestia takes two more sips and each time, Mr. and then Mrs. Cake refill it again. Celestia takes a third sip, but this time without touching the teacup, and Mr. Cake overfills the teacup]

Princess Celestia:
Gotcha!

Rarity:
Stay right where you are. All I want is a clear path to the exit. Nobody move, and my dress won't get hurt. Stay back! Back, I say!

Twilight Sparkle:
[coughing] It's that dry, night air.

Fluttershy:
But it's daytime.

Twilight Sparkle:
Well... Day air is even drier!

Twilight Sparkle:
What are you doing?

Fluttershy:
Going to return Philomena, remember?

Twilight Sparkle:
We can't now!

Fluttershy:
Why not?

Twilight Sparkle:
You have no idea what the Princess is gonna do when she finds out you're the one who took her pet, do you?

Fluttershy:
Do *you*?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well... no. But it can't be anything good!

Twilight Sparkle:
She might banish you from Equestria, or throw you in a dungeon. Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to!

Twilight Sparkle:
[referring to Philomena, Celestia's sickly pet bird] Did you give her any kind of medicine?

Fluttershy:
I tried to, but she wouldn't take it.

Twilight Sparkle:
Then you have to *make* her take it! You can't be such a pushover, Fluttershy! You need to show this patient who's the boss! Make her straighten up and fly right!

Fluttershy:
But she can't fly.

Twilight Sparkle:
No excuses! [dramatically picks up a red and yellow pill]

Fluttershy:
[Philomena has burned into ashes and shortly regenerated into a much larger red bird] I don't understand! What is that thing? What happened to Philomena?

Princess Celestia:
This is Philomena. She's quite a sight, as I said. But nothing unusual for a phoenix. Isn't that right, Philomena?

Fluttershy:
A... A phoenix?

Princess Celestia:
A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird. While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame. [to herself] Rather melodramatic, if you ask me. [loud again] It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy. All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix. I'm afraid, mischievous little Philomena here took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy. Say you're sorry, young lady.

Philomena:
[hiding partly in Celestia's mane] Mirrori! [I'm sorry!]

Princess Celestia:
And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child. But all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble.

Fluttershy:
I know. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. Next time I'll ask before taking matters into my own hooves.

Twilight Sparkle:
Should I write you a letter about that lesson, Princess?

Princess Celestia:
No, that's quite all right. I think I can remember.

Fluttershy:
[admiring Philomena flying around] It's beautiful. Thank you, Philomena. No hard feelings.

Rainbow Dash:
[whispers to Philomena, about Celestia's stoic guards] Hey, you know what you should do? You should go over there and tickle them!

Fluttershy:
Um, Twilight? Are you okay?

Twilight Sparkle:
Sorry, it's just that Shining Armor and I have always been so close. He's my B.B.B.F.F! [questioning looks from others]

Twilight Sparkle:
Big Brother Best Friend Forever?

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike:
[they look at each other] Ohhh!

Twilight Sparkle:
Before I came here and learned the importance of friendship, Shining Armor was the only pony I really accepted as a friend.

Spike:
So you all get to help with the big fancy wedding, but *I'm* the one who gets to host the bachelor party! I have just one question. What's a bachelor party? [everyone laughs]

Young Twilight Sparkle, Young Cadence:
Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!

Twilight Sparkle:
[in Rarity's room, present day, while Rarity is sewing a dress] Oh, you should have seen how she acted back there. I don't know when she changed, but she changed! [imitating Cadance] "Please, call me Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

Princess Cadence:
[walks in with three bridesmaids] Did I hear someone say my name?

Rarity:
[rushes to attention] Your highness! Let me just start by saying what an honor it is to play a role in such a momentous occasion. [laughs nervously]

Princess Cadence:
[unenthusiastically] A-ha. Is my dress ready?

Rarity:
[stammers] Yes, of course. Um, I've been working on it ever since I was given the assignment, and I think you'll be pleased with the results! Mmm!

Princess Cadence:
[looks at the dress on the mannequin; walks away] I was hoping for something with more beading and a longer train.

Rarity:
[writing on a notepad] Oh, yes, of course.

Princess Cadence:
[referring to the dresses for her bridesmaids, on three other dummies] And those should be a different color.

Twinkleshine:
I think they're lovely.

Minuette:
Me too!

Lyra Heartstrings:
I love them.

Princess Cadence:
[glares at them while facing away; to Rarity] Make them a different color. [Rarity gets back to work]

Twilight Sparkle:
[after Cadence and the others leave, to Rarity] Gee, maybe her name should be "Princess Demandy-pants."

Spike:
[playing with the cake topper figurines of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence] [deep voice, as Shining] I do. Do you? [high voice, as Cadence] I do! [he touches them together and makes kissing noises; Twilight looks at him and he laughs nervously]

Pinkie Pie:
Okay, let me see. We've been over the games... [rattles dice]... the dances... [a polka song plays from a record player]

Pinkie Pie:
I think this reception is gonna be perfect! Don't you?

Princess Cadence:
[happily] Perfect! [walks away, sullenly]... if we were celebrating a six-year-old's birthday party.

Pinkie Pie:
[gasps, happy] Thank you!

Princess Luna:
[taking over for the night shift of the security watch] Rest, my sister. As always, I will guard the night.

Rarity:
[Twilight has been talking to her friends about her concerns about Cadence's behavior] The princess is about to get married. I'm sure any negative behavior she might be displaying is simply the result of nerves.

Twilight Sparkle:
And *I'm* sure it's the result of being an awful pony who doesn't deserve to even know Shining Armor let alone marry him!

Applejack:
Think maybe you're being just a tiny bit possessive of your brother? [the others agree with "Uh-huh"]

Twilight Sparkle:
I am *not* being possessive, and I am *not* taking it out on Cadance! You're all just too caught up in your wedding planning to notice that maybe there shouldn't even *be* a wedding!

Princess Luna:
[after seeing Cadence cast an evil-looking spell on Shining Armor, Twilight runs underneath Princess Luna's watch tower] Who goes there? Stay indoors, Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle:
[to her friends, inside] Shining Armor's in real trouble! You have to help- [they are chattering about their dresses] Dresses? What are you-?

Fluttershy:
Can you believe it? We're gonna be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's new bridesmaids!

Twilight Sparkle:
"New" bridesmaids? What happened to her "old" bridesmaids?

Applejack:
She didn't say. But she did tell us that she would love love *love* it if we'd fill in for them.

Rarity:
Seeing as we've been working so hard and everything.

Applejack:
And you had your doubts about her.

Rarity:
Told you she was an absolute gem!

Rainbow Dash:
[fiddling with her dress] You sure this is what I should wear? Doesn't seem all that aerodynamic.

Rarity:
Ehm - I'll see what I can do. [they walk out of the room, more excited chatter from those remaining]

Twilight Sparkle:
Looks like I really am on my own.

Twilight Sparkle:
[singing] He was my big brother, best friend/Forever... /And now, we'll never do anything/Together...

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight comes to a rest on the steps of the wedding dais, and Princess Cadence joins her. Twilight has been crying after her song, and Cadence looks at her affectionately, rubbing the top of her head; Twilight speaks with pain her her voice] I'm sorry!

Princess Cadence:
[Cadence's eyes glow green for a brief moment, and then her demeanor takes on a an evil side, with an angry look on her face] You will be! [Cadence uses her horn to conjure up a ring of green fire around Twilight; she glares at Twilight and begins to walk away as Twilight slowly sinks below the surface of the ground before disappearing entirely]

Applejack:
Your brother's getting married? Congratulations, Twilight, that's great news!

Twilight Sparkle:
Yeah, *great* news. That I just got from a *wedding invitation*! Not from my brother, but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot, Shining Armor. I mean, really, he couldn't tell me personally? [puppeting a sandwich as Shining Armor] Hey, Twilight, just thought you should know I'm making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, never mind, you'll hear about it when you get the invitation. [normal] Princess Mi Amore Cadenza? Who in the hoof is that? [snorts]

Twilight Sparkle:
Okay, okay, I get it. You've got a really important job protecting all of Canterlot with a force field only you can conjure up. But still... how could you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you any more?

Shining Armor:
Hey. You're my little sister. Of course you're important to me. But I'd understand if you didn't want to be my best mare now.

[grins at her]

Twilight Sparkle:
You want *me* to be your best mare?

Shining Armor:
Well... yeah.

Twilight Sparkle:
I'd be honored!

[they hug briefly]

Twilight Sparkle:
But I'm still pretty ticked you're marrying somepony I don't even know! When did you even meet this "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza"?

Shining Armor:
Twilie, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance. Your old foalsitter.

Twilight Sparkle:
Cadance? As in *the* Cadance? As in the greatest foalsitter in all the history of foalsitters?

Shining Armor:
[chuckles] You tell me, she was your foalsitter.

Wild Fire:
[arguing at an outdoor table] I am going for a hooficure and that is that!

Lucky:
[overlapping] You are not going...

Wild Fire:
[a young Cadence and filly Twilight observe the couple from a few yards away] I am! I am!

Lucky:
I've already paid for three this month!

Wild Fire:
I... no! My girlfriends are all getting their hooves done! And you said that onl - [Cadence performs a love spell on the couple, causing them to stop fighting]

Lucky:
Please, we've done this at least - [spell cast]

Lucky:
Oh! Ho, ho, ho.

Wild Fire:
Oh, sweetie. You just did that thing.

Princess Celestia:
[at the wedding rehearsal] Perfect, girls. No need to rush! Then of course, Cadance will enter. [long pause while she does] I'll say a few words, and then we'll begin with the vows. Shining Armor, you'll get the ring from your Best Mare.

Spike:
[pan to Spike, who instead of holding the ring pillow is playing with the cake topper figures again; deep voice] Do you? [high voice] I do!

Shining Armor:
Hey... has anypony seen Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle:
[bursts into the room] I'm here! I'm not gonna stand next to her. And neither should you!

Shining Armor:
[nervously, to everyone in the room and Cadence] I'm sorry, I don't, I don't know why she's acting like this.

Princess Cadence:
[coldly] Maybe we should just ignore her.

Twilight Sparkle:
You have to listen to me!

Fluttershy:
Oh goodness! Are you okay?

Twilight Sparkle:
I'm fine.

Applejack:
Ya sure about that?

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight pulls Applejack's hat down over her eyes and marches closer to the betrothed couple, pointing an angry hoof at them] I've got something to say! She's *evil*! [concerned chatter from everypony, and the guards at the door make an inaudible comment to each other]

Twilight Sparkle:
She's been horrible to my friends, she's obviously done something to her bridesmaids, and if that wasn't enough, I saw her put a spell on my brother that made his eyes go all _! [she makes a "crazy" head gesture with her eyes rolling around]

Princess Cadence:
[everyone else in the room looks at Twilight expectantly; Twilight gets up in Cadence's face and glares at her in a "Your move" grin. Cadence starts to cry] Why are you doing this to me?

Twilight Sparkle:
[Cadence runs out the door] Because you're evil! [Twilight teleports to the doorway after Cadence has run through it] Evil! And if I don't stop you you're gonna ruin my brother's life! [Rainbow Dash and Rarity share an awkward glance, Twilight turns around smugly with her eyes closed and walks right into her brother]

Shining Armor:
You want to know why my eyes went all _? [makes the "crazy" rolling eyes gesture; gets dizzy] Nuh! Because ever since I started having to perform my protection spell, I've been getting terrible migraines. Cadence hasn't been casting spells on me, she's been using her magic to *heal* me! And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because she found out the only reason they wanted to be in the wedding was so that they could meet Canterlot royalty! And if she hasn't been on her best behavior with your friends, it's because with me being so busy, she's had to make all the decisions about the wedding!

Twilight Sparkle:
I was just trying to...

Shining Armor:
She's been completely stressed out because it's really important to her that her big day be perfect! Something that obviously wasn't important to *you*. [gasps, has another small headache, starts to walk out] Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride. And you can forget about being my best mare. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't show up to the wedding at all.

Applejack:
[Twilight sits dejected] C'mon, y'all. Let's go check on the princess. [they all pass her on their way out]

Twilight Sparkle:
[Princess Celestia follows them with a stern look on her face] I was...

Princess Celestia:
[icily] You have a lot to think about. [She leaves with the guards and they slam the doors behind them]

Twilight Sparkle:
[to herself] Maybe I was being overprotective. I could've gained a sister. But instead... I just lost a brother.

Twilight Sparkle:
[singing] When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly/To see how many other ponies I could meet/I had my books to read, didn't know that I would ever need/Other ponies to make my life complete.

Twilight Sparkle:
But there was one colt that I cared for/I knew he would be there for me/My big brother, best friend forever!/Like two peas in a pod, we did everything together.

Twilight Sparkle:
He taught me how to fly a kite [backup: Best friend forever!] /We never had a single fight [backup: We did everything together!] /We shared our hopes, we shared our dreams/I miss him more than I realized, it seems...

Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity:
Your big brother, best friend forever/Like two peas in a pod, you did everything together.

Twilight Sparkle:
And though he's, oh, so far away/I hoped that he would stay/My big brother best friend/Forever... Forever...

Twilight Sparkle:
[echoing, in some dark caves underground, Twilight conjures up a light from her horn] Hello? Is anyone there? [distant laughter] Where am I?

Princess Cadence:
[appears as a projection within multiple crystals above and behind Twilight] The caves beneath Canterlot, once home to greedy unicorns who wanted to claim the gems that could be found inside. And now, your prison.

Twilight Sparkle:
[runs away from the image of Cadence] Help! Help!

Princess Cadence:
[laughing; quickly changing location] It's no use. No one can hear you. And no one will ever think to look for you, either. Most ponies have forgotten that these caves even exist. Which is why they are the ideal place to keep the ones who try to interfere with my plans. [laughing]

Twilight Sparkle:
Plans? What plans?

Princess Cadence:
The plans I have for your brother, of course.

Twilight Sparkle:
Don't you dare do anything to my brother, you... you monster!

Princess Cadence:
Only way to stop me is to catch me! [She keeps moving her location while Twilight repeatedly tries to zap her with a blast from her horn; the evil Cadence keeps laughing] Over here! [laughing] Nope, over here! [laughing; glass breaking]

Princess Celestia:
Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, it is my great pleasure to pronounce you...

Twilight Sparkle:
[bursting into the wedding hall with the real Princess Cadence] Stop!

Queen of the Changelings:
[angry] Ugh! Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother? [she sees Celestia giving her a strange look, and switches to sobbing] Why does she have to ruin my special day?

Princess Cadence:
Because it's not your special day. It's mine.

Queen of the Changelings:
What? But how did you escape my bridesmaids?

Bridesmaids:
[flashback to in the caves, where Twilight and Cadence were being cornered by the brainwashed bridesmaids; Cadence notices a bouquet of flowers of screen, grabs it with her magic, and waves it in front of the three mares. They shout out] I want it! [and dive after the flowers as Cadence throws them in the other direction]

Princess Cadence:
They'll never get the chance! Shining Armor's protection spell will keep them from ever even reaching us.

Queen Chrysalis:
[chuckling] Oh, I doubt that. Isn't that right, dear?

Shining Armor:
[she makes the brainwashed Shining Armor nod his head absently] Mm-hmm.

Queen Chrysalis:
[Angry, Princess Cadence starts to run towards Shining Armor, but Chrysalis stops her by stomping her hoof down] Ah, ah, ah. Don't want to go back to the caves, now do you? [she glows her horn green as a threat] Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding off Shining Armor's love for you. Every moment he grows weaker and so does his spell. Even now my minions are chipping away at it. [cut to above Canterlot, where the Changeling army is definitely hammering away at a weakened shield]

Queen Chrysalis:
[laughing] He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now. [Twilight and Cadence gasp]

Queen Chrysalis:
And I'm sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as captain of the royal guard.

Princess Cadence:
Not my Shining Armor!

Queen Chrysalis:
Soon, my changeling army will break through. First, we take Canterlot. And then, all of Equestria!

Princess Celestia:
No. You won't. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, [they lock horns] I can protect my subjects from you! [Celestia flies up and unleashes a powerful beam from her horn at Chrysalis]

Shining Armor:
[while Chrysalis is distracted singing her villain gloating song, Cadence frees Shining Armor from the brainwashing spell that was over him] No! My power is useless now. I don't have the strength to repel them.

Princess Cadence:
My love will give you strength.

Queen Chrysalis:
Ahaha. What a lovely but absolutely ridiculous sentiment.

Princess Celestia:
[to Twilight] This is your victory as much as theirs. You persisted in the face of doubt, and your actions led to your being able to bring the real Princess Cadance back to us. Learning to trust your instincts is a valuable lesson to learn.

[last lines]

Twilight Sparkle:
[to her friends, after Shining Armor and Princess Cadence leave] Now *this* was a great wedding.

Spike:
Oh yeah? just wait until you see what I have planned for the bachelor party! [he laughs, and the six girls laugh after him]

Princess Cadence:
[Twilight's blast of magic from her horn destroys a ground-level crystal, revealing a dirty and disheveled Princess Cadence cowering behind it] No! Wait! Ugh! Please! Don't hurt me! Twilight, it's me! Please, you have to believe me. I've been imprisoned like you. The Cadance who brought you down here was an imposter.

Twilight Sparkle:
Likely story!

Princess Cadence:
[begins doing the motion and chant she taught Twilight when they were younger] Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves...

Princess Cadence, Twilight Sparkle:
...and do a little shake.

Twilight Sparkle:
You remember me!

Princess Cadence:
Of course I do. How could I forget the filly I love to sit for the most? [the Queen of the Changelings can be heard laughing, with Cadence's voice, in the distance]

Twilight Sparkle:
We have to get out of here. We have to stop her!

Queen of the Changelings:
[singing up in the bridal chambers, the Queen of the Changelings is still disguised as Princess Cadence, and she begins to sing] This day is going to be perfect/The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small/Everypony will gather 'round/Say I look lovely in my gown/What they don't know is that I have fooled them all!

Princess Cadence:
[down in the caves with Twilight Sparkle, the real Princess Cadence sings her part of the song] This day was going to be perfect/The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small/But instead of having cake/With all my friends to celebrate/My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all.

Queen of the Changelings:
[in a spoiled manner, back in the castle] I could care less about the dress/I won't partake in any cake!/Vows, well I'll be lying when I say/That through any kind of weather/I'll want us to be together/The truth is I don't care for him at all!

[singing grandly]

Queen of the Changelings:
No I do not love the groom/In my heart there is no room/But I still want him to be all mine!

Princess Cadence:
[running through the caves with Twilight] We must escape before it's too late/Find a way to save the day/Hope, I'll be lying if I say/"I don't fear that I may lose him/To one who wants to use him/Not care for, love and cherish him each day"

[singing majestically]

Princess Cadence:
For I oh-so love the groom/All my thoughts he does consume/Oh Shining Armor, I'll be there very soon!

[she and Twilight find a mine cart that carries them along a track to a dead end, and when the cart hits the barrier, they fly up and over a chasm. Cadence uses her wings to cross them over safely]

Queen of the Changelings:
[above ground, the wedding has already begun and the Queen is walking down the aisle as Cadence, with nopony suspecting she is false] Finally the moment has arrived/For me to be one lucky bride!

Princess Cadence:
[still frantically searching for an exit in the caves] Oh, the wedding we won't make/He'll end up marrying a fake/Shining Armor will be...

Queen of the Changelings:
Mine, all mine.

[evil chuckle]

Queen of the Changelings:
Hmph. Clever. But you're still too late.

Applejack:
I-I don't understand. How can there be two of 'em?

Princess Cadence:
She's a changeling. She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them.

Queen Chrysalis:
[the Queen, enraged, sheds her Cadence disguise in a dramatic fashion, revealing herself as a large bug-like horse creature about the same size as Celestia, a crooked horn, and hole-riddled legs; she laughs] Right you are, Princess. And as queen of the changelings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects. Equestria has more love than any place I've ever encountered. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!

Rainbow Dash:
[about to fight a large group of changelings] Looks like we're gonna have to do this the hard way. [she runs up to one changeling that has already copied her appearance. The two mirror each other for a few moments before the changeling shoves Rainbow back to her friends] How did you...?

Twilight Sparkle:
[the remaining changelings all disguise themselves as one of the mane six] They're changelings, remember?

Changelings:
[five changelings, all disguised as Twilight, stick their heads in and imitate her, grinning smugly] They're changelings, remember?

Twilight Sparkle:
[she and her friends are now surrounded] Don't let them distract you. We have to get to the Elements of Harmony. They're our only hope.

Applejack:
[face to face with an undisguised changeling] OK, this is just gettin' weird. [Twilight shoots down a pile of Applejacks and telekinetically pulls one of them out] Real me! Real me! [Twilight relents and places Applejack upright on the ground]

Pinkie Pie:
[meanwhile, Pinkie Pie watches another changeling quickly go through the disguises of Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy] Eeheeheehee! Do me! Do me! [the Fluttershy changeling rolls its eyes, and transforms into Pinkie Pie, complete with a big happy grin and arms wide out] Meh, I've seen better. [she grabs Twilight and proceeds to use her horn as a magic machine gun, shooting down groups of changelings with bursts of Twilight's magic]

Princess Cadence:
[back inside the castle, Twilight and her friends have failed to secure the Elements of Harmony; Celestia is trapped in a cocoon, and Shining Armor is still brain-dead] You won't get away with this! Twilight and her friends will... [six changelings enter with the six friends under arrest]

Queen Chrysalis:
[to Cadence] You were saying? [to Twilight and her friends] You do realize the reception's been cancelled, don't you? [to her changelings] Go! Feed! [they fly out the double doors, and Chrysalis shuts the door behind them with her magic; she laughs] It's funny, really. Twilight here was suspicious of my behavior all along. Too bad the rest of you were too caught up in your wedding planning to realize those suspicions were correct. [laughing]

Applejack:
Sorry, Twi. We should've listened to you.

Twilight Sparkle:
It's not your fault. She fooled everypony.

Queen Chrysalis:
Hmm, I did, didn't I?

Queen Chrysalis:
[singing] This day has been just perfect/The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small/Everypony I'll soon control/Every stallion, mare and foal/Who says a girl can't really have it all? [evil chuckle]

Twilight Sparkle:
[after Chrysalis and the changelings have been defeated, the wedding continues as normal] Seriously, though. I get why the queen of the Changelings wanted to be with you, but how did you get someone as amazing as Cadance to marry you?

Shining Armor:
I told her she wouldn't just be gaining a husband, she'd be getting a pretty great sister, too.

Princess Celestia:
[to the gathered crowd] Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of the real Princess Mi Amore Cadenza...

Princess Cadence:
[humbly] Princess Cadance is fine.

Princess Celestia:
[smiling warmly] Hm. The union of Princess Cadance and Shining Armor. The strength of their commitment is clear. The power of their love, undeniable. May we have the rings please? [Spike presents the rings on the pillow, and Celestia levitates each ring onto the couple's horns] I now pronounce you mare and colt. [cheering from everyone in the room]

Princess Luna:
[makes a landing next to Rainbow Dash and the others at the wedding reception] Hello, everypony. Did I miss anything?

Pinkie Pie:
[pan over to Twilight and Pinkie Pie at the other end; Twilight gives Pinkie a smile and a nod, Pinkie squees, and dashes over to a DJ mixer with giant speakers. She lifts DJ-Pon3 up from the ground, who drops a record on the turntable, getting ready for a sick beat] Let's get this party started!

Shining Armor:
[getting ready to leave in their carriage] Twilight! None of this would've been possible without you, little sis. Love ya, Twily.

Twilight Sparkle:
Love you too, B.B.B.F.F. [they hug]

Shining Armor:
[in the carriage, to Cadence] Ready to go?

Princess Cadence:
Oh! Almost forgot. [she tosses the official bouquet of flowers out the back, and the three original bridesmaids - Lyra, Twinkleshine, and Minuette - prepare to catch it, only to be pushed aside by Rarity]

Rarity:
IT'S MINE! [rushes to catch it in her arms] Oof! Ahaha... ha. [she sheepishly relents and backs off, holding the flowers with her magic instead]

Twilight Sparkle:
[Pinkie Pie tosses a wireless microphone to Twilight, Twilight catches the mic with her magic, and she begins singing a song for the new couple] Love is in bloom/A beautiful bride, a handsome groom,/Two hearts becoming one/A bond that cannot be undone because

Twilight Sparkle:
[everypony gathered is dancing happily to the music, including Princesses Celestia and Luna] Love is in bloom/A beautiful bride, a handsome groom/I said love is in bloom/You're starting a life and making room/For us

Princess Celestia:
[after the Changelings have been defeated, she is free from her cocoon as Twilight rushes over to help her up; she speaks warmly] Don't worry about me. I'm fine. You have a real wedding to put together. [Twilight returns a warm smile]

Rarity:
I am *not* "whining". I am complaining. Do you want to hear "whining"? *This* is whining! Ooohhhh! This harness is too tight! It's going to chafe! Can't you *loosen* it? OH! It hurts and it's so rusty! Why didn't you clean it first? It's gonna leave a *stain*, and the wagon's getting *heavy*! Why do I have to pull it?

Spot the Diamond Dog:
AAH! Make it stop!

Rover the Diamond Dog:
Stop whining!

Rarity:
But I thought you *wanted* whining!

[first lines]

Rarity:
[doorbell rings] Coming! [door opens, Rarity's eyes are closed] Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique. [opens her eyes and gasps] Sapphire Shores! The Pony of Pop!

Sapphire Shores:
Good afternoon, miss Rarity!

Rarity:
You yah... Y-y-you know my name?

Sapphire Shores:
Well, of course I do, darling. I make it a point to know all of the up-and-coming designers and Clothes Horse magazine simply raved about you.

Rarity:
Oh my stars. If I'm dreaming, do not wake me up. How may I help you, Miss Shores?

Sapphire Shores:
Oh please, call me Sapphire.

Rarity:
[giggle] How may I help you, Sapphire?

Sapphire Shores:
Well, as I'm sure you know, I'll be touring all of Equestria with my latest concert, SAPPHIRE SHORES ZIGFILLY FOLLIES so I need to look SEEENSATIONAL! OW!

Rarity:
I have just what you need. Sapphire Shores, prepare yourself for the piece de r?sistance de la haute couture. I used every last diamond I found on this one garment.

Sapphire Shores:
[gasp] And it is spectacular! I'll take it.

Rarity:
Really?

Sapphire Shores:
Oh yes, and five more, each done up in a different jewel.

Rarity:
Beg pardon?

Sapphire Shores:
Costume changes. [Rarity faints, Sapphire chuckles] Yes, I do have that effect on ponies.

Twilight Sparkle:
Spike, can you breathe now?

Spike:
Yes... *pant* I think so.

Twilight Sparkle:
Good. Now tell us what you know.

Rainbow Dash:
Yeah. Cause all you said earlier was...

Spike:
[flashback] Aaaah! Rarity... woods... jewels... dogs... hole... taken... SAVE HER!

Applejack:
[flashback over] Not a whole lot to go on there, Sport.

Pinkie Pie:
[sees all the digging holes the Diamond Dogs left behind] Holy moly! That's a lotta holeys!

Spot the Diamond Dog:
[to Rarity] Get me the baubles!

Fido:
Get me the beads!

Rover:
Get me the trinkets!

Spot the Diamond Dog, Fido, Rover:
Where is the treasure?

[Rarity faints]

Sir Spike:
[Spike imagines himself as a manly hero come to rescue Rarity] I shall save you. Show yourselves, dogs! You, curs! Hah. There you are, you mingy mutts.

Rover the Diamond Dog:
Who are you calling mutts? Unleash the hounds! [Sir Spike fights them off]

Sir Spike:
Now, where is Lady Rarity?

Princess Rarity:
Oh, Spike! I knew you would save me!

Sir Spike:
Nothing could stop me, my lady.

Princess Rarity:
Oho, Spike. You are my... hero. [they begin to smooch]

Applejack:
[Spike's imagination ends, and with his eyes closed, Applejack is right near him] Whoa-ho there, lover boy.

Rarity:
Oh please, diamond dogs. Please let me go.

Spot the Diamond Dog:
No!

Fido the Diamond Dog:
You're our precious little pony.

Rover the Diamond Dog:
For ever! Muhahahaha.

Fido the Diamond Dog:
[Rarity has complained to the point where the Dogs won't make her dig] Others will dig. You will haul the wagon.

Spot the Diamond Dog:
Prrrecious pony pedi will be preserved.

Rover the Diamond Dog:
Please be quiet!

Rarity:
Good heavens, what is that smell?

Rover the Diamond Dog:
Smeeeeeell? [breathes on her]

Rarity:
Ah, mystery solved. It's your breath.

Fido the Diamond Dog:
What are you doing? We said dig!

Rarity:
Forgive me, but prior to you so rudely dragging me into your dirt pit, I had a pony-pedi, and I am not about to chip a hoof because you dislike my style of digging.

Rover:
Search, Pony!

Rarity:
Well, since you insist... But I must say the working conditions in here are simply dreadful. Musty and damp, it's going to wreak havoc on my mane. And this air is stifling, suffocating. And when I try to take a deep breath, the stench of all you dogs makes me nauseated. You look and smell like if you haven't bathed in weeks. Have you never heard of soap? You could all do with a good round of soap and water. Water, water, I'm terribly thirsty. Could I please have some water?

Spot the Diamond Dog:
[pulls his ears and jumps around] Good gracious, I can't take this anymore. BE QUIET, PONY!

Rover the Diamond Dog:
Make the noises all you want. But move while you make them. Hyah, mule! [slaps her hindquarters]

Rarity:
Did you... just call me a... mule?

Rover the Diamond Dog:
[suddenly unsure] Eh...

Rarity:
Mules are ugly! Are you saying that I, too, am ugly? [sobs]

Rarity:
HE CALLED ME UGLY!

Rover:
No! Mule! I said mule!

Rarity:
An old ugly mule! And it's true! Just look at me. I used to be beautiful, but nooow...

Fido:
No, no! You're still beautiful, po... uh, Miss Rarity.

Rarity:
You're just saying that!

Spot the Diamond Dog:
No, you're still pretty and... and...

Rover:
Oh, and, and nice, yeah.

Rarity:
I don't believe you! You never liked me!

Applejack:
[the Diamond Dog mooks have all jumped on the back of Applejack and her friends and tied rope bridles around their mouths] Ho, doggies. If you can take this bull by the horns, you better be ready for a ride. Come on, ponies! Kick 'em up, kick 'em out. Buck 'em up, buck 'em down. [They all begin to buck the Dogs around]

Spike:
[after getting rid of the dogs, Twilight still has a rope bridle around her mouth, Spike rides on her back] I'm coming for you, my lady. Heigh-ho, Twilight! Away!

Twilight Sparkle:
[ticked off] And just what do you think you're doing?

Spike:
Please, Twilight. Just give me this...

Twilight Sparkle:
Fine...

Spike:
[bursts into the cave-room with the other five ponies] Lady Rarity, I'm here to save you!

[Dogs' screams:
Please, take us! Make it Stop! Please!, ect]

Twilight Sparkle:
Excuse me?

Spot the Diamond Dog:
So picky.

Fido:
And critical.

Spot the Diamond Dog:
She won't stop talking.

Fido:
And crying.

Rover:
We, uh, give her back. Yes.

Spike:
Rarity! You're safe!

Rarity:
Why, yes. Hello, girls. You are just in time to assist me.

Applejack:
Assist you with what?

Rarity:
With those.

[points to six mine carts filled with gems]

Spike:
You're letting us leave with all these... jewels?

Rover:
Yes. Take them. And her with them.

Spot the Diamond Dog:
Please!

[last lines]

Pinkie Pie:
I can't believe you got all these gems!

Rainbow Dash:
Heh. I can't believe you tricked all those dogs.

Rarity:
Just because I'm a lady doesn't mean I cannot handle myself in a sticky situation. I had them wrapped around my hoof the entire time.

Twilight Sparkle:
I can't wait to write to Princess Celestia to tell her what you taught me today.

Rarity:
Me? What did I teach you?

Twilight Sparkle:
Just because some pony is ladylike doesn't make her weak. In fact, by using her wits a seemingly defenseless pony can be the one who outsmarts and outshines them all.

Spike:
[while munching on some gems] Hm... "Outshines" is right. Now you have enough gems to cover Sapphire Shores' costumes.

Rarity:
Not if you eat them all, Spike.

Pinkie Pie:
Morning, Daisy Jo! You here to pick up some cookies to go with your milk?

Daisy Jo:
Oh ya, Pinkie, don'tcha know?

Pinkie Pie:
Well Mrs. Cake just baked a fresh batch of your favorite oatmeal.

Daisy Jo:
Mooo, sounds delightful!

Pinkie Pie:
Oh, Rose, your Calla lilies look even better than last year! I bet you'll take first prize at the flower show again.

Rose:
Thanks, Pinkie. Would you like one?

Pinkie Pie:
Absolutely! [Rose tosses her one and Pinkie chomps it] Looking fit as a fiddle, Mr. Waddle, and you're wearing my favorite tie!

Mr. Waddle:
Aw shucks Miss Pinkie, you flatterer you.

Pinkie Pie:
Well, happy birthday, Cheerilee.

Cheerilee:
Thank *you*, Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie:
Happy day-after-your-birthday, Zecora!

Zecora:
What a lovely hi, Miss Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie:
And Miss Matilda, happy birthday to you... in one hundred and thirty two days!

Matilda:
Pinkie Pie! How do you remember everything about everypony?

Pinkie Pie:
'Cause everypony's my friend and I love to see my friends smile!

Pinkie Pie:
[singing] My name is Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie:
Hello!

Pinkie Pie:
And I am here to say

Pinkie Pie:
How ya doin'?

Pinkie Pie:
I'm gonna make you smile and I will/brighten up your day-aaay!/It doesn't matter now

Pinkie Pie:
What's up?

Pinkie Pie:
If you are sad or blue

Pinkie Pie:
Howdy!

Pinkie Pie:
'Cause cheering up my friends is just what/Pinkie's here to do

Pinkie Pie:
'Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile/Yes I do/It fills my heart with sunshine all the while/Yes it does/'Cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile/From these happy friends of mine

Pinkie Pie:
[refrain] Come on everypony smile, smile, smile/Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine/All I really need's a smile, smile, smile/From these happy friends of mine!

Pinkie Pie:
I've never seen you before.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Kid, you're smarter than you look.

Pinkie Pie:
Thanks! I'm Pinkie Pie. What's your name? [looks at the side of the wagon he's pulling] "Property of C.D.D." I'm guessing that last "D" is for Donkey.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Quick as a whip, kid.

Pinkie Pie:
Now, how 'bout that C. Hmm... Calvin? Calhoun? Caleb? Carl? Carmine? Carlo? Charlie? Chester? Chico? Claudio? Cleetus? Clifford? Coraline? Cornelius? Cortez? Crank? Christopher?...

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
*Cranky*! It's Cranky, alright?

Pinkie Pie:
And your middle name?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[mumbles] Doodle.

Pinkie Pie:
I'm sorry?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[quickly] Doodle.

Pinkie Pie:
One more time...!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[sighs] Doodle.

Pinkie Pie:
[gasps] So you're a Cranky Doodle Donkey? [sings to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"] You're a Cranky Doodle Donkey guy/A Cranky Doodle Donkey/I never met you but you're my new friend and/I'm your best friend Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie:
C'mon now, Doodle, give a smile!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Nopony calls me Doodle! [he leaves]

Pinkie Pie:
...what just happened? [in her imagination, she visualizes the steps of making a friend with Cranky in felt cutouts] Meet somepony new, check. Introduce myself, check. Sing random song outta nowhere, check. Become instant best friends... uncheck. [back out of her mind] I don't get it. How can somepony not become instant best friends with me? Was it something I said? Was it something I sang? This is no time for the blame game, Pinkie! There's somepony new in town, and you need to win him over! [writes on a notepad] "Try everything you can to make Cranky smile and be your friend." [She holds up a large felt checkmark] Check!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Pinkie! Keep your hooves off my wagon!

Pinkie Pie:
[sadly] Okay, Cranky. [she walks away, but then has an idea and gasps. She runs off screen and comes back with a wagon of her own, speaking quickly] I promised not to touch your wagon so I brought one of my own! I use it to welcome folks!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Who'd'a guessed.

Pinkie Pie:
Maybe we can be wagon buddies? Well, you've gotta at least let me give you the special welcome that comes with it...

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[groans] Let's get this over with.

Pinkie Pie:
That's the spirit! [Pinkie Pie presses a button on her welcome wagon, causing many horns and flags to come out of it, and the music starts up] Welcome welcome welcome/A fine welcome to you [she puts a black and orange party hat on Cranky] Welcome welcome welcome/I say how do you do? [blows a trumpet in his ear through his head] [marching around him hitting a bass drum in time to the song] Welcome welcome welcome/I say hip hip hurray [finishing her song with a jig in front of the wagon] Welcome welcome welcome to Ponyville today! [spoken] Wait for it... [song ends; the wagon blasts Cranky with confetti and shoots cake batter into the air]

Pinkie Pie:
[Pinkie Pie has mistaken Cranky's toupee for a spider and ruined it] I can fix this, I can fix this! [through megaphone, at the top of a flagpole in town square] Hey, everypony! Does anypony have a toupee?

Ponies:
[Huh?, Toupee?, etc]

Pinkie Pie:
[through megaphone] This donkey is really, really, bald!

Ponies:
[laughing]

Pinkie Pie:
[through megaphone] What's so funny? This is serious business, everypony! Cranky needs a new wig to cover his hairless head!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
I have had enough!

Pinkie Pie:
[in Cranky's house, looking at a snow globe of his] This is so pretty! Where'd you get it?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Manhattan, now put it down, gently.

Pinkie Pie:
[she does so, on the fireplace mantle] Really? What were you doin' there?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Trying to find a friend.

Pinkie Pie:
Oooh, I'm always trying to find friends, and today I found you. See how good I am at it?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
This was a special friend.

Pinkie Pie:
Like me?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[with sarcasm] No, you're *extra* special, kid.

Pinkie Pie:
[to herself] Yes. I'm in. [to Cranky, about a red ornament] Woow, where in Equestria did you get this, Cranky?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Fillydelphia.

Pinkie Pie:
It's awfully pretty.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Yes, she was.

Pinkie Pie:
Huh?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
I mean, it was - I mean, it is! - Yes, it's pretty, now put it down!

Pinkie Pie:
[Pinkie has damaged one of Cranky's books by accidentally burning it and then soaking it] I'm sorry, Cranky!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[angry sarcasm] Oh, you're sorry, well, then, everything is fine. [in her face]

Pinkie Pie:
[pause; unsure]... It is?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[forcing her to back out through the front door] *No*! It isn't! Listen to me, kid, I will *never* be your friend!

Pinkie Pie:
[now outside] Never, or never-ever?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever! [slams the door]

Pinkie Pie:
That's four "ever"s. That's like... forever! [tears well up]

Pinkie Pie:
[in Twilight's library] I just can't believe it. Cranky said he would never forever be my friend. It was horrible.

Twilight Sparkle:
I know this is hard for you, Pinkie, seeing that you're friends with everypony, but you just have to accept that Cranky is gonna be an exception. He just... doesn't want to be bothered.

Rainbow Dash:
[reading a Daring Do book] Yeah, he doesn't want to be bothered by your over-the-top super-hyper antics.

Twilight Sparkle:
Rainbow!

Pinkie Pie:
No, no, it's okay, Twilight. I get what you're saying. What you're both saying. And I guess... I can leave Cranky alone. [Twilight is nodding]... Right after he accepts my apology! [Pinkie leaves, and Twilight drops her face into her book]

Pinkie Pie:
Cranky, please, *please* accept my apology! I'd do anything to make it up to you!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
But there's nothing you can do! You ruined my book! You destroyed all I have to remember her by!

Pinkie Pie:
Her? Her who? The special friend?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Go away, Pinkie!

Pinkie Pie:
[muffled, from behind the door] Cranky? It's me again. I understand that you don't wanna be my friend or accept my apology... before I leave you alone forever, I have something to at least try to make up for ruining your book.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
No, I don't want it, kid! Anything you would give me is sure to lead to some sort of disaster!

Matilda:
[muffled, outside with Pinkie] Goodness, you really *are* cranky.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
[undoes all of his locks and chains on the door, opens it, and addresses Matilda] It can't be... is it really you?

Matilda:
It can, and it is.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Matilda! But how?

Matilda:
Pinkie.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
But... I never told you about her!

Pinkie Pie:
You didn't have to. I put two and two and two together and it added up to Matilda.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
What?

Pinkie Pie:
Well when you were talking about your souvenirs, you said something about trying to find a special friend! And y'know, I wasn't just born yesterday, nuh-uh! My birthday isn't for another seventy five days!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Huh?

Pinkie Pie:
And then, in your scrapbook, there was a flower, an old ticket, and a menu from the Grand Galloping Gala! And I knew I recognized all these things.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
But how could you have ever seen them before?

Matilda:
Because I also have them in *my* scrapbook.

Pinkie Pie:
And I'd seen them in Matilda's book!

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Oh, Matilda. The night we met at the gala was the most magical night of my life. [old timey music; flashback to their younger years at the Gala] I couldn't wait to see you again. But when I came to your room the next day, you were gone.

Matilda:
Didn't you get my note? [young Cranky walks out of their room, not noticing the note that was taped to the interior side of the door]

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
No! I never got it. Ever since that day I've gone from town, to town, to town... searching all over Equestria for you, until finally I gave up. I came to Ponyville to retire from my search.

Matilda:
I was living in Ponyville the whole time. I always hoped that some day you would come and find me... Doodle.

Pinkie Pie:
[suddenly unnerved] Uh, Matilda... [she zips in close] Nopony calls him Doodle. [Cranky approaches Matilda]

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Nopony... but Matilda. Mmm.

Matilda:
Oh, Doodle, I'm so happy to see you. [they nuzzle]

Pinkie Pie:
So does this mean that you accept my apology?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Yes, Pinkie, I accept your apology, and I am honored to call you my friend.

Pinkie Pie:
[explodes like a firework] Woohoo! This is just fantastic! Ooh, now we can hang out together, and chat, and sing songs, and [gasps] party! Oh, I can throw you guys a big party! It'll be called a "Welcome to Ponyville, I found my lost love, I'm BFF's with Pinkie Pie Party"! [she sees that the couple is paying more attention to each other than her, and that she needs to dial it back]... Or maybe something less over-the-top and not so super-hyper.

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Pinkie, we're eternally grateful to you. But... Matilda and I just want to spend some time together in peace and quiet.

Pinkie Pie:
Oh. Um, but we're still friends?

Cranky Doodle Donkey:
Pinkie, you went way, way, way out of your way to make me happy. Of course we're friends.

Pinkie Pie:
Great!

Pinkie Pie:
[voice over] Dear Princess Celestia, there are many different kinds of friends, and many ways to express friendship. Some friends like to run and laugh and play together. But others just like to be left alone, and that's fine too. But the best thing about friendship is being able to make your friends smile.

Pinkie Pie:
[singing to the tune of "The Yankee Doodle Boy", sweetly, walking away from Cranky's home] He had a Cranky Doodle sweetheart/She's his cranky doodle joy [more lively, right at the couple's window] I helped the Cranky Doodle boy, yes!/I helped the Cranky Doodle boy!

Cranky Doodle Donkey, Matilda:
[warningly] Pinkie!

Pinkie Pie:
Whoops, privacy. Sorry. [a piano rendition of "Yankee Doodle" plays over the credits]

Applejack:
Boy howdy! I got my work cut out for me. That there is the biggest bumper crop o'apples I ever laid eyes on.

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup. Too big for you t'handle on yer own.

Applejack:
[Big Macintosh has a bandage around his body, from a recent injury] Come on, big brother! You need to rest up and get yourself better. I haven't met an apple orchard yet that I can't handle.

[jabs his side]

Applejack:
Oops, sorry. I'll take a bite out of this job by day's end.

Big Macintosh:
Biting off more than you can chew is just what I'm afraid of.

Applejack:
Are you sayin' my mouth is makin' promises my legs can't keep?

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
Why of all the... This is your sister Applejack, remember? The loyalest of friends and the most dependable of ponies?

[gets in his face]

Big Macintosh:
But still only one pony, and one pony plus hundreds o' apple trees just doesn't add up to...

Applejack:
Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddy the issue! I said I can handle this harvest and I'm gonna prove it to you. I'm gonna get every last apple out of those trees this applebuck season all by myself.

[gulps]

Applejack:
I harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres without your help. How do you like them apples?

Big Macintosh:
[points out the other half of the orchard] Um... How do *you* like *them* apples?

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight begins her speech after straightening her notecards] Welcome everypony! Today we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small. A pony whose contributions to...

Rainbow Dash:
[bursting onto the podium] Did you see Applejack's slick moves out there? What an athlete. This week she's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know it's gonna be so awesome. [squeals the last two words]

Twilight Sparkle:
[pushes her out of the way] Exactly. And...

Pinkie Pie:
[interrupting] This week, I get to run SugarCube Corner for the first time.

Twilight Sparkle:
What does that have to do with Applejack?

Pinkie Pie:
[pause] OH! Applejack, one of the best bakers *ever*, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh-kay, that's great. Now if I could just make a point without being inter...

Fluttershy:
Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle:
-rupted.

Fluttershy:
Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping *me* this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills.

Twilight Sparkle:
Anyone else? Anyone? No? Well then, as I was trying to say... [sees the Mayor standing near her, smiling, waiting to speak] UGH! Never mind! [she throws her papers in the air]

Twilight Sparkle:
We came as soon as we heard.

Nurse Redheart:
Oh thank you, Twilight. We need all the help we can get. [ponies are moaning in the sick ward from eating Applejack's incorrectly-made muffins]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh no! What happened?

Nurse Redheart:
[Spike picks up a tainted muffin and sniffs it] It was a mishap with some of the baked goods.

Pinkie Pie:
[in bed, weakly] No... not baked goods. Baked... BADS. [gurgles]

Twilight Sparkle:
[to herself] Applejack...

Spike:
[chewing noisily] Mm! Want one? [offers a muffin to Twilight]

Mayor Mare:
We must do something to thank Applejack for single-hoofedly saving the town.

Twilight Sparkle:
[referring to Applejack not accepting help with her apple orchard] Ugh. That pony is stubborn as a mule. [a mule brays near her] No offense.

Mule:
None taken.

Twilight Sparkle:
[hums to herself while trotting; comes to a stop when she sees three ponies lying in the street after the rabbit stampede, although there is no apparent damage; gasps]

Rose:
The horror, the horror!

Lily:
It was awful!

Daisy:
A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight looks at the seemingly peaceful, empty street] I don't get it.

Lily:
[runs over to her flower garden] Our gardens, destroyed!

Rose:
[runs to her flowerpots] Every last flower, devoured!

Daisy:
By... by... THEM! [points at the bunnies nearby, eating many flowers]

Applejack:
Whoaaa. Hooie. Now what was *that* all about?

Daisy Jo:
[moos, then coughs] Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but Mooriella here saw one of those nasty snakes. [the other cows get startled]

Daisy Jo:
And it just gave us all the willies, dontcha know.

Applejack:
I completely understand. Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville.

Daisy Jo:
We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!

Mrs. Cake:
Now Pinkie Pie, are you *sure* you're up for baking the muffins and running the store this afternoon?

Pinkie Pie:
Yes siree bob, Mrs Cake. Plus, I have Ponyville's prized pony to help me out. Why, she's the best baker *ever*. Right, Applejack? [Applejack, still sleep-deprived, shakes her head to keep herself awake]

Mr. Cake:
No? You're not the best baker ever?

Applejack:
WHAT? Oh no! I mean, don't you fret. I can bake anything from fritters to pies in the blink of an eye.

Mrs. Cake:
[sigh] Alright. Wuh, see you later, girls!

Pinkie Pie:
[Applejack shakes her head again to "wake up"] Stop with the shakin', it's time to get bakin'!

Pinkie Pie:
Alrighty! I'll get the sugar and the eggs. Can you get me some chocolate chips?

Applejack:
[waking up] Eh, uh, whu, what was that?

Pinkie Pie:
[slow and distorted] Chocolate chips.

Applejack:
Chips... got it. Tater chips, all salty and dry, okie-dokie. What next?

Pinkie Pie:
[still slow and distorted] Baking soda.

Applejack:
Soda. Perfect. That'll get the tater chips nice and wet. Now what?

Pinkie Pie:
[normal] A cup of flour.

Applejack:
A cup o' sour? Well, lemons are sure sour. One cup o' sour, comin' up. [she pours lemon juice into the bowl] Anything else, Pinkie?

Pinkie Pie:
One last thing. Wheat germ.

Applejack:
[makes a disgusted face] Wheat worms? Oh, that must be fancy talk for earthworms. [she goes outside to dig around and comes back inside to drop some earthworms in the bowl]

Pinkie Pie:
[looking only at the cookbook] Now *that's* gonna be *delicious*.

Applejack:
[looking at the bowl she filled with nasty things] If you say so.

Twilight Sparkle:
Dear Princess Celestia: My friend Applejack is the best friend a pony could ever have, and she's always there to help any pony. The only trouble is, when she needs help, she finds it hard to accept it, so while friendship is about giving of ourselves to friends, it's also about accepting what our friends have to offer. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Pinkie Pie:
[in the hospital maternity ward, with the new babies] Two new foals for me to play with? [gasps] That's two, two, two times the fun! This is the greatest day ever! We need to celebrate your birthday, babies, 'cause you were just born today! Woohoo!

Nurse Redheart:
Shhh. The babies are trying to sleep.

Pinkie Pie:
But I was just...

Nurse Redheart:
Shhh.

Pinkie Pie:
But...

Nurse Redheart:
Shhh!

Pinkie Pie:
[quieter; singing] Happy happy birthday, to you and you today...

Applejack:
Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus, and the other one a unicorn?

Carrot Cake:
Easy. My great-great-great-great grandfather was a unicorn, and Cup Cake's great aunt's second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. That makes sense, right?

Rainbow Dash:
Aw yeah, heh, just you wait! Once little Pound Cake gets there his wings going, he'll be all over the place.

Twilight Sparkle:
And be careful around Pumpkin Cake.

Rarity:
Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go.

Pinkie Pie:
[holds up a candle-less cake for the newborns] Quick! Make a wish and blow out your candles! Which is easy, 'cause there are zero candles! You are zero years old, after all!

Nurse Redheart:
Shhh!

Pinkie Pie:
[singing to Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake] Happy monthiversary to you and you today

Pinkie Pie:
[spoken very quickly in eight beats] I can't believe you're already a month old time sure flies doesn't it well it seems like only yesterday you were born

Pinkie Pie:
[normal singing] But now you're a month old today, hey! [the foals blow party kazoos and giggle]

Fluttershy:
[to the Cakes, who are looking for a babysitter] Oh, I would love to babysit! But I can't today, sorry. I promised Angel we'd go on a picnic. [Angel, her bunny pet, points angrily at a picnic basket] You understand, don't you? Y-you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me!

Pinkie Pie:
[rocking a bunny that looks like Angel in her arms] I'll do it! Pick me!

Twilight Sparkle:
I have to finish this report for the Princess summarizing all my other reports to the Princess.

Pinkie Pie:
[holding a diaper-wearing book like a baby] I wanna babysit! Pick me!

Applejack:
Babysit? Now? When there's a swarm a' hungry caterpillars headed this way? I gotta get all these apples picked before they get swarmed on!

Pinkie Pie:
[holding a bundle of apples like a baby] Ooh, ooh, I wanna do it!

Rainbow Dash:
I got tickets to the Wonderbolts airshow this afternoon. Gotta dash!

Pinkie Pie:
[holding some cloud with a diaper] Ask me! Mememememememememememememe!

Rarity:
Moi? Babysit? N- oh nonononononononono. I'm flattered that you would think about me though.

Carrot Cake:
[groans; unenthusiastically] Pinkie Pie, how would you like to babysit for us.

Pinkie Pie:
[gasps excitedly, then acts serious] I dunno. I'll have to check my schedule.

Carrot Cake:
Now, Pinkie, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?

Pinkie Pie:
I can be responsible. Why, responsibility is my middle name. Pinkie Responsibility Pie.

Cup Cake:
But this time you need to *take care of them*, not just play with them. You have to be responsible.

Pinkie Pie:
Yes, I know, I will. I am.

Pinkie Pie:
[trying a stand-up comedy routine to entertain Pound and Pumpkin] Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight, where y'all from? [she points the broomstick she's holding at Pumpkin, who reaches her mouth for it as if it's food] Well that's great. Y'know, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it because I couldn't find tractors that small! [rimshot sound]

Pinkie Pie:
Get it? Tractors that small? [pause] The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now I can't find him! [rimshot again, this time revealed to have come from Pinkie at a small drum set she zipped over to]

Pumpkin Cake, Pound Cake:
[crying]

Pinkie Pie:
[from the drum set] Gee, tough crowd. [to herself, from the "stage"] Tell me about it.

Pinkie Pie:
Fine, I wasn't gonna pull off a show stopper, but you're a lovely audience and I think you deserve it!

[she goes behind the curtain for a moment, and comes out wearing a rubber pig nose]

Pinkie Pie:
[singing a bouncy song for the foals] First you jiggle your tail!/Oink oink oink!/Then you wriggle your snout!/Oink oink oink!/Then you wiggle your rump!/Oink oink oink!/Then shout it out!/Oink oink oink!

[repeat]

Pumpkin Cake, Pound Cake:
[crying]

Pinkie Pie:
First you jiggle your tail!/Oink oink oink!/Then you wriggle your snout!/Oink oink oink!/Then you wiggle your rump!/Oink oink oink!/Then shout it out!/Oink oink oink!

[Pinkie crashes into a cupboard with a bag of flour on top of it, causing the flour to fall on her head, the bag opens and covers her with flour, turning her all white, the foals start laughing once they see her that way]

Pinkie Pie:
There, you see? Nothing to this babysitting business! [collapses on her back]

Twilight Sparkle:
Hi! I finished up the work I had to do so I thought I'd stop by and see if you needed any help. Whoa! [Pinkie drags her inside]

Pinkie Pie:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming! I can't begin to tell you what my day has been like, I mean, these babies just won't listen to reason, and don't even get me started on their taste in stand-up comedy.

Twilight Sparkle:
It's okay, Pinkie. I figured you would need some help. That's why I stopped by.

Pinkie Pie:
Excuse me?

Twilight Sparkle:
Babies take a lot of work, and some ponies are just not cut out to handle the responsibility.

Pinkie Pie:
Is that so? Well, thanks for stopping by, Twilight. Sorry, I don't have time to visit, I'm very very busy with my responsibilities here. [she starts pushing Twilight out the door]

Twilight Sparkle:
I'm happy to help! It's no trouble- [door slams]

Pinkie Pie:
Well, of all the- she thinks I can't handle things on my own! Maybe because I haven't handled things on my own. Well, I can handle things on my own!

Pinkie Pie:
[Pound Cake is bouncing in his crib and Pumpkin Cake is chewing happily on her rubber chicken toy] Pound Cake. This is a crib. It is only to be used for napping, sleeping, and on occasion with permission, as a pretend old-timey Western fort. It is not a trampoline, so stop your jumping right now, mister!

Pumpkin Cake:
[giggling]

Pinkie Pie:
And you, young filly. We do not put anything in our mouth that we cannot safely and properly digest, so stop slobbering on that toy this instant!

Pinkie Pie:
Dear Princess Celestia, I've always had fun playing with little kids, and I thought babysitting meant just more playtime, right? Wrong! Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate. And today I learned that sometimes our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.

Carrot Cake:
Pinkie Pie! We're back!

Cup Cake:
How did everything go? [they gasp when they see how clean the house is]

Carrot Cake:
Are we in the right place?

Pinkie Pie:
Shhh!

Pound Cake:
[snoring]

Pumpkin Cake:
[sleepy mumbling]

Cup Cake:
P... Pinkie. This is just... just...

Carrot Cake:
Amazing, is what it is. We had no idea how responsible you really are. Would you be interested in becoming our go-to babysitter on a permanent basis?

Pinkie Pie:
[gasps] Hm- Ah- lemme check my schedule! I should be available a week from... never!

Pumpkin Cake, Pound Cake:
[sigh]

Pound Cake:
[while asleep] Pinkie...

Pumpkin Cake:
[also asleep] Pie...

Pinkie Pie:
[happily gasps] I have some free time next Tuesday.

Spike:
Well, Twilight, guess it's up to you. Come on, show her what you're made of.

Twilight Sparkle:
[downplaying her magical talent] What do you mean? I'm nothing special.

Spike:
Yes, you are! You're better than her!

Twilight Sparkle:
I'm not better than anyone.

Trixie:
Hah! You think you're better than the Great and Powerful Trixie? You think you have more magical talent? Well, come on, show Trixie what you've got. Show us all.

Twilight Sparkle:
Who, me? I'm just your run of the mill citizen of Ponyville. No powerful magic here. I, uh... I think I hear my laundry calling. Sorry, gotta go. [she runs off]

Spike:
Twilight?

Trixie:
Ha! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria. Was there ever any doubt?

Trixie:
[starting her show] Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!

Snips:
The Great and Powerful Trixie vanquished an Ursa Major. Can your Twilight claim that?

Spike:
Oh really? Were you guys actually there?

Snips:
Well, eh, uh... no, but...

Spike:
But nothin'. The proof is in the pudding.

Snails:
[laughs] I like pudding.

Spike:
Look, unless an Ursa Major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am NOT gonna believe a word she says! And neither should you!

Snips:
Hmm! An ursa walkin' up the street, eh? Snails! Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Snails:
Why is it they call it a flea market when they don't really sell fleas?

Snips:
Yeah, uh... oh, come on!

Twilight Sparkle:
Now, about you two...

Snips:
Uh,

[nervous chuckle]

Snips:
We're sorry that we woke up the Ursa Minor.

Snails:
We just wanted to see some AWESOME MAGIC!

Snips:
Yeah! And the way you vanquished that Ursa Minor was... AWESOME!

Snails:
[Twilight gives them a disapproving look, the colts hang their heads] We deserve whatever punishment you give us.

Twilight Sparkle:
For starters, you can clean up this mess. And... What do you think, Spike? Should I give them number twenty-five?

Spike:
Oh, twenty five! Yes! And I think I deserve it, too.

Snips, Snails:
Huh?

Twilight Sparkle:
I think you're right.

Snips, Snails, Spike:
[three magical pops, they all have moustaches] Sweet!

Twilight Sparkle:
[writing] Dear Princess Celestia: I have learned a very valuable lesson about friendship. I was so afraid of being thought of as a showoff, that I was hiding a part of who I am. My friends helped me realize that it's okay to be proud of your talents, and there are times when it's appropriate to show them off... Especially when when you're standing up for your friends.

Trixie:
Anything you can do, I can do better!

Rarity:
[Twilight's friends have had enough of Trixie showing off, and have been hinting that she needs to show up Trixie by saying "a unicorn" should face her] Enough. Enough, all of you. I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace.

Trixie:
Ooo, what's the matter? Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane?

Rarity:
Oh, it. Is. On! You may think you're tough with all of your so-called powers, but there's more to magic than your brutish ways. A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle. [Rarity takes some of the curtains off the stage and instantly turns them into a makeshift dress with a new hairstyle] A unicorn needs to have style.

Audience:
Ooh!

Rarity:
A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty. [Trixie's horn begins to glow with magic]

Spike:
Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! She's strong, she's beautiful, she's - [a magical blast sound is heard off screen, and the audience gasps]

Rarity:
Quick! I need a mirror! Get me a mirror! What did she do to my hair? I know she did something terrible to my hair!

Twilight Sparkle:
Nothing.

Rainbow Dash:
It's fine.

Applejack:
It's gorgeous.

Spike:
It's green. [Twilight, Rainbow, and Applejack glare at him] What?

Rarity:
[Rarity's new hairdo has been ruined to the point where it looks like a tall bird's nest with worms and branches sticking out of it] Ugh, no. Green hair! Not green hair! [cries, runs away] Such an awful, awful color! [she runs past Golden Harvest, who today is wearing her hair green]

Golden Harvest:
Well, I never!

Spike:
[Commenting on the effects of the Poison Joke plant] This is hilarious! Look at all of you! We got Hairity

[Rarity,]

Spike:
Rainbow Crash

[Rainbow Dash,]

Spike:
Spittie Pie

[Pinkie Pie,]

Spike:
Appleteeny

[Applejack,]

Spike:
Flutterguy

[Fluttershy]

Spike:
and, uh,

[trying to think of a nickname for Twilight Sparkle]

Spike:
I got nothing.

[to audience]

Spike:
Twilight Sparkle. I mean seriously, I can't even work with that.

Twilight Sparkle:
This isn't a joke, Spike!

Spike:
[Twilight and Spike discuss the behavior of the hiding villagers] Is it some sort of pony holiday?

Twilight Sparkle:
Not that I know of.

Spike:
Does my breath stink? [breathes fire and tests his breath]

Twilight Sparkle:
No more than usual.

Spike:
Is it... ZOMBIES?

Twilight Sparkle:
Uh, not very likely.

Spike:
[nervous] Not likely... but possible?

Applejack:
The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow...

Fluttershy:
Animals care for themselves...

Rainbow Dash:
And the clouds move...

Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash:
All on their own!

Rarity:
Ohhh! [faints]

Pinkie Pie:
And that wicked enchantress Zecora lives there doing her evil... uh... stuff! Why she's so evil, I even wrote a song about her!

Rainbow Dash:
Here we go...

Pinkie Pie:
She's an evil enchantress/She does evil dances/And if you look deep in her eyes/She'll put you in trances/Then what will she do/She'll mix up an evil brew/Then she'll gobble you up/In a big tasty stew/Soooo... watch out!

Twilight Sparkle:
Wow. Catchy.

Pinkie Pie:
It's a work in progress.

Twilight Sparkle:
Now tell me, what exactly have you actually *seen* Zecora do?

Rainbow Dash:
Well... Once a month... she comes into Ponyville.

Twilight Sparkle:
[sarcastically] Ooooh...

Rarity:
Then... she lurks by the stores...

Twilight Sparkle:
[more sarcasm] Oh my!

Fluttershy:
And then... she digs at the ground.

Twilight Sparkle:
Good gracious! OK, I'm sorry, but how is any of this bad? Maybe she comes to town to visit.

Apple Bloom:
You know what I think?

Applejack:
Apple Bloom! Hush and let the big ponies talk.

Apple Bloom:
I *am* a big pony...

Pinkie Pie:
Well, I heard that Zecora eats *hay*.

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie, I eat hay! *You* eat hay!

Pinkie Pie:
Yeah, but I heard it's the *evil* way she eats hay.

Twilight Sparkle:
Fluttershy, are you okay? [Fluttershy turns her head away] Is there something wrong with you? [shakes her head "yes" while squinting her eyes shut] Would you care to tell us? [she turns away again] So... you're not going to tell us? [shakes her head up and down] Yes you're not, or yes you will? [she begins to shake her head again]

Applejack:
[currently a miniature size] Good gravy, girl! What's wrong with you?

Flutterguy:
...I don't want to talk about it.

Zecora:
Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!

Rarity:
You made me look ridiculous!

Flutterguy:
You made me *sound* ridiculous!

Pinkie Pie:
[muffled] You made me speak ridiculous!

Twilight Sparkle:
You ruined my horn!

Zecora:
How dare you? You destroyed my home, destroyed my work, then rudely accused me of being a jerk?

Zecora:
Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book.

Daisy:
[the mane six arrive back in town with Zecora, Daisy points] Look Rose! How awful!

Rose:
The wicked enchantress has cursed them all.

Lily:
The horror, the horror!

Ponies:
[screaming and hollering; two sentences stand out] Everypony get inside! Run ponies! [doors slam]

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight knocks twice on Daisy's door, she opens it] Daisy, we need to talk.

Twilight Sparkle:
Dear Princess Celestia: My friends and I all learned an important lesson this week: Never judge a book by its cover. Someone may look unusual, or funny, or scary. But you have to look past that and learn who they are inside. Real friends don't care what your "cover" is; It's the "contents" of a pony that count. And a good friend, like a good book, is something that will last forever. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Lotus:
Miss Zecora, I would love to get the recipe for this bath. It's simply luxurious!

Apple Bloom:
[realizing] Applejack! Hey, where's Applejack? [everypony gasps, thinking that tiny Applejack was lost in the hot tub]

Applejack:
[sitting in a small wooden bucket] I'm right here lil' sis. I ain't tiny no more!

Rarity:
Ooh. I have never felt so lovely in all my life!

Pinkie Pie:
Oh my gosh! I've never realized how horrible it is not to be able to talk. I mean I *love* talking so much and when I couldn't talk 'cause my tongue was all "ehhhh". It was the *worst*! Don't you agree, Fluttershy?

Fluttershy:
[normal voice] Yes. [everyone laughs]

Pinkie Pie:
[Pinkie peeks in on Zecora's house/hut to see her pour a bottle of powder into a bubbling pot; With her voice muffled by a swollen tongue, she tries to speak] Sthe sthtole my sthong! Sthe's cthooksing sthew!

Rarity:
She stole your song?

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, Pinkie. Doesn't sound anything like your song.

Pinkie Pie:
[she looks around and then runs up to Fluttershy, falling at her feet in a pleading manner] Ah. Hmm... Pbth! ["Please!"]

Flutterguy:
[sighs, then starts to sing Pinkie's song in a low bass voice - a jazz/bongo/poetry club feel - while Pinkie mimes the actions of her song] She's an evil enchantress/And she does evil dances/And if you look deep in her eyes/She will put you in trances/Then what would she do?/She'll mix up an evil brew/Then she'll gobble you up/In a big tasty stew/Soooo... watch out.

Flutterguy:
[as the "cursed" ponies go to find Applejack and Apple Bloom] Uh, Spike? Are you coming?

Spike:
[looking into an open book] Nope. Uh... gotta stay here and look for a cure. [as soon as all the ponies have left, he comes up with something] Twilight Flopple!

Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon:
[doing a series of practiced movements] Bump! Bump! Sugar Lump Rump!

Silver Spoon:
[to Apple Bloom and Twist] See you this weekend...

Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara:
Blank flanks!

Apple Bloom:
You sir! Care to buy some apples?

Dr. Hooves:
Uh... No thanks.

Apple Bloom:
Why not?

Dr. Hooves:
I have plenty at home...

Apple Bloom:
Are you sure?

Dr. Hooves:
[getting scared] I'm pretty sure.

Apple Bloom:
[backs him up against a cart] You're pretty sure, but you're not absolutely, positively, completely, super-duper sure, are you?

Dr. Hooves:
Uh... If I buy some apples, will you please leave me alone?

Apple Bloom:
All right!

Apple Bloom:
[Berry Punch is quietly looking at some of Applejack's apples; Apple Bloom suddenly gets right in her face, causing Berry to back up in fear on her hindquarters] You touch it, you buy it!

[suddenly calm]

Apple Bloom:
We take cash or credit...

[Berry zips away out of sight]

Applejack:
[shouting after her] I'm sorry ma'am. Ma'am! Aww... Now Apple Bloom, you can't just...

Apple Bloom:
[Apple Bloom purposefully dumps a bunch of apples in Bon Bon's bag while she isn't looking] That'll be four bits.

Bon Bon:
I didn't put those in my bag!

Apple Bloom:
[acting upset] Likely story. Four bits, lady!

Applejack:
Apple Bloom!

[Applejack stuffs her hoof in Apple Bloom's mouth, and addresses Bon Bon]

Applejack:
I am really, really sorry about that... she's new.

Rainbow Dash:
What's the matter, kid?

Apple Bloom:
There's a cute-cea?era this afternoon and everypony in my class will be there and they'll all have their cutie marks and I wanna get my cutie mark but I'm no good at selling apples but I really wanna go to the party but how can I go to the party if I don't have my cutie mark which my big sister says I'm gonna get eventually but... I WANT IT NOOOOW!

Scootaloo:
I said, you got a problem with blank flanks?

Silver Spoon:
The problem is, I mean, she's like, totally not special.

Sweetie Belle:
No, it means she's full of potential.

Scootaloo:
It means she could be great at anything. The possibilities are, like, *endless*.

Sweetie Belle:
She could be a great scientist, or an amazing artist, or a famous writer, she could even be mayor of Ponyville some day...

Scootaloo:
...*and* she's not stuck being *stuck-up* like you two.

Apple Bloom:
You don't have any cutie marks *either*? I thought I was the only one!

Scootaloo:
We thought we were the only two...

Twilight Sparkle:
I, for one, think you are *three* very lucky fillies...

Diamond Tiara:
Hey! What's everypony doing? This is *my* party! Everypony supposed to be paying attention to *me*!

Silver Spoon:
[to Apple Bloom and her friends] Well, we still think you're losers, right Diamond Tiara? Bump! Bump! Sugar Lump...?

Diamond Tiara:
Not now, Silver Spoon!

Scootaloo:
What do you say we celebrate with these delicious cupcakes?

Apple Bloom:
[stops her] Not the cupcakes! Trust me...

[first lines]

Cheerilee:
Let's quiet down please. We have a very important lesson to get to.

[class quiets down]

Cheerilee:
Thank you. Today we are going to be talking about cutie marks.

Diamond Tiara:
Bo-ring

[sigh]

Cheerilee:
You can all see my cutie mark, can't you? Like all ponies, I wasn't born with a cutie mark. My flank was blank.

[Cheerilee shows a picture of herself as a filly]

Twist:
Aww...! She's so precious!

Cheerilee:
Then one day, when l was about your age, I woke up to find that a cutie mark had appeared.

[Cheerilee shows a picture of herself as a "teenager" in 1980s-style clothing and hairstyle]

Silver Spoon:
Look at her hair!

Cheerilee:
Yes l know, but honestly, that's how everypony was wearing their mane back then. l had decided to become a teacher, and the flowers symbolized my hope that I could help my future students bloom if l nurture them with knowledge. The smiles represented the cheer l hope to bring to my little ponies while they were learning. Now, can anyone tell me when a pony gets his or her cutie mark?

Twist:
Oh! Oh! Oh! When she discovers that certain something that makes her special!

Cheerilee:
That's right, Twist. A cutie mark appears on a pony's flank when he or she finds that certain something that makes them different from every other pony. Discovering what makes you unique isn't something that happens overnight, and no amount of hoping, wishing, or begging, would make a cutie mark appear before its time.

Apple Bloom:
I can't believe I didn't think of this. A cupcake-eating cutie mark, it's *sooo* obvious. Now, where are those cupcakes? I'm ready t' chow down!

Pinkie Pie:
I don't have any cupcakes.

Apple Bloom:
Oh.

Pinkie Pie:
[gasp] But you look like you'd be good at helping me *make* some!

Apple Bloom:
I guess, uh, "making-cupcakes" cutie mark could work too.

Pinkie Pie:
[singing] All you have to do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix/Now just take a little something sweet, not sour, a bit of salt, just a pinch/Baking these treats is such a cinch, add a teaspoon of vanilla/Add a little more, and you count to four, and you never get your fill-a!/Cupcakes - so sweet and tasty/Cupcakes - don't be too hasty/Cupcakes - cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!

Twilight Sparkle:
[narrating the letter she will write] Dearest Princess Celestia: I am happy to report that one of your youngest subjects has learned a valuable lesson about friendship. Sometimes, the thing you think will cause you to lose friends and feel left out...

Princess Celestia:
[reading the letter as it is received] "... can actually be the thing that helps you make your closest friends and realize how special you are." Hmm...

Daring Do:
I was just about to save myself, y'know.

Rainbow Dash:
Of course, I just thought you might need this. [slides her explorer hat in front of her, she looks shocked for a moment, then annoyed as she puts it on]

Daring Do:
Have I mentioned yet that I work alone?

Rainbow Dash:
Have I mentioned yet that you're lucky *I* don't? [Daring Do sighs, then smirks]

Rainbow Dash:
C'mon, Fluttershy, it'll be fun!

Fluttershy:
[being dragged by Rainbow across the floor] There's nothing fun about dragons! Scary, yes. Fun, no!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Rainbow continues to force Fluttershy in one direction after she tries to run away] But Fluttershy, the great dragon migration happens only once in a generation. Do you really wanna pass up a chance like that?

Fluttershy:
[resisting being pushed out the door] Now that you put it that way, yes!

Twilight Sparkle:
[teleports outside] Aw Fluttershy, we just don't want you to miss out.

Fluttershy:
Miss out on what? Dragons? Big, scaly, fire-breathing dragons?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well... yeah!

Fluttershy:
Thanks, but... no thanks!

Rainbow Dash:
[stops pushing] Look, Fluttershy, I watched that boring butterfly migration with you [shows Fluttershy a photo of the event] , so now it's your turn to watch the dragon migration with me! You owe me!

Fluttershy:
I said... *no*! [she dashes in the other direction through her house, pushing Rainbow down and stomping on her chest]

Rainbow Dash:
Yeaagh! Ugh!

Twilight Sparkle:
[gasps]

Fluttershy:
[high pitched growling; whimpers; she opens a window and runs away]

Rainbow Dash:
[lying dazed on the floor] Okay, I guess I'll let you off the hook this time.

Rarity:
[making a flourishing entrance to the dragon-watching trench the other girls have made, dressed in elaborate "camo" gear] What do you think? Am I the toast of the trench or what?

Applejack:
[hushed] You'll be toast alright, when the dragons see you parading around in that getup.

Twilight Sparkle:
[hushed] You look very nice, Rarity, but could you maybe look nice down here in the trench with us? [she magically dispels the confetti]

Rarity:
Nice is an understatement. I look *fabulous*! Who says camouflage has to be drab?

Rainbow Dash:
[in awe of a dragon flying a loop, Rainbow quickly pretends to not be impressed] Pfft, pretty lame move. Is that all they've got? [dragon roaring, a midair attack, and a jet of fire blasts over the ponies' heads]

Applejack:
[hushed] What do ya think of that "move", Rainbow Dash? Still think they're lame?

Rainbow Dash:
[hushed] Uh, not so much. The word "fierce" comes to mind.

Rarity:
Yes. You've got something those dreadfully fierce dragons can only dream of.

Spike:
[excited] What's that?

Rarity:
The cutest wittle chubby cheeks!

Rarity:
Oh, isn't he adorable when he waddles off in anger?

Spike:
Waddle? Rrrrrggggh!

Spike:
[regarding breakfast] Count me out. I've gotta get an early start!

Rarity:
An early start?

Spike:
Yes! I'm going on a quest of self-discovery! I'm going to learn what it means to be a dragon! And the only way I'm gonna do that is to join the Dragon Migration!

Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash:
What?

Rainbow Dash:
I still say you're nutty, but hey, I've done *lots* of nutty things.

Rarity, Spike, Twilight Sparkle:
We know.

Rarity:
Goodbye, Spikey-wikey!

Rainbow Dash:
Go get 'em, big guy!

Twilight Sparkle:
We have faith in you!

Rarity:
[through her grin] We're following him, right?

Twilight Sparkle:
[through her grin] Of course.

Spike:
Um, excuse me? Uh, hi. I'm Spike.

Purple Teenage Dragon:
You sure your name is Spike and not *Shrimp*?

[dragons laughing]

Spike:
No, it's Spike! I'm not, I mean, I'm sure about that...

Brown Teenage Dragon:
You look more like Peewee to me.

[dragons laughing]

Garble:
Hey guys, c'mon, seriously. Leave him alone, or he might fly away.

[goes over to Spike and picks him up by his tail]

Garble:
That is, uh, if he had any wings!

[dragons laughing]

Spike:
Who, me? I'm not part pony! I'm all dragon, see? Raar!

Garble:
Or maybe you're a pony in a *dragon costume*.

[dragons laughing]

Purple Teenage Dragon:
[confiding with the dragon costume that Twilight, Rainbow, and Rarity are wearing without really looking at them] A pony in a dragon costume...!

[laughs]

Twilight Sparkle:
[deep voice, in the costume's head] Aheh... yeah... hilarious.

Garble:
[Twilight, Rainbow, and Rarity have just stepped up to challenge Spike to a tail wrestle, as the dragon costume they're wearing] Who's this weirdo?

Purple Teenage Dragon:
I think he's Crackle's cousin.

Crackle:
[pan quickly to Crackle, a dragon who looks oddly similar to the costume Rarity made; Crackle vocalizes dumbly and scratches himself]

Garble:
Oh! That would explain it.

Twilight Sparkle:
[Rainbow Dash tries to fly up while still wearing the costume, Twilight yelps] Rainbow Dash, stop! We can't fly!

Rarity:
And you're ruining my fabulous costume!

Rainbow Dash:
Nopony's gonna lay a claw on him!

Twilight Sparkle:
That's right!

Rarity:
Fighting's not really my thing, I'm more into fashion, but I'll rip you to pieces if you touch one scale on his cute little head!

[dragons laughing]

Garble:
Spike, are these namby-pamby ponies your friends?

Spike:
Yes, they are. And they're better friends than you could ever be. Now, if you don't back off, you'll see what us *ponies* do when confronted by a huge group of *jerky* dragons.

Garble:
Oh yeah?

[snorts]

Garble:
What's that?

Spike:
Run away!

[he dashes and the girls follow him]

Spike:
[Twilight just succeeded in teleporting the group away from the dragons and near home] Phew, that was a close one. Thanks you guys.

Twilight Sparkle:
Of course. What are friends for?

Spike:
You're more than friends. You're my family.

Rarity:
[squeaks while they all hug each other] Oooh!

Spike:
Dear Princess Celestia, seeing the great dragon migration made me wonder what it meant to be a dragon. But now I realize that who I am is not the same as what I am. I may have been born a dragon, but Equestria and my pony friends have taught me how to be kind, loyal, and true! I'm proud to call Ponyville my home, and to have my pony friends as my family. Yours truly, Spike. [the phoenix egg that Spike rescued and brought home begins to hatch]

Spike:
[phoenix chick chirps] Aww. [chuckles] Hey, welcome to the family, Peewee! Stick with me. I've got plenty to teach you about being a pony.

Fluttershy:
[Angel, Fluttershy's pet bunny, coughs after eating a carrot] Oh. Oh, goodness. Are you okay?

Fluttershy:
[he coughs twice] Are you coughing because there's a carrot stuck in your throat?

Fluttershy:
[cough cough] Because you need some water?

Fluttershy:
[Angel deliberately coughs loudly thrice and points offscreen; Fluttershy gasps] Because of that giant cloud of scary black smoke? [Angel throws a carrot at Fluttershy] I'll take that as a... yes.

Pinkie Pie:
[finishing a game of tic-tac-toe in the dirt] Whoo-hoo! I win again!

Rarity:
Ugh. That's thirty-five games in a row. Best of seventy-one?

Twilight Sparkle:
You have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals.

Fluttershy:
Yes. Because they're not dragons...

Rainbow Dash:
Oh come on! We've seen you walk up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing.

Fluttershy:
Yes. Because he wasn't a dragon...

Pinkie Pie:
Spike is a dragon. You're not scared of him.

Fluttershy:
Yes. Because he wasn't a huge, gigantic, terrible, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp scale-having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite, totally-all-grown-up dragon.

Rarity:
I was *this* close to getting that diamond...

Twilight Sparkle:
You mean... getting rid of that dragon?

Rarity:
Oh, yeah... sure.

Fluttershy:
[standing up to the dragon, who is roaring at the ponies] How dare you... How *dare* you! Listen here, mister! Just because you're big, *doesn't* mean you get to be a bully! You may have huge teeth, and sharp scales, and snore smoke, and breathe fire... But you do *not*, I repeat, you do not! Hurt! My! Friends!... You got that?

Dragon:
[whimper]

Fluttershy:
Well...?

Dragon:
But that rainbow one kicked me...

Fluttershy:
And I'm very sorry about that. But you're bigger than she is, and you should know better. You should also know better than to take a nap where your snoring can become a health hazard to other creatures.

Dragon:
But I...

Fluttershy:
Don't you "but I" me, mister. Now what do you have to say for yourself? I said, *what* do you have to say for yourself?

Dragon:
[whimper and crying]

Fluttershy:
There, there. No need to cry. You're not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That's all.

[the other ponies cheer for her]

Twilight Sparkle:
You did it! I knew you could do it.

Twilight Sparkle:
[having Spike take a letter to Princess Celestia] "Dear Princess Celestia, I am happy to report that the dragon has departed our fair country, and that it was my good friend, Fluttershy, who convinced him to go. This adventure has taught me to never lose faith in your friends. They can be an amazing source of strength, and can help you overcome even your greatest fears. Always, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Spike:
[Commenting on a race between Applejack and Rainbow Dash] You know Pinkie, these two ponies have a bit of a grudge match they're trying to settle, trying to prove who's the most athletic.

Pinkie Pie:
Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge".

Spike:
Yes it... does? Wha?

Pinkie Pie:
And I like fudge, but if I eat too much fudge I get a pudge and then I can't budge.

Spike:
So, no fudge?

Pinkie Pie:
No thanks, I had a big breakfast.

Rainbow Dash:
What? You're not an athlete, you're a... well... you're an egghead.

Twilight Sparkle:
I am not an egghead! I am *well-read*.

Rainbow Dash:
Egghead...

Applejack:
But... have you ever run a race?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well, no. But I do know a lot *about* running.

Rainbow Dash:
And you know this from...

Twilight Sparkle:
Books. I read several on the subject.

Rainbow Dash:
What did you read... the "Egghead's Guide to Running"? Did you stretch up your... eye muscles to warm up? HA HA HA HA! Get it? "Eye muscles"!

Pinkie Pie:
Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the Leaves! You know, Spike, despite its name, the leaves don't do any of the actual running. No, that's left to *my little ponies*.

Spike:
Why... yes, Pinkie! It's the running of the ponies that causes the leaves to fall.

Pinkie Pie:
Urgh... Those lazy, lazy leaves.

Pinkie Pie:
Welcome back, Ponyvillians, it's me, Pinkie Pie.

Spike:
And Spike. Looks like Rainbow is doing her best to catch up.

Pinkie Pie:
I'm not sure how ketchup is going to help at this contest. Now, in a hot dog eating contest it can make them dogs nice and slippery. But personally, I prefer mustard. How about you, Spike?

Spike:
Uh... I like... pickles?

Pinkie Pie:
Aaand it looks like Applejack has found herself in quite a 'pickle' as Rainbow overtakes her.

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight finds Rainbow has been diverted from the proper race course] Oh my! Wildtale Wood is just lovely! Hey, Rainbow! Shouldn't you be up ahead?

Rainbow Dash:
Heh heh heh. I'm sure I'll win now.

Twilight Sparkle:
Except that the other racers just passed you.

Rainbow Dash:
[realizes she's off the path] Oh, horseapples. See ya! [dashes off]

Granny Smith:
[cheering for Applejack] Wha-ha-ha!

Apple Bloom:
Whoo-hoo!

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup!

Apple Bloom:
Ready, Granny!

Granny Smith:
Ready for what?

Apple Bloom:
For makin' zap apple jam!

Granny Smith:
Darn tootin'! It's time for some good old-fashioned zap apple jammin'!

Apple Bloom:
[jumps up] Yes ma'am. I can't wait ma'am!

Granny Smith:
[pause as Granny rocks in her rocking chair] Wait for what?

Apple Bloom:
To make zap apple jam with you!

Granny Smith:
O'course. Now I been doing this ever since I was a little pony, so be warned, pickle pear. There's a whole mess steps in this process and you gots to get each one of them just right, or no zap apple jam. Take this. [hands her a broom]

Apple Bloom:
Uh, is this one of your gazillion secret herbal ingredients for the zap apple jam?

Granny Smith:
That there's a broom. Now get sweepin', pipsqueak! Now while you sweep, I'll get to- uh... something there... umm... Oh ponyfeathers. Bet I'd forget my mane if it wasn't attached to my head.

Diamond Tiara:
Oh, you poor, poor thing, having to make all that zap apple jam with Granny Smith. [yawns]

Apple Bloom:
Actually, I been looking forward to making zap apple jam for years!

Diamond Tiara:
I'm not talking about the jam, I'm talking about Granny Smith! You must be sooo embarrassed.

Granny Smith:
[muffled, with a caldron on her head] Soup's on!

Apple Bloom:
Uh- what do ya mean?

Diamond Tiara:
You know, with all her silly ways, how she forgets things, and makes you wear these ridiculous costumes? [referring to the bunny costumes Bloom and her grandmother are wearing]

Apple Bloom:
Granny said that the water needs...

Diamond Tiara:
Thank goodness you're here on the farm and not in town where everypony could see you. [hushed] Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. [she zips off]

Apple Bloom:
"Silly ways"?

Granny Smith:
Shake a leg there, slowpoke! We got a gaggle's worth of goods to gather before the harvest. Come on! [singing to the tune of "Skip to My Lou"] Gonna make zap apple jam, oopdie ooh! Gatherin' the goodies now, oopdie hee! Singin' and dancin', diddleye ooh, flippity floo my darlin! [sees Daisy selling some pots] They don't make 'em like they used to. [bites on a pot]

Daisy:
Hey! You bite it, you buy it!

Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon:
[laughing at Apple Bloom]

Apple Bloom:
Granny, please! Those ponies over there are watchin' me!

Granny Smith:
What? Are those fillies your friends? Hello, Half-pint's friends!

Silver Spoon:
[Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon wave at Apple Bloom mockingly] Hiii, Granny Smith! Hi, Half-pint!

Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon:
[laughing]

Granny Smith:
What dolls. Why, when I was little, ponies didn't come that purdy.

Apple Bloom:
Are we done shopping, Granny? 'Cause I'd like to get back to the farm, fast.

Filthy Rich:
[speaking to Apple Bloom's class] And, by capturing the whole sale market, purchasing in bulk and slashing all prices, we undermine every other gift market in town, and that's how Rich's Barnyard Bargains became the cornerstone of retail in Ponyville. [some of the students who were sleeping wake up; Diamond Tiara claps]

Cheerilee:
Well, thank you, Mr. Filthy- I mean, Mr. Rich, what a wonderful day of sharing! And thank you for being a part of Family Appreciation Day! Now, uh, let's see who will be bringing in a family member for next Monday's Family Appreciation Day. Um... oh! Apple Bloom!

Apple Bloom:
But Miss Cheerilee. Monday is zap apple harvest day, and Applejack and Big Macintosh will be too busy to come and speak.

Cheerilee:
Well, is there anypony else in your family that could...

Diamond Tiara:
Miss Cheerilee. Apple Bloom's Granny Smith isn't working harvest. She could come.

Apple Bloom:
Oh! But, uh, no, that wouldn't...

Cheerilee:
That's a splendid idea, Diamond Tiara! Apple Bloom, you shall bring in Granny Smith on Monday.

Cheerilee:
[bell rings] Have a great weekend, everypony!

Apple Bloom:
Granny Smith? Come Monday, I'll be the laughing stock of Ponyville!

Apple Bloom:
I'll be embarrassed, shamed, disgraced, mortified, humiliate...

Scootaloo:
What are you, a dictionary?

Sweetie Belle:
Snap out of it. We're here to help you!

Scootaloo:
After all, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We'll figure out a way to postpone your presentation.

Apple Bloom:
But how? Ugh! All this worry is makin' me sick!

Sweetie Belle:
Sick?

Scootaloo:
[jumps up and hits a lantern, turning it on] That's it! C'mon!

Granny Smith:
[speaking to a line of glass jars like a drill sergeant] Ten-hut! Now listen here, troops! Now, I don't want any whinin', or cryin', or crackin' under pressure! Do I make myself clear? [a jar cracks]

Granny Smith:
Court-martialed! [she throws it up against the wall and into a waste bin]

Cheerilee:
Granny Smith, it's Miss Cheerilee! Apple Bloom said you wanted to speak with me?... Hello? Granny Smi...

Apple Bloom:
[Apple Bloom is imitating Granny Smith's voice while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle puppeteer her while she naps in a chair] Well hello there! Howdy do!

Cheerilee:
[from outside, through the window] Hi... uh... Granny Smith... is, ugh, everything okay?

Apple Bloom:
[as Granny] Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?

Apple Bloom:
[snoring, the glasses that make it appear as if she's awake fall off, and Apple Bloom quickly puts the glasses back on her granny; one foreleg is moved to cover Granny's mouth as if she just burped] Oh, er, excuse me. Uh, pickles always give me the hiccups! I need to tell you that I can't make the presentation on Monday after all!

Cheerilee:
Oh no, is that so?

Apple Bloom:
[as Granny] No doubts about it! I gotta shear the flowers and water the sheep! I mean, I have to water the flowers and shear the sheep!

Cheerilee:
Oh, well that's too bad. We can reschedule.

Granny Smith:
[Cheerilee turns to leave, and in celebration, Scootaloo jumps up, causing Granny Smith to hit the ceiling and wake up] E- whut- hai- where am I? [she sticks her head out the door while still attached to the ropes] Well howdy, Miss Cheerilee! You window shopping?

Cheerilee:
Uh... no? You asked me to come here to tell me that you wouldn't be making it to Family Appreciation Day?

Granny Smith:
Fiddlesticks! I wouldn't miss it for all the tea in Canterlot!

Cheerilee:
But- didn't you just say...

Granny Smith:
[Granny is lifted up by the ropes] See you Monday!

Cheerilee:
For today's Family Appreciation Day, we are pleased to welcome Granny Smith. Um... Apple Bloom? Is Granny Smith here?

Apple Bloom:
[badly acting] Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Cheerilee, but she got called out of town on account of a family emergency...

Granny Smith:
[appears at the door] Well howdy, my little ponies!

Granny Smith:
Howdy, y'all! I'm as happy as a pig in a fresh mudpile to be here!

Apple Bloom:
Whuh- what are you doing here? Did you miss the train?

Granny Smith:
Er no, it came. And Uncle Apple Strudel was on it.

Apple Strudel:
[thoroughly tousling Apple Bloom's mane] Ooooooh, noogie noogie noggie! [laughs madly]

Diamond Tiara:
I can't wait to hear Granny Smith's presentation. If she can remember any of it. [she and Silver Spoon giggle under their breaths]

Granny Smith:
Long ago, when I was a little pony, things were very different here in Ponyville, 'cause there was no Ponyville!

Granny Smith:
[Granny Smith tells her story to Apple Bloom's class] That's right, my little ponies. Me and my family were pilgrim pony folk, back when I was a little filly. Oh, we ventured far and wide, collecting new seeds and sellin' the old. But my pa was the finest seed collector in all of Equestria. Then, one day, the Smith family found themselves in the most brilliant, most grand, most magnificent of all cities. A place called... Canterlot. Well, I bet your hooves to hindquarters I had never seen anything like it before nor since. And as if the beauty of that city wasn't enough, suddenly, she appeared. Princess Celestia, the most regal of all ponies. When lo and behold, she stopped to look at my pa's seed collection. Then Princess Celestia saw that we were plumb-tuckered, and hankerin' to find our forever home. And bein' a royal Princess and all, she knew exactly the place for us to lay down our stakes. My pa gave the Princess a mighty thanks. We quickly found that land near the Everfree Forest, and we built our first home. Next, we planted our first orchards. But an orchard don't grow overnight, and we were getting mighty short on food. Now mind you, we were cautioned about the forest, and we knew that it was not fit to enter. [timber wolf howling]

Granny Smith:
But I knew there was critters livin' there. There must be somethin' to eat. It was dark and musty, and I won't lie, it was scary. But every inch was covered in plant life, and before I knew it wasn't I standin' in front of the most incredible apple trees! I had never seen anything that bore this kind of colorful fruit! Oh I started picking apples quick as a whip! [timber wolf howling and growling]

Granny Smith:
I turned, and there before me stood the timber wolves! I've never run so fast in my life. I did the only thing I could think of. [young Granny Smith bangs a pot on a kettle to scare the timber wolves away]

Granny Smith:
My pa and I planted those special apple seeds, and before our eyes they grew like wildfire. Well, we had full grown trees faster than you could say lickety split. Then each year, I paid close attention to the signs of the zap apple special harvesting times. How the weather affects the Everfree Forest, how the timber wolves howl when the zap apples first start growing, and how they zapped away if you didn't pick 'em all in one day! And the fruits of our labor were the best fruit we ever tasted. Soon enough I was mixing up batches of zap apple jam. Just like harvestin' the zap apples had its special rules, so did makin' zap apple jam. I learned that you gotta be extra friendly with the bees, otherwise their honey won't taste rightly sweet to mix in with the zap apples. Who'd'a thought that glass jars needed talking to? Or that zap apples like pink polka dots? But magic is as magic does. Just funny that way. Then ponies started comin' to our farm from far and wide just to get a taste of my zap apple jam. Some of them decided to stay, like Stinkin' Rich, Diamond Tiara's great grandfather. Matter of fact, the first thing he ever sold was my zap apple jam. And before we knew it, we had ourselves a nice little town, bustling with all kinds of ponies. And that is how Ponyville was founded.

Granny Smith:
[after she finishes her story, most of Apple Bloom's classmates are clapping] Oh, thank you kindly, little ponies. Oh, now now, let's settle down.

Scootaloo:
So if it weren't for you and the zap apples, Ponyville wouldn't even exist?

Granny Smith:
Darn tootin', little filly!

Apple Bloom:
[to Diamond Tiara] If it weren't for my Granny Smith, your daddy wouldn't have Barnyard Bargains. [other classmates agree]

Diamond Tiara:
But - But she's just a... kooky old lady!

Apple Bloom:
She is not a kooky old lady! She is the most amazing pony in all of Ponyville!

Scootaloo:
I think this is the best zap apple jam I've tasted yet!

Sweetie Belle:
Must be 'cause you had something to do with it, Apple Bloom.

Granny Smith:
You betcha. Apple Bloom is one humdinger of a zap apple jammer!

Apple Bloom:
I am? [she hugs Granny]

Applejack:
So I take it Family Appreciation Day went well?

Apple Bloom:
Did it? My Granny Smith is super special! I just forgot that for a little while.

Granny Smith:
Aw, don't fret. I forget things all the time. Now, I'll get you... [trailing off, mumbling]... something. [Apple Bloom smiles and hugs her again]

Applejack:
Who wants to help Granny sing to the water?

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Twist, Truffle Shuffle:
We do, we do!

Granny Smith, Foals:
[hopping over watering cans with bunny suits and singing] A, b, c, d, e f g... [continues]

Filthy Rich:
[from offscreen, sternly] Diamond Tiara!

Diamond Tiara:
[Diamond is pushed into view, wearing bunny ears with her father following; she sighs and whines] But, Dad! [he continues to shove her towards the others to participate]

Applejack, Apple Bloom:
[laughing]

Pinkie Pie:
Wait, hold on, I'm feeling something...

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh my gosh, what? What is it? [Pinkie tries to concentrate; she is about to sense one of her twitchy side effects. Then suddenly, her stomach growls]

Pinkie Pie:
It's my tummy! That usually means I'm hungry! Let's eat! [Twilight groans]

Pinkie Pie:
It's my tail! It's my tail! It's a-twitchin' twitchin'! And you know what that means...

Twilight Sparkle:
Actually, Pinkie, I haven't the slightest idea.

Pinkie Pie:
The twitching means my Pinkie Sense is telling me stuff is gonna start falling.

Pinkie Pie:
Um, Twilight? You got a little something on your face there...

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh really? Did your "Pinkie Sense" tell you that, too?

Pinkie Pie:
No, I can just *see* it.

Spike:
[Twilight is in a wheelchair, casts, and braces after falling down the stairs to Applejack's cellar; now out in an open field with Spike, watching Pinkie Pie] Here, let me help you. [He cranks a lever to raise her front legs up to use the binoculars]

Twilight Sparkle:
[peering at Pinkie through the binoculars; Pinkie's tail twitches quickly] Okay, take this down: twitchy tail.

Spike:
Twitchy tail? *gasp* TWITCHY-TAIL! [he lets go of the lever, sending Twilight's front legs smashing back down on the chair]

Twilight Sparkle:
Hush, Spike! We can't let Pinkie know we're here, remember?

Spike:
Something's gonna fall, something's gonna fall! Run for your lives. Ah-ha-ha! [he runs away]

Twilight Sparkle:
Ugh, Spike honestly, you're overreact - [Twilight is hit by a number of items falling from above, in order: A flowerpot with a flower, an anvil, a cart of haybales, and an upright piano; the camera rushes up to a delivery cart being operated by six pegasus ponies; the larger male supervisor glares at a younger grey pegausus with walleyes, implying she dropped the items on Twilight]

Pinkie Pie:
Hey, Applejack. What'cha doin'?

Applejack:
Taking more apples to my new apple cellar. How about you, Pinkie? What'cha doin'?

Pinkie Pie:
Oh, letting Twilight secretly follow me without me knowing...

Twilight Sparkle:
[Approaches with casts on her forelegs, her mane messed up, scratches on her fur, and a black eye] You mean you knew all along? Why didn't you tell me?

Pinkie Pie:
[giggles] Silly. That would've spoiled the secret. [Twilight Sparkle's eyes and body twitch a few times and she grits her teeth]

Pinkie Pie:
[thinking about what may have happened to Fluttershy when she went to Froggy Bottom Bog] What if she exploded? And then... and then exploded again?

Spike:
Can you do that? Can you explode *twice*?

Applejack:
Of course not!

Pinkie Pie:
I'm still getting the shudders. Oo-o-oh, oo-o-oh. You see? There it is again. Whatever the doozy was at Froggy Bottom Bog, my Pinkie Sense says it still hasn't happened.

Twilight Sparkle:
Huh? But I - WHAT? The hydra *wasn't* the doozy? How could it *not be* the doozy? What could be *doozier* than that?

Pinkie Pie:
Dunno, but it just wasn't it. [teakettle whistling sound]

Twilight Sparkle:
Rrrgh... [Twilight's mane turns into flames and her fur becomes white briefly as she floats in the air] Ooh... I give up... [back to normal]

Spike:
Give what up, Twi?

Twilight Sparkle:
The fight. I can't fight it anymore. I don't understand how, why, or what, but Pinkie said somehow... makes sense. I don't see how it does, but it just does. Just because I don't understand doesn't mean its not true.

Pinkie Pie:
[shaking uncontrollably] Y-y-y-you m-m-mean you b-b-b-believe?

Twilight Sparkle:
Eyup, I guess I do.

Pinkie Pie:
[shaking crazily while her "Pinkie Sense" finishes] Oo-woo-oo-oo-oo, woo-oo-oo-oo-oh, woo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh. Ooh! [gasp] That was it. *That's* the doozy.

Spike:
[shakes his head] Bbrrbbrrbbrr.

Twilight Sparkle:
What? What is?

Pinkie Pie:
You believing. I never expected that to happen. *That* was the doozy, oh and, oh what a doozy of a doozy it was!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Spike walks into the library] Oh, good, Spike, you're here. Take a letter.

Spike:
With pleasure, Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle:
"Dear Princess Celestia, I'm happy to report that - " [Spike hasn't started writing yet because he is distracted by Twilight and Pinkie Pie wearing rainbow umbrella hats] Spike, what have I been saying about focus?

Spike:
I know, but I... Well...

Twilight Sparkle:
What's wrong Spike, never thought you'd see me with an umbrella hat on?

Spike:
Not really, no.

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie's tail's a-twitchin'. What else can I do? [all three laugh] "I am happy to report that I now realize there are wonderful things in this world you just can't explain, but that doesn't necessarily make them any less true. It just means you have to choose to believe in them, and sometimes it takes a friend to show you the way."

Pinkie Pie:
[she touches Twilight's nose] Honk!

Spike:
[still writing] "Honk..."

Twilight Sparkle:
"Always, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight Sparkle:
I wonder what's gonna fall out of the sky this time...

Pinkie Pie:
You never know...

Spike:
[about to send the letter to Princess Celestia with his fire breath while leaning out an open window when Princess Celestia lands right on the balcony outside with a thud] Twitchy tail? [Picks the letter out of his hands with her mouth, and flies off] Holy guacamole!

Applejack:
Big Mac, you've got some 'splainin' to do! Turkey call?

Big Mac:
Eeyup!

Applejack:
Trash your voice?

Big Mac:
Eeyup!

Applejack:
Zecora remedy?

Big Mac:
Eeyup!

Applejack:
Not quick enough?

Big Mac:
Nope.

Applejack:
Needed a deep voice?

Big Mac:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
Poison joke?

Big Mac:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
Flutterguy?

Big Mac:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
Better now?

Big Mac:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
And that shy filly was livin' her dream in the shadows because she couldn't bring herself to come into the spotlight?

Big Mac:
Eeyup.

Applejack:
Well, for corn's sake, let's go!

Fluttershy:
I have... stage fright.

Pinkie Pie:
[gasps] Is it contagious?

Twilight Sparkle:
Stage fright isn't a disease, Pinkie.

Spike:
[Twilight Sparkle is trying to rest in another room while everypony else is partying with techno music; she groans] Hey Twilight! Pinkie Pie is starting Pin The Tail on the Pony. Wanna play?

Twilight Sparkle:
No! All the ponies in this town are *crazy*! Do you know what time it is?

Spike:
It's the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. Everypony has to stay up or they'll miss the Princess raise the sun. You really should lighten up Twilight. It's a party.

Twilight Sparkle:
[quietly mocking] "You really should lighten up Twilight. It's a party." Here I thought I'd have time to learn more about the Elements of Harmony, but, silly me, all this ridiculous friend-making has kept me from it! Legend has it that in the longest day of the thousandth year the stars will aid in her escape and she will bring about everlasting night. I hope the Princess was right. I hope it really is just an old pony tale.

Twilight Sparkle:
Take a note, please. To the princess.

Spike:
Okie dokie.

Twilight Sparkle:
"My dearest teacher. My continuing studies of pony magic have led me to discover, that we're on the precipice of disaster..."

Spike:
Hold on. Preci... preci...

Twilight Sparkle:
Threshold.

Spike:
Thre...

Twilight Sparkle:
Uh, brink? Ugh! That something really bad is about to happen. "For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Night Mare Moon and she's about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night. Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I await your quick response. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle"

Spike:
Twilight. Sparkle. Got it.

Pinkie Pie:
Surprise! Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you. Were you surprised, were you, were you? Huh huh huh?

Twilight Sparkle:
Very surprised. Libraries are supposed to be *quiet*.

Pinkie Pie:
[Twilight begins to mix a drink for herself, not knowing that she's pouring in hot sauce] That's silly. What kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh, bo-ring. You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, hello, and I was all, *gasp*, remember? You see I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know every pony, and I mean every pony in Ponyville, and if you're new, then it meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, and I had an idea, and that's why I went *gasp*, I'll just throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Ponyville. See? And now you have lots and lots of friends.

Applejack:
[to Twilight] Are you alright, sugar cube? [train whistle sounds; Twilight runs out of the room, gagging]

Pinkie Pie:
Awwww, she's so happy, she's *crying*.

Spike:
Hot sauce. Ew.

Pinkie Pie:
What? It's good!

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh no. Nightmare Moon!

Night Mare Moon:
Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces.

Rainbow Dash:
What did you do with our Princess?

Applejack:
Whoa there, Nelly!

Night Mare Moon:
[chuckles] Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?

Pinkie Pie:
Ooh! Ooh! More guessing games! Um... Hokey Smokes! How about Queen Meanie? No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty!

Night Mare Moon:
Does my crown no longer count, now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?

Twilight Sparkle:
I did, and I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon. Night Mare Moon.

Night Mare Moon:
Well well well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here.

Twilight Sparkle:
You're here to... to... [gulps]

Night Mare Moon:
[chuckles] Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the *night* will last *forever*! [evil laugh]

Twilight Sparkle:
All the ponies in this town are crazy!

[first lines]

Narrator:
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects: all the different types of ponies. But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Night Mare Moon. She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: The Elements of Harmony! Using the magic of The Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility... [fades out]

Narrator, Twilight Sparkle:
[overlapping]... for both sun and moon...

Twilight Sparkle:
[reading from her book] "... and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since." Hmm... Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before, but where?

Rainbow Dash:
I could clear this sky in 10 seconds flat.

Twilight Sparkle:
Prove it.

Rainbow Dash:
[clears the sky] What'd I say? 10. Seconds. Flat.

Twinkleshine:
[with Lemon Hearts and Minuette] There you are, Twilight! Moondancer is having a little get-together in the west castle courtyard. You wanna come?

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, sorry, girls... I've got a lot of studying to catch up on. [runs off]

Twinkleshine:
[sigh] Does that pony do anything except study?

Twinkleshine:
I think she's more interested in books than friends.

Twilight Sparkle:
I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them... I don't even know what they do!

Pinkie Pie:
[looking on the shelf] "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide".

Twilight Sparkle:
[knocks her aside] How did you find that?

Pinkie Pie:
[dance-bouncing, sing-song voice] It was under "E"!

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh.

Rarity:
Such lovely luminescent scales.

Sea Serpent:
I know.

Rarity:
Your expertly coiffed mane.

Sea Serpent:
Oh, I know, I know!

Rarity:
Your fabulous manicure.

Sea Serpent:
It's so true!

Rarity:
All ruined without your beautiful mustache.

Sea Serpent:
It's true, I'm *hideous*!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Pinkie Pie is laughing at some scary-looking trees in the Everfree Forest] Pinkie, what are you doing? Run!

Pinkie Pie:
Oh girls, don't you see?

Pinkie Pie:
[singing] When I was a little filly and the sun was going down...

Twilight Sparkle:
Tell me she's not...

Pinkie Pie:
The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown.

Rarity:
She is.

Pinkie Pie:
I'd hide under my pillow from what I thought I saw/ But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all.

Rainbow Dash:
Then what is?

Pinkie Pie:
She said: Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fears/ You'll see that they can't hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear.

Pinkie Pie:
Ha ha ha! [the scary face in the tree disappears; the other ponies gasp]

Pinkie Pie:
[singing; the other ponies laugh with her to vanquish the scary faces] So, giggle at the ghostly/Guffaw at the grossly/Crack up at the creepy/Whoop it up with the weepy/Chortle at the kooky/Snortle at the spooky

Pinkie Pie:
[half singing/speaking] And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... HAHAHAHA... heh... LAUGH! [they all laugh together]

Twilight Sparkle:
You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right *here*.

Nightmare Moon:
What?

Twilight Sparkle:
Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honesty!

Twilight Sparkle:
Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindness!

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughter!

Twilight Sparkle:
Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... generosity!

Twilight Sparkle:
And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyalty!

Nightmare Moon:
You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!

Twilight Sparkle:
But it did! A different kind of spark. I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all - are my friends. You see, Night Mare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of... magic.

Nightmare Moon:
NOOO! Nooo!

Princess Celestia:
[Luna has just been freed of Night Mare Moon's influence] It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this. Time to put our differences behind us. We were meant to rule together, little sister.

Everypony:
Sister?

Princess Celestia:
Will you accept my friendship?

Pinkie Pie:
Whoa!

Princess Luna:
[runs forward and embraces her] I'm so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister!

Princess Celestia:
[crying tears of joy with her] I've missed you, too.

Pinkie Pie:
[blows her nose, sobs, and streams of tears flow out of her eyes as she cries; suddenly, the waterfalls stop] Hey, you know what this calls for? A PARTY!

Shadowbolt:
[offscreen voice] Rainbow... Rainbow...

Rainbow Dash:
[is about to finish fixing the rope bridge for her friends] Who's there? I ain't scared of you! Show yourself!

Shadowbolt:
We've been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the best flyer in Equestria.

Rainbow Dash:
Who?

Shadowbolt:
Why, you, of course.

Rainbow Dash:
Really? I mean... Oh yeah, me. Hay, uh, you wouldn't mind telling the Wonderbolts that, would ya? 'cause I've been trying to get into that group for like, *ever*.

Shadowbolt:
No, Rainbow Dash. We want you to join us, The Shadowbolts. [three pegasus ponies gallop up to Rainbow Dash wearing bodysuits and goggles similar to the Wonderbolts; the female speaker in the middle is flanked by two males]

Shadowbolt:
We're the greatest aerial team in the Everfree Forest, and soon we will be the greatest in all Equestria, but first, we need a captain. The most magnificent...

Rainbow Dash:
Yep.

Shadowbolt:
Swiftest...

Rainbow Dash:
Yes.

Shadowbolt:
Bravest flyer in all the land.

Rainbow Dash:
Yes, [chuckle] it's all true.

Shadowbolt:
We need... *you*.

Rainbow Dash:
WOOHOO! Sign me up. Just let me tie this bridge real quick and then we have a deal.

Shadowbolt:
No! It's *them* or *us*.

Twilight Sparkle:
[from the other side of the bridge] Rainbow, what's taking so long? [sees Rainbow Dash talking to the Shadowbolts] Oh no. Rainbow! Don't listen to them. [the Shadowbolt leader muffles her out by increasing the density of the clouds between them]

Shadowbolt:
Well?

Rainbow Dash:
[thinks for a bit] You... [the leader gets excited] Thank you! For the offer, I mean, but I'm afraid I have to say no. [finishes fixing the bridge and flies off]

Twilight Sparkle:
[to Rarity] You have my word. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend.

Pinkie Pie:
[popping out of a sponge basket] FOR-E-VER!

Rarity:
Welcome to Carousel Boutique!

Bon Bon:
[excited] Is she still here? We heard Fluttershy was here!

Rarity:
Sorry. You just missed her. But... you're still in luck. I'm having a huge sale on some of my best designs!

Bon Bon:
...And you are?

Rarity:
Why, Rarity, of course. [fluffs her hair]

Bon Bon:
[dismissively] Never heard of you.

Fluttershy:
I can't believe this... I am so frustrated, I could just scream! [inhales, then screams very quietly] Eee!

Twilight Sparkle:
Feel better?

Fluttershy:
[sigh]... No.

Fluttershy:
You promise not to tell Rarity?

Twilight Sparkle:
I swear.

Fluttershy:
"Pinkie Pie" swear?

Twilight Sparkle:
Cross my heart and hope to fly! Stick a cupcake in my - OW! [she accidentally pokes her hoof in her eye while mimicking Pinkie's original motions]

Twilight Sparkle:
It's the perfect plan! You can't tell anyone about it! Promise you won't tell anyone!

Pinkie Pie:
[Pinkie makes a series of motions without words: Zipping her lips, pawing at the floor, appearing to bury something, and more odd motions]

Twilight Sparkle:
So you do promise or you don't?

Pinkie Pie:
Uh, yeah! Obviously that's why I... [redoes her motions] zipped my mouth closed, then locked it with a key, then dug a hole, then buried the key, then built the house up top of the hole where I buried the key, and then moved into the house on top of the hole.

Twilight Sparkle:
Obviously...

Photo Finish:
Tomorrow, a photo shoot in de park... I GO!

Photo Finish:
It is time to make... DE MAGICKS!

Photo Finish:
[Photo Finish's assistants are doing Fluttershy's makeup] Too much blush. Not enuf. Too much. Not enuf. Perfiect. [Fluttershy gears up for a sneeze, but it comes out very tiny and quiet] Oh, yes! Even heir schneezes are gressful!

Photo Finish:
So how do you feel? Excited? Overjoyed? Thrilled beyond your wildest dreams?

Fluttershy:
...Nervous.

Photo Finish:
Nervous? Don't be ridiculous. You're only facing a large crowd of ponies, who will be watching your every move, and silently judging you.

Photo Finish:
Fl?ttershy! I've been looking for you everywhere. We have the *thing* at the *place*!

Rarity:
I'm the one who should be mobbed by strangers wherever I go!

Fluttershy:
If we just told each other the truth.

Rarity:
I promise never to keep my feelings in secret again.

Fluttershy:
Me too.

Fluttershy, Rarity:
[doing Pinkie's motions with each other] Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!

Photo Finish:
[enters the room; to Fluttershy] You were brilliant. Brilliant! I've already got six photo shoots lined up for tomorrow alone.

Fluttershy:
I'm sorry, Photo Finish, but I don't think I'll be able to make any of them.

Photo Finish:
Whaaat?

Fluttershy, Rarity:
We go! [they walk out of the room laughing]

Photo Finish:
Vat has just happened?

Twilight Sparkle:
[pulls her head out of the potted plant she was in] Spike has a crush on Rarity! [covers mouth]

Pinkie Pie:
[appears from within a mirror] And you were doing so well!

Fan 1:
[admiring Fluttershy and the outfit she's wearing] So graceful.

Fan 2:
[designed by Photo Finish] So lovely.

Hoity Toity:
So perfect for my new advertisement.

Linky Shoeshine:
[spotting her in town after the fashion show] It's Fluttershy!

Twilight Sparkle:
[voice over of her letter] Dear Princess Celestia: Being a good friend means being able to keep a secret. But you should never be afraid to share your true feelings with a good friend.

Rainbow Dash:
Gilda's my best friend from my days at Junior Speedster Flight Camp. Hey, remember the chant?

Gilda:
Tsh-yeah! They made us recite it every morning. I'll never get that lame thing out of my head.

Rainbow Dash:
Soooo...?

Gilda:
Ugh. Only for you, Dash...

Rainbow Dash, Gilda:
[Rainbow Dash recites it excitedly, Gilda recites it unenthusiastically] Junior Speedsters are our lives/Sky-bound soars and daring dives/Junior Speedsters it's our quest/To some day be the very best!

Gilda:
I know what you're up to.

Pinkie Pie:
[unfazed] Great!

Gilda:
Grrr... I know what you're planning!

Pinkie Pie:
[giggles, snorts] Well I hope so! This wasn't supposed to be a surprise party.

Gilda:
I mean, I've got my eye on you.

Pinkie Pie:
[gets up in her face] And *I* got my eye on you!

Gilda:
Hey. I'm watching you... like a hawk.

Pinkie Pie:
Why? Can't you watch me like a griffon?

Gilda:
This... is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life! And Pinkie Pie... YOU! You are "Queen Lame-o" with your weak little party pranks! Did you really think you could make me lose my cool? Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together! Come on, Dash. We're bailing on this pathetic scheme... Come on, Rainbow Dash, I said we're *leaving*!

Rainbow Dash:
You know, Gilda? *I* was the one who set up all those "weak pranks" at this party...

Gilda:
...What?

Pinkie Pie:
Ooh...

Rainbow Dash:
So I guess I'm "Queen Lame-o"...

Rainbow Dash:
You know, this is *not* how I thought my old friend would treat my *new* friends. If "being cool" is all you care about, then maybe you should find some "new cool friends" someplace else.

Gilda:
Yeah? Well... You... You... You are such a-a-a "Flip-Flop"! Cool one minute, and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, give me a call... [she walks out the door]

Rainbow Dash:
*Not* cool...

Granny Smith:
[Granny sees Gilda's tail sticking out from a fruit cart and doesn't recognize what it is] Aaa! A rattler, a *rattler*! Run for the hills! Everybody forsake yourselves! [starts to run off wildly, but only manages to hobble slowly away]

Twilight Sparkle:
[first lines, on the train to Canterlot] We're getting closer!

Rainbow Dash:
I can hardly wait!

Fluttershy:
I'm so excited, I-I feel like shouting! [softly] Woo hoo!

Applejack:
Hoo-wee! Canterlot, here we come!

Rarity:
[wearing a Christmas tree hat] Oh, I do hope I look festive enough!

Pinkie Pie:
[pops out of Rarity's hat] There it is! Canterlot!

Twilight Sparkle:
I can't believe that Princess Celestia chose us to put on the most important play of the season! Do you guys know what an honor this is? For all of us?

Fluttershy:
Oh, I wish she hadn't honored me quite so much... I can't go onstage! I don't want everypony looking at me!

Rarity:
Fluttershy, darling, there's nothing to feel nervous about.

Fluttershy:
No?

Rarity:
Of course not. All across Equestria, ponies are preparing their own pageants for Hearth's Warming Eve, in their own towns. It's tradition.

Fluttershy:
So you're saying they'll be too busy to come to *our* play?

Rarity:
Well no. We're in the Canterlot pageant, the biggest, most important production in all of Equestria. A *lot* of ponies will come to watch us.

Fluttershy:
A lot?

Rarity:
Hundreds.

Fluttershy:
Hundreds?

Rarity:
[happy gasp] Maybe even thousands! [Fluttershy yelps and hides in a box of decorations and props]

Rainbow Dash:
[looking at herself in a mirror] Aaah, Rain-bow-Dash! Rain-bow-Dash! Aaaah! Thank you, thank you!

Applejack:
It's a reenactment of the founding of Equestria. It's not the "Rainbow Dash Show".

Rainbow Dash:
Well it *should* be the Rainbow Dash Show! I'm the star!

Spike:
[narrating the play with a faux British accent] Once upon a time, long before the peaceful rule of Celestia, and before ponies discovered our beautiful land of Equestria, ponies did not know harmony. It was a strange and dark time. A time when ponies were torn apart, by hatred. [audience gasps]

Spike:
[normal voice] I know. Can you believe it? [accent] During this frightful age, each of the three tribes, the Pegasi, the unicorns, and the Earth ponies, cared not for what befell the other tribes, but only for their own welfare. In those troubled times, as now, the Pegasi were the stewards of the weather. But, they demanded something in return. Food that could only be grown by the Earth ponies. [audience whispers]

Spike:
[accent] The unicorns demanded the same, in return for magically bringing forth day and night. And so, mistrust between the tribes festered, until one fateful day, it came to a boil. And what prompted the ponies to clash? 'Twas a mysterious blizzard that overtook the land, and toppled the tribes' precarious peace.

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
All I wanna know is why the Earth ponies are hogging all the food? [other observing pegasi shout]

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
*Us*? We're not hogging all the food, *you* are! Oh wait. You're right. It's us. Well, it's only 'cause you mean old pegasusususes are making it *snow like crazy*!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
For the hundredth time, it's not us! We're not making it snow! It must be the unicorns! They're doing it with their freaky magic!

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
[gasps] How *dare* you! Unlike you Pegasi ruffians, we unicorns would never stoop to such a thing! H-m-ph! [other unicorns 'humph' with her]

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Well, if you non-earths aren't gonna stop using your weirdo powers to freeze us all, then I'm just plum out of ideas.

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
What a shocker. An Earth pony with no ideas.

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
Commander Hurricane, please cease with the insults!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
You're not the boss of me, your royal snootiness!

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
I beg your pardon? I am a princess! I won't be spoken to that way!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
Well, I'm leaving first!

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
No, I'm first! [the three of them argue]

Spike:
[accent, narrating] And the blizzard raged on.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
[Pinkie Pie/Puddinghead comes into the cottage through the fireplace] Wouldn't it have been easier to use the door, Chancellor?

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Maybe for you, Smart Cookie. But I am a chancellor. I was elected because I know how to think outside the box. Which means [she gets back inside the fireplace and sticks her head up the flue] I can also think inside the chimney. Can you think inside a chimney?

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Uh...

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
I didn't think so.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Ugh.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Ohmygosh. Hold on to your hooves - I am just about to be brilliant!

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
[under her breath] That'd be a first.

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
Stoooooop!

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
What's wrong?

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
*That* is what's wrong! [points to a stream with rushing water]

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
Your highness, it's just a stream. We can cross it easily.

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
I refuse to get my gown wet. I have no intention of arriving at my new land looking like a bedraggled Earth pony, or worse yet a rough-and-tumble Pegasus. I, for one, have no intention of stooping down to their level. On the other hand, I have no trouble watching *you* stoop down.

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
[groans]

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
And do watch the gown, darling. It's worth more than *all* of the books in your library.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Yes, yes. This is definitely the right direction.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
It feels like we're going in circles.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
But that's impossible. Are you suggesting that I'm reading the map wrong?

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Absolutely not, your chancellorness. It's just that there are holes in the map, and...

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Of course! How else could I see where I was going?

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Yeah, uh...

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Or talk? I need to be able to talk! I mean, how would we survive if I just suddenly shut up?

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Heaven forbid that should happen, your chancellorship, heh. It's just that... the map is also upside down.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
I got a newsflash for you, Cookie. The Earth is round. There is no up or down.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
The air! The trees! The dirt. This dirt is the dirtiest dirt in the whole dirt world!

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
And fertile, too. Perfect for growing food.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
In the name of the Earth ponies, I think I'm gonna call this new place... uh... Dirtville.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
How about "Earth"?

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Earth! Congratulations to me for thinking of it.

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead, Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane, Rarity as Princess Platinum:
We found our new home!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
I planted my flag first!

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
Did not!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
Did too!

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
I planted mine earlier than first.

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
All of you riff-raff are trespassing in Unicornia!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
The name is Pegasopolis!

Pinkie Pie as Chancellor Puddinghead:
Earth!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
Pegasopolis!

Rarity as Princess Platinum:
Unicornia!

Rainbow Dash as Commander Hurricane:
I say we fight for the land. May the best pony win!

Fluttershy as Private Pansy:
I vote for calm.

Spike:
[accent] And so the paradise that the ponies had found was soon lost, buried beneath a thick blanket of snow, and hard feelings. Instead of beautiful, it was blizzardy. Instead of wonderful, it was wintry! Instead of spectacular, it was snow-tacular! Instead of...

Linky Shoeshine:
[from the audience] We get it! Move on!

Spike:
[laughs nervously and clears his throat, resumes fake accent] Everypony was forced to seek shelter. They searched high and low, but the only shelter for miles was a cold and desolate cave. And, of course, the three tribes had to share it, and nopony was too happy about that.

Fluttershy as Private Pansy:
[the fighting between Princess Platinum, Commander Hurricane, and Chancellor Puddinghead has caused the entrance to the cave to freeze shut and trap the three leaders in ice] What is that... thing?

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
They must be... windigos!

Fluttershy as Private Pansy, Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Windigos?

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
My mentor Star Swirl the Bearded taught me about them. They're winter spirits that feed off fighting and hatred. The more hate the spirit feels, the colder things become!

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
Then... this is our fault. We three tribes... we brought this blizzard to our home by fightin' and not trustin' each other. Now it's destroyin' this land, too.

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
And now our bodies will become as cold as our hearts... all because we were foolish enough to hate.

Fluttershy as Private Pansy:
Well, I don't hate *you*... I actually hate Commander Hurricane a lot more than I hate you guys.

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever, Applejack as Smart Cookie:
[giggling; a windigo snorts]

Fluttershy as Private Pansy:
Actually, I don't really hate her, I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike her.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
[Smart Cookie and Clover laugh] Well, I don't hate you guys either.

Twilight Sparkle as Clover the Clever:
Nor do I.

Applejack as Smart Cookie:
No matter what our differences, we're all ponies. [the ice begins to crack]

Spike:
All through the night, the three ponies kept the fire of friendship alive by telling stories to one another and by singing songs, which of course became the winter carols that we all still sing today. Eventually, the warmth of the fire and singing and laughing reached the leaders, and their bodies began to thaw. And, it even began to melt their hearts. [rumbling]

Spike:
[accent] The three leaders agreed to share the beautiful land, and live in harmony ever afterwards. And together, they named their new land...

Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity:
Equestria!

Main cast and audience:
[singing] The fire of friendship lives in our hearts/As long as it burns we cannot drift apart/Though quarrels arise, their numbers are few/Laughter and singing will see us through [will see us through]

Main cast and audience:
We are a circle of pony friends/A circle of friends we'll be to the very end!

Twilight Sparkle:
[backstage after the play] We should be so honored that Princess Celestia chose us! She must really think we exemplify what good friends are! [wind blows through an open window]

Rarity:
Applejack, I thought you closed all the windows.

Applejack:
Don't blame me. Rainbow Dash should've flown up there and shut it. After all, she's got wings.

Rainbow Dash:
Why do I always have to do all the high up chores? Why can't Twilight use her magic for a change! [everyone starts to argue, but the wind blows harder, reminding them of the windigoes in the story]

Rainbow Dash:
Y'know what? I got it. [she goes to close the window and everyone laughs]

Apple Bloom:
We just wanted to let you know that we think you're the best teacher in the whole wide world! And we think you're super! And that we love you so so much! And we want you to have the best Hearts and Hooves Day...

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
Ever!

Cheerilee:
Thank you so much girls. I love it, I really do.

Sweetie Belle:
I'm sure it's nothing compared to the gifts you've gotten from your... very special *somepony*.

Cheerilee:
Oh, I don't have a very special somepony at the moment.

Apple Bloom:
Really?

Sweetie Belle:
How could somepony as amazing as you not have a very special somepony on Hearts and Hooves Day?

Cheerilee:
It's alright Sweetie Belle. I have lots of good friends and wonderful students who care about me very much. I'm gonna have an absolutely terrific Hearts and Hooves Day. Alright everypony, who's ready to play "pin the heart on the pony"?

Sweetie Belle - singing:
Cheerilee is sweet and kind./She's the best teacher we could hope for!/The perfect stallion you and I must find./One to really make her heart soar! Buuut... /This one's too young/This one's too old./He clearly has a terrible cold!

Sick pony:
Achoo!

Apple Bloom:
This guy's too silly/He's way too uptight.

Uptight pony:
I say!

Sweetie Belle - singing:
Well nothing's wrong with this one,/He seems alright!

Scootaloo:
His girlfriend sure thinks so.

Sweetie Belle - singing:
How 'bout this one?

Apple Bloom:
[singing; a disco pony] He's much too flashy.

Scootaloo:
[speaking] He might do.

Sweetie Belle - singing, Apple Bloom:
[singing, a stallion runs by them through a puddle] If he weren't so splashy.

Apple Bloom:
Too short,

Sweetie Belle - singing:
Too tall,

Apple Bloom:
Too clean,

Scootaloo:
Too smelly!

Sweetie Belle - singing:
[a grey stallion in large jelly jars, covered in blue jelly, slowly rises out of one of the jars] He's strangely obsessed with tubs of jelly! [the girls sigh]

Apple Bloom:
[singing] I don't think that we're mistaken./It seems all the good ones are taken.

Sweetie Belle - singing:
I really feel that at this rate,/We'll never find the perfect date.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle - singing:
Don't wanna quit and give up hope!

Scootaloo:
[to Big Macintosh] Doing anything special for Hearts and Hooves Day?

Sweetie Belle - singing:
Oh please, oh please, oh please say...

Big Macintosh:
Nope.

Sweetie Belle - singing:
[the girls gasp happily] We did it girls, we've found the one!/Who will send our teacher's heart aflutter!

Apple Bloom:
[song instruments pause] Wait a minute, let me get this straight. Are you talkin' about my brother? [song ends]

Scootaloo:
[gasp] They're coming! This is gonna be perfect. Miss Cheerilee is gonna have the best Hearts and Hooves Day ever.

Sweetie Belle:
With her new very special somepony. [the girls giggle]

Cheerilee:
Hi girls.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
Hi Miss Cheerilee.

Cheerilee:
So you three said you needed help identifying a tree you found here near the gazebo? [they point to an apple tree a couple of yards away]

Cheerilee:
[dryly] That's an apple tree.

Apple Bloom:
*Is it?* [the girls giggle again, Big Mac arrives]

Apple Bloom:
Oh, sorry big brother. We went and fixed up the gazebo all on our own. See?

Scootaloo:
As long as you're here, why not have a bite to eat from this romantic-looking picnic? Oh gosh, seems like there's only room for two.

Apple Bloom:
I guess we'll just be going then.

Scootaloo:
[hiding in a bush with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom] You really think this'll work?

Sweetie Belle:
[they are a good distance away from Cheerilee and Big Mac] Of course it will work, they're perfect for each other.

Cheerilee:
[to Big Mac, a gramophone is playing soft music] Beautiful day we're having.

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup.

Cheerilee:
Any big plans for tonight?

Big Macintosh:
Nope.

Apple Bloom:
[to her friends] Oh come on Miss Cheerilee, ask him to be your very special somepony.

Sweetie Belle:
[gasp] Ohmigosh, look.

Cheerilee:
Big Mac...

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup?

Cheerilee:
You have something stuck in your teeth. [the record needle scratches]

Sweetie Belle:
[pops out of the bush] AW COME ON!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight bumps into the CMC while reading a book] Oh my goodness, I didn't even see you there. I'm so so sorry.

Apple Bloom:
Aw it's okay Twilight. It was an accident.

Twilight Sparkle:
I've just been reading the most fascinating book about Hearts and Hooves Day. Did you know that this holiday got its start because of a love potion?

Sweetie Belle:
Did you say... a love potion?

Twilight Sparkle:
That's right. It even has the recipe.

Sweetie Belle:
I... don't suppose we could borrow that book for a little while, do ya?

Twilight Sparkle:
Of course you can. [they take it] I have another book here that I think you'll- [but they're gone]

Cheerilee:
Would you three like to tell us why it was so very important that we meet you her...

Sweetie Belle:
-Punch!

Cheerilee:
Excuse me?

Sweetie Belle:
Punch! We made punch. We were gonna set up a stand and try to sell it but, heh, we needed some pony to taste-test it first.

Apple Bloom:
Yup.

Sweetie Belle:
We thought you two would be perfect together... To test it... Together. So, ah, we'll just leave you two alone... Together, to test it. [they dash off again]

Cheerilee:
[to Big Macintosh] I'm very sorry about this. I mentioned to the girls that I don't have a very special somepony and I believe they're putting us in these *awkward* situations because they've decided it should be *you*.

Cheerilee:
[after drinking the potion the girls made] Big Mac?

Big Macintosh:
[also affected] Yup?

Cheerilee:
Will you be my very special somepony?

Big Macintosh:
[smitten] Eeyup.

Sweetie Belle:
YES!

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
[sing-song voice] He's her special somepony. She's his special somepony.

Cheerilee:
He's my special somepony.

Big Macintosh:
Eeeeeyup.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
[cooing] Aww.

Cheerilee:
[overly affectionate] He's my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie.

Big Macintosh:
You're my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie.

Apple Bloom:
Did *he* just say...

Cheerilee:
You're my cutie-patootie lovie-dovie honey-bunny.

Big Macintosh:
You're my heartie-smartie smirchy-wirchy baby-waby.

Apple Bloom:
Big Mac! Hey! *Hello*! What's going on?

Sweetie Belle:
Miss Cheerilee, are you alright?

Cheerilee:
I have a special somepony. A kissy-wissy snuggy-wuggy sugar bear.

Sweetie Belle:
I think we may have given them too big of a nudge.

Big Macintosh:
You're my cuddly-wuddly boopsie-woopsie pumpkin pie.

Scootaloo:
Ya think?

Cheerilee:
[at Sugarcube Corner] You take the first sip, snuggle-wuggles.

Big Macintosh:
No, you take it, schnoodle-bump.

Cheerilee:
No, you, shnooky-lumps.

Big Macintosh:
No, you, pookie-pie.

Mrs. Cake:
I'm all for romance, but this has been going on for *hours*. What's happened to these two?

Sweetie Belle:
[nervous chuckle] Who knows.

Mrs. Cake:
Well, these love birds will probably be planning a wedding soon. I can always use the catering business.

Sweetie Belle:
A wedding! That's it! Miss Cheerilee and Big Mac should get married!

Sweetie Belle:
Gosh, you two are so in love, the next thing you know, you'll be *getting married*.

Cheerilee, Big Macintosh:
Married?

Sweetie Belle:
That's right. Maaariiied.

Cheerilee, Big Macintosh:
Married.

Scootaloo:
[vomiting noise] Ugh.

Apple Bloom:
'Course, if you're gonna get married, you wanna pick out a really nice diamond for your [belch] ugh... shmoopy-doopy-uh-pookie-pie.

Big Macintosh:
Diamond! [he runs out through the door, breaking it]

Cheerilee:
[distressed] Shmoopy! [tries to follow him]

Scootaloo:
Don't you think you should start looking for your wedding dress? You'll wanna look your best for your... honey-bunny snuggle-baby.

Cheerilee:
Oh, dress! [she breaks down the wall next to the door in her rush to get out]

Sweetie Belle:
Now we just need to *keep* them apart.

Apple Bloom:
[one hour has passed and the spell on Cheerilee and Big Mac has been broken] Oh please be normal, please be normal.

Cheerilee:
Am I wearing a wedding veil?

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup.

Cheerilee:
Are you sitting on a feather bed in a hole in the ground?

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup.

Cheerilee:
Girls! Can you explain why I look like I'm getting married at the bottom of a pit?

Sweetie Belle:
We may have given you the teeny-tiniest bit of love potion... that may have turned out to *actually* be a love *poison*, and you may have gone just a *teeny*-tiniest bit nutty.

Apple Bloom:
But we only did it because we thought you and Big Mac would be really happy if you could be each others very special someponies on Hearts and Hooves Day.

Scootaloo:
Our hearts and hooves were in the right place.

Cheerilee:
We appreciate that you care about us and want us to be happy but...

Apple Bloom:
But no matter how good our intentions might have been, we shoulda never meddled in your relationship.

Scootaloo:
No pony can force two ponies to be together.

Sweetie Belle:
It's up to everypony to choose that very special somepony for themselves.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
We're sorry.

Cheerilee:
And you can think about how sorry you are while you're doing all of Big Mac's chores at Sweet Apple Acres. Does that seem like a fair punishment to you?

Big Macintosh:
Eeyup.

Rainbow Dash:
[flying over Ponyville dropping flyers] Calling all pegasus ponies! Meeting tonight!

Flitter:
[reading] Mandatory meeting for all Ponyville pegasi.

Rainbow Dash:
Library, tonight. Be cool, or be mule. [to a mule] No offense.

Mule:
None taken.

Film announcer:
Every living thing depends on the life-giving nourishment of rainwater, and it is up to Cloudsdale to provide rain-filled clouds to every corner of Equestria. But how, one pony might ask, does Cloudsdale gather all this extra water? Tornado power! That's right, pegasi-driven tornado power. A team of pegasi combine their wing power to create a jumbo tornado, powerful enough to pull water out of the local reservoir, and funnel it all the way up to Cloudsdale. Remember, pegasi, your jumbo tornado must reach a minimum of eight hundred wing power to lift that water up to Cloudsdale. So, the next time you're wondering "Where does all that extra rainwater come from?", just remem- [music and voice suddenly halt, the film projector stops working]

Spike:
Uh... intermission?

Rainbow Dash:
So, are we gonna train hard?

Pegasi:
Yeah!

Rainbow Dash:
Are we gonna be strong?

Pegasi:
Yeah!

Rainbow Dash:
Are we gonna be fast?

Pegasi:
Yeah!

Rainbow Dash:
Record-smashing fast?

Bulk Biceps:
Yeah!

Rainbow Dash:
Who's with me?

Pegasi:
Woohoo!

[cheering]

Rainbow Dash:
[Fluttershy is faking sick to avoid tornado duty] Fluttershy, what happened to you?

Fluttershy:
Oh, I [sniffs] I think I have [coughs weakly] the pony pox. I'm sorry, I really, really wanted to come to training day today [coughs weakly] but this pony pox has really knocked me for a loop. Achoo. [coughs weakly]

Rainbow Dash:
Oh, you poor thing. You know, there's only one cure for pony pox.

Fluttershy:
I know, plenty of bed- [Rainbow Dash dumps a bucket of water on her, and the spots of "pony pox" wash off, Fluttershy yelps]

Rainbow Dash:
Cold water! Those pony pox are clearing right up.

Cloudchaser:
What exactly does this machine do?

Twilight Sparkle:
This is an anemometer. It measures your accelerative velocity and translates it into wing power, thus gauging your cumulative H2O anti-gravitational potential. Any other questions?

Flitter:
Yeah. [turns to Spike] What exactly does this machine do?

Spike:
It tells you how fast you're flying and how strong your wings are.

Pegasi:
Ohhhh... Okay... I see...

Rainbow Dash:
[about Fluttershy's wind/flight speed] Um... great job, Fluttershy! You measured, uh, uh... point five.

Spike:
.5? Isn't that like... less than one? [Twilight hits him]

Spike:
Ow!

Fluttershy:
[under a tree with her animal friends, a squirrel offers some acorns to Fluttershy] Oh, thank you, but I'm afraid a couple of little acorns won't solve my big flying problem.

Fluttershy:
[a mother duck with two ducklings quacks twice] I tried, but you should've seen those ponies laughing at me...

Fluttershy:
[two birds chirp and pull Fluttershy up by her mane] I know it's important to have confidence in myself...

Fluttershy:
[a badger chatters at her] Yes, yes, I do remember. The river was swelling...

Fluttershy:
[the badger chatters more and pretends to have a heart attack and faint]... and you were scared...

Fluttershy:
[badger squeaking, looks at Fluttershy angrily]... yes, I *did* tell you to never give up... and to believe in yourself. You're right, my friends. I shouldn't give up. I *will* get my confidence up and show everypony that I *am* a good flyer! A *great* flyer!

Spike:
[a squirrel chatters at Spike] What did he say?

Twilight Sparkle:
Do I *look* like I speak squirrel?

Twilight Sparkle:
[a Pegasus coughs] Is that you again, Thunderlane? Please, we need to have a germ-free environment.

Thunderlane:
It wasn't me, it was Blossomforth.

Rainbow Dash:
So you won't fly with 10.0 wing power. Every bit counts!

Fluttershy:
How would *you* feel if everypony else was flying with 10.0 wing power and *you* were flying with 2.5?

Spike:
Actually, it was only 2.3, and- ow! [Twilight hits him and motions a lip-zipping]

Rainbow Dash:
[Spike shows Rainbow Dash a roll call roster indicating the absense of Thunderlane] Lazy Thunderlane! Where is he? He's been trying to get out of tornado duty the whole time with his fake coughing and all. Rumble, where's your lazy brother?

Rumble:
He's got the feather flu. He's down at Ponyville hospital.

Spike:
But he's not the only one. [Spike shows the next page of the roster, with more absent pegasi]

Twilight Sparkle:
[after the pegasi have failed once at making a strong enough tornado] If you break apart again, somepony could get hurt! You should quit, it's not safe!

Rainbow Dash:
No! One more time! I've gotta know we gave it our all! If I'm going down, I'm going down flying!

Twilight Sparkle:
[looking at the anemometer and Fluttershy still too scared to join in] Seven ninety five! We are so close! Fluttershy, they need you up there!

Fluttershy:
I won't make a difference!

Twilight Sparkle:
You *can* make a difference!

Fluttershy:
My measly 2.3 wing power is still too little!

Spike:
It's sticking at seven ninety five! I don't know if they've got any more in 'em!

Twilight Sparkle:
Do it for Equestria! Do it for Rainbow Dash! Do it for yourself!

Rainbow Dash:
[after a successful transfer of water to Cloudsdale by tornado, Fluttershy is still flying in circles after everypony else has stopped; Rainbow Dash stops her with a small cloud] Whoa, girl, take it easy!

Fluttershy:
[slightly dazed] Whuh, what? Did we do it?

Rainbow Dash:
Yeah, we did it! You did it!

[they give each other a wing version of a "high five"]

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy:
Ah!

Flitter:
Great job, Fluttershy, that was awesome!

Cloudchaser:
Yeah, we couldn't have done it without you.

Spitfire:
Nice job, Rainbow Dash. You may not have set a new record, but you showed a lot of guts.

Rainbow Dash:
Thanks, but if you wanna talk guts, then you've gotta give it to my number one flyer, Fluttershy! Let's hear it for Fluttershy!

Pegasi:
[chanting] Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Fluttershy can really fly!

[cheering]

Fluttershy:
Dear Princess Celestia, sometimes you can feel like what you have to offer is too little to make a difference, but today, I learned that everypony's contribution is important, no matter how small. If you just keep your head high, do your best, and believe in yourself, anything can happen.

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh my gosh, I think I did it! If I can find a way to read The Art of Invisibility Spells, and Thornhoof's Brief History of Canterlot at the same time, that could leave me a half-hour scheduling window! Huh? [magic crackling, wind blowing]

Twilight Sparkle:
What's going on? [another Twilight Sparkle, wearing a damaged black sneaking suit, an eyepatch, a wild hairstlye, and a cut on one cheek, appears; present Twilight yelps]

Future Twilight Sparkle:
Twilight, you've got to listen to me!

Twilight Sparkle:
Who are you? I mean, you're me, but I'm me too. How can there be two 'me's? It's not scientifically possible. *You* are not scientifically possible!

Future Twilight Sparkle:
Twilight, please! I have a very important message for you from the future!

Twilight Sparkle:
You're from the *future*?

Future Twilight Sparkle:
That's right, now listen...

Twilight Sparkle:
What happened to you? The future must be awful.

Future Twilight Sparkle:
Please! I don't have much time!

Twilight Sparkle:
Is there some sort of epic pony war in the distant future or something?

Future Twilight Sparkle:
Actually, I'm from next Tuesday morning, but that's not important right now!

Twilight Sparkle:
I can't believe time travel is really possible! How did you, I mean, *I* figure it out?

Future Twilight Sparkle:
The time spells are in the Canterlot archives. But that's not...

Twilight Sparkle:
Really? Where? I've never seen them.

Future Twilight Sparkle:
They're in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing. Now, you have to listen to...

Twilight Sparkle:
Is time travel fun, or does it hurt? I have so many questions- [muffled voice; Future Twilight sticks her hoof in present Twilight's mouth]

Future Twilight Sparkle:
I have something extremely important to tell you about the future, and I only have a few seconds so you've got to listen! Whatever you do, don't- [magic crackling; she disappears]

Twilight Sparkle:
Future Twilight? Oh no! What was she trying to warn me about? Her clothes, her mane, that scar... oh, what a mess she is!... I mean, I am... or I... will be... [gasps] She must want me to prevent whatever horrible thing happens in the future! [gasps]

Twilight Sparkle:
[having just smashed through Pinkie's party supplies, Twilight has a funny-looking eyeglasses/mustache/nose disguise on] Listen, everypony! I've got something really important to say! [ponies laugh]

Twilight Sparkle:
[she notices the mask and knocks it off] This is no laughing matter! We have a crisis on our hooves! [gasps]

Twilight Sparkle:
I've just been visited by myself from the future! [more laughing]

Twilight Sparkle:
This isn't a joke! My future self tried to warn me about a horrible disaster that's going to occur sometime before next Tuesday morning!

Applejack:
What kind of disaster?

Twilight Sparkle:
I don't know! I got sucked back into the future before I could explain!

Twilight Sparkle:
[disaster-proofing Ponyville, looking at a checklist] Done, and done, and done. Applejack, what about the Everfree Forest?

Applejack:
The perimeter's clear.

Twilight Sparkle:
Great.

Rainbow Dash:
And my team gave the all clear from Fillydelphia to Las Pegasus.

Twilight Sparkle:
Excellent. Well, we've done everything on the list, but still... future Twilight looked like she'd been through a horrible ordeal. I just have this nagging feeling we should be looking for something bigger than loose bolts and leaky pipes.

Fluttershy:
[rubbing the belly of Cerberus, the giant three-headed dog that guards Tartarus] Who's the cute widdle three-headed dog?

Twilight Sparkle:
Wow, I knew you were good with animals, but this is amazing.

Fluttershy:
Aww, he's just a big furry guy who got out of his yard, that's all. Right, Cerberus? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

Pinkie Pie:
[screaming]

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie:
[stops screaming] Yes, Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle:
Do you have a ball I can borrow?

Pinkie Pie:
I have balls stashed all over Ponyville, in case of ball emergency. [pulls out a ball from a hole in a tree]

Twilight Sparkle:
I did everything I could think of to change the future. But it didn't work. So maybe it's not what I do... maybe it's what I *don't* do! If I stand right here and don't move a muscle until next Tuesday, I can't possibly do whatever it is that future Twilight wanted to warn me not to do!

Spike:
Really? So... no matter what happens, you're not gonna move a muscle, huh? Then maybe you won't mind if I... eat an entire tub of ice cream! [grabs a tub of ice cream, splatting it over himself] Mmm! [muffled] So good! [eating noisily]

Twilight Sparkle:
[through gritted teeth] Spike, stop! Think of the stomach ache!

Spike:
[chuckles] Stomach ache, huh? That's future Spike's problem.

Twilight Sparkle:
[trying to predict and prevent any disaster from happening] Ah, Pinkie, I'm glad you're here. Can you help me recalibrate the apertures on the nine and quarter catadioptric telescopes?

Pinkie Pie:
Sure!

Twilight Sparkle:
[gasps] Pinkie, did you finish recalibrating the apertures on the nine and quarter inch catadioptric telescopes? [looks through the telescope]

Pinkie Pie:
I have no idea! [Twilight tilts the telescope up and points it at the sun]

Twilight Sparkle:
Ah! My eye!

Pinkie Pie:
[begins rummaging in the fireplace] Don't worry, Twilight, I have eye patches stashed all over Ponyville, in case of eye patch emergency. [puts an eyepatch on Twilight] There! Now you look like a pirate! A sleepy pirate, with a really weird mane cut.

Twilight Sparkle:
[after accidently looking at the sun through a telescope, Pinkie Pie puts an eye patch on Twilight] The eye patch...! Another sign! Nearly all the signs have come true! I haven't done a thing to prevent the catastrophe! If Tuesday's tomorrow, and the disaster happens by Tuesday morning, then there's only one solution. I'll just have to... *stop time*.

Spike:
[trying to sneak into the Canterlot Archives wearing black jumpsuits] I dunno why we have to wear *these* things, either.

Pinkie Pie:
Aren't we wearing them for fun?

Twilight Sparkle:
[hushed] No, there's nothing *fun* about this!

Twilight Sparkle:
[sees the entrance to the archives] Huh. How'd I miss that? Look at all those priceless magic scrolls. There are more than I ever imagined!

Pinkie Pie:
Twilight, the guard!

Twilight Sparkle:
[gasps] What do we do, what do we do?

Royal Guard:
Hey, Twilight, haven't seen you in a while. Let me open that for ya. [he opens the gate]

Twilight Sparkle:
[chuckles nervously] Thanks!

Spike:
Twilight, it's over! It's officially Tuesday morning.

Twilight Sparkle:
Nnngh, no! Tuesday morning, the disaster! Incoming!

Spike:
I dunno, Twilight. I don't see any disasters. Looks like a pretty nice day.

Princess Celestia:
[walks by] Good morning, Twilight, love the new hairstyle. Well, happy Tuesday!

Twilight Sparkle:
Why isn't anypony surprised to see me sneaking around in here? Is it possible there never was a disaster? That I've just been making myself frantic over nothing?

Spike:
I don't get it. If future Twilight wasn't warning you about a disaster, then what was she trying to tell you?

Twilight Sparkle:
[giggles] I don't know. But I do know one thing. I look ridiculous.

Twilight Sparkle, Spike:
[laughing]

Spike:
Yeah, you do!

Twilight Sparkle:
And it's all because I couldn't stop worrying and let the future handle itself! Well, not anymore. From now on, I'm gonna solve problems as they come, and stop worrying about every little thing!

Spike:
That's great! Does that mean there won't be any more late night pacing?

Twilight Sparkle:
No more late night pacing. If only I had learned this lesson a week ago, we wouldn't have had to go through all this.

Twilight Sparkle:
[arriving back from her time travel to the past] -waste your time... worrying... about... ugh, I can't believe I just did that.

Pinkie Pie:
Did you tell her about the cool birthday present?

Twilight Sparkle:
Remember last week when future Twilight came to warn me about something? That was *me* trying to warn *myself* not to worry so much! Now I'm gonna spend the next week freaking out about a disaster that doesn't even exist! Ugh...

Pinkie Pie:
Ah, don't worry about it. It's past Twilight's problem now.

Twilight Sparkle:
[giggles] Huh, I guess you're right, Pinkie.

Spike:
[stomach growls] Ohhh... my stomach... I, I think it's all that ice cream... I thought the stomach ache would be future Spike's problem... but now I *am* future Spike. Ohh...

Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie:
[giggling]

Twilight Sparkle:
Come on, future Spike. Let's get you home.

Spike:
Spike is great! Makin' a jewel cake!

Apple Bloom:
If the tonic is a fake, then how come Granny can swim again, and what about all that aquabatic stuff we just did?

Applejack:
I reckon sometimes you can forget what you're capable of, and it just takes a little extra confidence to remember it was inside of you all along. [hugs Granny Smith, then heads over to Flim and Flam] But telling ponies your tonic can do things it can't... is just wrong!

Flim:
But you just said it boosts confidence!

Flam:
And that's not all it does, folks!

Silver Shill:
[offscreen] Yes it is! [camera shifts over to show him taking off his glasses and hat] In fact it's not a tonic at all! I know cause I helped make it! [Flim and Flam look nervous] Watching Applejack save Granny Smith, then admit to lying, well, that made me realize I was making ponies believe in a thing that just wasn't so!

Applejack:
Believing in something can make you do amazin' things, but if that belief is based on a lie, eventually it's gonna lead to real trouble. [Flim and Flam nervously slip out of sight through the crowd]

Silver Shill:
Thank you, Applejack. [Holds up a coin] I got this through dishonest means. That was a mistake I won't be making again. [Puts it on her hoof] I'd like you to have it. As a reminder of how you helped me finally see the truth.

Applejack:
I don't know...

Silver Shill:
Oh, don't worry. I'll track down the pony I sold that worthless tonic to and give him another bit to replace this one. Honest.

Applejack:
[She smiles, then turns to Granny Smith] I'm sorry, Granny. I hope this doesn't mean you'll stop swimmin'.

Granny Smith:
Why in tarnation would I do that? I just can't believe those two salesponies had me believe I could near fly! [looks around] Hey, where'd they go?

Twilight Sparkle:
Now that we've created the checklist of things we need to create a checklist, we can make my checklist of the things I need to get done by the end of the day. Ready?

Spike:
Ready.

Twilight Sparkle:
Item 1: Create checklist of the things I have to accomplish by the end of the day.

Spike:
*sigh*

Spike:
Augh... I've been holding that quill so long, I've got a claw cramp! Good thing we don't have anything to report to Princess Celestia this week. I don't think I could write another word!

Twilight Sparkle:
We haven't sent a letter to Princess Celestia this week?

Spike:
Why? Is that bad?

Twilight Sparkle:
Bad? Bad? Of course it's bad! I'm supposed to send Princess Celestia a letter *every week* telling her a lesson I've learned about friendship! Not every other week! Not every ten days! EVERY! SINGLE! WEEK!

[repeated line]

Rarity:
Out of all the things that could happen, this is THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!

Twilight Sparkle:
[after seeing Rainbow wreck Applejack's barn] Rainbow Dash, stop! Listen, Rainbow, I know you're upset with Applejack, but don't worry! Whatever it is that has come between you two, I'm sure I, as a good friend, can help you resolve your problems!

Rainbow Dash:
Uh... what are you talking about?

Twilight Sparkle:
[setting up a bench for a "psychologist" therapy session, including glasses and a clipboard] Oh, Rainbow Dash, you don't have to hide your feelings from me! I can tell you two must've had a terrible fight. Now, why don't you tell me all about your issues with Applejack.

Rainbow Dash:
[lying on the bench] I don't have any issues with Applejack.

Twilight Sparkle:
You don't? Then why are you destroying her property?

Rainbow Dash:
...because she asked me to.

Spike:
You're the most studious student ever! I'm sure the princess will forgive you if you miss one little deadline.

Twilight Sparkle:
I'm afraid to take that chance, Spike. This is the ruler of all of Equestria we're talking about. The pony who holds my fate in her hooves! What if she doesn't forgive me?

Spike:
Yeah... I don't think she...

Twilight Sparkle:
What if instead she starts thinking I'm not taking my studies on friendship seriously?

Spike:
Why would she...

Twilight Sparkle:
What if she makes me come back to Canterlot and puts me back in school and makes me prove I've been taking them seriously by giving me a test? What if don't pass?

Spike:
Well, why wouldn't you pass...

Twilight Sparkle:
She's my teacher. Do you know what teachers do to students who don't pass? They send them back a grade! But she won't just send me back a grade. She'll send me back to... magic kindergarten!

Twilight Sparkle:
I can't believe I wasted all that time. I should have just come here first. Fluttershy always has some fear she's trying to get over. [Twilight arrives at Fluttershy's home to find her apparently wrestling a bear]

Twilight Sparkle:
Fluttershy? [Fluttershy continues to beat up the bear, and snap his neck]

Twilight Sparkle:
How could this be happening? Of all the days she had to stop being such a scaredy-pony, she had to pick today! What am I going to do? [she leaves]

Fluttershy:
[coming to a stop, Fluttershy begins to massage the bear's shoulders] You really should have come to me sooner. You were carrying so much tension in that shoulder.

Twilight Sparkle:
Clock is ticking, Twilight. Clock. Is. Ticking. Keep it together. [looks at her old toy chest] If I can't find a friendship problem... I'll make a friendship problem! [she pulls out an old doll with a sadistic grin on her face]

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight teleports herself inside the three girls' beach ball, exploding it; she greets them with a mentally-disturbed smile] Hi girls!

Apple Bloom:
Oh, hi Twilight. How's it go...

Twilight Sparkle:
[clearly mentally disturbed] Gr-eat. Just great. You three look like you're doing great too! Looks like three good friends who obviously don't need the help of another good friend. [takes out her doll] This is Smarty Pants. She was mine when I was your age, and now I want to give her to you!

Scootaloo:
[not impressed] Uhh... she's... great.

Apple Bloom:
Yeah. Great.

Sweetie Belle:
I really... like her... mane?

Twilight Sparkle:
She even comes with her own notebook and quill, for when you want to pretend she's doing her homework! [brings out notebook and quill and gives them to two of the girls]

Scootaloo:
That's... um... great.

Apple Bloom:
Yeah... great.

Scootaloo:
I really like her... mane?

Scootaloo:
[all three have been affected by Twilight's "Want it, Need it" spell, to her Smarty Pants doll] I want it!

Apple Bloom:
I need it!

Sweetie Belle:
I really like her mane!

Twilight Sparkle:
[Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle continue to fight over Smarty Pants because of Twilight's spell; she gives an annoyed groan] Big Macintosh! Thank goodness! You've gotta help me get that doll away from those girls!

Big Macintosh:
[sees them fighting]... Eeyup. [he picks the doll out of their cloudball of violence]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, thank you so much. Now if you could just give her to me?

Big Macintosh:
[suddenly affected by the spell himself] Mmnope.

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh no!

Apple Bloom:
Give her back!

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
[Overlapping lines: Don't touch it!, it's mine, etc]

Mayor of Ponyville:
[relaxing in a field] What's all the commotion about?

Dizzy Twister:
[affected by the spell] They're fighting over that doll!

Bon Bon:
[affected by the spell] That incredible, amazing doll! [many ponies begin fighting and arguing over the doll, including the mayor]

Twilight Sparkle:
[trying to cancel the spell] Can't... get... a clear shot!

Mayor of Ponyville:
Gimme!

Big Macintosh:
Nope. [he blasts the pile of ponies everywhere]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, what have I done?

Twilight Sparkle:
[annoyed groan] Big Macintosh! Thank goodness! You've gotta help me get that doll away from those girls!

Big Macintosh:
[sees the girls fighting over Twilight's doll]... Eeyup. [he carefully pulls the doll out of the ball of violence]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, thank you so much. Now if you could just give her to me?

Big Macintosh:
[overcome by the "Want It, Need It" spell] Mmnope. [he runs off with the doll, and the three girls chase him]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh no!

Apple Bloom:
Give her back!

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle:
[don't touch it, it's mine, etc]

Mayor of Ponyville:
[relaxing in the field that Big Mac and the Cutie Mark Crusaders run through] What's all the commotion about?

Dizzy Twister:
[affected by the spell] They're fighting over that doll!

Bon Bon:
[also affected] That incredible, amazing doll! [many ponies argue and fight over the doll]

Twilight Sparkle:
[trying to deactivate the spell as the doll is fought over] Can't... get... a clear shot! [grunting]

Mayor of Ponyville:
Gimme!

Big Macintosh:
Nope. [he blasts away many ponies across the horizon and breaks free of the ponypile]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, what have I done?

Twilight Sparkle:
My Smarty Pants doll! I enchanted her and now everypony is fighting over her!

Fluttershy:
Why would you enchant your doll?

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, I had to do something! I had nothing to report to Princess Celestia! I thought if I couldn't find a problem, I'd make a problem! The day is almost over!

Applejack:
Not almost!

[the sun finishes setting]

Princess Celestia:
[stern voice; she appears hovering above the chaos] Twilight Sparkle!

Applejack:
Whoa nelly.

Princess Celestia:
Looks like you all learned a pretty valuable lesson today.

Twilight's friends:
Mmhmm.

Princess Celestia:
Very well. I'll forget Twilight's punishment, on one condition: from this day forth, I'd like you all to report to me your findings on the magic of friendship, when, and only when, you happen to discover them.

Twilight's friends:
[cheering]

Twilight Sparkle:
Princess Celestia, wait! How did you know I was in trouble?

Princess Celestia:
Your friend Spike made me aware that you were letting your fears get the best of you. I commend him for taking your feelings seriously. Now, if you will all excuse me, I must return to Canterlot. I'm expecting some mail.

[she flies away and teleports out of sight]

Applejack:
Y'all heard the Princess. Spike, take a letter.

[clears throat]

Applejack:
"Dear Princess Celestia, we're writin' to you because today we all learned a little somethin' about friendship.

Fluttershy:
"We learned that you should take your friends' worries seriously.

Rainbow Dash:
"Even if you don't think that she has anything to worry about.

Rarity:
"And that you shouldn't let your worries turn a small problem...

Pinkie Pie:
"... into an enormously huge entire-town-in-total-chaos Princess-has-to-come-and-save-the-day problem.

Fluttershy:
"Signed, your loyal subjects.

Spike:
"P.S. Obviously Spike did not have to learn a lesson, because he is the best, most awesome friend a pony could ask for. Unlike everypony else, he took things seriously, and-" Eheh... uh... yeah... I'll just, um...

[he crosses out what he last wrote, and everyone giggles. Spike snorts in mild frustration]

Applejack:
[the girls are telling ghost stories] I'd like to tell ya'll the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness.

[Makes spooky ghost noises]

Applejack:
I'm sure ya'll are familiar with that one.

Rarity:
Never heard of it. But I have a much better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, inconsiderate ghost who irritated everypony within a hundred miles. [Makes spooky ghost noises]

Applejack:
That's not a real story. You made it up.

Rarity:
It *is* a ghost story, they're *all* made up.

Twilight Sparkle:
Now the next item of fun we have to do is... "Truth or Dare"...

Rarity:
I dare Applejack to do something carefully and neatly for a change.

Applejack:
Oh yeah? Well, I dare Rarity to lighten up, and stop obssessin' over every... last... little... detail... For a change.

Rarity:
I think the truth of the matter is that somepony could stand to pay a little more attention to detail.

Applejack:
And I think the truth is somepony aught'a quit with her fussin', so the rest of us can get things done!

Applejack:
[a tree branch has crashed through an upstairs window during the storm and Applejack is struggling to push it out while Twilight obsessively reads her "Guide to Slumber Parties"] Rarity, for pony's sake, stop sweatin' the small stuff and help me get rid of this thing! I said hussle over here and help me! Look, I'm sorry, all right?

Rarity:
What was that?

Applejack:
I said I'm sorry! I shoulda listened to you when you noticed where this here branch would end up. Yer annoyin' attention to detail woulda saved us from this whole mess. But right now, ya need to stop bein' so dang fussy pickin' up all those little things and help me move the one big thing in here that actually matters! Please!

Rarity:
Uh. Uh, but I'll get all icky.

Applejack:
Consarnit! What the... eh... you... I mean, yes, ickiness is often a side effect of hard work. But y'all need to get over it, on account of I just can't fix this mess I made myself. I need your help.

Rarity:
[hesitates for a few seconds before becoming resolute] Oh... Let's do this!

Twilight Sparkle:
Dear Princess Celestia: It's hard to believe that two ponies who seem to have so little in common could ever get along. But I found out that if you embrace each other's differences, you might just be surprised to discover a way to be friends after all.

Twilight Sparkle:
Let's see what our next fun, fun thing is, shall we? [Looks into the next page of her book] Hmm... what does this mean? Pillowfight?

Rarity:
Oh, please. I am not at all interested in participating in something so crude. [Applejack hurls a pillow straight into her face from offscreen] Oof! [Camera zooms in closer to her face] It... is... on!

Fillies:
[sing song voice once Twilight opens her door] Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!

Twilight Sparkle:
Hi, everypony. Great costumes. Happy Nightmare Night, Granny Smith.

Granny Smith:
I should have been asleep five hours ago.

Pipsqueak:
[wearing a pirate costume] Pipsqueak the pirate, at your service. It's my very first Nightmare Night.

Twilight Sparkle:
Since you moved here from Trottingham?

Pipsqueak:
No, my very first Nightmare Night ever!

Pinkie Pie:
[chicken squawk] Enough chitchat! Time is candy!

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie Pie, aren't you a little old for this?

Pinkie Pie:
Too old for free candy?

[chicken squawk]

Pinkie Pie:
*Never*.

Twilight Sparkle:
[Rainbow Dash is going around town with a cloud she made, striking ponies with lightning, her last strike scared] Rainbow Dash, that wasn't very nice.

Rainbow Dash:
Lighten up, old-timer. It's the best night of the year for pranks!

Twilight Sparkle:
Look what you did to Spike. [Spike chokes on his candy]

Twilight Sparkle:
Happy Nightmare Night, Applejack!

Applejack:
Howdy Spike, hey Twilight! Nice costume.

Spike:
[wearing a dragon costume] Thanks! I'm a dragon.

Twilight Sparkle:
She means me, Spike.

Zecora:
Follow me and very soon you'll hear the tale of Night Mare Moon. Listen close my little dears, and I'll tell you where you got your fears of Nightmare Night, so dark and scary. Of Night Mare Moon, who makes you wary.

[everyone gasps at a fake image of Night Mare Moon appears]

Zecora:
Every year, we put on a disguise, to save ourselves, from her searching eyes.

[fillies scream when they see an evilly grinning face]

Zecora:
But Night Mare Moon wants just one thing. To gobble up ponies in one quick swing.

[Pipsqueak backs into Pinkie Pie and they both scream]

Zecora:
Hungrily, she soars the sky. If she sees nopony, she passes by. So if she comes and all is clear, Equestria is safe another year!

Pipsqueak:
Uh, Miss Zecora, if we wear costumes to hide from Night Mare Moon, so she won't gobble us up, how come we still need to give her some of our candy?

Zecora:
A perfect question, my little friend. For Night Mare Moon you must not offend. Fill up her belly with a treat or two, so she won't return to come eat you!

Princess Luna:
[booming voice; first lines upon arriving in Ponyville] Citizens of Ponyville! We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real princess of the night! A creature of nightmare is no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration! Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!

Twilight Sparkle:
Princess Luna? Hi, my name is...

Princess Luna:
Star Swirl the Bearded. Commendable costume! Thou even got the bells right.

Twilight Sparkle:
Thank you, finally! Somepony who gets my costume! Uh, I just came to welcome you to our celebration! My actual name is...

Princess Luna:
Twilight Sparkle. [booming voice] It was thou who unleashed the powers of harmony upon us and took away our dark powers!

Twilight Sparkle:
And that was a good thing, right?

Princess Luna:
[normal voice] But of course. We could not be happier. Is that not clear?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well, you kinda sound like you're yelling at me.

Princess Luna:
But this is the traditional royal Canterlot voice! It is tradition to speak, using the royal "we", and [booming voice] to use this much volume when addressing our subjects!

Twilight Sparkle:
Fluttershy... you remember Princess Luna?

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] Charmed.

Fluttershy:
[timidly] Likewise.

Princess Luna:
Twilight Sparkle hath spoken of the sweetness of thy voice. We ask, thou teachest to us to speak as thou speakest.

Fluttershy:
[quiet, lying down in a submissive position] Okay.

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] Shall our lessons begin?

Fluttershy:
[quieter] Okay.

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] Shall we mimic thy voice?

Fluttershy:
[quiet] Okay.

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] How is this?

Fluttershy:
Perfect. Lesson over. [she zips for her front door, only to smack into it as Twilight slams it shut]

Twilight Sparkle:
A little quieter, princess.

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] How is... [normal, but loud voice] this?

Twilight Sparkle:
Better. Right, Fluttershy?

Fluttershy:
[nervous, dazed laughter] Yes.

Princess Luna:
[normal, but loud voice] How... about... now?

Twilight Sparkle:
Now you're getting it.

Princess Luna:
[normal voice] And... how about now?

Twilight Sparkle:
Yes! Well done.

Princess Luna:
[booming voice, she proceeds to aggressively hug Fluttershy as if she were a giant rag doll, and Fluttershy hangs limply in paralyzed fear] Ah, thank you, dear Fluttershy! Our normal speaking voice shall surely win us the hearts of thy fellow villagers.

Princess Luna:
Fun? What is this "fun" thou speakest of?

Princess Luna:
Ha ha! The fun has been doubled!

Princess Luna:
I ask that thou call us... me... Luna, fair Applejack. Hear me, villagers! All of you! Call me Luna!

Pinkie Pie:
[Princess Luna sees that Pipsqueak fell into the apple-bobbing tub, so she fishes him out by grabbing his shirt with her mouth] Hey, gals. Anypony seen Pip? We lost him the last time we had to run...

[sees Luna and Pipsqueak; chicken squawk]

Pinkie Pie:
Aaah! Night Mare Moon is gobbling Pipsqueak! Everypony run!

Pipsqueak:
Help! My backside has been gobbled!

[runs away]

Princess Luna:
'Tis a lie! Thy backside is whole and ungobbled, thou ungrateful whelp!

[thunder/lightning clash]

Princess Luna:
[Princess Luna created real spiders to play a fake-spider-tossing game, and the spiders crawl towards other ponies as well as the fake-web goal] Huzzah! How many points do I receive? [everyone runs away and screams] Do not run away! As your princess we command you!

Princess Luna:
[deafening voice, hovering in the air with lit-up eyes] *BE STILL!* [echo]

Twilight Sparkle:
Princess, remember! Watch the screaming!

Princess Luna:
[booming voice] No, Twilight Sparkle! We must use the traditional royal Canterlot voice for what we are about to say. Since you choose to fear your princess rather than love her and dishonor her with this insulting celebration, we decree that Nightmare Night shall be canceled! Forever!

Applejack:
Shoot. We had everything goin' our way. Luna was happy, everypony in town was happy, now look at 'em.

Noi:
[crying] But I wanted to be a zombie next year.

Twilight Sparkle:
It's not over yet.

Applejack:
What are you gonna do?

Twilight Sparkle:
I'm going to do what I do best. Lecture her!

Twilight Sparkle:
[pinning Pinkie Pie down so she won't run away from Princess Luna in fear] No! No shrieking. No screaming or squealing either. Okay?

Twilight Sparkle:
So why do you keep running away and screaming?

Pinkie Pie:
Sometimes it's just really fun to be scared.

Twilight Sparkle:
Fun? Pinkie Pie, you're a genius!

Pinkie Pie:
No, I'm not. I'm a chicken. Ba-caw!

Twilight Sparkle:
Princess Luna! I've finally figured out why you're having so much trouble being liked!

Princess Luna:
Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.

Pipsqueak:
Gosh. I never thought my very first Nightmare Night would be my very last.

Zecora:
Come, little Pip. Now don't you fret. Nightmare Night's not over yet. We still have candy left to give, so Night Mare Moon might let us live.

Mayor Mare:
[wearing a clown costume] Yes. Come on, little ponies. What's Nightmare Night without the annual candy offering? You don't want Night Mare Moon to gobble you up,

[spooky voice]

Mayor Mare:
do you?

Spike:
Aw, the rainbow wig just kills it for me.

Night Mare Moon:
[booming voice, Princess Luna animates a statue of her past self, Night Mare Moon] Citizens of Ponyville! You were wise to bring these candies to me. I am pleased with your offering. So pleased that I may just eat it... instead of eating you!

[ponies scream]

Princess Luna:
[transforms back into herself and spits out some fake fangs] I am not certain that did what you meant for it to do, Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle:
Just wait.

Princess Luna:
For what? For... for them to scream some more?

Pipsqueak:
Um... Princess Luna. I know there's not gonna be any more Nightmare Night, but do you suppose maybe you could come back next year and scare us again anyway?

Princess Luna:
Child. Art thou saying that thou... *likest* me to scare you?

Pipsqueak:
It's really fun! Scary, but fun.

Princess Luna:
It... is?

Pipsqueak:
Yeah! Nightmare Night is my favorite night of the year.

Princess Luna:
Well then. We shall have to bring

[booming voice]

Princess Luna:
Nightmare Night back!

Pipsqueak:
Whoa! You're my favorite princess ever! She said yes, guys!

Children:
YAY!

Twilight Sparkle:
See? They really do like you, princess.

Princess Luna:
Can it be true?

[booming voice]

Princess Luna:
Oh, most wonderful of...!

[normal voice]

Princess Luna:
I mean... Oh, most wonderful of nights.

Twilight Sparkle:
[voiceover while Nightmare Night festivities continue] Dear Princess Celestia: When you first sent me to Ponyville I didn't know anything about friendship. I met somepony tonight who was having the same problem - your sister, Princess Luna. She taught me that one of the best things you can do with friendship is to give it to others and help them find it themselves. I am happy to report that all of Ponyville has learned that even if somepony seems a little intimidating, even scary, when you offer them your friendship, you'll discover a whole new pony underneath. And even if my Star Swirl the Bearded costume didn't go over, this still turned out to be the best Nightmare Night ever.

Rainbow Dash:
[In a Shadowbolt outfit on a storm cloud, about to make lightning and thunder come from it from behind Twilight Sparkle, when thunder and lighting suddenly happen behind her] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [Flies off into the distance as Princess Luna drifts down behind Twilight Sparkle on the same cloud and winks after Twilight Sparkle turns to face her. Then they both laugh until fade out]

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie Pie, you're a genius!

Pinkie Pie:
No I'm not! I'm a chicken! Ba-GAWK!

Gustave title:
[Pinkie Pie imagines a black and white silent film scenario where Gustave is a "dastardly" evil mustached villain who tries to take the cake on board the train. Pinkie Pie slaps his arm away from the cake] Ouch! [Pinkie Pie angrily points and shouts at the villain]

Pinkie Pie title:
Get your claws off that cake you cur! [Gustave grabs her and ties her to the railroad tracks. He laughs while twisting his mustache. A train starts to approach the tied-up Pinkie]

Pinkie Pie title:
Oh goodness! [Gustave pulls a lever that starts a giant spinning saw preparing to cut the cake as a conveyor belt brings it closer. Gustave twists his mustache happily]

Gustave title:
Muhu ha ha! [Cake parts splatter all over him]

Pinkie Pie:
Thus, destroying the cake, and the Cakes' chance of winning the National Dessert Competition.

Twilight Sparkle:
But it makes no sense!

Pinkie Pie:
What do you mean, lowly assistant?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well first, if you were tied to the train tracks, how are you now here?

Pinkie Pie:
Huh... guess that isn't a totally silly question.

Twilight Sparkle:
[after Pinkie's story about how Joe is a James Bond-like spy sent to destroy the cake with gadgets] Pinkie! There is no laser beam security system. And Joe is not sleek, stealthy Con Mane! He's big, gruff, and messy!

Donut Joe:
[offended] Hey!

Rarity:
Although, you would look rather dapper in a tuxedo. [Joe beams]

Pinkie Pie:
This mystery gets more mysterious every minute.

Mulia Mild:
[after Twilight has stated to Pinkie that she knows who the culprit is, she calls everyone back into the dessert car] [stuttering] Why are we all here again?

Twilight Sparkle:
I bet you're wondering why you're all here again.

Donut Joe:
[to Mulia] She's good.

Twilight Sparkle:
Has anypony else noticed that Rarity is wearing her hair rather differently today?

Rarity:
[gasp] What? Is it a crime to change one's style every now and again? Why, I think it's a crime not to.

Twilight Sparkle:
Really? [Twilight uses her magic to pull Rarity's hair up, revealing that her right eye is missing a false eyelash]

Rarity:
[dramatically] Fine, I'm guilty! I wear false eyelashes. [calmly, pointing to the half-eaten cake] Oh, and I took a bite of the cake.

Pinkie Pie:
[looking at a big, completed cake] Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. You've *really* outdone yourselves, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. This is sure to be the winning entry of this year's national dessert competition!

Mrs. Cake:
Oh, thank you Pinkie!

Mr. Cake:
And thanks for transporting it all the way to Canterlot for us.

Pinkie Pie:
Absolutely! It's my honor and I...

Applejack:
Uh, beg pardon but, could we maybe move things along? This here cake's a mite heavy, right Big Macintosh?

Big Macintosh:
[now holding the cake on his back] Ehee... Eeyup.

Pinkie Pie:
Well the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. All that rich *creamy* goodness of the marzipan, combined with the tart tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth, silky sweetness of the meringue. That's why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the "MMMM".

Main ponies:
MMMM.

Pinkie Pie:
Exactly. It's the *most* delicious delectable delightful de-lovely cake in Equestria, and it's sure to win first prize.

Gustave Le Grand:
[suddenly enters the train, speaking with a French accent] Zis is not so, for I, Gustave Le Grand, do challenge your crude cake to a duel of delectable delicacies, against *my* Exceptionally Exquisite ?clairs! They will undoubtedly strike down all ze competition, winning first prize and crowning me le champion.

Donut Joe:
[the next to enter] Not a chance Le Grand.

Twilight Sparkle:
Donut Joe! What are you doing in Ponyville?

Donut Joe:
Picking up the final all-important ingredient for my contest entry, "Donutopia!" And with these super-sprinkles, my donuts are going to dunk all the other lousy desserts, steal first prize, and make my donut shop famous, forever!

Mulia Mild:
[last to enter, speaking in a high, elderly voice] Oh, Joe... [laughs] Your dippy donuts could never out-rival me. [laughs]

Pinkie Pie:
Hello. What's your name?

Mulia Mild:
I, am Mulia Mild. Behold, my chocolate mousse moose. It will trample all your treats, be given first prize, and make me the greatest chef in Equestria.

Gustave Le Grand:
Madame Mild, you and your mousse moose are mistaken.

Donut Joe:
Your frou-frou ?clairs will never defeat my donuts.

Pinkie Pie:
The Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is going to win!

Mulia Mild:
Your simple cake could never take my moose. [gasp; train whistles]

Twilight Sparkle:
Well it sure looks like we're in for a delicious competition tomorrow. Maybe we should all settle in for a good night's sleep.

Pinkie Pie:
It's the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, it's been... mutilated! [collective gasp] Now we just need to find out who done it.

Twilight Sparkle:
You mean, who "did it."

Pinkie Pie:
Exactly. Who did-done-dood it.

Applejack:
[to Pinkie] Uh, *you're* investigatin'?

Pinkie Pie:
Yes! And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant who asks silly questions with obvious answers.

Twilight Sparkle:
[unimpressed] Fine, Pinkie. Should we start looking for clues?

Pinkie Pie:
Perfect silly question, my dear Twilight. Because the obvious answer is...

Twilight Sparkle:
Yes?

Pinkie Pie:
No! 'Cause I know who did it. [everyone gasps again]

Twilight Sparkle:
Pinkie, how could you possibly know?

Pinkie Pie:
How could I possibly *not* know? Clearly this dastardly deed was done by the baker, who knew their dessert could not measure up to the mastery of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. I guess you feared your ?clairs lacked flair, Gustave!

Twilight Sparkle:
[after Pinkie Pie's accusation at Mulia portraying her as a ninja assassin sent to destroy the cake at night, Mulia is terrified] Pinkie stop! This is ridiculous! Look at her!

Mulia Mild:
[whimpering and shivering]

Pinkie Pie:
[sigh] I guess you're right...

Twilight Sparkle:
Thank you!

Pinkie Pie:
But I was so sure that it was one of the other bitter bakers that destroyed the "MMMM". That way, their delicious dessert would reign supreme. I mean, just look at Joe's Donutopia. It's a spectacular city of donutty delight, topped temptingly in sprinklicious sprinkles. And Gustave's ?clairs look incredibly edible, with glistening glaziness. But then there's Mulia Mild's Mousse Moose. Hoh, why this mouth-wateringly marvelous mousse moose tempts the taste buds with its silky, smooth, yummy-nummy, chocolateyness. So why did this criminal devour the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness while leaving this trio of tasty treats untouched? [the train goes through a tunnel, and there is momentary darkness, munching sounds, and a scream. When the light comes back in, the other three desserts are half-eaten] Now I have no idea who do doned it!

Twilight Sparkle:
Well, Pinkie, did you find the devourer of the desserts?

Pinkie Pie:
I most certainly did. It was none other than... the bakers! First of all, Gustav has mousse in his moustache! And Joe has eclair in his hair! And Mulia has sprinkles in her wrinkles!

Twilight Sparkle:
What do you say bakers?

Gustave Le Grand:
Oh I am so sorry, Mulia, but Pinkie made your mousse moose sound... tr?s magnifique.

Donut Joe:
And Pinkie's description of your ?clairs really did make 'em sound scrumptious.

Mulia Mild:
And the way she spoke of your Donutopia, ohh, was too delectable to resist.

Twilight Sparkle:
Well everypony, we finally have the mystery solved.

Gustave Le Grand:
Yes, but now we don't have any desserts to enter into the contest!

Pinkie Pie:
I think we can fix that. Come on!

Pinkie Pie:
Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that it is not good to jump to conclusions. You have to find out all the facts before saying somepony did something. If you don't, you could end up blaming somepony for something they never did. This could hurt their feelings, and it can make you look really foolish. So from now on, I will always make sure to get all the facts.

Pinkie Pie:
[guarding the cake at night, somepony distracts Pinkie Pie in the dark] Huh? Stop you saboteur! I have you now! Wha? A-ha! [goes up to the front of the train and sees a pony scooping coal into the engine] Ahh? [runs back to the cake] Oh! Thank Celestia you're okay! But one of those bakers is mixing up something bad, so I'm not leaving you again no matter what. [the window blinds snap shut, causing complete darkness] Huh? Who turned out the moon? Don't go near that cake, thief! [galloping sounds] Stop thief! [clang] Oh, are you okay thief? [blinds open, letting moonlight back in. Pinkie Pie looks through another door on the train and growls] Huh... overreacting my hoof. [goes back to the cake] I knew I was going to have to keep a close eye on you, and that's just what I'm gonna do. [she falls asleep after five seconds and snores]

Rainbow Dash:
Stop it, that tickles!

Trixie:
Tickles? That was supposed to make you writhe in agony!

Trixie:
Pull, you fools! Somepony set off the magic force field, and Trixie intends to punish them!

Snips:
But wouldn't it be faster if we had some wheels?

Trixie:
The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't trust wheels.

Discord:
[On stage, attempting stand up comedy with a watermelon on a stool next to him] Knock knock! [pause as everypone stares at him] You're supposed to say "Who's there?" ! This is the most basic of jokes! [Grits his teeth as he pulls out a mallet and smashes the watermelon, making it splatter out onto some of the ponies]

Maud Pie:
You're the most basic of jokes.

Pinkie Pie:
Good one, Maude! Hee, hee! [Everypony else laughs, one of Discord's eyes twitches, then he grits his teeth]

Rainbow Dash:
[In a dream, Rainbow Dash sees a mashup of her friends' pets' body parts - such as Gummy's body with Owloysius' wings, Angel's head, and Opalescence coming out of Angel's mouth - flying around with her] Okay, this is officially beyond weird now and right on down to freaky town.

Rainbow Dash:
What are you all doing out here?

Applejack:
Why, we always round up our critters for a regular ol' Pony Pet Playdate in this park.

Rainbow Dash:
Uh, you do?

Applejack:
Same time every week.

Fluttershy:
I thought you knew. You didn't know? [to the others] She didn't know?

Twilight Sparkle:
Well, we had initially planned on inviting Rainbow, of course, except...

Pinkie Pie:
We were *totally* gonna invite you, Rainbow, then Twilight remembered that you don't even have a pet, and Rarity remembered that you really like to take naps in the afternoon, so Applejack figured you wouldn't be missing out on anything anyway, and Fluttershy and I nodded our heads in agreement like this. [Pinkie pushes Fluttershy's head up and down in a nodding motion. Fluttershy continues to do so during her next line, her entire body rocking as well]

Fluttershy:
Oh, please don't be mad at us.

Rainbow Dash:
Oh, I'm not mad. You all are right. Not much point of a Pony Pet Playdate for me if I'm a pony without a pet, right?

Fluttershy:
[singing] Now, Rainbow my dear, I cannot express my delight/It's abundantly clear/That somewhere out here/Is a pet that will suit you just right.

Rainbow Dash:
[singing] I can't wait to get started,/but first let me set a few rules/It's of utmost importance/The pet that I get/Is something that's awesome and cool!

Rainbow Dash:
[singing] Fluttershy, pal, this won't cut it/I need a pet to keep up with me/Something awesome, something flying/With coolness that defies gravity!

Rainbow Dash:
[singing] The bat would be awesome, but the wasp I'm digging too/Do you have something in a yellow-striped bat?

Fluttershy:
[singing] No,/I've got a hot pink flamingo, just dying to meet you.

Rainbow Dash:
What to do, what to do. Ahh!/A prize! That's it! There's really just one way/To find out which animal's best/Hold a contest, of speed, agility and guts/That will put each pet to the test!

Fluttershy:
Don't forget style, that should be considered!

Rainbow Dash:
Then we'll know for sure who's best of the litter!

Fluttershy:
The one who is awesome and cool

Rainbow Dash:
Just like me/Can't settle for less, 'cause I'm the best

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy:
[harmony when they sing together] So a contest we will see!

Rainbow Dash:
Who's the number one, greatest, perfectest pet in the

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy:
World... for... me!

Fluttershy:
May the games

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy:
begin!

Rainbow Dash:
[spoken] And may the best pet win! [song ends]

Rainbow Dash:
[to the assembled animals] So! You all think you've got what it takes to be my pet, do ya? Well, we'll just see about that! If any of you don't think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers. This competition isn't for the weak. You'd better be prepared to step up your game! [to the butterfly] You call that flapping? [the butterfly flaps harder] That's better. There's only room on Team Dash for one of you, and my future pet needs to be able to take it to the extreme! Any questions?

Applejack:
[observing a ways away] I got one. Does she understand what a pet really needs?

Twilight Sparkle:
Yeah, like care and attention, love and affection- [Winona hops up and licks her face] Ugh! And breath mints!

Rainbow Dash:
Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.

Twilight Sparkle:
Aren't those all the same thing?

Rainbow Dash:
You would think that, Twilight. And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet. [Rainbow pats Twilight's head]

Rainbow Dash:
[to the tortoise] Wanna know the opposite of agility? That.

Rainbow Dash:
Listen, turtle...

Fluttershy:
Tortoise.

Rainbow Dash:
Whatever!

Rainbow Dash:
So, anyway, you're all outstanding competitors, but there can only be one of you who's number one. So the final, tie-breaking contest is going to be... pause for dramatic effect... a race against me! Through Ghastly Gorge! Dun dun dun!

Rainbow Dash:
[eagle cries] Gesundheit.

Rainbow Dash:
["Ride of the Valkyries" begins to play] Actually, Ghastly Gorge isn't scary. It's fun. Heh. I've flown through it a million times myself, so, obviously I'll be at the front of the pack. But whichever of you make it across the finish line with me will have proven you can keep up with me, and will have earned the honor, and glory, of getting to be my pet! Ready? Set go!

Rainbow Dash:
[Rainbow Dash has been pinned under a rock slide by her wing and is now trapped] C'mon... no! Wait! Come back! Don't leave me! I'm the one who's supposed to win! I don't wanna end up stuck here... forever! Oh no, nonono, th-this can't be happening. Forever is way too long to be trapped in Ghastly Gorge. I mean, it's like, forever! Somepony! Anypony! Help me!

Pinkie Pie:
Wait! Look!

Fluttershy:
It's the turtle!

Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle:
Tortoise!

Fluttershy:
Whatever...

Pinkie Pie:
[the falcon won Rainbow Dash's race, thus supposedly earning the right to be Rainbow's pet] You got your perfect pet, right?

Fluttershy:
The best of the best like you wanted, remember? It can fly and it's not a squirrel! Should we sing about it again?

Applejack:
A falcon sure looks good on ya, Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash:
[the tortoise is surprised by a camera flash] Easy, fella. Nothing to be afraid of. The falcon sure does looks cool... he's absolutely everything I wanted in a pet. [sighs]

Fluttershy:
Yay?

Rainbow Dash:
But I said whoever crosses the finish line *with* me gets to be my pet.

Pinkie Pie:
You did! You did say that! She did say that, that was the rule!

Rainbow Dash:
And the only racer who crossed the finish line with me, was the one who stopped to save me when I needed help. The tortoise!

Rainbow Dash:
Spike, take a letter. "Dear Princess Celestia, I used to think that the most important traits to look for in a pet, or any best friend, were all physical competitive abilities. But now I can see how short-sighted and shallow that was. Today I learned what the most important quality really is. A certain kind of spirit. A stick-to-it-ive-ness. A never give up, can-do attitude that's the mark of a real winner. And this tortoise has it."

Twilight Sparkle:
Tenacity.

Rainbow Dash:
Gesundheit. You just can't stop that little guy. He's like a... like a... tank!

Fluttershy:
But Rainbow! You didn't want a pet that couldn't fly because it would keep you grounded and hold you back, remember?

Rainbow Dash:
Hmm...

Rainbow Dash:
[the next day, the six friends come back to the park with their pets, and Rainbow Dash is with them, with her new pet tortoise] Heh. C'mon, Tank! We're gonna be late for our very first Pony Pet Playdate! [Tank follows her in a helicopter-propeller suit on his shell, powered by magic, that lets him fly anywhere]

Rainbow Dash:
[in the sleeping car of the train at night, whispering] Psst! Pinkie Pie, you asleep yet?

Pinkie Pie:
[whispering] No, are you asleep yet?

Rainbow Dash:
[whispering] If I was sleeping, how could I have asked you if you were asleep?

Pinkie Pie:
[whispering] Oh yeah! [giggle]

Rainbow Dash:
[whispering] When we get to Appleloosa, you think we'll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?

Pinkie Pie:
[whispering] What tree? You mean Bloomberg?

Rainbow Dash:
[whispering and sarcasm]... No... Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie:
[whispering] Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!

Twilight Sparkle:
What's going on?

Pinkie Pie:
Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree!

Rainbow Dash:
[whispering] I do not think she's a tree! I was just...

Twilight Sparkle:
Did you saayy she was a tree?

Rainbow Dash:
[whispering] No. Well... Yes. But not exactly...

Twilight Sparkle:
Ya know she's not a tree, right?

Pinkie Pie:
She's not a tree, Dashy!

Fluttershy:
[suddenly entering the conversation] I'd like to be a tree!

Spike:
[getting fed up with everyone talking while he tries to sleep] Oh for Pete's sake! [jumps out of his bunk and stomps off to another car]

Twilight Sparkle:
Well that was kind of huffy.

Fluttershy:
Huffy the magic dragon! [they both giggle]

Rarity:
[wearing a mud mask with cucumbers and hair curlers] Would you all be QUIET... NOOOOW!

[first lines]

Applejack:
[reading to an apple tree on the train] An' that's when the yellow birdie thought to himself, "Hmm. My favorite little tree isn't such a little tree anymore." So she sang her song, big an' strong, an' they all lived in that great, big tree happily ever after. The... End.

Rarity:
Applejack! Were you reading a bedtime story to... An apple tree?

Applejack:
Heh... Uh... Well, ya know, being replanted in a whole new place is very upsettin' for a tree... An' Bloomberg here is one of my favorites.

Rarity:
No fair, Applejack! You've got a luxurious, private sleeper car for a tree, while I am crowded and cramped in the same car with all the other ponies. How am I supposed to get my beauty sleep?

Applejack:
But Bloomberg's the whole reason we're makin' this trip. He needs his rest so we can give him as a gift to my relatives in Appleloosa.

Rarity:
Hmph! You talk about it as if it's your baby or something.

Applejack:
Who you calling a baby? Bloomberg's no baby! Don't wet widdle Rarity make you all saddy-waddy. Bloomberg's a big and strong apple tree. Yes, he is. A-coochie-coochie-coo-coo-coo!

Rarity:
It's widdle Rarity who's all saddy-waddy! Urgh!

Braeburn:
Hey there! Welcome ta A-a-pplelooosa!

Applejack:
Braeburn, listen...

Braeburn:
Cousin Applejack, mind yer manners, you have yet ta introduce me to your compadres! Shame on you!

Applejack:
Braeburn, listen, something terrible has happened...

Braeburn:
Terrible is right, your train is full seven minutes late! That's seven minutes less for you to delight in the pleasures and wonders of... A-a-a-pplelooosa!

Braeburn:
[starts showing them around the town very rapidly] Boggles the mind, we settler ponies built all this in just the past year, don't it? And as you can see, we have all of the finest comforts. Like horse-drawn carriages!

Carriage Puller:
Okay, you pull now.

Rider Pony:
Aww, we just switched.

Braeburn:
And those there are horse-drawn, horse-drawn carriages. [shows Applejack's friends some ponies who are drawing pictures of the horse-drawn carriages]

Chief Thunderhooves:
Hmmh. We have a long and winding stampeding trail, that we have run upon for many generations. My father stampeded upon these grounds... And his father before him. And his father before him. And his father before him. And his father before him. And...

Little Strongheart:
I think they get the idea, Chief.

Pinkie Pie:
[at the buffalo's campsite, after finishing the bowl of food she was given] Can I please have more of that mushy stuff, whatever it was?

Rainbow Dash:
[sees Little Strongheart, who had given them trouble on the train] That's it! We are outta here!

Little Strongheart:
Wait! Please accept my apologies for what happened on the train, we didn't mean for anyone to be hurt.

Rainbow Dash:
Yeah, right.

Little Strongheart:
We only wanted the tree. The settler ponies have overtaken the land and have planted an orchard all over it! Because of their thoughtlessness, we can no longer run over our traditional stampeding grounds...

Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie:
Huh?

Spike:
I think it's time they met Chief Thunderhooves.

Rainbow Dash:
[arguing on behalf of the two groups at odds with each other] The BUFFALO had it FIRST!

Applejack:
The settler ponies need it to LIVE!

Rainbow Dash:
Come ON Applejack!

Applejack:
[simultaneously] You're bein' unreasonable!

Rainbow Dash:
[simultaneously] I put my hoof down!

Twilight Sparkle:
Look... Both the settlers and the buffalo have good reasons to use this land. There must be something we can do.

Pinkie Pie:
Hey! I've got an idea!

Pinkie Pie:
[Pinkie Pie gets on a stage in a old-style dress and begins to dance and sing while Spike plays the piano, in an effort to get the buffalo and settler ponies to get along] We may be divided/But of you all, I beg/To remember we're all hoofed/At the end of each leg!

Pinkie Pie:
[Spike picks up the tempo] No matter what the issue/Come from wherever you please/All this fighting gets you nothing/But hoof-in-mouth disease [she opens a random buffalo's mouth and lets it slap shut]

Pinkie Pie:
[dancing around the stage and out of the top of the piano] Arguing's not the way/Hey, come out and play/It's a shiny, new day/So what do you say?

Pinkie Pie:
[dancing by herself] You gotta share/You gotta care/It's the right thing to do/You gotta share/You gotta care/And there'll always be a way through... [the Ponyville friends, Appleloosians, and Buffalo look on with incredulity]

Pinkie Pie:
[getting up in between Little Strongheart and Sheriff Silverstar, then joining other Appleloosians on stage dancing in a can-can-style line] Both our diets, I should mention/Are completely vegetarian/We all eat hay and oats/Why be at each other's throat?

Pinkie Pie:
You gotta share/You gotta care/It's the right thing to do/And there'll always be a way thro-o-o-o-ugh!

Spike:
[Spike is the only one clapping after Pinkie's song] All right, Pinkie Pie! That was FANTASTIC! What a great song! You're right on!

Chief Thunderhooves:
It appears that Sheriff Silverstar and I have come to... An agreement.

Sheriff Silverstar:
We have. [everyone eagerly awaits their decision]

Chief Thunderhooves:
That was the worst performance we've ever seen...

Sheriff Silverstar:
Teh... Abso-tively!

[last lines]

Chief Thunderhooves:
We... Will allow the apple orchard to stay in exchange for a share of its fruit, heh... Those... Delicious apple pies!

Spike:
I'd rather eat turquoise any day of the week.

[takes a bite with a satisfied sigh]

Applejack:
[to the tree she donated, now resting at the top of a hill] Bloomberg, this is yer special day. Mama's so proud of you!

Twilight Sparkle:
[voiceover] Dear Princess Celestia: Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing. Even the worst of enemies can become friends. You need understanding and compromise. You've got to share. You've got to care...

Pinkie Pie:
[sticking her head through the iris out to black] HEY! That's what *I* said!

Spike:
Hey, no worries, I know those guys. They're cool.

Buffalo:
[surfer-dude accent] If you say so, Spike. [hoof/fist-bumping him] Catch you later, bro.

Twilight Sparkle:
[commenting on Spike sleeping in a nearly empty punch bowl] Aww, he's worked himself to the bone.

Pinkie Pie:
And now the punch has been... spiked!

Rainbow Dash:
I wish I had somepony to do whatever I told them.

Scootaloo:
Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me! I'll do whatever you want, Rainbow Dash!

Rainbow Dash:
Oh yeah, pipsqueak? How about taking out the trash?

Scootaloo:
Yes Ma'am!

Spike:
Uhh, hi there. I'm Spike. I'm sure Twilight has told you all about me.

Owlowiscious:
Who?

Spike:
Uhh Spike. You know, assistant number one?

Owlowiscious:
Who?

Spike:
I'm Spike! And who are you? *What* are you?

Owlowiscious:
Who.

Spike:
Who?

Owlowiscious:
Who!

Spike:
I thought your name was Owlowiscious?

Owlowiscious:
Who?

Spike:
Ok, Who, Owlowiscious, *whatever*! I'm Spike, *okay*?

Spike:
But the store is called "Quills and Sofas"! You only sell *two things*!

Davenport:
Sorry, junior. All outta quills 'till Monday. Need a sofa?

Twilight Sparkle:
[Twilight finds her book which Spike burned at the beginning of the episode] Spike. What is this? You said this book was missing. Well, Owlowiscious found it right where it belongs, but like this. How did it get this way?

Spike:
Uh... Well, um... You see, I... I just didn't wanna disappoint you and, uh... Have you ever seen a dragon sneeze?

Twilight Sparkle:
I've seen a dragon lie. I'm very disappointed in you, Spike. [she leaves]

Spike:
[to Owlowiscious] You set me up! Well, two can play that game.

Owlowiscious:
Hoo!

Spike:
Not "who"! Two! Urgh!

Spike:
[Spike is hiding in a cave with many gems in it; he just ate a lot of the gems] Even if my tummy's full, the rest of me is still empty. I miss Twilight and the pony gang. But she doesn't love me anymore. So, I'm better off here, all by myself. [starts sweating] Wow. Seems to be getting warmer. The steam is great for my complexion, but it's sure getting hot in here.

Green Dragon:
What are you doing in my cave? And why are you eating my gems?

Spike:
Heyah bro! I didn't know this was your cave. And I didn't know these were your gems, but... we're cool, right?

Green Dragon:
[growling]

Spike:
Whoa, whoa! Hay... We're like brothers, you know? I mean, you're a dragon, I'm a dragon... It's us against the world, right?

Green Dragon:
[roars at Spike]

Spike:
You don't scare me! So you're big. *Really* big. And your claws are super sharp. Tail... extra spiky. But, uh... You don't scare me! [blows a small flame] Ha! How'd you like that? [the green dragon blows a large flame over Spike's head] Uh... I'd love to stay, but gotta go! See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! [runs away]

Twilight Sparkle:
Spike. We were so worried about you. *I* was so worried about you. Why did you run away?

Spike:
I thought you didn't need me anymore. And that you didn't love me anymore.

Twilight Sparkle:
Spike. Sure, I was disappointed, but you are my number one assistant! And friend. And you always will be. It's just that sometimes I need some help at night. I can't ask you to stay up late. You're a baby dragon and you need your rest. Owls are nocturnal. So I asked Owlowiscious to help. But not to take your place. No one could ever replace you, Spike. Not even when you are being a jealous numbskull.

Spike:
[hugs her] I'm sorry, Twilight. I've never should have been so jealous.

Twilight Sparkle:
And I'm sorry too, Spike. I should have been more sensitive.

Twilight Sparkle:
I know Princess Celestia will wanna read about what happened today...

Spike:
[preparing to write] I'm ready when you are.

Twilight Sparkle:
[about to dictate, she stops with a realization] Hey, Spike. Why don't you write to Princess Celestia? And tell her what you've learned?

Spike:
Really? Why, that's a big responsibility!

Twilight Sparkle:
I know. But nothing my number one assistant can't handle.

Spike:
[starts writing while reading out loud] Dear Princess Celestia, this is Spike, writing to you about my adventures. This week I've learned that being jealous and telling lies gets you nowhere in friendship. I also learned that there's plenty of love for every friend to share. So from here on out, I promise, that I, Spike, will... [drops asleep]

Twilight Sparkle:
Oh, Spike.

Owlowiscious:
Hoo?

Twilight Sparkle:
Who? Spike! You kno... Ohhh... [giggle]

Pinkie Pie:
Ooh! I think I got one of those!

Spike:
You do?

Pinkie Pie:
Yep! Wait right here. [she zips off and comes back with a quince] Here ya go! A quince!

Spike:
No, not a quince. A quill.

Pinkie Pie:
Oh. [zips off and comes back with a quail] A quail?

Spike:
No.

Pinkie Pie:
[she continues to throw out random things that begin with Q as she says them] A quilt? A qwesadilla? I know! A qwiche!

Spike:
Not a quiche! A quill! Quill!

Pinkie Pie:
Ohhhhhhh... Nope. Sorry. Don't have any of those.

Twilight Sparkle:
[Pinkie knocks on her door, Twilight opens it up] Oh! Hi, Pinkie Pie...

Pinkie Pie:
[wearing a party hat; singing] This is your singing telegram/I hope it finds you well/You're invited to a party/'cause we think you're really swell.

Pinkie Pie:
[at Rarity's house, she and Gummy are wearing tuxedos] Gummy's turning one year old/So help us celebrate/The cake will be delicious/The festivities first-rate!

Pinkie Pie:
[at Applejack's, wearing a fireworks suit that blasts confetti after "rug"] There will be games and dancing/Bob for apples, cut a rug/And when the party's over/We'll gather 'round for a group hug

Pinkie Pie:
[more tired, at Rainbow Dash's house, in a hot-air balloon] No need to bring a gift/Being there will be enough/Birthdays mean having fun with friends/Not getting lots of stuff

Pinkie Pie:
[exhausted, wearing a cake outfit, at Fluttershy's house] It won't be the same without you/So we hope that you say yes/So, please, oh please R.S.V.P/And come, and be our guest! [collapses]

Pinkie Pie:
[back at her home, rasping voice] Next time, I think I'll just pass out written invitations.

Twilight Sparkle:
I really gotta hit the books...

Pinkie Pie:
I understand. Your studies come first, but don't worry. We'll be sure to save you some cake.

Twilight Sparkle:
Please do.

Pinkie Pie:
Oh. And Twilight... You shouldn't *hit* the books. You should just *read* them.

Twilight Sparkle:
I'll keep that in mind.

Applejack:
Huh? Oh, hi, Pinkie Pie! What brings you 'round these parts?

Pinkie Pie:
Who's ready to shake their hoof-thang? It's an invitation to "Gummy's After-Birthday" party this afternoon. There's gonna be dancing, and games, and cake, and ice-cream, and punch!

Applejack:
This afternoon? A-as in, this afternoon this afternoon?

Pinkie Pie:
That's funny. That's just what Twilight said, and the answer is, "Yes! It's this afternoon!"

Applejack:
Uh, well, ah... ah... uh... ah don't think I can make it 'cause... uh... ah have to... uh... uh, you know what? Ah... uh... pick apples! Yup, apples! 'Cause that's what we do! With the... apples we... uh... pick 'em! [giggles and gulps]

Pinkie Pie:
Okey dokey lokey! A party is still a party, even if there are only three guests.

Spike:
Anything else I can do for you, most beautiful one?

Rarity:
[sniffs and shudders] Hmm... perhaps you could take a bath. How do I put this delicately? You smell like a rotten apple core that's been wrapped in moldy hay, and dipped in dragon perspiration.

Pinkie Pie:
I know it's short-notice, but we had such a great time at his birthday party, I thought we could have even more fun at his after-birthday party.

Rarity:
And I'm sure that we would, but I'm going to have to decline. I have to... wash my hair!

Pinkie Pie:
Don't be silly. Your hair doesn't look dirty.

Rarity:
It doesn't?

Pinkie Pie:
Nope.

Rarity:
[Rarity forces her head into an overflowing trash can] See? [mild belch] Dirty! I have to go!

Rainbow Dash:
This afternoon?

Fluttershy:
As in...

Pinkie Pie:
Yes! as in "*This afternoon*" this afternoon!

Pinkie Pie:
[Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were coming up with excuses - not to come to the party - related to a bear named Harry] He's vacationing at the beach?

Rainbow Dash:
Yeah. He loves to...

Fluttershy:
Collect seashells

Rainbow Dash:
[overlapping] Play beach volleyball!

Fluttershy:
Play beach volleyball

Rainbow Dash:
[overlapping] Collect sea shells!

Fluttershy:
Collect volleyball.

Rainbow Dash:
[overlapping] Play sea shells! [awkward pause]

Rainbow Dash:
Gotta go!

Pinkie Pie:
The more I think think about it, the more those are starting to sound like... EXCUSES!

Pinkie Pie:
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!

Applejack:
Oh! Howdy, pardn'r!

Pinkie Pie:
Mind if I... take a look inside the *barn*?

Applejack:
No! Uh, I mean, yes, I mean... you can't come in here!

Pinkie Pie:
Rainbow Dash just went in there.

Applejack:
Oh, well, she was just bringin' in some... *supplies*! Yup, supplies for the... *renovation*! Fixin' up the whole thing, top to bottom... uh, lots of construction goin' on in there right now! [yells back to the others inside]

Rainbow Dash:
[from inside, whispering] You heard her! "Construction!"

Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy:
[mimicking random noises for various construction tools]

Applejack:
Yup! Construction! That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it. [nervous giggle]

Spike:
[Pinkie Pie is interrogating Spike, with him tied to a chair and a light in his face] W-What you wanna hear? Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it!

Pinkie Pie:
Tell me that my friends are all lying to me and avoiding me because they don't like my parties, and they DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS ANYMORE! [panting angrily]

Spike:
[scared] Your friends are all lying to you and avoiding you 'cause they don't like your parties, and they don't want to be your friends anymore!

Pinkie Pie:
[triumphant] Ah-ha! I knew it! [her hair deflates and she suddenly becomes very sad] Oh no, my friends don't like my parties, and they don't want to be my friends anymore!

Pinkie Pie:
[at her own little party she has set up, Pinkie's "guests" are a bucket of turnips, a pile of three rocks, a clump of lint, and a bag of flour] Thank you all so much for coming! It means so much to Gummy.

Pinkie Pie:
[puppeteering the bag of turnips with a low voice] Could I have some more punch?

Pinkie Pie:
Well, of course you can have some more punch, Mr. Turnip.

Pinkie Pie:
[puppeteering the pile of rocks with a Bronx accent] Dis is one great party! You really outdone yourself!

Pinkie Pie:
Why, thank you, Rocky.

Pinkie Pie:
[voicing the clump of lint with a high-class "British" accent] I'm having a delightful time as well!

Pinkie Pie:
I'm so glad Sir Lintsalot.

Pinkie Pie:
[puppeteering the bag of flour with a high-pitched "French" accent] Might I tro'ble you fur ano'zher slice of cake?

Pinkie Pie:
Anything for you, Madame LeFlour.

Pinkie Pie:
[as Rocky] I'm just glad none of dem ponies showed up!

Pinkie Pie:
Oh, they're not so bad. [her eyes begin to exotropy and she begins imagining the objects as alive]

Rocky:
[Pinkie Pie's imagination] Not so bad? Pu-lease! Dey're a bunch'a losahs!

Pinkie Pie:
Oh, c'mon now. "Losers" might be a little strong, don'cha think?

Sir Lints-a-lot:
After the way they treated you? I say "losers" isn't strong enough!

Pinkie Pie:
Well, it was pretty rude...

Madame LeFlour:
Prettee roode? It waz down right deespecable!

Pinkie Pie:
It was, wasn't it?

Mr. Turnip:
If I were you, I wouldn't speak to them ever again.

Pinkie Pie:
You know what? I'm not gonna speak to them ever again! And I'm not gonna invite them to another party as long as I live! They don't deserve to be invited to my parties! Not after the way they've been acting.

Madame LeFlour:
Deespecable!

Sir Lints-a-lot:
Such losers!

Madame LeFlour:
Yes, zat's right.