Skin Deep [1989]

In yet another of a long line of lame Blake Edwards's films in the 1980s, John Ritter stars as a compulsive womanizer trying to get his impulses under control as he seeks to reconcile with his ex-wife. But his gonads get the better of him every time, and they also get the better of the jokes here, which are distinctly few and far between. Indeed, the film has only one sure laugh, a rather tasteless scene involving a darkened room, glow-in-the-dark condoms, and two men, neither of whom realizes the other is there until the lights go out and they've stripped for action. --Marshall Fine

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Zach:
I'm in a lot of trouble, Doctor. Frankly, I don't have the strength or the courage to go on like this, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to. Everyday, I get a little more depressed. I get a little more desperate. I feel like I'm worse off than when I first started with you.

Zach:
I'm still a mess. I haven't changed.

Dr. Westford:
Don't you know by now that changing one's basic character is next to impossible?

Zach:
No. I don't know that. Jesus, Doctor, if I thought I couldn't change, I wouldn't cine see you in the first place.

Dr. Westford:
I didn't say that you couldn't.

Zach:
You just said it was impossible.

Dr. Westford:
I said it was next to impossible.

Zach:
Well, shit, Doctor. "Next to" isn't that far removed.

Dr. Westford:
If it were, there'd be no analysts.

Zach:
Not an entirely unhappy prospect, Doctor.

Dr. Westford:
Did I ever tell you the story about the scorpion and the frog?

Zach:
No.

Dr. Westford:
A scorpion who couldn't swim asked the frog to carry him across the river on his back. The frog said, "Do you think I'm crazy? Halfway across the river, you'll sting me and I'll drown." "That's not reasonable," said the scorpion. "If I sting you and you drown, I'll drown too." Frog thought about it, he said, "Climb on." Halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and as the frog was drowning, he said to the scorpion, "But now you'll drown too." The scorpion said, "Yes. I know." "That's not reasonable," said the frog, and the scorpion replied, "Reason has nothing to do with it. I'm a scorpion. It's my character."

Zach:
You know what I feel like saying to you?

Dr. Westford:
Yes. You feel like telling me to go fuck myself, and you probably will, because it's your character.

Zach:
See you next Tuesday.

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