Nash Bridges

[Trying to identify a suspect Nash spoke to on the phone]

Nash Bridges:
Joe, you remember that electronic tone we heard when I was talking on the phone? You think he could be wearing a hearing aid?

Joe Dominguez:
What?

Nash Bridges:
You think he could be wearing a hearing aid?

Joe Dominguez:
What?

Nash Bridges:
You think he could... oh, very funny.

[Nash is recovering from amnesia]

Harvey Leek:
Hey, Nash! You still remember who I am, don't you?

Nash Bridges:
Okay! Listen! Everybody, listen! I remember everybody. Alright? I didn't hit my head that hard.

Evan Cortez:
Hey, Nash, you remember me?

Nash Bridges:
You I meant to forget.

[Joe notices a girl on a poster advertising sex on the side of a bus]

Joe Dominguez:
Hey, the girl on that poster looks like your daughter.

Nash Bridges:
Yeah! (looks at it a second time) That IS my daughter.

Harvey Leek:
Nash, the most high-tech thing on this computer is the flying toaster screen saver.

[Nash and Joe go after a guy who attacked them with a monster truck]

Joe Dominguez:
Can't we take a bigger car? Or a bus, perhaps?

[about Harvey]

A.J. Shimamura:
Jerry Garcia's been dead for months. When's he going to take off that armband?

Nash Bridges:
Probably when his LSD runs out.

[Antoine breaks into a car to dispose of the bomb in the trunk]

Nash Bridges:
Antoine, what are you doing?

Antoine Babcock:
Misspent youth!

Joe Dominguez:
Nash! Where have you been? Why didn't you call?

Nash Bridges:
My cel-phone battery was dead. I was out on the water.

Joe Dominguez:
I... I... why didn't you call?

Nash Bridges:
I told you. My battery was dead.

Joe Dominguez:
Man, you had us so scared! You should've called!

Nash Bridges:
Hey, am I speaking English?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, we thought you were dead!

[Nash laughs]

Nash Bridges:
You thought I was dead 'cause I didn't call?

Joe Dominguez:
No, we thought you were dead 'cause of the massive explosion up at the storage yard!

[Nash looks at Joe in shock]

Joe Dominguez:
The whole place went up. There's nothing left.

Nash Bridges:
Not the 'Cuda! The 'Cuda's gone?

Joe Dominguez:
No, the 'Cuda's fine.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Look at them, you'd think they'd never seen a Mexican in a space suit before.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Just out of curiosity, doctor, what are thee, ah, symptoms of this infection? [after having been possibly infected by a deadly virus]

Lab Technician:
After seventy-two hours you get rapidly-rising fever, mental disorientation, um, accumulation of fluid in the lungs, ah, disintegration of the neural system, rhennal and colon failure, liquidation on the internation intestinal membranes, and death within thirty-six hours.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, good, you have me worried there for a minute.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Wish I had as good a relationship with my wife as you have with your ex wife.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
divorce her. [laughing]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, try this one for a theory and see if it blows your skirt up.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Ladies and gentlement, I'm going to suggest Elvis is still in the building.

Joe Dominguez:
You notice anything different about her? [speaking of Caitlin]

Nash Bridges:
No.

Joe Dominguez:
Hum. Maybe it's her hair.

Nash Bridges:
Nah.

Joe Dominguez:
Maybe her cloths.

Nash Bridges:
No. [after looking behind himself at her]

Joe Dominguez:
You didn't notice anything about her, huh?

Nash Bridges:
No, I, ah, did notice one thing: she smells good. But that's not new.

Tarantula Man:
Hello. [says a prisoner hanging upside down from the cell gate]

Caitlin Cross:
Hi.

Tarantula Man:
Wanna mate?

Caitlin Cross:
No thanks. [banging the gate, knocking him to the floor]

Charles Gandy:
My conscious doesn't bother me at all. I love what I do.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
That looks suspicious as hell. [to Evan after they see a shadow quickly pass curtains in a house]

Nash Bridges:
What are you doing? [after Bettina strips completely naked in the jail cell]

Richard Bettina:
What? I sleep in the buff.

Nash Bridges:
Not in here you don't.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
What the hell is he doing? [as Jack climbs a tree]

Joe Dominguez:
I don't know, Harv', haven't you ever had the urge to climb a tree?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Not lately, no.

Joe Dominguez:
Look, I want the truth - the whole truth; the real story, okay?

Jack Noon:
Okay, I'll tell you.

Joe Dominguez:
All right.

Jack Noon:
When I was four I went on a fishing trip with my parents. Man dad had his own plane. We ran into a storm. We crashed. My mom and dad died in the crash. I wouldn't have survived the first night unless they found me.

Joe Dominguez:
The La-LaFoote's?

Jack Noon:
No, no - LaFoote's come later. Canadian black mama bear. She took me in, kept me alive, she raised me as one of her own cubs. 'til the day they showed up.

Joe Dominguez:
Oh, who? Goldie Locks and Papa Bear?

Jack Noon:
The LaFoote's. They murdered my new mama and her cubs, they brought me back to civilization. If you want to call this civilized. Dumped me at a hardware store in Kamloops. I spent twenty-five years hunting down the LaFoote's. You wanna know what's driving me, joe? That's what's drivin' me.

Joe Dominguez:
That's, ah, quite a story.

Jack Noon:
Yep.

Joe Dominguez:
I had a similar experience.

Jack Noon:
Oh yeah?

Joe Dominguez:
Yeah. I was, ah, raised by a burrito.

Nash Bridges:
I'm gonna tell you what - you round up even half the names on that list, that list that constable Jack Noon rounded up for you, they're likely to make you Prime Minister.

Joe Dominguez:
They might even give you a plaque.

Sgt. McKay:
Oh, oh a plaque - that's real funny. Let me tell you something: I know exactly what you guys are thinkin': you're thinkin' i'm just some dumb Canup from up north who doesn't know the first thing about the subtleties of a full-on hose job. Yeah. Well, I got news for you: I know exactly when I'm being hosed and I got new for you - I'm being hosed!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Will you please stop taking my blood preassure? I told you I'm fine. [annoyed]

Medic:
It's high.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
It's high because you're pissin' me off.

Dr. Berry:
Who are you? [to Joe]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, this is my partner, Joe Dominguez

Dr. Berry:
Usually the spouse is in on this.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, that wuld be him in almost every repect.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Now, Larson had contacted you because somebody contacted him about a contract killing, you went undercover as Teddy Malone four days ago, that's the last we heard of you.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Why would I drop out of sight for four days? Not communicate with anybody.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
That we don't know.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, hell, that's not like me.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
We agree.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, damnit, don't let me do that no more!

Insp. Harvey Leek:
She could fight a war all by herself. [as they both investigate the stuff on Michelle's desk after she walks away from it]

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Look at this stuff, this isn't standard polcie-issue, is it?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Nah, too high-tech. Oh, this is very Emma Peel of her. Remember 'The Avengers', that TV show? Damn you're young. [after Evan looks at him confused]

Insp. Evan Cortez:
I want that woman, she is extremely hot.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
No, no - tread very gently on that stuff.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Why you say that?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Using that kind of language when talking about a fellow police officer... you got to be careful these days.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Yeah, but what if she would like it.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Yeah, yeah, all I'm saying is don't let anybody else hear that because people file lawsuits for less effort.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
All I'm saying is that first time I saw that woman I wanted to kiss the nape of her neck, I wanted to devour her flesh, I wanted to do the wild thing with her, possibly introduce her to Mr. Happy if you know what I'm talking about.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
You been taking those testosterone supplements?

Insp. Michelle Chan:
Oh, and, ah, guys, I almost forgot: I wanted to weight in on your little work discussion. You know, I don't mind frank sexual talk in the office as long as it's not directly concerning me. And, ah, just for your information: if a co-worker ever tries to intoruce me to 'Mr. Happy', I'll very quickly make him into Mr. Unhappy. Good-bye.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
So you think I still got a chance with her?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Unless she gets blown up and loses her memory, no.

Eldon Sistrunk:
I was rehabilitated in prison. I'm a different man, now.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Oh, so if I ask yo ua few questions you're not going to break anything, huh? 'cause my new partner - he doesn't go for that, Eldon.

Juliet Harrison:
He's in there! And wa-watch out! [the music score stops and Harvey and Antwon turn to look at her]

Juliet Harrison:
He's nude!

Nash Bridges:
Eldon isn't smart enough to churn butter.

Nick Bridges:
What are you doing up so early, son?

Nash Bridges:
I'm not up early, I'm just gettin' in.

Nick Bridges:
Not a teenager anymore, Nash, you need your sleep.

Nash Bridges:
You're preaching to the converted.

Evan Cortez:
Why does she have to be naked?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ha! That's a new complaint!

Evan Cortez:
All right, Harv', after you. [as they get ready with firearms drawn to enter a suspects place]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
That's okay, I went first last time.

Evan Cortez:
No, no, no, I... all right, Harv', if anything happens to me, this is the last time I'm going first.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'm right behind ya.

Nash Bridges:
Now that this thing with Caitlin is over, what di you think?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, what did I think about her or what did I think about what you thought of her, or you and her as a couple? What?

Nash Bridges:
All of the above.

Joe Dominguez:
I don't know. No repercussions, no, ah, no comebacks just because you don't like what I say?

Nash Bridges:
It's a total freebie. Shoot.

Joe Dominguez:
Okay, well. I thought, well, she's very beautiful but aloof, you know? Not the kind of person you form a lasting relationship with, but, ah, I know you were infatuated with her because she's just the kind of puzzle you like to solve. Of course everybody knew you two were wrong for each other right from the start; it was a surprise it took you so long to realize it.

Nash Bridges:
Ah huh, so, ah, you didn't give us a chance from the beginning, huh?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, I gave you more of a chance than Harvey did.

Nash Bridges:
Harvey? [surprised]

Joe Dominguez:
Actually, Inger likes Caitlin a lot, so she vacillated back and forth.

Nash Bridges:
Inger, too, huh?

Joe Dominguez:
Yeah. Actually, it was Ronnie who figured it out right from the beginning; he's the one who said it was doomed from the start. You know, he's a lot more insightful then people give him credit for. Hey, you asked.

Nash Bridges:
Right from the beginning, huh?

Joe Dominguez:
Yeah. Pretty much day one.

Nash Bridges:
Damn, that's cold, man.

Cassidy Bridges:
Okay, so what are we going to do about it? [calling dad about Nick moving into a retirement home]

Nash Bridges:
Well, we're gonna listen politely, act simpathetic, and then come to the same conclusion that it's a terrible idea.

Cassidy Bridges:
Okay, so we're going to present a unified front.

Nash Bridges:
Exactly.

Cassidy Bridges:
Um, daddy, isn't that a little bit, ah, sneaky?

Nash Bridges:
It's sneaky, it's unfair, it's manipulative, and totally acceptable. Which is why we're doing it.

Cassidy Bridges:
Listen to this: it used to be all women,it just recently turned co-ed, and grandpa and his horny friend Gordon are the first two to be admitted.

Nash Bridges:
Wow! I'm so proud to see that his mental wheels are, ah, turning to quickly.

Cassidy Bridges:
Daddy, we need to get him out of there.

Nash Bridges:
Yeah, good luck - I'm sure he's in hog Heaven.

Cassidy Bridges:
You know, it's not as good as you think it is because those women, you should see how they throw themselves at him. You know, he could have another heart attack, I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you.

Nash Bridges:
It might not be the worst way to go. [laughing]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Somebody make sure that girl is dead!

Nick Bridges:
Even Viagra in there was like having a pellet gun in a tank battle.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I know we're practially married, but let's lose the nagging thing, all right? [to Joe]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Cassidy?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, she wants me to meet Paul. This is definitively a first. [ater haging up his cellphone]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Must be getting serious.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
She's nineteen!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, weren't you engaged at nineteen?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Don't push my buttons.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
But I'm so good at it. [smiling]

Cassidy Bridges:
Well, Paul's good friend is the concierge at the Soho Grand; he's giving us a deal.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, this is great. Two rooms, huh?

Cassidy Bridges:
Daddy. [in an annoyed tone]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Daughter.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, the deal is you had no business telling her she can't go to New York.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't give a damn if she goes to New York - that's not my concern.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Okay, what is your concern then?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Didn't you ntice something special about Paul?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Seemed like a nice kid. Smelled good. What?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
He's gay.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
What?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
He's gay!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Come on.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, come on man. He used the word "Fabulous" about ten thousand times and he has this unbalanced love for musicals, and, um, and how about his hair? Did you see his hair?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
He has gay hair? [laughing]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, man. Ah, how about the way he checked out the waiter?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
So what? It was a hot-looking waiter. Hey, I checked him out, too; that doesn't make me gay does it?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I cannot believe you didn't get this.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Nash, man, it's San Francisco, man, who can tell anymore? I mean, straights dress like gays, gays dress like straights, you know?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I grew up in San Francisco, bubba; I can tell you if a person is gay in about half a second.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, people think we're gay.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
No, people don't think we're gay, Pepe thinks we're gay.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, well, he's gay so he should have pretty good Gaydar, right?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, that's pretty good. [a little sarcastically]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, thank you.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
But I can't tell you about anybody else's equipment, I can tell you that that guy is gay.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Should make him the perfect travel companion then.

Nash Bridges:
Ha! You were snorin'!

Joe Dominguez:
Oh, me? I was awake, I heard everything you said. If you don't believe me, repeat it and I'll tell ya.

Caitlin Cross:
Well, it's the only motive we've got: some guy got shot for talking on his cellphone.

Nash Bridges:
Gee, who would want to do that? [with some sarcasm]

Nash Bridges:
Any thoughts? [asking the crew]

Joe Dominguez:
Huh? [after not paying attention]

Nash Bridges:
Thoughts. you know, those things that happen in, ah, the brain when synapsis fire? We sometimes use them to solve cases.

Nash Bridges:
Speak.

Joe Dominguez:
I've been having dreams. About Caitlin.

Nash Bridges:
What kind of dreams?

Joe Dominguez:
Erotic dreams.

Nash Bridges:
I can understand that.

Joe Dominguez:
Man, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night

Nash Bridges:
All right. You want the Freudian cure, the Noonian cure, or the Bridgian cure?

Joe Dominguez:
What ever works.

Nash Bridges:
You're not really dreaming about Caitlin at all.

Joe Dominguez:
I'm not?

Nash Bridges:
No. You're actually dreaming about me. But since you can't consciously accept your blatant homo erotic urges while your wife is out of town, you take my girlfriend and put her in as a substitue.

Joe Dominguez:
Are you high?

Nash Bridges:
Ha ha! Well, just think about that when you go to bed. I gurantee you those dreams will be history.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Is that actual cleavage I'm seeing there?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Yes, it is. [dressed up liek a girl]

Richard Bettina:
No, no, I am the Director of Police Investigations.

Joe Dominguez:
Oh yeah, D-O-P-I - DOPI.

Evan Cortez:
Man, extremely cute.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Isn't he?

Evan Cortez:
No, I meant your baby sitter.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Robin? You touch her, you're dead. I'm serious. [as Evan laughs]

Nash Bridges:
Any word from Harvey and Evan? [Rick listens to a tape recorder he hide to record Nash and Joe]

Joe Dominguez:
No, not yet. Hey Nash, man - you think Rick's a switch hitter?

Nash Bridges:
Bettina? How do you mean?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, do you think he goes both ways?

Nash Bridges:
Ah, no idea; why?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, you know, with Inger out of town I'm kind of free to sow some wild oats and I'm thinking Rick might make for a wild romp in the hay. What do you think, Rick? You up to that?

Nash Bridges:
Rick, if you take this money, you're gonna go to jail; if you go to jail, you're gonna be in a jail cell. And you won't be the husband. do you get my drift?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'll break out the terrorist directory.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, well make sure you look under the really, really, really bad listings.

Maria Renaldo:
Ever donated spern?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Wait a minute, wait a minute...

Maria Renaldo:
Are you my father?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, did ya?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Did I what?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Donate sperm.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I was going out with this girl; her name was Ellie Hunt. She was beautiful, she was smart, she could throw a curve ball.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Ah, killer credentials. Keep going.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, she was involved with this experimental fertility program

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Huh, weren't we all.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey, I never slept with her, I just donated sperm, you know.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, I get it: all thee the obligation with none of the fun, that sort of deal?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, well, what I figured is if I donated sperm professionally I might, ah, really get to donate sperm later, if you know what I mean.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, ah, I, ah, I do and I'm fascinated. It's truly wonderful to see thee origins of Joe Dominguez logic, way back in its earliest form.

Pepe:
I didn't know you two were into chaps & spurs.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Um, Pepe, we're not...

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, save your breath, man - don't confuse him.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, you're right.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Why, Joe, your butt is beeping.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Kiss my grits.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Right here in the window? [walking up to a store window display]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, I got an update on my sperm.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Come again?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
No need to, they sold it.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Wait - they sold your sperm as an asset?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah? Very funny. Well, you know what that means, don't you? [as Nash laughs]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I'm afraid to guess.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I mean, there could be hundreds of little Joe Dominguez's running around out there.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh my God. Kind of makes that sheep cloning thing look like a non event.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I had a dream last night.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
OH yeah?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Guess it was more of a nightmare, really.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Really, what about?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
You and Cassidy were stranded on this desert island.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Now, how could that possibly be a nightmare?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Wait, wait, I didn't get to the good part. You get rescued by a PT boat. Guess who's drivin'?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Who?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ensign Nash Bridges; he's carrying a big ol' machete. He wasnt' carvin' coconuts, if you know what I mean.

Pepe:
Have you two ever considered a committment ceremony? [to Nash and Joe, at a wedding]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, Pepe, you do know my wife, Inger?

Pepe:
You're so brave. [to Inger]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
When was the last time you got too much service from a public utility?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Like never.

Mrs. Lofink:
What made you choose the Tuffnel School?

Inger Dominguez:
Well, I think - [Joe cuts her off]

Mrs. Lofink:
Well, ah, ah, I think, ah, Mrs. Lofink, that it's very clear as we enter the 12st century that a child needs, ah, a more broader and more challenging culturally diverse education.

Mrs. Lofink:
Mr. Dominguez, I-I know what you are saying. [putting a hand up]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Really? Oh, well, thank you.

Mrs. Lofink:
It's all right here in the Tuffnel School brochure. Verbatim. [raising an eyebrow]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Wasn't there a guy named Lofink in Hitler's cabinet?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Somebody remind me: is this our second or third war with the British? [as he and the team arm up]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Third. Last time was Flintlocks and powdered wigs; you'd think they would have learned.

Nash Bridges:
Are we supposed to look gay?

Joe Dominguez:
Oh, well, on a subliminal level, yeah. I mean, that's been our baseline clientele.

Nash Bridges:
Who the hell is that clown?

Nash Bridges:
No, not okay! Fraud is a crime, and fraud against me is a sin!

Big Tiny:
It's for you! [to Nash after a bullet blasts a hole in the front door]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What in the hell is this and who put it here, the Russians? [looking at a coffee machine that dispenses coffee like a soda machine]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
This dispenses the world worst coffee products and Bettina put it here.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
The man has got to be stoppped.

Loretta Bettina:
Leeks! Leeks! Where's Leeks? [yelling]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ah, that would be Leek, Richey. No "S".

Richard Bettina:
Birdsong!

Dexter Birdsong:
Yeah?

Richard Bettina:
Use your eagle eyes, your keen senses. You tell me exactly what happened here.

Dexter Birdsong:
Guy got shot.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
He is good, wow. [laughing]

Boz Bishop:
Yo! You-you-you wanna go, b*tch? 'cause I'm ready to kick your - yo! Nash Bridges! [sees it's Nash]

Nash Bridges:
That's my spot, numbnuts. [pointing to the parking space he was heading for]

Boz Bishop:
Yes! Yes it is! I was, I was saving it for ya, brother!

Boz Bishop:
I have given you the best montyhs of my life!

Joe Dominguez:
Hum, I've seen this before, Nash man, temporary Agoraphobia. [after Box refuses to leave his place after a dead body nearly falls on him fro ma high rise]

Boz Bishop:
Damn straight - half my wordrobe's Angora.

Joe Dominguez:
You don't get it, do you? I'm the last friend you got! [to Evan]

Nash Bridges:
That's what I love about this city: you can be a pervert and a good citizen simultaneously. [after a peeping tom picks a suspect out of a line up]

Evan Cortez:
Today I realized I spent my whole career chasing scumbags. And guess what, Joe? Hell, I am one.

Nash Bridges:
Did we just get hornswoggled?

Angel:
Sometimes you look, but you do not always see. Good-bye my friend, and happy birthday.

Nash Bridges:
Thank you, Angel, bye-bye.

Joe Dominguez:
What did that mean?

Nash Bridges:
Ah, I have no idea. I think it means that he wants me to get laser eye surgery.

Nash Bridges:
Hey, don't look at me! I have assiduously stayed away from your drawers. [to Caitlin after she complains something has gone missing from her desk]

Caitlin Cross:
What are you going to do about this?

Nash Bridges:
Ah, I'm gonna start by locking my drawer.

Caitlin Cross:
Nash, I want something done.

Nash Bridges:
Okay, like what?

Caitlin Cross:
Like nobody leaves this building until I get my wallet back. How's that?

Nash Bridges:
Okay, total amnesty for anyone who's been in or near miss CRoss's drawers. Ah, I'm sorry, ah, took her wallet. [standing up and announcing to everybody in the S.I.U]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What the hell do you want? We're kind of busy?

Richard Bettina:
Oh, well, you could say 'Hello' to your new boss. [tossing a card on Nash's desk]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Director of Police Investigations? [reading it]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
DoPI? [Harvey smiles behind him]

Richard Bettina:
Okay, Director of Police Investigations; next person to refer to it as 'DoPI' is guranteed an immediate suspecion without pay!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
So, Bettina's our boss? How much does that suck?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Hey, Rick, what are you looking for? Your integrity? [walking in and seeing Rick going through some files]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
You know, it could just be, Evan, that she and I were made for each other. I often wondered if she was the one that got away. [speaking of his new girlfriend released from prison]

Insp. Evan Cortez:
No, Harv', she was the one that was sent away.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ha, ha, ha, I'll have to owe you a smart-ass retort.

Joe Dominguez:
Skip, if I have a heart attack, my wife's gonna kick your ass!

Evan Cortez:
Yeah, and the captain insisted that I have a regulation hair cut and regulation side burns. I mean, tell me this is temporary, Nash.

Nash Bridges:
It'll grow back.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
So, you married or...

Riley Parker:
No.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Dating?

Riley Parker:
No, why? Gonna ask me out on a date or something?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
No, sorry, I was just making conversation.

Riley Parker:
So, what about you - divorced?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
What? Why would you think that?

Riley Parker:
Oh, I don't know. Just, ah, have a look about you.

Riley Parker:
Who you calling? [after they open a door and let out a bunch of pigs]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Bacon back up.

Nash Bridges:
You know, I remember a time when I used to make you laugh. Now all I do is piss you off. Why is that?

Lisa Bridges:
You want the whole laundry list?

[Nash's face twists into a dreading expression]

Lisa Bridges:
Starting with A for anniversaries you missed or where your pager went off. Or we can go to B for booze. Or we can jump right to W for women. You know, you should take a good look at your own life before you come over here passing judgement on mine!

Lisa Bridges:
I thought you were retired, Joe.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
[about Lisa and Nash] Why sit at home and watch Jerry Springer when I can see all that stuff live?

Nash Bridges:
Jake, you're not getting your hands on my monkey!

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, I think you're up, bubba. [after aking Bananas for the keys and Bananas puckers his lips up]

Nash Bridges:
No, no, no. I'm not kissing hte monkey in exchange for the keys. I'd rather go to Africa. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, no, no, no, no - I didn't mean that, no, just kidding; it was jus-just a little joke. All right. You're the only monkey I've ever had feeligns for. Come on, bring me the keys. Come on, bring me the keys. Come on, be a good boy and bring me the - yeah! Good boy, good - [after Bananas appears to be offended, then puckers up again]

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, I think he wants his kiss first.

Det. Jake Cage:
I won't tell Caitlin if you don't.

Nash Bridges:
I'm not kissing the monkey.

Joe Dominguez:
Come on, man, take one for the team; let him get to first base.

Nash Bridges:
Is this your car?

Caitlin Cross:
What?

Nash Bridges:
Is this your car?

Caitlin Cross:
Yes

Nash Bridges:
What kind of car is it?

Caitlin Cross:
It's an electric car, Nash. It's, ah, non polluting, environmentally-frienfdly car that goes sxity miles to about every seventy cents of electricity. What about yours?

Nash Bridges:
None of the above. But it's a hell of a lot of fun to drive.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You've never even seen him, have you, you dumb bastard!

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Huh, Tommy, what happened here? Your normal loan-sharking, arsen-for-hire gigs, they all dry up?

Tommy Orlando:
I got nothing to say to you, man.

Caitlin Cross:
Where's the food from?

Tommy Orlando:
Who knows. I don't eat Chinese.

Caitlin Cross:
Huh, well you're tough. Ronnie, ah, why don't you take Mr. Orlando here to jail. Book him on felony narcotics possession, felony weapons possession and, ah, attempted murder of a polcie officer.

Officer Ronnie:
My pleasure. Let's go. [turning the handcuffed Orlando around]

Caitlin Cross:
See you in about fifteen years. Maybe then you won't be so tough.

Pepe:
How's Nash?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, ah, he and Caitlin are living together.

Pepe:
Really? Back to that again, huh?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, well, you know Nash.

Pepe:
Doesh e honestly think living with a woman is going to change him?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, apparently so. [humoring Pepe]

Pepe:
And you two have what? Ah, an open relationship?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Pepe, ah, we're not together. [annoyed]

Pepe:
I'm sorry.

Caitlin Cross:
What the hell is that?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Disco Inferno! You remember? The Trampps? Yeah, Disco Inferno. do you hear that? I maintain that the energy underneath that melody is exactly the same as the energy underneath some of Jerry's work during the Rolling Stones period. Except for the disco part.

[casually drinking coffee as Caitlin cough from the smoke]

Caitlin Cross:
Yeah, I understand. Where the hell is it coming from?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I don't know. If you figure it out, tell us.

Pepe:
Joe, I'm P. [refering to the handle name of a person Joe thought was a woman he was chatting with online]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
What? Really?

Pepe:
Yes. Fate has a very parculiar wya of bringing us together, doesn't it?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh... I thought you were a woman.

Pepe:
No, no - you were in the man-for-man San Franscio chat room.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Really? I thought I was in the plain old San Franscio chat room.

Pepe:
Believe it - I know more than you think. Joe, I'd like to be your special friend. And yes - it might lead somewhere magical. But I can't.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You can't? [with some sarcasm]

Pepe:
No. your heart will always be with Nash. Twenty years is an eternity in a gay relationship. You two are bonded; you fit.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Look, Pepe, I'm going to tell you for the last time, okay? Nash and I are not together.

Pepe:
Look, I know you're going through a hard time, but being with me or a dozen other guys is not going to make it better. It's jsut not.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Okay. Okay, Pepe, look! I'm gay, Nash is gay, the whole world is gay. [mocking Pepe]

Pepe:
Well, no. Just San Franscio.

Joe Dominguez:
If I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it. [watching Jake dancing in a dancing class]

Nash Bridges:
Hell, I'm seeing it and I still don't believe it.

Det. Jake Cage:
Sep back, Bridges, you're in my pattern.

Nash Bridges:
Oh, excuse me miss Cage.

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, what are you doing, man? [to Jake]

Det. Jake Cage:
I'm trying to better myself, Dominguez. That's probably a foreign concept to you.

Det. Jake Cage:
Honey, I'm home! [after smashing a front door to pieces in a coupel seconds and storming in]

Det. Jake Cage:
Oh, out of my way, Dominguez. I'm not going to let a couple of mendacious miscreants like yourself back me off my own gig.

Nash Bridges:
Mendacious miscreants?

Det. Jake Cage:
What's a matter, Bridges? You can't handle my word power?

Nash Bridges:
I'd listen to him if I were you; he got up on the wrong side of life. [after Jake slaps a suspect upside the back of his head hard]

Nash Bridges:
Jake you idiot! [to Jake who knocking down the hostage taker from behind]

Det. Jake Cage:
Who's the idiot now! [holding a gun to the hostage taker]

Additional Kidnapper:
Right there! [putting a gun to Jake's head]

Nash Bridges:
Still you, Jake.

Janet Royce:
Bite me.

Evan Cortez:
No thank you, and God bless you.

Evan Cortez:
Okay guys, look - we're willing to pre-arrange twenty-four conjical visists; that's two per month.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
More than most married couples get on the outside.

Miranda:
Hey, look - this is sort of cool. [looking at job brochers at a job fair]

Cassidy Bridges:
What is it?

Miranda:
You, um, you work in a restaurant in a foreign country and then they pay room and board.

Cassidy Bridges:
Oh, yeah, and then they make you a sex slave.

Nash Bridges:
Get this piece of crap away from me!

Caitlin Cross:
You know what? It isn't my fault, she just seems to gun-ho, you know? The girl wants to kick some butt! [talking about Cassidy]

Nash Bridges:
I know.

Caitlin Cross:
You have any idea where she might have gotten that from?

Nash Bridges:
No, none, and thank you very much!

Nash Bridges:
Nobody cares if you blink, bubba, just remember to duct.

Nash Bridges:
You bastard, you ralphed in my car!

Nash Bridges:
You violated my number one cuda rule: no puking.

Nash Bridges:
Miss Cross, what ever blows your skirt up.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, what about the governor's phone records and credit cards? Did you get 'em?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ahhh, yeah. [with Caitlin standing behind him]

Nash Bridges:
Ah, its Caitlin - she's standing right there, isn't she?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Yes.

Nash Bridges:
Can you say anything but yet?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
No.

Caitlin Cross:
Harvey. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey. You know, you just might as well tell me what's going on because I'm going to find out anyway.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Well...

Caitlin Cross:
Come on, come on - it's what I do. Find things out.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
It raises all sorts of loyalty issues for me, Caitlin; I don't like to be in the middle of this, okay?

Caitlin Cross:
Fine. Why don't you just come on over to my side?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Very enticing, but thanks all the same.

Big Tiny:
Can I sit on your lap?

Caitlin Cross:
No.

Nash Bridges:
Okay, I know you've been chomping at the bit to be a pointman in a gig. [at her desk with a file folder]

Caitlin Cross:
Pointwoman.

Nash Bridges:
Pointwoman, pointperson, point taken, what ever, have at it.

Caitlin Cross:
Nash, Nah, I promise you there is no way any one in their right mind is going to be Jake and me as a couple.

Nash Bridges:
Jake does.

Caitlin Cross:
The man eats with his hands.

Det. Jake Cage:
You got a beer? I got a damn crouton stuck in my throat.

Joe Dominguez:
Any questions? Boz. [to his class]

Boz Bishop:
So this fellow over there paid you to break into his own office? Damn. That's whack, jack.

Joe Dominguez:
Yes, it's, ah, way whack.

Caitlin Cross:
Did I mention that you look very nice?

Det. Jake Cage:
Yeah, I noticed that. Oh, you look pretty good yourself.

Nash Bridges:
Wow - you look incredible! [as Caitlin walks in all dressed up, with Jake]

Caitlin Cross:
Oh. That's what Jake just said.

Nash Bridges:
Oh, no - you look good, too. Is that a new dress? [toying with her]

Caitlin Cross:
Great way to apprehend criminals - you just bang them over the head with your breif case. [with sarcasm]

Det. Jake Cage:
Yeah, when I get lucky.

Det. Jake Cage:
All right, ah, he rain in Spain falls mainly on my head. [testing out the wire Harvey has planted on him]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
My Fair Lady. I love that movie.

Det. Jake Cage:
What?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
You know, the rain in Spain, My Fair Lady?

Det. Jake Cage:
No out of status here, The Aristocats.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, Jake, where is Mr. Right Hand? [as Jake dances with Caitlin]

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, Boz, you don't get credit for unraveling something you caused.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, you wanna handle this one?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't know. A man on a cable car with a set of wings holding a hand granade... this is your thing, isn't it?

Angel:
You realize what just happened?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah - somebody's trying to kill us. [as they all hide behind a car from a rooftop assassin]

Angel:
I found you just like I was supposed to.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What? What the hell you talking about?

Angel:
I'm your guardian angel.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, great - we could use one.

Angel:
I said I was his guardian angel; you, you'e on your own. [to Joe]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Freeze, bubba, right there! [as a suspicious man pushing an icecream cart approaches then, after just earlier missing multiple assassins]

Vendor:
Who? Me? [after reaching down into the cart]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You. Take it out real slow.

Vendor:
If you don't want cherry, I got rootbeer. [after pulling out a popsicle]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
No, I'll take cherry. [after putting his gun down]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I'll take rootbeer. Unless you got a fudgesicle.

Vanessa Swan:
So, you're not only a dead-head, you're a bleeding-heart liberal.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Less liberal, more philisophical. My heart only bleeds for Jerry. [refering to Jerry Garcia]

Joe Dominguez:
Oh, Caitlin, huh? You two still fighting? [looking over Nah's shoulder reading his e-mail]

Nash Bridges:
Why don't I just give you my password, that way you can read my e-mail at your leisure.

Joe Dominguez:
Don't get all moody on me just because somebody's trying to kill you.

Nash Bridges:
How do you know they're not trying to kill you?

Joe Dominguez:
Wanna bet on it?

Nash Bridges:
Well, I would, but let's say I'm right: how would I collect?

Dr. Minh:
No urine?

Officer Ronnie:
No urine.

Eldon Sistrunk:
I want my lawyer. His number is 1 800-kiss-my-ass. [to Nash]

Nash Bridges:
Well, sooner or later I'm gonna put you down, bubba. If you wanna wait until I'm good and pissed off, that's up to you.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Nice neighborhood, for a Steven King novel.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Are you trying to piss me off? [to Joe]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'll beat the bushes.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Excuse me: are you aware your voice sounds automated? she hung up on me. [putting down his cellphone]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Stop thinking.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I didn't say a word.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You didn't have to; I can hear you in my head.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
What do you want to do?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What do you mean waht do I want to do? I want to shoot him! [as he and Joe avoid Eldon whipping a long chain at them]

Eldon Sistrunk:
Go ahead, shoot!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, paper work.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Listen, if I lose, kill that son of a b*tch.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Great! Hallelujah! You know what, Harv'? I got a little news flash for you: Jerry Garcia has been dead and buried for the passed three years and I got one suggestion for you: get over it!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Hello, gentlemen. I'm back and welcoem to the show. [as Eldon and Big Tiny as sat at the table]

Big Tiny:
What show?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
It's a game called: I'm Smarter Than He Is.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Um, and how do we play our game, Nash?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I'm glad you asked that, Joe, it's a game of skill and knowledge. I'm going to ask a series of questions...

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Questions? What questions?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I'm glad you asked that. The categories are: Binx, Frankie, Bail and Potpourri.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
And what lovely prizes do we have?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, our lucky first-place contestant gets a full pardon for his willing participation. But our loser won't go away empty-handed either, no sir-ree-Bob; he'll hang like wall paper for the rest of his natural life in San Quentin.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Nice shirt. you don't often see that color... outside of bowling alleys. [to Harvey, wearing a shirt he borrwed from Evan]

Insp. Bryn Carson:
So, ah, Harv', how are things going with Bonnie? Any progress?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ah, I don't know. She's down on my job 'n' down on my love for The Grateful Dead, she talks about Ross Perot just to piss me off.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Hey! Somebody want to let us out of here? We're police officers - we don't belong here! [prisoners shout and laugh]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Shut up! That's not an asset in here! [as they sit in the hole in prison]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Harvey? [as they sit in the dark in the hole in prison]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Hey, Joe. We gotta get out of here.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
No kidding. One ittle problem: it's a maximum security prison, remember?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'm claustrophobic, remember?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey, don't worry, they'll come back. They got to come back to kill us.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
That's comforting.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Don't you run from me! Sid, you son of a b*tch! Sid, I got a rule: anybody I have to chase mroe than fifty yards gets an ass whoopin'!

Cassidy Bridges:
So, Evan, when you actually catch a thief, how can you tel if he's actually telling the truth?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Ah, I don't know, I guess it comes from experience, wouldn't you say, Harv'? when you learn to read body language, you know, the look in somebody's eye, the tone of their voice, the small gesture, that kind of thing... give a lot away.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sometimes the signals are so obvious you'd have to be a fool to miss 'em. [as Evan is oblivious to the strong signals of attraction Cassidy is sending]

Nash Bridges:
I'll tell you what, the next time he calls you, how about you call me?

Vivian Reef:
Okay. [taking Nash's card and and putting it under one of her bikini breast cups]

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, if you cant' get a hold of him, give me a buzz. [watching her put his card away, too as an excuse to look]

Nash Bridges:
Bird in the hand time, baby.

Evan Cortez:
I don't know, Harv', I feel like God has given me a second chance at life.

Bokeem:
Ow, my nipple! Damn, woman!

Cassidy Bridges:
That's right, woman! Not b*tch, not kitty cat!

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Ronnie, we need the small lock pick.

Officer Ronnie:
Here you go. [handing Harvey a large and thick crowbar]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
He's got an air-tight alibi. [after finding a suspect dead in a chair]

Nash Bridges:
Okay, all right. Now we've witnessed the world's first doughnut wind tunnel test, what the hell does it mean?

Joe Dominguez:
Nash, man, clear you mind; get ready for a life-altering concept, okay? Doughnuts online.

Joe Dominguez:
So, what are we talking about bottom-line price here?

Armin:
One dollar.

Joe Dominguez:
A dollar? For a dozen? That's great.

Armin:
You misunderstand, that's, ah, one dollar a piece. [after laughing breifly]

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, you must misunderstand me - we're talking about doughnuts.

Armin:
I don't make doughnuts, Mr. Dominguez, I make morning pasteries.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
That was the longest twenty minutes of my life outside my prostate exame. [taking the dental packing out of his mouth while in the cuda]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
'scuse me - where you you thinkin' on putting that?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I was thinking the ash tray.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, well, I'm thinking you wrap it in this until we pass a city trash can. [handing Joe a piece of tissue paper]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You okay? Want me to drive?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I'm in shock, I'm not insane.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
She's a black widow, man.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
I can change her, Harv', I know I can. [grinning]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Dead girl in bed with Bettina? Has to be a suicide.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Bettina is a sex-o-holic? I don't know whether to feel sorry or proud.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I'm feeling nauseated.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You wanna tell us about your sexual addiction or anything else you conveniently left out? Because this could be our last meeting. [meeting Rick in jail]

Richard Bettina:
Okay. For some reason picking up women is something I'm good at. I'm not proud of it.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
These are Earth women we're talking about, right?

Richard Bettina:
Believe me, I don't understand it either. Lately its become a real obsession with me. You know, with this group its good; it's all about anxiety and self esteem.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Rick, you know that sexual addiction is exactly the kind of motive that Birdsong is looking for.

Richard Bettina:
I know, I know! How am I going to tell you this? What am I going to say? 'Hey, Nash! I have to have sex four or five times a day. If I don't get it, I go crazy!'. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy even if I do get it.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Four or five times a day?

Richard Bettina:
You wouldn't even believe the bars I've been to, the kinky clubs, swinging singles parties...

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
We're defining "Day" as a twenty-four hour period day?

Sister Mary:
Ah, captain, sister Victoria's situation is a sublime gift to all mankind and a blessed event. You must not feel ashamed to play the doubting Thomas in all of this. [speaking of Victoria's claim of immaculate conception]

Nash Bridges:
Right. [nodding and turnign to walk away]

Joe Dominguez:
Come along, brother Thomas.

Blackbeard:
Oh, and one more thing, captain: if you get in my way, I'm going to make you dead, too.

Nash Bridges:
Ummm, be careful, bubba - I ain't easy to kill.

Nash Bridges:
Hell hath no fury like a woman screwed, bubba.

Nash Bridges:
Nothing is ever going to happen again without somebody capturing it on video.

Nash Bridges:
Thank you, sweet heart.

Cassidy Bridges:
Dad...

Nash Bridges:
Hum? Oh, oh, yeah, right - officer. Sorry.

Margaret Spencer:
Double reed players are notoriously loose.

Joe Dominguez:
Really? I didn't know that.

Nash Bridges:
Patience is a virture, but it ain't one of mine.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
What if they don't crack?

Nash Bridges:
Ah, you throw a life vest to a bunch of drowning morons, they'll give up their own mother.

Nash Bridges:
She'll probably have twins when she sees you between her legs. [to Nick, offering to help delivery a protected witness' baby]

Joe Dominguez:
Okay, Nash man, I got a brain teaser for you.

Nash Bridges:
What if my brain doesn't want to be teased?

Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you get this right you're a genius, okay? Four families live in a row of houses on the same street; Swiss, Canadian, German and Mexican. They each have one pet: a dog, a parakeet, a goldfish and a cat. But not necessarily in that order.

Nash Bridges:
Okay.

Joe Dominguez:
All right. Now the MExican family lives left to right between the Swiss and Canadian families, the parakeet and dog's families aren't German, the cat lives two houses away from the parakeet.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, you know I only have aboutr four hours of fuel left in this thing.

Joe Dominguez:
The Mexican family doesn't own the dog or the cat. The German's house is to the left of the Swiss' house.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, is there a question any time in the near future?

Joe Dominguez:
All right, here's the question: if the dog doesn't live on either end of the street, which family owns the goldfish?

Nash Bridges:
The Canadian family.

Joe Dominguez:
How'd you figure that out? [flipping to another page in the magazine]

Nash Bridges:
I used to live on that street.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
She blew me off in favor of the potato salad.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Oh, very little sleep last night, brother.

Evan Cortez:
Oh, why is that?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Heidi came back to the place; wild animal sex all night long, barely got my cloths on and made it to work. I don't care though: what ever happens today, last night was so rivid.

Evan Cortez:
Harvey, I-I feel so used.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Used and abused, brother. How many women have I missed out on by not going to Pot Luck's?

Evan Cortez:
Harvey, so, ah, what did she want?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Oh, the long and short of it buddy is that our one night together convinced her she's gay, thanks for asking.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
In the long run, sacrificing your personal life as self-punishment, isn't such a great idea. You can trust me on this, I've had a lot of personal experience.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Well, if he ain't the poster boy for young, dumb, and full of... [after Evan blows their cover trying to be nice to a girl]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I have fifteen girls here and a stripper. [to Joe, over a cellphone]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
All right, I'll be right over.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
This is a unit, sister, we work together under my command. [to Michelle]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
What does it say about the state of the world when I can't get a date on Friday but Martin Brown has a hundred and thirteen perfumed letters. [speaking of an escaped prisoner's mail]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey, Bettina, I haven't seen you since you got fired from the S.I.U.; heard you moved to Vegas.

Rick Bettina:
I didn't get fired, I was downsized.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Can't we go anywhere without chicks hitting on you? [after a girl gives Nash her number]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Chicks don't hit on me.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Please, have you had an eye exam lately?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Stop it.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I'd like to be able to flirt every once in a while.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, then, do it. There's no harm in it; you're married, not dead.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Are you kidding, man? I'm branded. That is chick repellant right there. [holding out his hand and showing off his wedding ring]

Rick Bettina:
You know, Nash, I used to be a fearedand respected cop in this town, remember?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I don't know about the respected part, but I was sure afraid every time I went out with you. [laughing]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Bubba, I am only going to say this five or six hundred more times: tell her the truth. [refering to Ingrid]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I can't tell her the truth.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Why not?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Because I want to stay married, that's why.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You know what's amazing? Not only do you come up with these schemes, you actually follow through with them.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You are thee luckiest brown man alive. [to Joe]

Nash Bridges:
Any thoughts? [to Joe after a car blows up]

Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, I bet at first this guy thought he was lucky to even get a parking space.

Nash Bridges:
For some inexplicable reason Joe and I have a prolific gay clientle.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Doesn't it feel great to be sane? [after arresting a man dressed up and pretending to be Dr. Watson]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Who said you were sane?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
You're gonna love this: the boys from Psych services were transfering our friend Dr. Watson to the coco ward but they decided to stop and get milk shakes, and Watson bolted; he escaped.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
That's good. [sarcastically]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
They did get their milk shakes though.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I thought you said she was cute.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Bubba, eighteen years ago we were all cute.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
There's no way I could have scored a 540. Not unless... Godless universe.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
But she does make the crime page. [refering to Karen]

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Oh, yeah, she does.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
That's good.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Yeah, she catches a lot of bad guys; big-time gang leaders, drug dealers, that kind of thing.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
so, she's a good cop, huh?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Yeah, in Chicago she's like a female version of you. [to Nash]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
No wonder I thought she was so sexy.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, baby. [to Joe]

Isiah:
Well, she don't look like a cop. She looks like a super model. [refering to Karen, looking at them through a hole in the door]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
She's Cindy Crawford. As a matter of fact, we're all super models. Come on, man, open the door.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, open it up - we're late for an S.I. swinsuit shoot.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Let's hope our next stake out is Jenny McCarthy's.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
I wish.

Karen Decker:
Why didn't you run?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't like to run.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
That'll keep you in sneakers, won't it?

Nash Bridges:
Lordy, lordy, that is definitively not a good idea for a man with the world's smallest bladder. [to Joe who is trying to drink eight glasses of water a day]

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Strippers? Did I hear strippers?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I miss vinyl.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Problem.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't like problems. [over his cellphone]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Still, they exist.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, get in. If I'm gonna blow up, you're going with me. [to Joe as he gets ready to drive a car away with a bomb]

Nash Bridges:
What's up?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, Inger wants Lucia to grow up with a sibling.

Nash Bridges:
She wants another baby?

Joe Dominguez:
Apparently so.

Nash Bridges:
Ahhh, and your thoughts on this are?

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, well, I've been letting nature take its course, but, ah, Inger hasn't gotten pregnant yet, so she wants to step up the pace.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, what does that mean? More sex?

Joe Dominguez:
I don't know, turbosex maybe, hell if I know.

Dr. Christie Barnes:
Here's the size of the contusion. It's legitimate. [putting up an X-Ray of Tony B's head]

Joe Dominguez:
So, you're saying this X-Ray of Tony B's brain is to scale?

Caitlin Cross:
Oh, oh! And me in a halter top, fish-net stalkings, stiletto heels isn't going to get me noticed? Sure!

Nash Bridges:
Well, if you think you can get in there as a nuclear physisist, go for it.

Caitlin Cross:
Oh, you love this. [angry]

Insp. Bryn Carson:
I dated a shrink once.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Yeah, so did I.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, yeah? Well maybe it was the same guy.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
So, I had this dream the other night, right? And in this dream I get save from drowning... by David Hassellhoff. Is that normal? [laughing]

Shrink:
It could mean many things. [off screen]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I was just thinkin', you know, you got Whitney here, why not take advantage of her? [sugesting Nick use the hired assisted-living care giver]

Nick Bridges:
I would, she won't let me. [speaking in a sexual way]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'm not running your prints through the F.B.I.; I got people for that.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Here's what throws me: A guy like Evan goes on a security-duty and spends two minutes schmoozing with Lisa Bridges - Nash's ex - Nash Bridges, acting lieutenant of S.I.U. and next thing you know he's got a full-on romance going on with her.

Shrink:
A full-on romance? [off screen]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Yeah, that's what I hear.

Shrink:
Sounds like you're envious. [off screen]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Envious? No. You know that scene in Star Wars where that sand creature takes a thousand years to digest a guy? That's humane compared to what Nash would do if he caught Evan sleeping with his ex.

Lisa Bridges:
It's been a long time since a guy in a rented bow-tie came on to me. [to Evan]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Anybody ever tell you you're really ugly? No, I mean that. I mean butt-ugly. Okay, have it your way... [trailing off and becoming unintelligable as he speaks to a dead suspect in a police crusier trying to fool another suspect]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Huh. That poster looks just like your daughter, bubba. [motioning to a buss aside then that has a poster plastered on the side of her wit ha banner that says "Sex is Good. Safe Sex is Better."]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
That is my daughter. [surprised]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You know, I wonder if Ingrid and I are gonna have, a little boy or little girl. You know what I mean? with a little boy you can, you know, kind of initiate him into the club, you know? With a little girl I think you spend most of your time kind of pretecting her from the club, you know?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, bubba - you are not wrong there.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Okay, where is she? [refering to Cassidy]

Lisa Bridges:
She stormed off to the library

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, she stormed off? And just what is it she has to be agnry about?

Lisa Bridges:
Apparently she didn't like it when I found her condoms.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What condoms?

Lisa Bridges:
The ones she plans to use when she and Freddie have sex.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Um, you have anything to read? [looking uncomfortable]

Lisa Bridges:
On the coffee table.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I'll be reading and, um, ease dropping from over here. [walking to the adjacent living room]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't believe this.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Should have had a boy, Nash man. Probably be buying him condoms yourself.

Lisa Bridges:
That's true. [kind of laughing]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
That is not true! That is not true.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
See anything?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, there's a sale on Pauli Shore movies.

Lisa Bridges:
Think about it, Nash: what is Cassidy doing we didn't do at her age?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Lisa, I don't wanna be thinkin', at my age, at what Cassidy was doin' that we did when she's her age.

Cassidy Bridges:
Ah, I hope this isn't going to be one of your parental inquisitions, daddy.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Postage due? On a post card? [after getting a post card from Joe who is out of country on vacation]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
So, ah, let me understand this: five heavily-armed men and your plan was to take them down with a five-clip 32-calibur gun? That was what you had planned there, huh?

Insp. Michelle Chan:
Sounded better in my head.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You know, your feathers are looking whiter then the last time I remembered.

Angel:
I just had them dry cleaned.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Really?

Angel:
Thank you for noticing.

Ernie Vesper:
I told you, man, you can't hold me - I didn't steal anything!

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, look - there's no loopholes in the law for being dumb enough to get jacked at your own robbery, Vesper.

Nash Bridges:
Trust us: you're guilty.

Ernie Vesper:
No, I don't think so. Could you check with somebody?

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, yeah, just a second... ah, Nash?

Nash Bridges:
Guilty.

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, sorry dude.

Mickey Gamble:
Look, what do you want?

Nash Bridges:
Your pasty little ass in prison.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Man, I wouldn't jump off of her for all the beans in Mexico.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
If I had me chasing me? You bet your ass.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You know, sometimes the rich are really hard to like.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Bubba, what are you gonna do if one of those schemes of yours pays off and you get rich?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, I'll be different.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You know, if you drive a little slower I might be able to hit something. [as they are being shot at by a pursuing vehicle]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah? Well, if you'd hit something I might be able to driver a little slower!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I don't get it - I never had trouble getting a ride, even as a kid. I mean, even when I looked like latino Charles Manson. No problem.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
So, ah, you're gonna let Cassidy drive the cuda?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yes, I was.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, but I never get to drive the car. A wonder how that all fits together, doesn't it?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What does?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You know, you, your car, your whole attitude towards the Dominguez clan.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What are you getting mad about?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, you hurt my feelings, all right? I mean, you may not realize it, but J.J. is actually a very decent upstanding young man. You know, God just played a trick on me and put him in a slacker's body.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Joe. [laughing]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey man, looks are very deceiving, you know? I mean, check it out: if Ingrid sized me up on looks alone, would she have married me?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
All right, look, I'm going to be honest with you: you know I love J.J., I've always loved that kid. Cassidy, you know Cassidy - she's tough, man; she'll eat J.J. up and spit him out. I'm not going to do that to him. Or to you. I'm serious, man. I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings. I didn't mean to, you know that.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
San Fransico, damn it's good to be home, isn't it, bubba?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Shhh, yeah, but next time you ask me to go for a ride through the country, forget it.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
What do you mean, you didn't like the fresh air?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey, I love the fresh air; it was the bullets flying threw the fresh air I didn't dig.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
J.J., hey son, where are you pants? [entering Lisa's place wto find Cassidy with J.J. and J.J. standing there in underwear]

J.J.:
Hey, dad.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah, where are you pants? [in a not so pleased tone]

Cassidy Bridges:
You know what, I think we're gonna need to check the rise. [speaking of the inseme of J.J., after she gets down with some measuring tape]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Ah, let's not check the rise.

Cassidy Bridges:
Daddy, stay out of this.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Joe's gonna stay here with Holly and I need to borrow your car for about an hour.

Lisa Bridges:
Well, am I going to get it back with bullet holes?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
With any luck.

Nash Bridges:
You know, I could just shoot you and solve everybody's problems. [to Joe]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Please, no gifts, no crying. [with sarcasm]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Hold it! When you go to college sometime in the next few months, you can make all the adult decisions you wanna make. In the mean time, I'm your father! And I'm going to give you my strong opinion that this thing with Evan, is not a smooth move. It's a bad move!

Cassidy Bridges:
Oh yeah? I'm not going to college in the next few months, dad.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh really? And when were you going to enlighten me? Sometime in the next damn millennium?

Cassidy Bridges:
I auditioned for the Oregan Shakespear Festival; they offered me a six month contract in Ashland. I'm gonna take the job.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I-I-I don't think you are. You see, you've had your year off before college and now you are damn skippy going to college!

Cassidy Bridges:
This is not your decision. [forceful]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Do you remember me? I'm your father. And I'm not going to stand around and watch you throw your lfie away.

Cassidy Bridges:
There's nothing you can do about it!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Yeah? Just watch me.

Cassidy Bridges:
You watch me. [turns around and leaves]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
This is beautiful - the guy's gonna repeat the whole deal on tape for us. It's too easy, it's criminal; I actually feel kind of guilty.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
You'll get over it.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I'm sorry, chief, I cannot listen to that any longer. [pulling out the tape of baby songs for Joe's baby]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Hey, hey, hey, be careful with that, man. You know how hard it is to find baby music on 8-track?

Pepe:
What are you doing here?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
My baby is missing.

Pepe:
Check your hands, Joe.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Oh, no, no, not this baby, my baby. What happened was somebody from your department came down and was supos-suposed to pick up two babies and accidently walked off with my baby, too.

Pepe:
Well, congratulations. I didn't realize you and Nash had adopted. I... I think that's very corageous.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
No, no, it's not Nash's baby, it's mine and Ingrid's; you know Ingrid, my wife? [annoyed]

Pepe:
You still have sex with women? [surprised]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Occasionally, Pepe.

Nash Bridges:
She shot me in the ass.

Caitlin Cross:
Why do you always have to be so damn glib? [to Nash]

Nash Bridges:
Don't fall down the shaft!

Caitlin Cross:
You wish!

Nick Bridges:
Time to change your dressing, Nash; pull your pants down.

Joe Dominguez:
I think I hyave to be somewhere.

Nick Bridges:
You're sure treating her a lot different than the last guy who shot you.

Nash Bridges:
[to Kendell] You see this... this is good practice for you to see this [Joe and Iris arguing] in case you ever decided to have kids of your own

Zack Spears:
She loves me. We're soul mates.

Iris Heller:
Oh, tell it to your cell mate, bubba.

Nash Bridges:
Hey. Hey, hey, hey - I got a patent on that.

Joe Dominguez:
How far now? [jogging as Nash drives along side him]

Nash Bridges:
Three quarters of a mile.

Joe Dominguez:
How fast am I going?

Nash Bridges:
Ah, I don't know - it's not registering on the spedometer.

Joe Dominguez:
Nothing? [surprised]

Nash Bridges:
Well, either thye car's too old or you are, bubba.

Caitlin Cross:
You're gonna worry me to death, yo uare, aren't you?

Nash Bridges:
Not if you stop worrying.

Nash Bridges:
I didn't happen to say anything stupid yesterday, when I got back from the dentist, did I? [after being doped up for a tooth extraction]

Joe Dominguez:
Well, oh wait, ah, you proposed to Ronnie.

Nash Bridges:
Good. What did he say?

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, he wouldn't sign a pre-nup'.

Nash Bridges:
Well, forget it then.

[Joe was working traffic because something with his pension got screwed up]

Lt. A.J. Shimamura:
Care to tell us what happened, Joe?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Who cares if his father's a president of the San Francisco bank?

Lt. A.J. Shimamura:
Humor me. I care.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Let me get this straight - you pepper-sprayed him for illegal parking?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yes. [Nash laughs] He came at me. And I exhausted all proper procedures, A.J.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
[smirking] I'm sorry I missed that one.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
He comes at me saying he knows Kung Fu and that crap. He went down in flames like a twelve o'clock high.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oooh, you bad. [Laughs again]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
And that's when he twisted his knee. The funny thing is, he'll probably get a disabled placard now. [Nash is now laughing hard]

Lt. A.J. Shimamura:
Are you two through yet? The I.R. went straight to the chief. And you, carnal, have the distinction of being the only cop I know of ever to get kicked out of traffic. [Nash laughs]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
What about my pension? What about my hog? I kinda liked it.

Lt. A.J. Shimamura:
Your hog? Forget your Harley! [Nash laughs] The chief made me take you back.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Oh, no!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Got anything out at the airport? Unloading/loading that kinda thing?

Lt. A.J. Shimamura:
You wish. No. We got you back all to ourselves.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
He took a dive!

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Yeah, right after you hit him.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Take Jerry to a rock concert? I don't want him breathing the air in there, man.

Caitlin Cross:
You know what? I really don't want to fight. This is ridiculous. So, if it will make you feel any better, I will assume half the responsibility.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well, who's going to assume the other half, because I'm damn sure not doing it?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Eladio, how much am I paying you to berate me like this? [as Eladio pretends to be the opposing lawyer arguing the case with Nash]

Eladio Dominguez:
Oh, my standard fee: three-hundred dollars an hour.

Frankie:
Excuse me, what are you doing?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Trying to set this guy free.

Frankie:
Mr. Williams pays seventy-five dollars an hour to be chained up like that.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I'm curious now - did you clap when Bambi's mom bought it?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
So, Harv', you have any Halloween plans?

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Nah, nothin' baby beyond a frozen pizza and Sci-Fi channel.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Harv', your home work assignment is a 500-word essay: Who I Was Before I Wound Up Dead on the Post Office Floor.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Don't die on me. [after Tony chokes on food he's eating too fast]

Tony B.:
I'm not gonna die on you!

Joe Dominguez:
Are you always right?

Nash Bridges:
Only with the stuff that doesn't add to the qaulity to my life.

Joe Dominguez:
Oh well, something will work out.

Nick Bridges:
Joe, I'm either sixty-nine or seventy years-old and I'm unemployable; all my dreams went up in smoke so long ago I don't even remember what the hell they were. I got four measly grand in the bank. I'm excess baggage, Joe. You tell me that it will all work out?

Joe Dominguez:
So, what do you think? You think you can convert my car back to stock?

Night Mechanic:
No problem. A matter of time, that's all. Time is money.

Boz Bishop:
Why don't you chill, Mighty Joe bro ham, all right? Look, look, my man Jose here won't even be slicked by no brothers actin' all shady, lookin' to rack 'n' sack the man, all right, you know what I'm saying?

Night Mechanic:
No, what are you saying? I speak English, not ebonics.

Nash Bridges:
Where'd you learn to do that?

Caitlin Cross:
Do what? [reading papers i na folder, preptending to not ease drop on Nash]

Nash Bridges:
Read upside down.

Joe Dominguez:
'Wealthy gentlement and very hot latina spit-fire seek equally wild but descrete couple for mid-week trists and week-end romps.' Aren't romps and trists the same thing? [reading a fake ad placed in an adult swingers magazine]

Nash Bridges:
I wouldn't know anything about that atuff.

Caitlin Cross:
Trist has a more romantic conotation. You asked.

Joe Dominguez:
Tristin' the night away.

Nash Bridges:
Damn.

Caitlin Cross:
Now I see why you have two ex-wives.

Nash Bridges:
Better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.

Insp. Antwon Babcock:
Why would she take naked pictures of herself? [seeing naked pictures of a woman accidently given to Harvey]

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I don't care. In my view it was the right decision.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Listen: give me two minutes - I'll do something wonderful for you some day.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
There is a God.

Insp. Antwon Babcock:
Yeah, yeah, and he's gonna get you.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Doubtful, doubtful.

Lenny:
You're not as smart as you think you are.

Nash Bridges:
Yeah, well, that still makes me smarter than you, bubba.

Lenny:
I was inside your apartment. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead right now.

Nash Bridges:
Now, listen, bubba, I already know you got an active fantisy life.

Lenny:
Don't underestimate me.

Nash Bridges:
Oh, don't worry - I'm taking nailing you very seriously, jackass.

Lenny:
Don't call me that.

Nash Bridges:
Well, come on over here and I'll apologize.

Diana Carr:
You are a very frustrating man.

Nash Bridges:
I'll bet you think this is the first time I've ever heard that.

Joe Dominguez:
What am I supposed to do? Get on my knees and beg?

Nash Bridges:
That's why God gave you knees, bubba.

Lisa Bridges:
I wanted to surprise you.

Nash Bridges:
Well, you damn sure succeeded.

Nash Bridges:
Well, this has got to be some sort of first: we're both on time.

Henri Armaud:
Lisa late? Never.

Lisa Bridges:
Oh, Henri. Oh, you shoudl talk, shouldn't you be out at some bank robbery somewhere? [to Nash]

Nash Bridges:
Ah, no, I, ah, cancelled all my bank robberies for the daafternoon.

Seth Wiley:
Um, you know what, somebody is wearing Obsession... Obsession for Men; I'm alergic to it. [holding a tissue to his nose]

Officer Ronnie:
I am. Got a problem?

Cassidy Bridges:
Where have you been? Oh my God. You had sex, didn't you?

Lisa Bridges:
Let me explain.

Cassidy Bridges:
You know, I don't believe this.

Nash Bridges:
Well, listen, sister, I hate to tell you this, but it ain't the first time.

Joe Dominguez:
So, I guess you violated your own, um, no humma humma in the cuda rule, huh?

Nash Bridges:
There was no humma humma in the cuda, it was on the cuda.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
Man, this guy runs like a gazelle!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Why do you think that bastard ran this way?

Insp. Bryn Carson:
Why exactly did you dump me? I mean, I'm relatively attractive, stable, moderatly fun... what did I ever do to you?

Paco:
Are you going to turn this takedown into a therapy session, Bryn?

Insp. Bryn Carson:
Come on, Paco, it's not going to kill you to tell me the truth. Once.

Paco:
Okay... you were too insecure, to moody, too manipulative, too st - [he is cut off when she fires at him once]

Insp. Bryn Carson:
Sorry, slipped. [kind of smiling]

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Talk to me first; I'm easier and a hell of a lot cheaper. [to a suspect]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I'll vouch for that; he's cheap and easy.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
I love doughnuts. One of the main attractions to becoming a cop.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Well... well, well... thirteen-ton truck doesn't just vanish. [speaking of an armored bank truck]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Well, if it was a U.F.O. at least we know they're here for our money, not our women.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Why, Nash, you read my floppy disk.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
You're serious?

Insp. Nash Bridges:
As scurvy.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Son of a b*tch shot my car. Evan, fish that bastard out of the bay. [after shooting the suspect dead out of a helicopter]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
I can't believe how lucky you are.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Ah, it isn't luck if you can do it consistantly.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
There's a very good reason you didn't recognize the shell casing: it's very rare and made in limited-run by a small German firm and Interpol confirms this is the Monk's bullet du jour.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I know that's going to make more sense to me after I have some coffee.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Say hey, going shopping?

Carl Hanover:
Who the hell are you?

Insp. Evan Cortez:
I'm a cop. Who are you?

Carl Hanover:
Jack. Va-va-valen.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Va-va-valen what? [mocking the suspect]

Carl Hanover:
Valenoppenstein.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Valenoppenstein. Is that Russian?

Carl Hanover:
No, it's Lithuanianberg.

Insp. Harvey Leek:
Oh, I wasn't aware there was a Lithuanianberg.

Insp. Evan Cortez:
That's somewhere between Franceland and Hollandsville.

Caitlin Cross:
Ta da!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
This is your big surprise? [seeing an extra exercise machine next to hers, both with purple bows on them]

Caitlin Cross:
I thought it would be something we could do together.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
At seven o'clock on the morning? Get out of here!

Caitlin Cross:
What-wah, what are you saying? What do you mean? It would be good for you!

Insp. Nash Bridges:
I don't think so. There's a lot of good things for me; you're good for me, but, ah, I'm not even sure I like you at seven o'clock in the morning.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
So, how about you and Inger? You off to Swedan tomorrow night?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Ah, don't bring me down, man, come on. You know, this is the third time we've been to Swedan because her mother is supposedly dying. This woman has been dying since she was born, man. Last time she wasn't supposed to make it through the night, we flew over the pole, got there in the middle of winter, she's out side chopping wood.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Chopping wood? [still laughing]

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
In Swedish.

Insp. Nash Bridges:
Take him out.

Joe Dominguez:
We're gonna ring your bell, dumbass.

Nash Bridges:
Ah, bubbba... [seeing Joe put a beaded cuhion cover over the passenger seat]

Joe Dominguez:
Ah, don't ask.

Nash Bridges:
I'm afraid I already did.

Joe Dominguez:
It's supposed to keep my sperm count high, you know?

Nash Bridges:
Oh, God, I wish I hadn't asked.

Nash Bridges:
The invasion of Normandy wasn't this well planned.

Nash Bridges:
Inger's really working the calendar, huh?

Joe Dominguez:
Working it? she's going everything wired to her basal temperature. I'm gonna beep when she's ready. Eh, it will be like hte old days, you go six, seven times a night, you know?

Nash Bridges:
Get the f - when did you go six... never mind.

Joe Dominguez:
Hey, I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm better once than I ever was.

Nash Bridges:
Say that again?

Caitlin Cross:
He wants me dead, right? I mean, that's where this whole thing is headed.

Nash Bridges:
He's gotta kill me first. He's good, but he's not that good.

Inger Dominguez:
Joe, I'm not ovulating anymore.

Joe Dominguez:
Don't have to ask me twice.

Joe Dominguez:
Rock on, gentlemen.

Nash Bridges:
Damn, she may be human after all. [to Joe about Caitlin]

Richard Bettina:
Dominguez, I was just thinkin' since Nash here essentially solved my case even though he wasn't working on it, I'm essentially not going to pay you your full fee. What do you think about that?

Joe Dominguez:
Well, ah, the next time you two decide to stab me in the back, call out my name - I could turn around and you can get me in the heart.

[Barry watches helplessly as Charlie Pep's thugs rob the vault.]

Barry Chen:
You don't want to mess with Bobby Wu. I'm telling you, man. I once saw him take a guy's intestines and pull 'em out through his nose. I'm telling you, man. I once saw him take a guy's cajones and make Dim Sun out of them. I'm telling you, man.

thug:
Shut up.

Barry Chen:
Okay.

[Barry puts a sculpture into the bag.]

Barry Chen:
Here. Take this. It's insured.

Barry Chen:
If you want to find Tiger, this is where you'll find him.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
This is a marijuana club.

Barry Chen:
I know. Totally legal under prop 215 as long as you have a valid medical excuse.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
For what?

Barry Chen:
Weed. Pot. Dope. Marijuana. Grass.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
No, I mean what's wrong with you?

Barry Chen:
Oh! Depression.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Depression?

Barry Chen:
Yeah, I get really depressed when I'm not getting stoned.

Barry Chen:
I can probably get him to set you up.

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Actually, I stopped smoking pot years ago.

Barry Chen:
Oh no? What's your drug of choice now, man?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Uh, Rogaine.

Barry Chen:
Rogaine? What's that? Do you snort it?

Dr. John Joseph:
How are you doing Barry?

Barry Chen:
Eh listen, this is my good friend ehm... Sorry, what's your name again?

Insp. Joe Dominguez:
Eh, Joe.

Barry Chen:
Joe, this is Joe.