No Ordinary Family

Stephanie Powell:
Boundaries, Jim. Ignore the Batphone. Tonight's for us.

George St. Cloud:
[Jim wants to do a fist bump] Whoa. You keep that sledgehammer away from me, man. You ain't gonna crush these delicate hands.

Jim Powell:
I was gonna block the car's path, and... I don't know what happened. It's like my strength just gave out.

Stephanie Powell:
Did you feel anything strange beforehand, like a nerve pinch, rush of fatigue, headache?

Jim Powell:
No. Nothing specific. Just weaker.

George St. Cloud:
You know, it could be a confidence problem, like performance anxiety.

Stephanie Powell:
The only thing ruining his performance are your phone calls.

J.J. Powell:
Mr. Litchfield, I think there's been a mistake. You gave Kenny an F, but his answers are almost all correct.

Mr. Litchfield:
You're right, only they're not his answers - they're yours.

J.J. Powell:
What're you talking about?

Mr. Litchfield:
Your answers match, Mr. Powell, down to the variables. I'm afraid your friend has been cheating off you.

Kenny Barcly:
No, I didn't. J., I swear.

Mr. Litchfield:
Oh, so in one semester I took two young men who didn't know a trapezoid from a trapeze and turned them into ivy leaguers? Trust me: I'm a good teacher - not THAT good.

J.J. Powell:
Maybe I am. Kenny was having trouble so I tutored him.

Mr. Litchfield:
Oh, now it all makes sense. Jock gets nerd on football team; nerd lets jock cheat off of him. What an adorable little Breakfast Club you two have going on. Well, I'm afraid it won't turn out to be Some Kind of Wonderful for you, Mr. Barcly.

J.J. Powell:
I've got bigger fish not to fry.

Daphne Powell:
Clearly your giant brain hasn't changed your ability to make bad puns.

J.J. Powell:
I'm not gonna help you lie just so some guy will like you.

Daphne Powell:
But I told him I spoke Japanese. What am I supposed to do?

J.J. Powell:
I don't know, but you lied your way in. Now lie your way out.

Katie Andrews:
But the truth is, anything could be causing your husband's reaction. I mean, your family's genetic code is so unique and unexplored. I mean, we're like scientific spelunkers here.

Stephanie Powell:
I miss those days when all I had to worry about was whether Jim liked me, not the causal factors impeding his superpowers.

Jim Powell:
This is all my fault. If I'd stopped those carjackers the other night, they wouldn't be driving around crashing into math teachers.

J.J. Powell:
What a waste of your powers. You're manipulating some guy into liking you, and it's not even you you're getting him to like.

Daphne Powell:
Quit judging me. You've done way worse.

J.J. Powell:
Maybe so, but who knows how long these powers are gonna last. And if they were to somehow end today, you have to ask yourself - did you do the best you could with them while you had the chance?

Katie Andrews:
Most people you meet on-line have this Bruce Wayne profile, and then in person they're Napoleon Dynamite. You are, like, the opposite. You're, like, this super-geek online and then in person you're actually, like, cool.

Katie Andrews:
And since Jim and the plant share the same D.N.A. structure, do you realize what we've just discovered? Jim's kryptonite.

Katie Andrews:
His name is Will and he's a dash of Edward mixed with a smidge of Wolverine.

Stephanie Powell:
Hm.

Katie Andrews:
Which means absolutely nothing to you.

Stephanie Powell:
Well, of course I know who Wolverine is. Uh, he's the one with the muttonchops and the really long nails.

Katie Andrews:
They're claws, actually.

Stephanie Powell:
And this is sexy?

Bret Martin:
So, how about before our cram session tonight we go out for some sushi? It would be nice to go with someone who appreciates it. Someone who, when I say "arigato gozaimasu," doesn't say "God bless you."

Daphne Powell:
Exactly.

Bret Martin:
You speak Japanese?

Daphne Powell:
[nervously lying] Speak it? I'm practically fluent.

Bret Martin:
[delighted] You just keep getting cooler.

J.J. Powell:
[about to begin surgery] I started with twenty milligram of midazolam. Remember, once the pipe is extracted, you'll have three milliseconds to suture the aorta. What?

Stephanie Powell:
Nothing, it's just... Well, when I envisioned us spending time together, I was imaging something more along the lines of mini golf.

George St. Cloud:
[interrupting Jim and Stephanie's romantic night with a crime in progress] What's it gonna be, the nooky or the crooky?

George St. Cloud:
[looking at the gory picture of a slain girl] Police think it was an animal attack.

Jim Powell:
In Montcliff Park?

George St. Cloud:
Right. Closest thing I've seen to wildlife there was an obese squirrel eating waffle fries.

Jim Powell:
Whatever did this didn't do it for food.

Jim Powell:
Look, now that you're part of his project, you've gotta have access to some sort of database, a list of patients and their abilities.

Stephanie Powell:
He IS meticulous; I'm sure he keeps records on everything.

Jim Powell:
We have to know what else is out there.

J.J. Powell:
Mr. Litchfield, I couldn't help but notice that my packet has different practice problems than the rest of the team.

Mr. Litchfield:
Giving you the same work as them would be like asking Stephen Hawking to play Chutes and Ladders.

J.J. Powell:
So your dirty-haired boyfriend is more important than our family?

Jim Powell:
JJ, find Daphne.

J.J. Powell:
But I don't know where she is. I swear.

Jim Powell:
Yeah, but you can find out... by hacking into her e-mail, her phone - whatever it takes.

J.J. Powell:
Dad, if I do that, she'll never speak to me again.

Jim Powell:
If she gets killed, she'll never speak to you again, either.

J.J. Powell:
You make a good point.

Stephanie Powell:
[at request for a new computer] No. I'm sorry, JJ. And if you want it so bad, you're just gonna have to save up for it with your allowance.

J.J. Powell:
Great. In nine years, five months, one week and three days I can look forward to that purchase.

Stephanie Powell:
Just a reminder, you're gonna have to keep your powers under wraps when Mrs. Kornbluth comes to stay tomorrow.

Daphne Powell:
Wait, WHAT?

J.J. Powell:
Mrs. Kornbluth?

Stephanie Powell:
What else did you think was gonna happen when your father and I go stay overnight at a hotel to celebrate our anniversary?

Daphne Powell:
Mom, Mrs. Kornbluth is 86. We practically have to take care of HER. We can stay alone for one night. I'm old enough to supervise.

Stephanie Powell:
Daphne, you're only 16.

Daphne Powell:
I can operate a motor vehicle; I am perfectly capable of operating a JJ.

Stephanie Powell:
[disbelieving what she's just heard] George hit you with his car?

Jim Powell:
It was a rental.

Katie Andrews:
Okay, see, this guy that I'm dating...

Stephanie Powell:
Will.

Katie Andrews:
Yes. Will. So, he's sweet and he's... hot. I mean, he's not flame-retardant, but, you know, still very hot.

Stephanie Powell:
Are we bad parents leaving our kids alone like this.

Jim Powell:
Hey, they're not alone. That's why we had two.

George St. Cloud:
Check the fine print of the manual that you never received, says "Superheroes don't get the night off."

Hostess:
There are lots of things I can do, but making time move faster isn't one of them.

Stephanie Powell:
Once I identify his vulnerable D.N.A. strands, I will isolate a molecular pathogen that will trigger Patton's cellular senescence, rendering his powers inert forever.

Daphne Powell:
We are SO dead.

Helen Burton:
[pointing gun at Daphne] I'm running out of patience, J.J.

J.J. Powell:
I told you everything I know! I swear!

Helen Burton:
And somehow I still don't believe you.

Daphne Powell:
J.J., please!

J.J. Powell:
I'm sorry. I... I just can't think, okay? Stress overstimulates the hippocampus. My glucocorticoid receptors haven't been this saturated since... since the plane crash. Oh, my God. Look, I know why our powers are permanent. Please, just let my family go and I'll tell you everything you wanna know. I promise.

Helen Burton:
J.J., I will. I will let them all go.

J.J. Powell:
Okay, you've been mixing the trilsettum with epinephrine - synthetic adrenaline - but what you needed was real adrenaline. Now, the serum wasn't wrong, the circumstances were. Look, in moments of extreme stress, like life and death, like a plane crash, the receptors in the hippo campus are wide open, and the trilsettum can be absorbed enough for its effects to become permanent. So please...

Helen Burton:
Thank you, J.J. You have been most helpful.

[hands gun over to guard]

Helen Burton:
Give me ten seconds, then put a bullet in each of them.

Jim Powell:
[to Dr. King] A word of advice - when you shoot a man and leave him for dead, you better be sure his kryptonite hasn't worn off.

Dr. Dayton King:
[to Jim] You'll kill me? That's a bold prediction. Good luck trying to kill a man who can't die.

[last lines]

Jim Powell:
That's horrible, but why do you think any of this has to do with us?

Agent Hawkins:
Because it has recently come to our attention that the four of you are no ordinary family. And these were no ordinary passengers. Mr. and Mrs. Powell, the government needs your family's help.

J.J. Powell:
What're you doing here, Mr. Litchfield?

Mr. Litchfield:
Come here. You have something I need, Powell.

J.J. Powell:
Shaving cream and antidepressants?

Mr. Litchfield:
Are you all right, Dr. King?

Dr. Dayton King:
Of the two of us, I'm not the one whose health you should be worrying about right now.

Helen Burton:
Feeling unwell, Dayton?

Dr. Dayton King:
Madam Chairman, I-I just seem to be fighting something.

Helen Burton:
Yes, I believe it's called obsolescence, a battle which you appear to have lost. Key card, please.

[Power goes out]

Daphne Powell:
Mm. No Internet or TV tonight.

J.J. Powell:
Mm. God forbid you should pick up a book.

Helen Burton:
If I had time, I would wait for than little twit your son knocked up to give birth. A baby born with trilsettum in its D.N.A. would provide all the answers we need to create permanence, but I dislike both children and being patient; so, I have a backup plan.

Dr. Dayton King:
And what is that?

Helen Burton:
I'm afraid that information can only be shared with people who still work here, but I assure you, my methods will be far less delicate than yours.

Mike Powell:
You're doing it, that thing you do with your forehead when you're hiding something.

Jim Powell:
I'm not doing anything with my forehead.

Mike Powell:
Liar. Don't make me call Mom.

Jim Powell:
Oh, come on, Mike.

Mike Powell:
Come on. I'm your brother. Why don't you trust me?

Jim Powell:
Because!

Mike Powell:
Because WHY!

Jim Powell:
BECAUSE I HAVE SUPERPOWERS!

[pause]

Mike Powell:
Oh, screw you. I'm serious.

Stephanie Powell:
I'm sorry, but based on his track record, if Mike can find a way to take advantage of our abilities, he will.

Mike Powell:
[seeing The Lair] I gotta say, Jim, this is a big step up from sketching muggers.

Jim Powell:
Yeah.

Mike Powell:
You guys must make serious cash for this "Heroes For Hire" stuff, right?

Katie Andrews:
I heard about your conversation with Dr. King.

Stephanie Powell:
Oh, look, clearly whatever got back to you, it's not what you think.

Katie Andrews:
Oh, well, that's a relief, because, for a second there, I though you went behind my back and you tried to convince Dr. King not to promote me. Oh, wait, that's exactly what you did.

Stephanie Powell:
You have to admit, it is a little unusual to be offered your own lab so early in your career.

Katie Andrews:
You mean earlier than you were offered yours?

Mike Powell:
You know what? That super-brain of yours is too much pressure for a kid your age. I think you need a little more fun in your life, don't you?

Dr. Dayton King:
Love has a way of robbing a man of his common sense.

Daphne Powell:
JJ, I think Chris is covering for his younger brother. Now, if Drew IS popping pills, they're probably in his locker.

J.J. Powell:
So you want me to violate his civil liberties with an illegal search and seizure? Is that the kind of government you run here?

Mike Powell:
You know, humans are the only species that insist on monogamy. Go to the zoo. Check out the monkeys, all right? It's like Boogie Nights in there.

George St. Cloud:
Okay. Wait, wait. Okay. Monkeys also throw poo at each other, so I'm not sure if they got it all right.

Jim Powell:
Where were you Mike? Where were you when dad had his heart attack?

Mike Powell:
What? That was ten years ago.

Jim Powell:
I know where dad was, he was in the ICU. I know where I was, I was by his bed side. I called you, I begged you, to come and sit with me.

Mike Powell:
He was unconscious, and you were there. And it all turned out fine.

Jim Powell:
Don't you understand? I didn't need you there for HIM! I needed you there for ME!

Mike Powell:
I didn't... I didn't realize that.

Jim Powell:
That's the problem. You never do.

Jim Powell:
George, what was so important I had to leap right over here?

George St. Cloud:
I was checking out the fine print on my homeowner's insurance and guess what I found!

Jim Powell:
What?

George St. Cloud:
Total umbrella coverage. So think: house and content, earthquake, fire...?

Jim Powell:
[realizing what he's getting at] Theft?

George St. Cloud:
[takes him into the new Lair] Thank you, Bayside Mutual.

Jim Powell:
[overwhelmed by the advanced new equipment] This is amazing! Now this is a Lair!

George St. Cloud:
Let's just say that we're way past wi-fi. [Jim accidentally high fives George across the room]

Jim Powell:
Wait a second. Did you ever see "Die Hard"?

George St. Cloud:
Did you just ask... I am insulted that you asked me that.

Jim Powell:
Air vents. I'll bet these go to anywhere in the building.

George St. Cloud:
So? Like you said, Jacobs will get a little suspicious if you jumped down in the middle of the squad room and took out four armed felons.

Jim Powell:
That's why John McClane didn't take on all the terrorists at the same time. He picked 'em off one by one.

George St. Cloud:
Oh, I get it. But in order to get them alone, you need a man on the inside.

Jim Powell:
Oh, no, it's too dangerous.

George St. Cloud:
Hey, Bruce Willis would've never had gotten out of there alive if he didn't have that black dude helping him. Jim, let me be your black dude.

Stephanie Powell:
All right, when was the last time we ate together, just the four of us?

J.J. Powell:
Uh, 4:00 P.M. Pacific Standard Time on Christmas Eve?

Mr. Litchfield:
The rules are as follows: no electronic devices, no talking, no exiting this classroom without my permission, and keep your eyes on your homework at all times.

Natalie Poston:
What if I've already completed my homework?

Mr. Litchfield:
Then you can work on the Latin translation for "Not my problem."

Jim Powell:
[in an air vent - just like in "Die Hard"] Yippee-ki-yay.

Natalie Poston:
You can't leave.

J.J. Powell:
I can't? I thought that if it can snow in Visalia, anything's possible.

George St. Cloud:
[held hostage, handcuffed to a pole] I gotta go, man. I gotta go bad. Look, speaking as your attorney, I advise you against preventing a man form doing his business.

Austin Davies:
Well, speaking as the guy with the gun, I'd advise you to hold it.

Austin Davies:
Sacrificing yourself for the b*tch that's trying to bust you - that's commendable. Stupid, but commendable.

Chris Minor:
Look, hey, that's the problem with you smart kids - too much time thinkin' about things, not enough time doin' 'em.

Bailey Browning:
Wow, you guys are like "Ocean's 11" - minus the hot guys, nice suits, and anything remotely interesting.

Chris Minor:
Oh, yeah? What is it you have that's so interesting, Bailey - besides, hmm, padded bras and trust funds?

J.J. Powell:
[after Daphne read his mind] And do you remember I had that sign on my door that says "no trespassing"? Imagine there's one on my forehead. Keep out!

George St. Cloud:
I just think that maybe you should consider that she has some advantages that you might not.

Jim Powell:
Like what?

Stephanie Powell:
Like super speed, which is way more effective in fighting crime than strength.

Katie Andrews:
Is it? I never read that study.

J.J. Powell:
Don't hate on whistling just because I'm dating a senior and you are not.

Stephanie Powell:
Katie, you're brilliant.

Katie Andrews:
Yes, that's what the testing shows.

Bailey Browning:
YOU'RE blowing ME off?

J.J. Powell:
Oh... I could show you Jupiter again.

Katie Andrews:
Oh, Dr. King. I'm sorry. I didn't see you there - which makes sense since I was facing the other direction, so...

Jim Powell:
Wadda ya say, honey? You wanna take down a super-villain with me?

Stephanie Powell:
Thought you'd never ask.

Dr. Dayton King:
Mr. Seeley. Long time no steam.

Stephanie Powell:
[back from a night out with her old friend Lena] Hey, you should come with us next time.

Jim Powell:
Oh, I don't know. It's a little awkward with your single friends - with me sittin' there, big stud of a husband. It's like rubbin' your happiness in their face.

Katie Andrews:
Before we do what it is that I think we're gonna do, um, you should know that... you're about to boldly go where no man has gone before.

J.J. Powell:
Hey, guys. Am I interrupting?

Natalie Poston:
Whadda ya mean?

Troy Cotten:
He thinks I'm hitting on you. That is what you mean, isn't it?

J.J. Powell:
Well... that's... kinda how it looks.

Natalie Poston:
No, he was just saying hi.

J.J. Powell:
He said hi to me earlier, except without touching my hair or whispering in my ear.

Troy Cotten:
Are you saying you wish I had done that to you?

Stephanie Powell:
Oh, God, I think I'm drunk.

Michelle Cotten:
Finally! I can not believe how much you've had. It is impressive, even for a 300-pound dockworker.

Jim Powell:
I'm freezing out here watching this museum. And hungry, too. You don't think anyone would ever deliver a pizza to a rooftop, do ya?

Stephanie Powell:
I have a really fast metabolism and it works quicklier than other people's.

Jim Powell:
I-I-I don't know what I was thinking, accusing him like that. We don't have any hard proof, and now it's cost me a friend, and I don't have many of those, either.

George St. Cloud:
Well, get used to it. You don't see Batman cultivatin' a wide circle of friends. Peter Parker's always pissin' off one of his buddies.

Jim Powell:
So with great power comes great loneliness?

Helen Burton:
You've been through quite an adventure.

Victoria Morrow:
Where am I?

Helen Burton:
Well, you were dead, or very close to it, and I brought you back.

Victoria Morrow:
That's impossible.

Helen Burton:
Not impossible, just very, very difficult.

Stephanie Powell:
I seem to be able to travel into the future now.

Daphne Powell:
Okay, now you're trying to alarm us, right?

Stephanie Powell:
It seems that because of the Trilsettum injection, I'm now able to...

J.J. Powell:
...achieve faster-than-light speed and travel based on simultaneity in special relativity.

Stephanie Powell:
Yeah, pretty much.

Jim Powell:
Listen, honey, maybe you should take it easy. Injecting you with the Trilsettum, on top of the powers you already have, it's like having an expresso with a defibrillator chaser.

Victoria Morrow:
You were right. Katie Andrews is pregnant.

Helen Burton:
Of course I'm right.

Victoria Morrow:
[handing over a folder] The results of the amniocentesis.

Helen Burton:
[reading] This is extraordinary. Trilsettum is fully integrated with the baby's D.N.A. Even in this embryonic phase, replicating cells are superhuman. We need this baby, and you're going to bring it to us.

Victoria Morrow:
I-I can't do that.

Helen Burton:
It's no secret how deeply you feel for this child's father. Who better to raise this very special offspring than a very special woman like yourself?

Victoria Morrow:
But what about Katie Andrews?

Helen Burton:
As soon as she's delivered the child, she's of no further use. You know how I feel about useless things. Congratulations. You're going to make a wonderful mother.

Stephanie Powell:
[about Katie who's been hanging out with the family lately] Look, she just got out of a relationship. She needs to be around people.

Jim Powell:
Do those people have to be US?

Jim Powell:
Hey. Does this guy look familiar to you.

George St. Cloud:
[looking at Jim's latest suspect sketch which looks like George] No, but he's a hell of a good-looking guy.

[Jim glares at him]

George St. Cloud:
What? I'm secure in my own masculinity to recognize a good-looking man when I see one.

George St. Cloud:
[recalling last night's date with Sophie] Girl smells like angel food cake but she tastes like french toast.

Jim Powell:
She sounds... fattening.

J.J. Powell:
You PUSHED him? I can not believe that you mind-controlled your boyfriend.

Stephanie Powell:
[assessing George's latest relationship] Oh, it's not love. I mean, George has just fallen for something sexy and fast. Sophie may as well be a corvette.

[in the school lunch court]

Chris Minor:
Uhhh... listen, we need to talk.

Daphne Powell:
You do realize that saying "we need to talk" to your girlfriend has ominous connotations?

Chris Minor:
Look, it's not about me and you, it's about you and your family.

Daphne Powell:
My family?

Chris Minor:
This may sound nuts, but I think your family has... abilities.

Daphne Powell:
[using "the push" to push her thoughts into his head] No, we're just a normal, boring family, so how about we stop talking about this and go get something to eat?

Chris Minor:
You know what? I've got a good idea. Let''s, uh, stop talking about this, go get something to eat.

Daphne Powell:
Good plan.

[scene change:
walking down the sidewalk]

Chris Minor:
Look, Daphne, I need to say something about you and your family. I know this may sound crazy, but I think your family has... abilities.

Daphne Powell:
No, we don't. We're just a normal family.

Daphne Powell:
[using "the push"] Why don't we go hang out at the mall?

Chris Minor:
You know, I was thinking, we should go hang out at the mall.

Daphne Powell:
Love that idea.

[scene change:
at home watching TV]

Chris Minor:
Hey, Daph?

Daphne Powell:
Yes?

Chris Minor:
This may sound crazy, but I think your family has...

Daphne Powell:
OHHHHHH!

Stephanie Powell:
Jim, have you lost your mind?

Jim Powell:
No. In fact, I-I-I'm seeing things more clearly than ever. A-a-and Sophie - she's shown me what I've been missing all these years. I know this is hard for YOU to accept.

Stephanie Powell:
Whoa, "hard to accept?" No, Jim, you're abandoning me, your family, your kids!

Jim Powell:
Well, what can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants.

Stephanie Powell:
Then what about me? What? Am I just supposed to pretend that the past eighteen years never happened?

Jim Powell:
One day maybe we can be friends.

Stephanie Powell:
Whoa. You want to go be with your SOUL MATE? Then go be with her. This was our family, Jim, and you ruined it! I hope she's worth it.

Jim Powell:
She is.

J.J. Powell:
Aren't you glad you brought me now? Who else do you know that could pick a lock?

George St. Cloud:
Just about every other guy that I put away.

Jim Powell:
Look, I-I'm sorry about what happened earlier, but I really need a place to crash. Stephanie kind of... kicked me out.

George St. Cloud:
What, she hosting book club? Didn't want you eatin' up all the mini-quiche?

George St. Cloud:
[incredulously] Your dad... stole a girl from ME? Okay, see, I KNOW somethin's crazy now.

Stephanie Powell:
Okay, all right, so... you're saying Jim decided to leave me for a terrorist?

George St. Cloud:
I don't think Jim decided anything. It's like Sophie brainwashed him.

J.J. Powell:
At first we thought that she was creating a love potion by replicating pheromones.

Stephanie Powell:
You don't think that she's a super, do you?

George St. Cloud:
Would explain why Jim's behavin' like Charlie Sheen.

Detective Yvonne Cho:
You know, you've been turning up at a LOT of crime scenes lately, Powell.

Jim Powell:
I know. I'm just trying to do my part.

Nina Claremont:
Oh, hi, Steph. You're home early. I hope your company isn't downsizing.

George St. Cloud:
Women don't wanna know the truth! They can't even tune their ear to that frequency.

Jim Powell:
[phoning Stephanie] Hi, uh, where are you?

Stephanie Powell:
Uh, you know. Out and about.

Jim Powell:
Out and about where?

Stephanie Powell:
Uh, you know the drugstore down on the corner?

Jim Powell:
Yeah.

Stephanie Powell:
Yeah, about 500 miles east of there.

Daphne Powell:
[Jim just turned off the tv the kids were watching] Hey!

J.J. Powell:
Turn that back on!

Jim Powell:
Quiet. We are going to spend some time together as a family. Your mother spent a lot of time planning this school fair, so let's go.

Daphne Powell:
No thanks.

J.J. Powell:
I'm okay.

Stephanie Powell:
If we want the world to view us as a normal family, we are going to have to act like one.

Jim Powell:
Trust me, we are going to have the time of our lives.

J.J. Powell:
You said that before. Right before our plane crashed.

Jim Powell:
Well, you've changed. I can't remember the last time you weren't the first one out the door in the morning.

Stephanie Powell:
[smiling at him] It's too bad you already had your shower. I was going to ask you to join me. [walks away]

Jim Powell:
[runs after her] I may not be as fast as you but there are still things I'll make time for!

Stephanie Powell:
Well, uh, on a completely unrelated note, J.J. needs...

Katie Andrews:
[gasps] You want me to tutor him. I knew it was just a matter of time before you realized he needed more intellectual simulation.

Stephanie Powell:
And you don't mind?

Katie Andrews:
I was gonna suggest it. I mean, this might be my only chance to tutor a... a burgeoning Lex Luthor or... oh, even, say, a young Reed Richards. Okay, work might not be the only reason I'm single.

Daphne Powell:
Oh, J.J., how could a super-genius be so epically stupid?

George St. Cloud:
I'll be so up your business I will show up on your next M.R.I.

Stephanie Powell:
Well, she wants to. Date you, I mean.

George St. Cloud:
How do... How... How-how can you tell?

Stephanie Powell:
Throbbing carotid, light moisture on her epidermal layer, dilated pupils - all classic symptoms of pheromone emissions.

Stephanie Powell:
You okay, sweetie?

J.J. Powell:
You ever try to extend a complex function with a differential open subset on a Riemann surface?

Stephanie Powell:
Mm. Not lately.

J.J. Powell:
Oh, then don't start. Trust me, it not as easy as it sounds.

Katie Andrews:
Everyone says that Internet dating is, like, for geeky, socially awkward types, but I meet a lot of people just like me.

Katie Andrews:
Now before we begin any mind-elevating dialogue, condescendingly labeled as "tutoring," I need to establish a baseline assessment of your abilities. So, what I've done is I've started with the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale.

J.J. Powell:
Does this take into account the impact of stereotype threat on psychometrics? You need to develop a standard deviation algorithm that controls for a testing bias, and, if you don't mind, I think I can tweak your methodology.

Katie Andrews:
Oh, sure. Yeah.

Daphne Powell:
This modernist art crap - how did YOU learn it all?

Jim Powell:
Well, it helped not to think of it as "crap," for one thing.

J.J. Powell:
This is extortion.

Daphne Powell:
See? I KNEW you were a genius.

J.J. Powell:
I'm not a radio transmitter, and you keep treating me like technical equipment.

Katie Andrews:
So far, we have determined that your brain is more powerful than an N.S.A. supercomputer, but right now you can only hold the information you process for about six hours. So basically you're like... A Beautiful Mind meets Memento.

J.J. Powell:
[about Katie] She's lonely.

Daphne Powell:
She must be if she's spending her free time with you.

Luka's Lawyer:
Nice speech.

George St. Cloud:
Yeah. I practiced it in my shower this morning. I like the acoustics.

George St. Cloud:
[visiting Amanda in the hospital] What some girls won't do to avoid going out on a date with me. You know, you didn't have to get shot. You could've just fled the country, like the rest of 'em.

Dr. Dayton King:
I'll always have my eye on you, Stephanie. That you can count on.

Jim Powell:
Way to go, Olivier.

J.J. Powell:
[after Stephanie suddenly changes her mind in Daphne's favor] That is so unfair. She never changes her mind when I beg. You must be like... The Mom Whisperer or something.

Daphne Powell:
Mm. Benefits of being the favorite child.

J.J. Powell:
Well, you'd be the favorite sister if you can convince Natalie to change her mind about dating me.

Dr. Dayton King:
I need you to get on the inside. Stephanie Powell and her husband have somehow developed abilities.

Victoria Morrow:
They're not receiving treatments?

Dr. Dayton King:
Not from me. She can move at remarkable speed, and with his strength he can move... anything he wants.

Victoria Morrow:
[impressed] Quite the power couple.

Stephanie Powell:
I just have to figure out a way to get in, gain his trust.

Katie Andrews:
Yeah, but how? You're chock-full of those pesky morals.

J.J. Powell:
It's so weird that we're here at the same time. What a random phenomenon in the probability theory of... breakfast.

Natalie Poston:
I come here every morning, which you knew, making it a known variable and not very random.

J.J. Powell:
For the record, if this were a romantic comedy, you would've found that totally charming.

Natalie Poston:
You've been... adorably... persistent.

J.J. Powell:
And here comes the "but."

J.J. Powell:
If this locket is actually her mom's, it's a clue, a clue the police never had, and if I can figure this out, she can finally move on with her life and have some closure.

Daphne Powell:
And then fall into the arms of her nerd in shining armor.

George St. Cloud:
Dude, you had me commit a federal offense. The least you could do is pop a doorknob.

George St. Cloud:
What is it about beautiful women? One minute they're right there, the next minute they take the good couch and they're gone.

Stephanie Powell:
We need to compile a list. There were twenty-six guests at the party. Any one of them could have taken the serum.

Daphne Powell:
I think it was Professor Plum with the lead pipe in the library.

George St. Cloud:
[trying to determine who stole Stephanie's serum] Chris Minor?

Jim Powell:
It HAD to be. Look at his record - underage driving, truancy. My daughter's dating a criminal.

George St. Cloud:
He's not exactly Al Capone, Jim.

Jim Powell:
Not yet, but these are gateway crimes.

George St. Cloud:
Gateway to what? Loitering?

Dr. Dayton King:
Oh, imagine how it must feel to be the last one to know your own son's getting married.

The Watcher:
I'm not your son.

Dr. Dayton King:
Don't be fooled by biology. I loved you as I would one of my own.

The Watcher:
Love? Is THAT what you call it? Pumping experimental serum into a 6-year-old?

Dr. Dayton King:
It saved your life, as I recall.

The Watcher:
And turned me into a killer.

Dr. Dayton King:
Details.

Daphne Powell:
You know, sometimes I wish you'd been given super hearing instead of super strength, then maybe you'd actually listen to me every once in a while.

Jim Powell:
George, if I hit you, I gonna take your head off.

George St. Cloud:
That's a big "if." Go ahead.

Roy Minor:
I gotta tip for you, Nurse Ratched. Telling a man to calm down never really works!

Katie Andrews:
Most superheroes don't reveal their alter egos to their families.

Stephanie Powell:
I'm his mother, Katie.

Katie Andrews:
Interesting tidbit - most superheroes don't have mothers. Most of them are dead or away on their home planet or something like that.

George St. Cloud:
What? You can have superpowers and I can't have sources? This is what I do.

Katie Andrews:
Do you notice anything different about this lab today?

J.J. Powell:
No.

Katie Andrews:
Nope?

J.J. Powell:
Hm-mm.

Katie Andrews:
Okay. Well, I'll tell you. It contains one less unsolved algorithm... thanks to you.

Katie Andrews:
Oh, I... I got your test results.

J.J. Powell:
Well, you can go and give 'em to her, because I know for a fact that they're normal.

Katie Andrews:
They are, except for one minor detail: JJ, you're pregnant.

Stephanie Powell:
Your son has superpowers.

Jim Powell:
My... what? What are YOU talking about?

Stephanie Powell:
For lack of a better term, he has a genius-level intellect.

J.J. Powell:
Technically, it's just heightened cognitive function facilitated by rapid somatic transfer between neurons.

Stephanie Powell:
Are you sure you're okay?

Jim Powell:
Yeah, I'm-I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I promise.

Stephanie Powell:
Good. Now I can be furious with you.

George St. Cloud:
[after Jim's thwarted by a perp] Why do bad guys get all the cool powers?

Jim Powell:
My powers are cool.

George St. Cloud:
She must be hard-core, too. 'cause you're supposed to be more powerful than a train.

Jim Powell:
It's a locomotive, and I think you're confusing me with someone else.

Jim Powell:
It'd just be a hell of a lot easier if everyone knew what I was doing.

George St. Cloud:
Easier how? You reading those comic books? There's a reason those guys have secret identities, 'cause the minute someone finds out it's you, it's over. Somebody gets robbed, you don't stop it - Jim's fault. Can't be in two places at the same time, somebody gets killed - Jim's fault. Kid gets hurt just trying to be like you...

Jim Powell:
So that's IT? I gotta lie every day for the rest of my life?

George St. Cloud:
I'm a lawyer. Trust me, you get used to it.

Daphne Powell:
I'm not gonna use my powers to hook you up like a plot from one of Mom and Dad's old John Hughes movies.

Katie Andrews:
[pertaining to Stephanie's medical exam] You had a Sophie's Choice - your family or your research - and I did not want you to be haunted by that decision like Meryl Streep was.

George St. Cloud:
I suck at marriage but I am great at dating, so what's the problem? Shoot.

Stephanie Powell:
You're stopping a felony, and I'm committing one. Remember when we used to have Movie Night?

George St. Cloud:
Now I see why you can't land worth a damn - you dance like you're tryin' to escape angry villagers.

Stephanie Powell:
So, whadda you say? You wanna help me break into a high security research facility?

Katie Andrews:
I thought you would never ask.

George St. Cloud:
[to Jim] Would you take it easy? You might as well be wearing a t-shirt that says "Me and my family went to South America and all we got were these lousy superpowers."

Stephanie Powell:
I thought we were a team.

Katie Andrews:
Of course you do - team Stephanie! But even though there's no "I" in team, there's a big "I" in Stephanie. And there's a "PH," which we both know in chemistry, is a measure of acidity.

Jim Powell:
Aren't you supposed to be getting some sort of award or something?

George St. Cloud:
What, the key to the city? Now what would I do with some key that don't open nothing?

J.J. Powell:
I thought having these powers was cool, 'cause I was finally good at stuff, but the problem is I'm REALLY good at stuff.

Daphne Powell:
[sarcastically] Wow. Sounds awful.

Dr. Dayton King:
Francis, you're delusional.

Dr. Francis Chiles:
While I appreciate your diagnosis, I think I'll seek out a second opinion...

Katie Andrews:
Do you know the odds of meeting a single, down-to-earth, heterosexual male with impeccable fingernails? I mean, it's technically rhetorical.

J.J. Powell:
Would you stop? My mind is a private area!

Jim Powell:
So, instead of stopping one crime, you wanna get an award for not stopping another one. That's good work, hero.

Jim Powell:
There's no rule that says sidekicks have to last forever. I mean, Batman could have traded in Robin for some other guy.

Dr. Francis Chiles:
It's not paranoia when the danger is real.

Katie Andrews:
I have not felt this way about a guy since Comic-Con '06, when I fell for the cutest metrosexual wookiee.

George St. Cloud:
You ever read that issue of "Superman" where Superman's chasin' around those jaywalkers?

Jim Powell:
No.

George St. Cloud:
Neither have I, because superheroes have better things to do.

Conductor:
Someone call security! This guy's tryin' to steal our lunch!

George St. Cloud:
Yeah, well, welcome to Franklin Park, only place in the city you can get poison ivy, crack and sexually assaulted all at the same time.

Jim Powell:
[Jim's sign left on an injured assailant at a hospital entrance] "Save me - then arrest me! I mugged a lady in Franklin Park."

Stephanie Powell:
You were out late last night.

Jim Powell:
Well, crime's up all over the city.

Daphne Powell:
What kind of male-binding experience am I being excluded from THIS time.

Jim Powell:
JJ and I are going camping - a little reward for his terrific grades.

Daphne Powell:
So, the reward is spending Friday night with Dad in a tent? Remind me to flunk my midterms.

Jim Powell:
Look, I'm just trying to keep the city safe.

Stephanie Powell:
Well, then try to stay off the news while you do it.

Mr. Litchfield:
It's ingenious, actually, going for the 'B'? - not so high that you arouse suspicion; not so low that your previous work seems like an anomaly.

J.J. Powell:
I'm not cheating, Mr. Litchfield.

Mr. Litchfield:
You expect me to believe that one morning you just woke up and decided to apply yourself?

J.J. Powell:
I guess you should have a plane crash and... you kinda approach life differently.

Declan:
[impressed by JJ's latest math grade] A B-plus? Seriously, man, whatever it is you're on, can I get some?

George St. Cloud:
Every Batman needs his Robin.

J.J. Powell:
You wanna know something crazy... about football?

Daphne Powell:
[humoring him] Sure.

J.J. Powell:
It's all math.

Daphne Powell:
Yeah, tell that to the guy whose neck I can't see past in health class.

J.J. Powell:
What is a football? It's a prolate spheroid, which means a simple vector analysis can be applied to formulate its predictive trajectory.

Daphne Powell:
Um...

J.J. Powell:
Now, I know what you're probably thinking - "Big whoop, JJ, this is nothing more than graduate-level Newtonian mechanics, which is basically just a derivation of the laws of Kepler" - but I'm telling you an ordinary differential equation supports this!

Stephanie Powell:
You're gonna have to make a decision about what kind of person you wanna be. D'you wanna be a parent or do you wanna be a vigilante?

George St. Cloud:
[on cell phone] How's the costume working?

Jim Powell:
[patrolling the park] Stop calling it a costume, George. It's just a hoodie.

George St. Cloud:
You're not wearing the glasses?

Jim Powell:
No. Or the mustache.

George St. Cloud:
[as Jim's about to suss out a suspect] You're gonna talk to him, feel him out. The thing criminals love to do is talk about themselves. Make him comfortable, you get him to open up. Same idea as when you were single. You think of it as a blind date - but with a sociopath.

Stephanie Powell:
Mom, what're you doing?

Barbara Crane:
Wow. I WAS making a shopping list, but I see you're fully stocked! What happened? Did you lose your job?

Jim Powell:
Sorry. Crime never sleeps. Gotta go.

[Jim exits]

Allan Crane:
[snickering] What's he got, an emergency sketch?

George St. Cloud:
You do know that if you're holding back because of your in-laws, you're letting the terrorists win.

Jim Powell:
George, they're not terrorists.

George St. Cloud:
Yes, they are - emotional terrorists - and they've been waging war on your marriage for years.

Katie Andrews:
[meeting Barbara] It is an honor to meet you. After all, your womb was the gestation point for scientific greatness.

Stephanie Powell:
What a lovely, awkward compliment.

Barbara Crane:
This laboratory is very impressive. I'm so happy for you, sweetheart.

Stephanie Powell:
Oh...

Barbara Crane:
It's very nice you accomplish SOMETHING with all the time you spend away from your children.

Allan Crane:
Keep your ears on, Van Gogh. I got this.

Barbara Crane:
[seeing the table set for dinner] Stephanie. Everything looks so lovely.

Stephanie Powell:
Thank you.

Barbara Crane:
Too bad it'll all be cold before your husband gets home.

Stephanie Powell:
[snapping at Allan's latest disapproval of Jim] You know, I'm sorry, too, Dad. I'm sorry you have never liked this man, which means you don't trust my decisions. You think I'm a bad parent, you think our kids are unmotivated and rude, but you don't even take the time to find out what a smart kid JJ is or what an intuitive woman Daphne's becoming. You only think you've figured out our dirty little secret, but you don't know us at all; and, to be honest, I don't even want you to.

Jim Powell:
Let's be honest - You father... he never liked me.

Stephanie Powell:
That's not true.

Jim Powell:
The man never gave me permission to marry you. If that's not showin' his cards, I don't know what is.

Stephanie Powell:
Look, when your mom and stepdad came to visit, I agreed not to have sex while they were in the house.

Jim Powell:
As much as I'd like to believe sex is one of my superpowers, honey, I'm pretty sure this belongs in a different argument.

Barbara Crane:
I've seen your closet - dozens and dozens of sneakers. You're either a shopaholic or a rap artist.

George St. Cloud:
[to a cop] D'you have any cause to pull me over? I'm an A.D.A. I got my badge right here.

Officer Hartwick:
[drawing his gun] Hands where I can see 'em.

George St. Cloud:
Oh! Makin' assumptions about me based on my appearance is a breach of the fourth amendment of the constitution, which states you cannot detain an individual, even momentarily, without reasonable and articulatable suspicion, which you, sir, have none of. Also familiarize yourself with the fourteenth amendment, which requires all citizens be treated equally under the law, regardless of the color of their skin. Do you want me to start citing the 1954 A.C.L.U. suit White versus Williams or are you good?

George St. Cloud:
You just made me feel all girly inside, man.

Jim Powell:
When was the last time we did something together as a family?

Daphne Powell:
Last month. You forced us to play charades, and then you pulled out your back miming some scene from "Iron Man."

Jim Powell:
That was an old sports injury I re-aggravated.

JJ Powell:
Who are you texting now?

Daphne Powell:
God.

Katie Andrews:
Thanks to your increased metabolic rate, your life is like a never-ending spin class. So despite the need for massive caloric intake, you're gonna be a size zero for the rest of your life. I hate you.

JJ Powell:
What's going on? Oh. Talking about your new, cool powers. Well, keep me updated on the costume design.

Daphne Powell:
Mom, we're gonna die and I haven't even done it yet!

Jim Powell:
[as their plane goes down] Listen, listen! We're gonna be all right, I promise. Have I ever lied to you before?

[Daphne nods]

Jim Powell:
About anything this important?

Daphne Powell:
Yeah!

Lindsay:
Daphne, you're back.

Daphne Powell:
Yeah, just in time, too, apparently.

Lindsay:
Yeah, I'm really glad that you survived the accident. Those memorial assemblies are super depressing.

Daphne Powell:
I know. I remember the one we had for your virginity. What was it, like, two years ago.

George St. Cloud:
I can't believe I'm gonna kill you.

Jim Powell:
You're not gonna kill me, George. You're just gonna shoot me.

George St. Cloud:
I'm a D.A., and according to the law, kinda the same thing.

Jim Powell:
I told you. I did this yesterday. I just have to see if I can do it again.

George St. Cloud:
What if you can't? Where does that leave us? You dead and me showering with a bunch of guys I suddenly wish I hadn't put away.

Katie Andrews:
Okay, are you gonna tell me something really personal like we're best friends, even though I'm just your lab tech? 'Cause that would totally validate everything I've been working on in therapy.