O'Grady

Dr. Myers:
[busts into classroom out of nowhere] Hello everyone. Sorry to bust in on you but, I heard a lot of laughing. Thought there might be cake.

Kevin:
[during debate on communism] Nice mole.

Abby:
For the 100th time, it's a beauty mark!

Kevin:
Maybe your mole is a communist! Nice mole, comrade! [salutes]

Kevin Harnisch:
I know how to read, I just choose not to.

Abby:
[about Beth's clone]

Abby:
She's so cute.

Beth:
I know, she's adorable.

Abby:
Hi!

CloneBeth:
Hi!

Beth:
Hi me!

Abby:
Is that your outfit?

Beth:
Yeah, that's my outfit. Actually, those are your boots.

Abby:
Oh my God, I thought they were my boots. They look cute on her though.

Beth:
I know, she looks really good.

Abby:
But I want them back.

Harold:
[Harold obnoxiously whispers during class]

Harold:
Man. Hey Kevin! Kevin!

Kevin:
[exhales] Yeah, Harold.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin:
Yeah.

Harold:
...how many clones do we get?

Kevin:
[flatly] Six.

Harold:
SIX? A whole six?

Kevin:
Dude, I don't know.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin:
It just started.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin:
So I don't know anything about the cloning, man!

Harold:
What will we do with SIX clones, man!

Kevin:
Dude I wasn't - - I was making that up!

Harold:
Ohhhhh. Man. Kevin!

Kevin:
[laughing a little] Harold.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin:
What, Harold, what?

Harold:
This is gonna be GREAT.

Kevin:
Harold shut up.

Harold:
I was only askin'.

Dr. Myers:
[over loud speaker] And try to stay calm so that you don't keep re-cloning. I mean, let's be honest, the school feels like a sardine can as it is.

Harold:
RE-cloning? [whispering] Oh man. Hey Kevin. Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
[annoyed] Yeah Harold?

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
Yeah?

Harold:
How many clones can we get?

Kevin Harnisch:
[sarcastically] Six.

Harold:
Six? A whole six?

Kevin Harnisch:
Dude, I don't know.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
It just started.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
So I don't know anything about the cloning, man!

Harold:
What would we do with six clones, man?

Kevin Harnisch:
Dude, I wasn't- I was making that up!

Harold:
Aw man! Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
[laughing] Harold.

Harold:
Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
What, Harold, what?

Harold:
This is gonna be great!

Dr. Myers:
[summing up morning announcements] So remember, flags, blood, and clones! Have a great O'Grady day!

Kevin Harnisch:
[Kevin's clone is playing guitar] Hey man, I'm pretty good at guitar.

Kevin's Clone:
Thanks.

Kevin Harnisch:
Play that chord again, dude. Now teach me a little Zeppelin.

Kevin's Clone:
What's that?

Kevin Harnisch:
Dude, Jimmy Page! It's like God... playing... with Jesus.

Kevin's Clone:
What's God?

Kevin Harnisch:
All right, Harold, your first phone number. You should get this framed.

Harold Jenkins:
Already had it photocopied.

Kevin Harnisch:
Vegeterians are just mad that they can't eat meat.

Kevin Harnisch:
[about what he overheard her say] So I'm a weasel, huh?

Abby Wilde:
A sneaky little weasel.

Kevin Harnisch:
Oh cool. Thanks.

Kevin Harnisch:
[about Harold's weird white tux with leopard print on the inside] Is it prom?

Harold Jenkins:
No, but I still look delicious.

Kevin Harnisch:
Are you getting married?

Abby Wilde:
[ On intro; Kevin sets down his drink. To camera] Hi, I'm Abby, and this is Kevin.

Kevin Harnisch:
Hello, America.

Abby Wilde:
And we're here to tell you about O'Grady.

Kevin Harnisch:
Our town's kinda famous.

Abby Wilde:
Right, because of the weirdness.

Kevin Harnisch:
Yeah.

Abby Wilde:
Weird stuff happens here that doesn't happen in other towns.

Kevin Harnisch:
Yeah and to think it's all cuz of that secret [camera zooms in] government program.

Abby Wilde:
Really? I thought it was because they built the town on top of an ancient trial burial ground.

Kevin Harnisch:
No, no no, if anything, Abby, it's because we got a bad - BURP! Oh...

Abby Wilde:
Ew!

Kevin Harnisch:
Sorry.

Abby Wilde:
Can you cover you're mouth when you do that?

Kevin Harnisch:
J- Just so everyone knows, this is not the weirdness. I'm just burping up some bad pepperoni.

Abby Wilde:
I'm sure everyone is really glad to hear that.

Kevin Harnisch:
[hits chest repeatedly] urp...

Abby Wilde:
Kevin!

Kevin Harnisch:
Oh man...

Abby Wilde:
So gross.

Kevin Harnisch:
That's gonna come back up.

Abby Wilde:
Anyway, I guess nobody's sure where the Weirdness comes from.

Kevin Harnisch:
That might come out both ends.

Abby Wilde:
[horrified] Oh, God!...

Sign on front door of school:
Don't forget: Go to class!

Sign in hallway:
Check: Are you wearing pants?

Kevin Harnisch:
[explaining the newest Weirdness] And all those Greek Gods you studied? Poof, gone.

Harold Jenkins:
[stops] No.

Kevin Harnisch:
Yeah.

Abby Wilde:
Thanks, Mr. Lipschitz.

Kevin Harnisch:
Thanks, Mr. Lipschitz! Can I have some extra brownie points?

Dr. Myers:
I'd like to see the following 2 students after school for DETENTION- ["amnesia gong" thing goes off]... what was I doing? Umm... Heh. Is this thing on? Oh. Okay, well uh... I have a piece of paper in front of me that has the names Bobby Meyers and Shelton Piercon on it, so... I guess, congratulations, to you 2, for being on this list... Good work!... Thank you. [turns intercom off]

Mr. Lipschitz:
[forgetting] Oh... teach-ah. I'm a teach-ah?

Kevin Harnisch:
Look, I just thought that it might be nice to have a party for all the people who didn't get invited to Pete Klesko's.

Abby Wilde:
Pete Klesko's having a party? When?

Kevin Harnisch:
Um, tonight?

Abby Wilde:
I wasn't invited.

Beth Briggs:
Neither was I.

Harold Jenkins:
I'm busy anyway.

Abby Wilde:
You know, that is so not cool. I mean, I'd understand why he wouldn't invite you 2, but us? I mean - not that I care at all.

Beth Briggs:
Well, I don't.

Abby Wilde:
Me neither. Let Pete and his popular-loser friends have a party. Why should I care?

Beth Briggs:
Well, he *is* pretty cute.

Abby Wilde:
[not listening] I don't care, Beth!

Harold Jenkins:
Yeah, and it does kinda hurt to know that there's a party goin' on somewhere and you're not invited. BETH: Yeah.

Abby Wilde:
I don't care, Harold!

Harold Jenkins:
Well, geez, I don't either really, but, it's sad. BETH: Yeah.

Kevin Harnisch:
Hardly anyone who's cool was invited, I heard it was mostly college kids.

Beth Briggs:
WOAH. HAROLD: Outta my league.

Abby Wilde:
Whatever, I don't need a PhD to go to a party, I don't care.

Kevin Harnisch:
Oh you don't care.

Abby Wilde:
Uh-uh.

Kevin Harnisch:
Cuz it sounds like you care.

Abby Wilde:
Well, then you're hearing wrong, cuz I don't. I mean just because a cute, popular guy hasn't invited me to his party- what am I gonna do, curl up into a little ball and die? I don't think so, life goes on! Heh.

Kevin Harnisch:
Okay.

Abby Wilde:
Been to other parties, not a big deal!

Kevin Harnisch:
Okay.

Abby Wilde:
And plus, I haven't checked my voicemail in like a half an hour, so there could totally be a message from him, but I wouldn't even care if there was.

Harold Jenkins:
[the amnesia weirdness kicked in] Hoo! Woah, I just totally spaced.

Abby Wilde:
Me too.

Beth Briggs:
Yeah. Wait, what were we just talking about?

Kevin Harnisch:
[has an idea]... uh, well, Beth, you were just inviting us to your party.

Beth Briggs:
Party? I'm not having a party.

Harold Jenkins:
Am I invited?

Beth Briggs:
Of course.

Harold Jenkins:
Thanks.

Beth Briggs:
But wait, I'm not having a party.

Harold Jenkins:
Oh, so I'm not invited?

Beth Briggs:
I'm not having a party!

Abby Wilde:
Yeah, but, I'm invited, right?

Beth Briggs:
No, nobody's invited! You guy - I'm not having a party!

Kevin Harnisch:
Wow, that's gonna be tough, then. Beth: What is?

Kevin Harnisch:
Telling all the people who you invited that the party's off.

Beth Briggs:
What are you talking about?

Kevin Harnisch:
[laughs a little] I think you told, like half the school about you're party.

Beth Briggs:
No way, I would remember if I did something that stupid.

Kevin Harnisch:
Beth, if still not convinced, we can just ask a couple of random people if they know about you're party.

Beth Briggs:
Okay. I can deal with that.

Kevin Harnisch:
Cool. [stands on lunch table] Listen up O'Grady! Beth's havin' a party tonight, who's comin'?

cafeteria:
[pause a few seconds, then the hole room starts to cheer]

Kevin Harnisch:
See, everybody knew.

Beth Briggs:
[puts her face in her hands] Oh my God.

Harold Jenkins:
Now am I invited?

Beth Briggs:
[about the party] I'm gonna be grounded for life!

Kevin Harnisch:
Take it easy, I've pulled off bigger jobs than this.

Abby Wilde:
You have?

Kevin Harnisch:
Sure! Remember when Dr. Myer's car ended up on the roof of the science wing?

Abby Wilde:
Oh my God, that was you?

Kevin Harnisch:
[smugly] I will neither confirm nor deny it.

[flatly]

Kevin Harnisch:
Yeah, it was me.

Harold Jenkins:
[reading note written on his hands] Hmm. Leave early... party - huh? 30 pizzas oven. What does that mean?

Girl Customer at counter:
Is something burning?

Harold Jenkins:
[slowly, listening to each word] Is something burning.

[realizes smoke coming out of oven]

Harold Jenkins:
Yes.

Harold Jenkins:
[trying to read girls at the party's handwriting] 'Scuse me, 'scuse me, 'scuse me. 'Scuse me, will you sign a get-well card, please?

Girl #1:
For who?

Harold Jenkins:
[whispers] For Kevin.

Girl #2:
[they look at Kevin, who's jumping into a moshpit] He looks fine to me.

Beth Briggs:
[on phone with Abby, angry] I'm having a party!

Abby Wilde:
You are? Why didn't you invite me?

Beth Briggs:
Abby, YOU were here! But then you ran out to pick up the pizzas, remember? Oh... my God!

Harold Jenkins:
[to Iris, who's number is on the note] So, you... like me?

Iris:
[huffs and walks out]

Harold Jenkins:
Aw, c'mon, baby! Don't be like that!

[as Iris walks down driveway]

Harold Jenkins:
Come back! No- aww, Iris! We can work this out! I've been looking for you all night,

Iris:
[takes off jacket and gets on his knees, pleading]

Harold Jenkins:
I found you! Harold's gonna treat you ri-hight!

[does a hand-motion down his body]

Kevin Harnisch:
Give up? And get caught? Do all those guys in all those party-movies ever get caught? No way.

Kevin:
Hey Flake. We were just stopping by to thank you for lettin' us uh, use your place tonight, party was awesome.

Mrs. Briggs:
[confused] ... what? Party? But, Beth, you said that -

Kevin:
Oh, man you shoulda been here, it was sweet! There were at least uh, what would you say, Beth, 100 people?

Beth Briggs:
Make him stop!

Abby Wilde:
Tell me how.

Kevin:
[reminiscing] Aw, we used your massage table for the poker game... hope you don't mind.

Mrs. Briggs:
[quietly, furious] My massage table?

Beth Briggs:
No, mom...

Harold Jenkins:
Kevin, what're you doin', man?

Kevin:
Relax, Harold.

Mrs. Briggs:
[to Beth] I thought you learned your lesson last time, young lady!

Kevin:
5.

Mrs. Briggs:
Brandy still hasn't forgiven you!

Kevin:
4.

Mrs. Briggs:
I swear, I'll never be able to trust you again!

Kevin:
3.

Mrs. Briggs:
You're grounded.

Kevin:
2.

Mrs. Briggs:
Indefinitely!

Kevin:
And, 1.

Mrs. Briggs:
[gong goes off, weirdness strikes again] ... oooh, woah, woo, woo-hoo! I am *sorry*, Beth, did you, did you say you had a good evening?

Beth Briggs:
...yes... evening... great.