Quick Draw

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
I took Spanish at Harvard, but I can't roll the R. That's why I got a C.

[circumstantial evidence points to Sheriff Hoyle, as a suspect for murder]

Deputy Eli Brocias:
You are the least likely suspect, but also the most likely suspect.

[last lines]

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
[screaming at Eli] Do not fornicate with my daughter!

Deputy Eli Brocias:
Do you know how easy it is to get kicked in the face when you're buried up to your neck?

John Henry Hoyle:
Mr. Shank, I have a favor to ask of you. I want you to look after my daughter, Pearl Star, who's locked up in jail across the street.

Vernon Shank:
Oh, no! I am not interested in any kind of law enforcement, I'm not a people-person, you know that...

John Henry Hoyle:
Mr. Shank, I'm gonna deputize you because I want you to look after her until the US Marshal comes to take her up to the prison.

Vernon Shank:
Well, I refuse to be deputized, so unfortunately...

John Henry Hoyle:
You can't. I just - I fully deputize you. There's no way to stop it.

Vernon Shank:
I've put up a deputization shield, which has prevented...

John Henry Hoyle:
I've deputized aaallllll over you. You've been drenched in deputization.

Vernon Shank:
Okay - I'm gonna need a towel, then.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
[consoling his deputy over the murder of Eli's mail order bride-to-be] Eli, marriage is not what you think it is. After six months, the sex goes away. After that, you're just two naked people passin' in the morning going to get dressed. In my mind - okay? - I think you've dodged a bullet.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Mr. Shank, I have a favor to ask of you. I want you to look after my daughter, Pearl Star, who's locked up in jail across the street.

Vernon Shank:
Oh no, I am not, ah, interested any kind of law enforcement. I'm not a people person, you know that.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Mr. Shank, I'm gonna deputize you because I want you to look after her until the US Marshal comes to take her up to the prison.

Vernon Shank:
Well, I refuse to be deputized, so, unfortunately...

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Well, you can't. I just- I fully deputize you, there's no way to stop it.

Vernon Shank:
I've put up a deputization shield, which has prevented...

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
I've deputized all over you. You've been drenched in deputization.

Vernon Shank:
Okay, I'm gonna need a towel, then.

Deputy Eli Brocias:
When I think about it, Sheriff, I think maybe - maybe you should be the posse, and I should go guard the widow Webb.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Are you just wanting to have sex with the widow Webb?

Deputy Eli Brocias:
Yeah, she's - she's a real, uh, uh, - a WILF.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
A WILF?

Deputy Eli Brocias:
A widow I'd like to fornicate with. I messed that one up.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
So the W at the end is silent?

Deputy Eli Brocias:
Yeah, I threw another...

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
No, no, it'll work!

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
I would very much like to get to know not just the vagina, but the heart and the brain of you.

Honey:
I have been with a lot of men, Hoyle. You are the most like a woman, I have ever been with.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
I'll take that as a compliment.

[first lines]

[the Sheriff, his Deputy, and Mrs. Webb are gathered around the bloody dead body of her husband, which lies at the foot of a tree]

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
[putting an arm around Mrs. Webb] I am so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Webb. To know that just a day ago, this - bag of blood and guts was walkin' around and feedin' chickens and - hugging you, and... This must be very difficult. And I want you to know, uh, heh, I attended Harvard University. I studied Criminology and Forensics. I graduated number 327 in my class. And I will use everything I learned to determine *how* he died, *where* he died, 'cause don't assume this is it, and most importantly, who did it and why they did it - and where they were when they did it.

[Ephraim Younger has been captured and is tethered to the Deputy's horse, being led back to town]

Ephraim Younger:
Hey, Hoyle.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Yeah?

Ephraim Younger:
My brother's gonna kill you.

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
Oh, my God!

Ephraim Younger:
Do you like havin' insides? 'Cause those are gonna be outsides.

[first lines]

Sheriff John Henry Hoyle:
[somewhere outdoors in the countryside, with his Deputy examining a bloodied corpse] Looks to me, it's definitely - it's definitely stabbing. I can still see his wallet. I'm guessing this was not about theft, but he's clearly showing signs of opium use.

[last lines]

John Henry Hoyle:
I love alcohol! Yeah!