Quintuplets

Bob Chase:
How do you feel honey?

Carol Chase:
Like a parade just came out of my vagina.

Patton Chase:
Theres a rumble in my jungle.

Carol Chase:
Everything is on the board. The board is life.

Patton Chase:
You owe me, man!

Parker Chase:
Since when?

Patton Chase:
Since the womb!

Parker Chase:
What do you mean?

Patton Chase:
I mean you got all the good genes! You took the tall ones from me. And look at Pearce... You clearly took some pretty critical ones from him.

Pearce Chase:
[falls out of the laundry chute] Oh thank God, I've been stuck between floors for an hour.

Paige Chase:
We'll have to sit with the loser kids at lunch! Penny, will you show us where to sit?

Penny Chase:
I don't sit with the loser kids, I sit by myself!

Pearce Chase:
When did we get a b*tch detector installed?

Roger:
Alright, next. That guy. Dead end job, too many kids, stuck in a life that is a living hell.

Penny Chase:
That's my dad.

Patton Chase:
[after getting off the phone with a girl in a "rocky relationship"] Oooo I am SO up her shirt!

Penny Chase:
O so are you gonna use a step ladder or get a running start?

Bob Chase:
[Parker has the flu, but Patton doesn't want their dad to know] Parker, are you okay, you're all shaky and sweaty.

Parker Chase:
Yeah, dad, I'm just...

Patton Chase:
HIGH ON CRYSTAL METH!

Bob Chase:
Pearce, we need to talk. Why do you wear your pajamas to school?

Pearce Chase:
Oh! Well I realized that I get in my best ideas when I'm in bed falling asleep... in my pajamas! And it works. Like today, when I was in Math, I realized that if we blended letters and numbers, then Math and English could be one subject! You pickin' up what I'm layin' down, 4-1-4?

Bob Chase:
What's 4-1-4?

Pearce Chase:
Oh, that's "Dad" in Mathlish.

Bob Chase:
Man, I swear when my buzz wears off, I'm gonna teach those kids about responsibility.

Pearce Chase:
[writing an email to his Mongolian penpal] Dear Yabba, I love the CD you sent me. I have to listen to it on my headphones, or my brothers punch me. [looks over to see Parker and Patton punching each other] Right now they are punching each other. Punching is a big part of American culture. [puts hat on head] I also like the hat.

Patton Chase:
Yes I am, you likey?

Bob Chase:
You hear that honey? It's another boy. That makes three boys and two girls! Holy Crap, it's like a litter.

Pearce Chase:
Knock knock

Bob Chase:
Whos there?

Pearce Chase:
Orange

Bob Chase:
Orange who?

Pearce Chase:
Orange juice!

[Matt finishes auditioning for Romeo]

Penny Chase:
Excellent, Matt. I love what you're doing.

[to Ms. Hentschel]

Penny Chase:
I'll get him to butch it up.

Ms. Hentschel:
He'd need to butch it up to play Juliet.

Paige Chase:
My guidance counselor says if I want to get into college, I need to do some extra-terrestrial work.

Parker Chase:
Hey! You stay away from Carrie.

Penny Chase:
What?

Parker Chase:
I've had it! Patton kisses my girlfriend. You kiss my girlfriend. I get nothing! I want to be kissed! Somebody kiss me!

Matt:
I'm on it.

[grabs Parker and passionately kisses him. Then, hands him back the gum that ended up in his mouth]

Matt:
Here's your gum back.

Patton Chase:
I heard she's easier than a Teen People crossword puzzle.

Parker Chase:
[after a girl has left their date to see a movie with another guy] Why didn't you tell her you loved her?

Pearce Chase:
I did.

Parker Chase:
You said 'Baloop'.

Pearce Chase:
DAMN IT!

Patton Chase:
Baby Jesus reporting for duty.

[looking at Julia, who plays Mary]

Patton Chase:
Hey, mommy.

Carol Chase:
Okay, honey, remember how I told you that girls are your equal, and there's no shame in losing to one, and most important of all you should treat them with respect?

Patton Chase:
Uh-huh.

Carol Chase:
Yeah, we're going away from that now. Okay, I need you to get back into that ring and toss that little b*tch on her ass!

Patton Chase:
What do you think I'm trying to do? She's like an octopus with b*obs!

Carol Chase:
You do this, and you can date girls again. As many as you want, as often as you want. You can even use my credit card.

Patton Chase:
Really?

Carol Chase:
Mmmhmmm.

Pearce Chase:
Written papers have been done to death. Next you'll want me to raise my hand in class instead of my pirate flag.

Luskin:
Told you I wouldn't break my legs... Somebody owes me five bucks!

Paige Chase:
I wonder if she'll be reincarnated.

Bob Chase:
Only if she fell into the recycling bin.

Patton Chase:
[During wrestling match to Wendy when she has him in a side-headlock] Can't breathe!

Patton Chase:
[she hold him close to her breast] Nice.