Chloe:
Why can't I find a guy who isn't romantically retarded?

Unemployment Clerk:
Sol Goode?

Sol Goode:
Get to know me.

Unemployment Clerk:
You come up with that all by yourself?

Unemployment Clerk:
I'm afraid its not all good, Sol Goode.

Murphy:
You fucked my sister, Nicole the Hole.

Sol Goode:
P.O.D. Post Orgasmic Disgust. Hit happens to the best of us.

Cooper:
I got such a bangover.

Cooper:
I get more ass than a toilet seat at the Lilith Fair.

Treasure:
Has anyone ever told you you look like Brad Pitt?

Cooper:
No. They haven't.

Treasure:
Good, because you don't.

Justin Sax:
Here is to your... fucking... face.