Smart Guy

Marcus:
The word "can't" isn't even in my vocabulary.

Yvette:
Along with most of the other words in the English language.

TJ Henderson:
I'll try to be more sensitive to the fact that you're dumber than me.

Marcus:
That's all I ask!

Mackey:
I gotta get this hat to make me look cool. [turns his hat to the right] This is the way they're wearing it right? 'Bout it, 'Bout it.

Yvette:
I answered the phone. I'm sick I need help.

Floyd:
You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will NEVER understand women.

Yvette:
Dad! You promised you weren't gonna come down here and binge on cake anymore!

Floyd:
You want some some?

Yvette:
Yeah.

Floyd:
Grab a spoon.

Mr. Basil Militich:
T.J. You're not in elementry school anymore. You're in highschool. You've got to learn some self-control.

TJ Henderson:
Yeah but I have so many ideas in my head that they just come flowing out.

Mr. Basil Militich:
Yes I know.

Floyd:
[about a teacher] He confiscated your computer?

TJ Henderson:
Yeah. He says if I want it back you have to sign this [hands Floyd a note and Floyd signs it]

Marcus:
[about his own slip] What about mine?

Floyd:
Oh yeah [he crumbles it up]

Marcus:
Hey!

TJ Henderson:
Well TJ was in pursuit of knowledge. You're in pursuit of a hat that makes you look like a bananna.

[about a girl he is tutoring]

TJ Henderson:
She's smart, pretty and funny...

Floyd:
Aw...

TJ Henderson:
"Aw" what?

Floyd:
You like her.

TJ Henderson:
Sure, I'm tutoring her.

Floyd:
No, I mean, you *really* like her.

TJ Henderson:
[disgusted] Me? A girl?

[TJ turns to leave]

TJ Henderson:
Ew!

[he leaves]

Floyd:
He's got it bad!

Floyd:
[upon seeing TJ dressed up to go to his school party with Destiny's Child] Wow! Is that TJ Henderson in an Armani suit?

TJ Henderson:
Armani? Please! [brushing his sleeves] J. C. Penn-AY!

Floyd:
How much coffee did you drink, anyway?

TJ Henderson:
I feel like that Nazi on Indiana Jones, right before his head melted!

Pete Gilroy:
[Yvette walks in on a conversation, not knowing it's about a dog] My Grandson's not only a terrific runner, he's really smart too.

Yvette:
Oh, well maybe he and TJ can hang out together. Is he around TJ's age?

Pete Gilroy:
Well, I don't know, how old are you?

T.J.:
Almost ten, sir.

Pete Gilroy:
Oh, no, he'd be long dead by then.

Yvette:
Oh, I'm so sorry!

Pete Gilroy:
When they're as abnormally large as my Grandson, their hearts tend to crap out.

Yvette:
[crying] I'm going to do the dishes!

TJ Henderson:
[about a project for school] I was thinking we could do the Lizzie Borden murder case.

Janice:
Who killed Lizzie Borden?

TJ Henderson:
Well actually she killed her parents, but 100 years ago people didn't think a woman could do something like that, so the jury let her off.

Janice:
Those were the days.

TJ Henderson:
Yeah, people even made up a little song about her. "Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother 40 whacks, when she saw what she had done, she gave her father 41".

TJ Henderson:
[reading Janice's diary] Then I saw Marcus flirting with Alecia...can't have that now, can we? Let's see, what would Lizzie Borden do?

TJ Henderson:
[to Marcus] Now what Mr. We can improve the dating process by reading Janice's diary?

Janice:
[singing] Janice Walker took an axe, gave that Marcus 40 whacks, [enters the house] when she saw what she had done, she gave his brother 41.

TJ Henderson:
[temporarily stupid, to his dad] Hey, did you know that if you rearrange the letters in your name, they spell "Flody"? Floyd, Flody... Flody, Flody, Flody!

Floyd:
[after Yvette considers getting plastic surgery] I've been thinking about breasts all night.

Yvette:
[Stares at her father with a odd expression]

Floyd:
Um, I mean yours.

Yvette:
[Continues to stare]

Floyd:
Um, I mean big ones.

[after writing a threatening letter to the president, TJ is concerned about goverment agents checking up on him]

Mr. Basil Militich:
They wanted to know about what kinds of friends you have.

TJ Henderson:
And what did you tell them?

Mr. Basil Militich:
I said that you kept to yourself most of the time, a bit of a loner.

TJ Henderson:
Oh, thanks a lot! Why didn't you just tell them I'm president of the Saddam Hussein fanclub?

Mr. Basil Militich:
...Are you?

TJ Henderson:
No!

Mr. Basil Militich:
They were also interested in the books you checked out. By the way, why did you check out that book on gunpowder?

TJ Henderson:
It was for science, I was building a volcano!

Mr. Basil Militich:
I told them you must be fascinated by explosives. Boom!

Marcus:
[TJ comes out of the bathroom after throwing up] How are you feeling?

TJ Henderson:
Lettuce came out my nose, how do you think I feel?

Marcus:
Did you eat lettuce?

TJ Henderson:
No.

Mackey:
Hey, I know it's cold now, but maybe in summer we could go swimming.

Yvette:
Why are you talking to me?

Mackey:
'Cause you're almost nude in this photo.

Marcus:
[complaining about his portrait being painted] That may be my number, but that's not my chest! I mean, it's too small! I worked out all summer for this chest.

Yvette:
You shouldn't have stopped at the summer. You look like the black Gilligan.

Marcus:
[his portrait has been altered to make him a girl] Oh man! While we were in the gym protecting the scoreboard, they were in here messing with our manliness!

Yvette:
Well, look on the bright side, Gilligan. At least your chest is bigger!

Marcus:
Don't get us wrong, we care about the environment.

Morris L. 'Mo' Tibbs:
Give a hoot, don't pollute.

Marcus:
But we're not gonna drink something that tastes like vinegar, just so some chipmunks somewhere can live an extra couple of weeks.

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