Static Shock

Static:
I put a shock to your system!

Virgil:
What's all this for?

Sharon:
It's for mom's memorial. You are going to make the speech aren't you?

Virgil:
No! I don't want to do it.

Sharon:
Virgil! You have to do it.

Virgil:
It's like I don't exist. Nobody asked me if I wanted to do it.

Robert Hawkins:
Virgil?

Virgil:
Dad.

Robert Hawkins:
I'm sorry son. I thought you had come to terms with your mother.

Virgil:
Pops please don't make me do it.

Robert Hawkins:
Son! You know that I would never force you to do anything that you don't want to do. But if not for me then do it for your mother.

[Static regains consciousness in the Batcave as Alfred is picking splinters out of his arm]

Static:
*Ow* What happened?... *Ow* Where am I?... Who are you?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Batman.

Static:
I don't think so.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Just once, I'd like to get someone to believe that.

Static:
Gear, you okay, bro?

Gear:
No! My one chance to tag team with Superman and I miss it because I bust my ankle!

[Superman looks at Gear's ankle with his x-ray vision]

Superman:
Nothing's broken. Looks like just a bad sprain. You'll probably have to keep off it for a few days.

Gear:
Wow, I just had my ankle x-rayed by Superman! I'm never gonna wash it again!

[Static fights an army of giant mechanical clowns]

Static:
This clown posse really IS insane!

Sharon:
Come on Virgil we're running late. Virgil Albert Hawkins get out here now.

Virgil:
Sharon. My name is never to be spoken aloud. You know that.

Static Shock:
Hey Chief! Seen any good TV lately?

Batman:
How are you, Virgil?

Virgil:
Wait? How did you know my name?

Batman:
You probably shouldn't carry around your ID in your pocket.

Adam:
This is not the way to go about it Static.

Static Shock:
I've got to find Puff! She's the reason why Daisy got hurt.

Rubberband Man:
She got hurt because you were busy showing off and you know it.

Talon:
It's too bad it has to be this way Robin. You and I are birds of a feather.

Robin:
[hogties Talon] I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've heard that joke.

Lil' Romeo:
[Lil' Romeo has been captured by Leech, who thought he was Static] Back off! Mess with me, you have to mess with my posse.

Leech:
Do you really think I'm afraid of some street gang?

Lil' Romeo:
Street gang? Dawg, I'm talkin' about my lawyers.

Freida Goren:
Look, it's Static and Gear.

Daisy Watkins:
And, as usual, Virgil and Richie are nowhere in sight. [pause] You don't think...

Freida Goren:
No, it couldn't be.

Richie Foley:
[as they're trying to stop a damaged plane, falling out of the sky] I'm gonna try to land on Woodward Avenue.

Static:
There are cars down there.

Richie Foley:
I know. This thing got a horn?

Static:
[to Hotstreak] I'd get a refund on those Anger management classes if I were you.

Static:
I don't believe we've been introduced.

Omnifarious:
Omnifarious.

Static:
You're nefarious?

Omnifarious:
Omnifarious! It's my name! It means many forms.

Static:
Dude, I go to public school. Latin's an elective.

Virgil:
[to Gear] Oh, shoot, I forgot about Daisy. We were going to have a study date.

Daisy:
[sitting at a resturaunt table by herself] Ugh. What made me think he'd ever change?

Virgil:
Yo, bro! What's that? Plans for a particle accelerator?

Richie:
[sighs] Yeah.

Virgil:
[blinks] I was kidding!

Brainiac:
You only delay the inevitable. All of this base will soon belong to me.

Brainiac:
[CD-like skipping] Noooo! No! No, I can-can-can-cannan-cannot be-be-be-beaten! I am Braaaaainiac! Brai-brai-brai-brai-brai-Brainy Brainiac!

Static:
Got to... hold on!

Brainiac:
Brai-brai-brai-brai-Brainy Brainiac! One-one-one-one-one day I-I will be-be-be back be back be back and and and and and I will... laaaay the funk down!

Gear:
Yo, Brainiac's not too bad on the mike.

Static:
Mixmaster Brainiac. Now that's phat!

Martian Manhunter:
Yes. Very "phat", indeed.

Brainiac:
You are only delaying the inevitable.

Static:
You keep sayin' that like it's a bad thing!

Virgil:
Hey what are you doing?

Frieda:
Mr C told us to update the class website

Virgil:
By writing 10 pages on the Backstreet Boys?

Richie:
We're not writing a fan magazine we're supposed to be writing news.

Frieda:
This is news. We're writing a feature article about the impact that music has on popular culture.

Daisy:
We're just using the Backstreet Boys as an example.

Virgil:
Click here to see Nick's new haircut

Richie:
Kevin and Brian's weddings.

Virgil:
Howie's acting jobs?

Richie:
And of course A.J.'s tattoos.

Virgil, Richie:
OOH!

Daisy:
You think we're just a couple of mindless giggling fans don't you? You know? I find that to be insulting.

Frieda:
Insulting and demeaning.

Virgil:
Okay, okay we're sorry.

Richie:
Honest. We appologize.

Daisy:
Well, you'd better

Richie:
Although I do think that A.J. looks better with just a moustache.

Frieda, Daisy:
Definitely. You know that's what I was thinking before... HEY! WAIT A MINUTE?

Virgil, Richie:
[Virgil and Richie run out of the room laughing after Freida and Daisy run throw everything they can get their hands on at them] Ow!

Replikon:
Show's over, pop star!

Static:
Keep your hands to yourself, fur-fur.

A.J.:
How'd you find us?

Static:
Adam mentioned that he and Replikon used to work here a long time ago. Now to get you out of here. Ooh!

Replikon:
You can't hurt me, Static Shock. Wood doesn't conduct electricity, Static. Goodbye!

A.J.:
[A.J. plays around with a reverb machine and puts the earphones over Replikon's ears]

Replikon:
Now let's see how you like this? Ahh! Ooh!

Static:
Thanks! That must have been some wicked reverb you fed him.

A.J.:
Nope! Just his own bad music.

Frieda:
That's weird!

Richie:
What?

Frieda:
His tattoo. I thought his Chinese symbols were on the other arm?

Daisy:
Yeah, they are.

Adam:
I'm going to get Virgil. I am SO going to get him.

Daisy:
Wait.

Frieda:
We're reporters. He's so cute.

Daisy:
I know!

[Daisy and Frieda start screaming]

Static Shock:
Richie. It's V. Look I couldn't sleep.

Richie:
Thank you for passing along that important piece of information. Goodnight.

Static Shock:
Richie. I need you to stay focused. This whole A.J. thing is really bugging me. I think that was Replikon we saw on TV not A.J.

Richie:
You serious?

Static Shock:
Like Frieda said his tattoo was on the wrong arm. I figure Repilikon was facing A.J. when he disguised himself so everything got flip flopped.

Richie:
Yeah. Like looking in a mirror. Then where's the real A.J.?

Static Shock:
I checked the hotel. He wasn't there. I went by the studio. Same thing. Now I'm at Adam's house and he's gone too.

Richie:
Poor Adam is probably still down about his deal going bad. There he was about to see his face in every record store in the country.

Static Shock:
Record store? That's it. Richie I need an address for a Stone Gas records.

Richie:
You've got it V. I just hope that Replikon hasn't gone wacko on A.J.

Static Shock:
You and me both bro.

A.J.:
Okay I'm dead.

[Static lifts A.J. up and puts him on his flying disc]

A.J.:
Thanks for getting me out of there. I guess you have fans too?

Static:
Oh yeah. Can't keep them off of me.

Sharon:
That looks good... Hey! We're eating in half an hour.

Virgil:
Yeah. I saw what you were cooking. I thought that I'd build up my strength.

Sharon:
By the way. Daisy called. Said something about a big scoop.

[Sees the mob of fans coming]

Adam:
RUN! I'll hold them back.

A.J.:
If you say so.

Adam:
There's a back way out.

A.J.:
Lead on.

[Frieda and Daisy peek around the corner]

Frieda:
That's him!

Daisy:
Okay. Let's be cool. Remember we're members of the press.

Frieda:
Right. We're total professionals...

[Frieda and Daisy scream]

A.J.:
Adam's tunes are hot. I'd sign him if I were you Lester.

Lester Biggs:
That's high praise coming from A.J. McLean.

Rita Velasquez:
Rita Velasquez: Artists and Relations so Adam do you have a demo tape or a CD?

Adam:
Right here.

A.J.:
I'm telling you it's hot.

Rita Velasquez:
I'll take a listen and we'll talk later.

Lester Biggs:
Excuse me for a moment. YO J-LO!

Adam:
Thanks for your help

A.J.:
Anytime. I hope it all works out for you.

Replikon:
Not if I can help it.

Frieda:
I don't care what you say Virgil. A.J.'s not like that.

Virgil:
Look I know that you and Daisy have mad cap love for the guy but he is just fickled and two-faced.

Daisy:
Just because we all like Adam's sound doesn't mean A.J. has to.

Richie:
She's got a point V.

Virgil:
Way to be on my side bro.

Frieda:
Shh! He's on TV.

Daisy:
Turn it up.

A.J.:
Yeah I was working with this Adam dude but I just wasn't feeling it. Okay so Adam's tunes were tight but they were synthetic. Me? I'm all about the real. You know what I'm saying?

Virgil:
Yeah right!

Static:
So you guys on tour or something?

A.J.:
No. I'm working with this songwriter Adam Evans. Have you heard of him?

Static:
Yeah. When he's not writing songs he's my sidekick Rubberband Man.

A.J.:
So that explains the purple underpants.

Static:
So why are you working with him?

A.J.:
Adam's beats are on the one and he's great to work with.

Static:
I might argue with you about the work part but I've gotta admit... I like Adam's music.

Static:
Well, I've gotta jet. Do yo mind? It's for a friend.

A.J.:
What's her name?

Static:
Just make it out to V.

Static:
Thanks.

A.J.:
Anytime.

Richie:
Still working on your Backstreet Boys shrine?

Frieda:
We're busy Richie.

Richie:
That's too bad because I know something about a certain boy group that you might want to hear about but I ain't talking.

Daisy:
What could you possibly know about the Backstreet Boys that we don't?

Richie:
Two words... LO-CATION.

Frieda:
What do you mean?

Richie:
Ah I will say no more. Once a secret gets into the ole Foley vault it stays locked.

Daisy:
Well, then...

Frieda:
Who's up for a cheeseburger

[Richie looks disgusted]

Virgil:
Adam! Look I'm sorry for running my big fat mouth off. Especially to someone who has a bigger, fatter, mouth than me.

Sharon Hawkins:
Zip it Virgil!

Virgil:
I'm just trying to appologize.

Sharon Hawkins:
He doesn't want to hear it right now.

Virgil:
What happened?

Adam:
The deal's off. A.J. doesn't like my music after all.

Virgil:
Adam your tunes are tight. There must be some sort of mistake?

Adam:
No this came from the horse's mouth. Man I thought A.J. was feeling me but I was getting played like a sucka this whole time. Gah!

Sharon Hawkins:
Adam!

[A.J. turns around and gasps]

Replikon:
Wassup A.J.? Meet A.J.

Rita Velasquez:
Lester we have a big problem here. What if they wreck the studio? Think of the expense? Think of the lawsuits?

A.J.:
Think of the publicity. In Dakota today A.J. McLean and his new discovery Adam Evans attract thousands of devoted fans.

Rita Velasquez:
Lester cancel the call to 911 but send a photographer over.

Replikon:
Yo Backstreet Bum. Lester Biggs is going sign Marvin Roper, me, to an overall deal. Mansions, stretch limos, I'm going to live on the hills.

A.J.:
Yeah in a penthouse prison cell.

Replikon:
Ah ha ha! He's just a funny pop star. After I get through with you, you won't be laughing.

A.J.:
Is that right?

Replikon:
You see I was just keeping you around to make sure my imitation of you looked real but now that I have my record contract... All you're good for is lunchmeat.

[singing Everybody Backstreet's Back]

Virgil:
Ahh de phone. Hello? Dis is chef Virgil.

Adam:
Hi Virgil. Is Sharon there?

Virgil:
No she's not. Can't you tell by my good mood?

Adam:
Shoot! I need my CD back right now.

Virgil:
I can bring it. Adam?

Adam:
Okay I'll give you the directions but you have to come by yourself. Understand?

Adam:
Marvin?

Marvin Roper:
Adam?

Static:
You two know each other?

Marvin Roper:
Yes we were producing partners back in the day.

Adam:
Yeah now we're ex-partners. He promised me that he could make me a star until I found out he was all talk and no action.

Frieda:
And while the Backstreet Boys may not be fully appreciated by a few of our more closed minded, inmature, reactionary, peers...

Daisy:
Mmm hmm!

Frieda:
...they are clearly the pre-emininant musical voices of their generation.

Virgil:
[Yawning] Rough night.

Richie:
You look tired. Were you out on patrol all night?

Virgil:
No. I couldn't sleep. I kept banging on the wall trying to get Sharon to turn her stereo down. She was up all night listening to Adam's CD.

Richie:
Well now you'll know what to get her for her birthday next time?

Virgil:
What's that?

Richie:
Headphones.

Richie:
Wait! What are you doing?

Virgil:
I'm logging on to the class website.

Richie:
You can't do that.

Virgil:
Why not?

Richie:
The site crashed. Believe me there's nothing there to see.

Virgil:
Richie. Let go of the chair.

Richie:
D'oh! You see it's like this. You're with friends, you talk and next thing you know...

Virgil:
[shouts] Richie! You told them about A.J.?

Richie:
No, not really.

Virgil:
Informed sources indicate that A.J. McLean is here in Dakota.

[shouts]

Virgil:
Richie!

Richie:
Those are unconfirmed rumors. That's all

Virgil:
They posted the address of the recording studio!

Richie:
Okay it's not my fault. Frieda and Daisy, they forced me to talk. It was double chili cheeseburger with grilled onions.

Virgil:
Here you go Adam. Hey I didn't know there was a recording studio here?

Adam:
Yeah it's a trade secret now if you don't mind.

Virgil:
Hey Slow down. I want to have a look

A.J.:
Yo Adam. You got them tunes yet?

Virgil:
Hey! You're A.J. McLean! You're a Backstreet Boy?

A.J.:
Right on both counts. Let me guess? You have all our CDs.

Virgil:
Well, No.

[A.J. fakes a heartattack]

Virgil:
But the girls at school. They're crazy about you.

A.J.:
That's cool.

Virgil:
One question: why are you with him?

A.J.:
We're thinking about using some of Adam's music on our new CD.

A.J.:
[Female voice calls AJ over the loudspeaker] Later.

Virgil:
No way! Adam, this could be it for you man.

Adam:
Yeah I know. That's why we have to keep this on the down low. Nobody knows that A.J. is in town and I want it to stay that way.

Virgil:
No problem. Don't sweat it. My lips are sealed.

[Over the telephone]

Virgil:
Richie you will not believe who I just saw.

Adam:
I've waited for a long time but this deal proves that if you stick to your dreams they'll come true.

Richie:
Our friend is going to be a star. Think about it V. Superstretch limos, craft service munchies.

Virgil:
Richie, he's in a really tough business. One minute you're the hottest thing around the next you're in the close-out bin.

Daisy, Frieda:
Hi guys.

Virgil:
Who's that on your shirt?

Daisy:
Adam of course.

Frieda:
He's so cool.

Virgil:
Then again there's nothing wrong with being a one-hit-wonder.

[rapping]

Virgil:
My name is Virgil and I'm here to say nobody sings and raps my way.

Richie:
I'm his pal Richie and I must agree. Together we make great harmony.

[beatboxing]

Daisy:
Friends of yours?

Frieda:
Nope. Never seen them.

Green Lantern:
How could the Guardians *ever* have let you into the Lantern Corps?

Sinestro:
[with his voice] Those self-righteous little twerps. They give me all this power, and expect me to satisfied fighting crime? I'd be crazy not to conquer the universe!

Green Lantern:
That's just the word I was looking for.

Robert Hawkins:
Virgil, he's not perfect, he's only human. But it never hurts to keep an open mind.

Gear:
Who knew he could turn so evil? But we should've been able to tell somehow.

Static:
Hey, what chance did *we* have if he could fool Batman?

Green Lantern:
[watching his ring's power flicker] Hang in there... One more fight.

Terry McGinnis:
[to Bruce about Static] He calls himself *Beyonce*.

Static:
[to Ritchie after seeing his future counterpart] Better lay off the chili fries

Virgil:
Hey Daisy. You're getting counseling too.

Daisy:
Everyone who was involved is getting counseling.

Virgil:
What about him?

Daisy:
He's getting community service and so are his buddies.

Kevin:
Well, well, well. If it isn't little Jimmy Osgood.

Jimmy Osgood:
[pointing his father's gun] Yeah, and I've got a way to protect myself.

Kevin:
[classmates gasping] Come on, Jimmy put the gun down. That's not funny.

Jimmy Osgood:
You know what else isn't funny? Breaking my computer isn't funny. Shoving me into the gym lockers and humilliating me in front of everyone isn't funny.

Kevin:
You're right. I'm sorry Jimmy.

Jimmy Osgood:
No, you're not.

[Static Shock suddenly bursts into the school gym shortly before the gun goes off hitting Richie in the leg]

Richie:
Ow! Ow! It's not like on TV.

Robert Hawkins:
[to Richie Foley's dad, while searching for Richie] I've seen your kind all my life. The fine outstanding bigot. His nose so close to the grindstone even he can't see anything else. Meanwhile, the world changes and grows, and he's blind to it! Ignorant! And proud of that, too! And you know the worst part? You've got a terrific son. One of the best and brightest around. And because of the way you are, you'll never really know him.

Mrs. Barnett:
Let's get out of here... Oh. What's happening to my beautiful body?

Toyman:
I may be a fool for love, my dear but I'm no dope. Oh, it's just a new element that I added to your body just in case you tried to betray me again.

Mrs. Barnett:
What have you done?

Toyman:
Right now the nactinides are liquifying your new body and

[singsong]

Toyman:
I have the antidote.

[Toyman throws the antidote into a nearby vat of acid]