The A-Team

[opening narration]

Narrator:
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

[repeated line]

Hannibal:
I love it when a plan comes together!

[Murdoch is looking sad]

Hannibal:
What's the matter, Captain?

Murdock:
Something horrible.

Face:
What's the matter? Billy get hit by a car.

Murdock:
WORSE. [gives Hannibal his hospital release] I've been thrown out. Cast out...

Hannibal:
You've been found sane?

Murdock:
You got it.

Face:
[the team's plane is starting to malfunction] Uh, Murdock, what's going to happen?

Murdock:
Looks like we're going to crash.'

Face:
No, what's *really* going to happen?

Murdock:
Looks like we're going to crash and die.

[Face, B.A., and Murdoch are squeezed into the back seat of a car]

Murdock:
There isn't room for four of us?

B.A. Baracus:
What? What do you mean four, sucker? [grabs him] There's three of us, you fool!

Face:
Better say three, Murdock, or he's going to bounce you down the hyphenated line.

B.A. Baracus:
We're flying this time, aren't we?

Hannibal:
Yes, we are.

B.A. Baracus:
You're not going to drug me this time. I'm going to keep my eye on you.

Hannibal:
In that case, do you want the last swallow of your milk?

[B.A. realizes he's been had, raises his fist and then collapses]

Hannibal:
Guess not.

Face:
In no time, he'll be running around like a Mexican Jack Rabbit. One that just got out of therapy.

B.A. Baracus:
Shut up, fool.

Murdock:
I wish I could just jump in the water and live like a fish.

B.A. Baracus:
Shut up fool, you ain't no fish!

B.A. Baracus:
I ain't flying Hannibal!

B.A. Baracus:
I'm gonna kill that crazy Murdock!

B.A. Baracus:
They're closin'. They got us!

Hannibal:
You never know.

B.A. Baracus:
I do. We're almost out of gas.

Hannibal:
Now, why did you pick a truck with no gas?

B.A. Baracus:
'Cause I liked the paint job.

Hannibal:
B.A., there's an old saying - "The best defense is a good offense."

B.A. Baracus:
You got that wrong, man. A good offense is the best defense.

Hannibal:
Okay, have it your way.

B.A. Baracus:
That's it. You're going into the water.

Hannibal:
[the team has been captured by a cult] Hey, Face, what do think these guys are wearing under their skirts?

Face:
Uh, I don't know.

[to closest Cult Member]

Face:
Half slip?

[gets hit in gut with a rifle butt]

Face:
Ohh!

Hannibal:
[to closest cult member] Garter belt?

[gets hit in the gut with a rifle butt]

Hannibal:
Arrgh!

B.A. Baracus:
I think you guys wear panty hose!

[gets hit. Doesn't react]

Murdock:
I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train! [shouts] Touchdown!

B.A. Baracus:
I ain't goin' on no airplane!

B.A. Baracus:
[about 'Howling Mad' Murdock] Guy's not long for this world!

Hannibal:
I'm not sure he was ever in it.

diner owner:
Would you like some coffee?

Face:
Yes that'd be very nice.

diner owner:
How would you like it?

B.A. Baracus:
In a cup, fool!

B.A. Baracus:
I don't start no trouble. I mind my own business.

Amy:
B.A., going up to a traffic cop who's writing out a ticket for your van, and eating the citation right in front of his face, absolutely falls under starting trouble.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Look, do you have a cemetery around here?

Harold Watkins:
Cemetery, hey, have we got a cemetery. Fact is, people's dying to get in there.

Harold Watkins:
[laughs] Eh, you get it? You see, dying? You know, dying to get in!

"Hannibal" Smith:
I'll bet Johnny Carson's holding his breath waiting for you to drop out of the sky.

Murdock:
[with his ear to the hood of B.A.'s van] Oh yeah, baby, yeah. B.A., it's her. She recognizes me.

B.A. Baracus:
Ray was one of the only men who stood by us during the trial. He was a friend. And friends always do for one another. Just because he's gone, that don't mean we don't owe him.

Amy:
It's those maniacs.

Trish Brenner:
Oh Amy, what are we gonna do?

Amy:
Anything we can to keep those creeps from getting their hands on us.

Amy:
[Grabbing a rifle from the wall] Oh, why didn't I pay more attention when the guys do this?

Deke Watkins:
Well, you boys got an awful lot of stupid in you.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I got a thing about living with cockroaches. My friends and I are gonna do some exterminating.

Deke Watkins:
Oh, you should've left town when you had the chance.

Face:
That was our next line.

Hannibal:
The first time I tagged up with Ray Brenner, he couldn't have been more than two weeks out of Special Forces training. The unit was on a search and destroy detail, had to blow up one of Charlie's supply bridges. It got REAL hot. Ray stood up like a guy born to do just that.

Face:
One time Charlie had the company pinned down. It was my first firefight and there was crying and screaming everywhere. When I bailed out of the jeep and hit the dirt, I lost my helmet. Ray gave me his.

B.A. Baracus:
One night I was walking point and took a round in my leg. I was bleeding bad, real bad. Then this white dude come up to me and dragged me over to the MediVac. Ray Brenner had a heart like I never seen.

Murdock:
There's a difference between being brave and just crazy. Ray Brenner was just brave. He directed me in through a hornet's nest about a day from Da Nang, and we pulled some grunts out of trouble. My bird was the only one left in the sky.

[Murdoch is looking sad]

Hannibal:
What's the matter, Captain?

Murdock:
Something horrible.

Face:
What's the matter? Billy get hit by a car.

Murdock:
WORSE.

[gives Hannibal his hospital release]

Murdock:
I've been thrown out. Cast out...

Hannibal:
You've been found sane?

Murdock:
You got it.

Murdock:
[Stark opens the door to see Murdock standing there with a funeral arrangement. H.M. sings] Did you ever see a hearse go by and think that someday you'd surely die? They put you in a little box and cover you over with dirt and rocks.

[Grinning]

Murdock:
How'm I doin'?

Face:
The magic word is... tuberculosis.

[Murdock starts coughing violently]

Face:
Yeah, when I was a kid I always wanted to be a policeman. Did you know that?

Hannibal:
No.

Face:
Why, I remember, in the orphanage, I had a whole scrapbook of Dick Tracy and his crime stopper texts.

Hannibal:
Really.

Face:
Oh yeah, my favorite TV show was Dragnet.

B.A:
All right Hannibal, how do we shut these guys down? I mean these guys are S.W.A.T. trained in special weapons and tactics. That's our bag. It's gonna be like going up against ourselves.

Hannibal:
Exciting, isn't it?

Face:
Replace the button on the collar with one from the kit.

Amy:
Bringing me along to sow, how wonderfully sexist.

Face:
Well, we each do what we have to do. If you think you can pick these three locks in ten minutes, then eh...

Hannibal:
It's the same plan we nailed that Kong General with outside Ka-san.

Face:
Ah, You mean where I took it in the leg.

Murdock:
Where I got shot down?

B.A.:
That was a terrible plan!

Hannibal:
Now we got all the kinks worked out of it.

Faceman:
We've done everything that Stockwell has asked and he's never so much as even said thank you. We've even saved the guys life. As long as we keep succeding in these missions, he's gonna keep us around for more and a soon as we start fail, well, we're dead.

B.A. Baracus:
That's a good point.

Faceman:
I'm telling you, Stockwell has taken over our lives. He's even started taking over my dreams.

Frankie:
Can he do that?

Faceman:
You know, I should write a book.

Murdock:
No, no, just a pamphlet.

Murdock:
We got a real endangered species here: an unarmed criminal with a spittin' grin. Anybody want to take a photograph?

B.A. Baracus:
Hold it, Hannibal, what about this roadblock? You don't expect me to turn this piece of junk into a tank with the spare parts from the kitchen, do you?

Tony Tedesco:
You are a dead man.

Hannibal Smith:
Yeah, but I gotta see Atlantic City before I die.

Cooper:
What time does Presley expect this load in L.A.?

Border Patrol Lt. Taggart:
Just as soon as you stop asking questions. [claps his hands] Let's go, come on!

Cherise:
Oh Mr. Peck, we just can't seem to get this bowline knot tied right. Could you please come over and show us again?

Amy Allen:
B.A., didn't you say that Maria said her mother is really sick?

"B.A." Baracus:
Yeah, real sick. And if we don't help her, she won't have anybody in the world.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Whoever separated them, isn't big on human diginity.

"B.A." Baracus:
Yeah, when I get finished with them, they're gonna be real big on pain!

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
He's out there, I know... he's out there, that devil of a whale I have chased for so long. The white whale. The Living Ghost with the harpoons of a hundred men in his back and yet he still swims on. How that ghost haunts my soul... my mind...

"B.A." Baracus:
What mind? Cool it, Murdock, where here on serious business.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
...must be high tide.

Presley:
[referring to B.A] Why don't you call this jewelry store off me, okay?

"Faceman":
[Face is seasick] What about a plan?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Heh! You're a terrific shade of green, you know, brings out the color in your eyes.

"Faceman":
You don't have a plan, do ya?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Of course I have a plan. But... it's a secret.

"B.A." Baracus:
You got a choice, Jack: you either talk, or you hurt!

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Hi there, do you, eh, speak English?

Roberto:
Yes sir, pretty good.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
All right, how lucky can a man get? Name's Danielson. U.S. secret service.

Roberto:
I am Roberto.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Neat, neat, the 'O' on the end really brings it to life. 'Roberto'.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
All right, now who's plan was this?

"Faceman" Peck:
Not mine!

"B.A." Baracus:
Not mine.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Then who's?

"Faceman" Peck:
Murdock!

"B.A." Baracus:
It was Murdock.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
No it wasn't! [B.A. nods rapidly] No it wasn't!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
B.A., I talked to that producer friend of mine. He's gonna sponsor Maria and her mom. They'll live in his Beverly Hills mansion, collect a nice salary, and have the rare opportunity of studying a gigantic American ego up close.

"B.A." Baracus:
Come on Face, get out of the bathroom, I'm seasick too!

Amy Allen:
Yeah Face, show us how to navigate by the stars. [laughs]

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I'll tell you something, I was in one of Ho Chi Minh's death camps... you're an amateur.

H.M. Murdock:
I gotta have this thing back in three hours, okay, or Dr. Richter is gonna be very upset when he finds out that I borrowed his limo. It's gonna set the trust aspect of our therapy back three years, not to mention the fact he's gonna strangle me.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I can't believe that Fulbright would sink that low. That he would find an unrequited love from my youth and force her to set me up, that's just...

"Hannibal" Smith:
She's after the reward, Face.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Why Hannibal, you are so cynical.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[stiffling a laugh] How many times did you con this guy, Face? I bet he was your number one stooge.

Elaine:
He talked about you constantly. Always told me what a great guy you were.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I am a great guy! Barry was interested in pirates, and for twenty bucks I sold him a treasure map.

"B.A." Baracus:
I'm glad I didn't know you when I was a kid.

"B.A." Baracus:
Face, did you really sell your best friend a fake treasure map?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
B.A., I needed the money, ok?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
You know, Hannibal, I'm worried about Rebecca. What if the military's detained her?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Well, if they detained her, it's because they wanted to take back the reward they paid her.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, of course, if there was a treasure, I'd, eh, I'd own half of it because I sold him the map in the first place.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Face! [gives him a stern, persuasive grin]

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Ok, Barry owns the whole thing, ok? He'd want me to have half of it, cause he's a friend of mine, but...

"B.A." Baracus:
You cool it with this parrot, Murdock. There is no parrot. And I don't wanna hear another thing about it.

Barry Green:
Well actually, that's who has the real treasure map, my parrot. See, the chart's in the bottom of the parrot's cage, in my office.

H.M. Murdock:
Enough said...

"Hannibal" Smith:
[to Barry's parrot] One wrong move, bird, and you're a feather duster. Got it?

Barry's parrot:
Nice bird, pretty bird.

Barry Green:
Temp, do you remember the day that you conned me out of my Alman Brothers tickets?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Listen Barry, look, I never realized how hard I was on you, it's just that you were so easy, you were like a proving ground to me.

Barry Green:
No, no, see, that was the day Elaine and her family came the orphanage.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Aha.

Barry Green:
Now I had to be you for a couple of hours, while you were gone remember?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Yeah.

Barry Green:
They really liked me, and that was the day they decided to adopt me. I told them the truth later.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
You told them you were me and they, they adopted you?

Morgan:
[holding Philip's Cross] Well now, ain't that something.

H.M. Murdock:
That's a sacred relic, Morgan. You keep that, you'll be doomed for all eternity.

Morgan:
I'll take my chances.

Barry Green:
How did you find us?

Morgan:
I got the location of the wreck out of your computer.

Barry Green:
You can work a computer?

Morgan:
No, but Maitland can, if you put a gun in his back. Allright, all of ya, face down on the deck. Move it!

Barry Green:
Are you gonna kill us?

Morgan:
You and the girl maybe, but the others are worth much more alive, being the A-Team.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
You got the cross and you, eh, you want the reward on top of that?

Morgan:
Got to live on something, before we can bust this thing up and fence it.

Elaine:
[wearing a police uniform] Excuse me, Templeton Peck?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Eh, me? Oh, no, no, no, I'm, eh, Teddy Peddleton, I, eh... [tries to walk away, pulls off his name tag as she grabs his arm] Oh this, I must have picked up the wrong name tag, I...

Elaine:
Don't let the uniform scare you, I'm just a meter maid. I'm Barry Green's sister.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Barry Green doesn't have a sister.

Elaine:
When he was sixteen, my family adopted him.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Oh, well that's great, eh... [tries to walk again, but is grabbed by the arm once more]

Elaine:
Listen, I came today hoping you'd be here. I haven't heard from Gary in two weeks.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Ah, well, I haven't heard from Gary in twenty years.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
You okay, Colonel?

"Hannibal" Smith:
That bird WILL eat anything.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[taking the cross from Morgan] This belongs to someone else, pal.

Rebecca Piper:
How am I going to keep him busy for 15 minutes?

General Harlan 'Bull' Fulbright:
Do what you got to do, baby, it's a big reward.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I think she needs our help.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Face, she's a cop.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
She's a meter maid!

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
[parrot snaps at him] I think that parrot's carnivorous.

H.M. Murdock:
Don't be ridiculous, Face, birds are not carnivorous. I'll show you, you just gotta know how to talk to him, let him know you're friendly. Nice birdie, nice birdie. [parrot snaps at him too] This bird IS a maneater!

"Hannibal" Smith:
Eh, this is Howling Mad Murdock, Templeton Peck and B.A. Baracus.

Micky:
Howling Mad? You got a temper problem or something?

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Oh, no, no, no, actually, this is the guy here with the personality disorder.

[indicating B.A]

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
I just consider myself on another plane from the mass populus, that's all.

"B.A." Baracus:
His plane crashed years ago and left him with no brains in his head.

"Faceman" Peck:
At last! A case that doesn't require mosquito netting.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Oh, I don't know, Face, It's still a jungle out there on Rodeo Drive...

"B.A." Baracus:
You know, Murdock, I do see something in your painting. There I am, standing over your dead body.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
It's just a bunch of scribbled lines.

H.M. Murdock:
Can you guarantee me, that in a hundred years, after I'm gone, the name Murdock will be on parr with Rembrandt, Picasso, Van Gogh, Willie Mays?

"Faceman" Peck:
Eh, eh, Willie Mays?

H.M. Murdock:
Do you deny that Willie Mays was a great artist in center field?

H.M. Murdock:
Murdock does not shake hands. Murdock does not play sports. Murdock does not open canned foods. Murdock paints.

Steffan Shawn:
But while you're under contract to the gallery, this is your studio.

H.M. Murdock:
[shouting] You don't seem to understand! I need my studio. I trained inspiration to meet me at that studio. Now, how is it going to find me?

Steffan Shawn:
[B.A. almost knocks over a statue with a giant pizza box] Careless fool! This statue is worth over ten thousand dollars. It goes back to the Ming dynasty.

"B.A." Baracus:
I don't know about no Chinese food, all I know is somebody ordered a pizza, and somebody better pay for it.

Brooks:
I've got a gun pointed right at your belly.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Well, I guess we're covered.

Brooks:
This whole thing was a set up wasn't it? The mansion, the painting, Murdock, too.

"Hannibal" Smith:
You're pretty quick. You watch a lot of gameshows, huh?

Brooks:
You know if I were three feet in front of a bullet, I don't think I'd be cracking so many jokes.

Steffan Shawn:
[to Tepper and Blair] You both deserve a bullet in your empty heads. I tell you to put a little pressure on the kid, you wind up putting him in a coma!

bad guy:
You're gonna pay for that, man!

Hannibal:
I'm gonna cut you a check next time I'm down at the bank, man!

Hannibal:
[B.A. has been wounded] How is he, Doc?

Dr. Maggie Sullivan:
Not very good. Your friend here has a .50-caliber hole in his leg. I had to tie off an artery. It took 60 stitches to close him up. What were you hunting? Elephants?

Hannibal:
[shrugging, with a smile] Quail.

[Murdoch is giving a direct blood transfusion to B.A, who is squirming]

Hannibal:
B.A., just relax.

B.A. Baracus:
I told you guys for the last time. I don't want this sucker's blood in me. It's going to make me crazy like him.

Murdock:
No, it's not going to make you crazy, it'll make you mellow. You can even room with me at the V.A. I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and we can sit together and watch the walls melt.

B.A. Baracus:
Hannibal!

B.A. Baracus:
You messed up, now I gotta mess you up. It's the law!

B.A. Baracus:
Gotta need for the Faceman to change his name. Yeah. To Broken Face!

"Faceman":
Come on B.A., it wasn't my fault.

B.A. Baracus:
You were supposed to be the rear guard. You messed up bad. Now I have to mess you up. It's the law.

"Faceman":
Oh, brother.

"Faceman":
Hannibal, you'll talk him out of it, won't ya?

Hannibal:
Face, if anybody could talk B.A. out of anything, he'd be a professional wrestler. Now, give him some time. He'll, he'll cool off. Eh, the worst think that could happen to you is he's gonna be taking a couple of swings at you.

"Faceman":
One ought to do it.

Deputy Jack Harmson:
'Course you realise, when we run these prints through we are gonna find out who you guys are.

Hannibal:
I told you before, we're ballet dancers.

"Faceman":
That guy over at doc is our choreographer.

Hannibal:
Yeah, we had a nasty audience. I don't think they liked our pas de'deux. Opened up on us from the first row with a 50 caliber machine gun.

Hannibal:
Murdock will be here right away, you're the same blood type. We'll do a direct transfusion and get you on your feet.

B.A. Baracus:
Murdock?

Hannibal:
You're both AB negative, remember?

B.A. Baracus:
I'm ain't swapin' blood with that sucker, he's crazy!

Hannibal:
B.A. he's the only donor we have, unless we're gonna get you into Cedar-Siani. You have very special blood.

B.A. Baracus:
I ain't letting you put any of Murdock's crazy juice in me, no way man. He's nuts.

Amy Amanda Allen:
What are these for?

"Faceman":
Grills, they make great grills.

Amy Amanda Allen:
Grills?

"Faceman":
I thought we'd have barbecued Barbarian for brunch.

B.A. Baracus:
You put cake in my van?

"Faceman":
I just want you to know we haven't lost our knack for putting us in the most dangerous situations possible.

Kyle Ludwig:
I'll tell you what, I, I decided to like you. You call me Kyle from now on, alright, and I'll talk to my uncle Carl about the money.

Murdock:
B.A., please, you are our pitt crew inspiration. It would be well for you not to dwell on the probabilities of 'Why Not' and concern yourself with 'What If'.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
You must be Kyle Lovesick.

Kyle Ludwig:
Ludwig! Kyle Ludwig. Who are you supposed to be, huh?

John "Hannibal" Smith:
I'm the clean racing fairy. This is my helper [indicating B.A]

John "Hannibal" Smith:
How's it going, Jack?

Jack Harmon:
Yeah. [recognizing Hannibal] John! What are you doing here?

John "Hannibal" Smith:
We'll talk later.

Jack Harmon:
But Colonel Decker will be here looking for ya.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Hm. I'd be disappointed if he wasn't.

Kyle Ludwig:
You're dead.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
That's why I'm the clean racing fairy. [to B.A] Don't waste your pixie dust on him, you'd need a ton of it.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
[after the bad guys blow up a car with Kid Harmon's tarp over it] I can't believe you did that, you just destroyed an expensive racing car.

Scarface:
Yeah, I'm all broken hearted.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Well, I'm sure when Mr. Kyle Ludwig finds out you blew up *his* car, he's going to break more than that.

Scarface:
What?

B.A. Baracus:
Told you you didn't want to do that, sucker.

"Faceman":
I'm sure people must wonder where a guy like Kyle Ludwig can get the money from to afford a race car, a pit crew...

Murdock:
He probably gets it the old fashioned way, by earning it.

"Faceman":
No, I think he does what a lot of young people do, gets it from home, only in this case, home is back in Chicago, home of a famous crime family, the head of it being his uncle Carl, Carl Ludwig.

Murdock:
I had an uncle Carl once, he was a milkman, but all he ever gave me was cottage cheese.

B.A. Baracus:
Murdock, your brains are cottage cheese.

Mean Gene Okerlund:
Another successful title defense for the heavyweight champion of the world, my guest at this time: Hulk Hogan, and what a battle that one was!

Hulk Hogan:
Well you know, Mean Gene, ever since I won the WWF World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight title, man, I've been on one heck of a roll. I've been to Tokyo, Japan, Africa, Asia, Bankok and all point in between. And you know something? I've defended this thing succesfully everywhere I went. But I'm really excited, Mean Gene, because coming up here in a few days, man, I'm comming to my own home town, L.A., brother, Los Angeles, California. And more than that, all the money, all the Hulkamaniacs, all the Hulkamania running wild, all that money from all my people, I'm donating that money to my favorite charity, Mean Gene.

"B.A." Baracus:
Good to see you, man, you're looking great!

Hulk Hogan:
Mean, clean, human destruction machine!

"B.A." Baracus:
Yeah!

Face:
[to Hannibal] Regular mutual appreciation society.

Hulk Hogan:
I'm glad you could make it. You know, I had a heck of a time locating you dudes.

Murdock:
Mr. Hogan, this is truly an amazing pleasure. I have been a wrestling devotee since I was five years old Bruno Sammartino, Bobo Brasil...

Hulk Hogan:
Hey, both fine wrestlers!

Murdock:
I always dreamed of being a professional wrestler myself, you know, but look, look at how I turned out.

"Hannibal" Smith:
You two met in 'Nam, huh?

Hulk Hogan:
Yeah, B.A. was the baddest dude I ever met in 'Nam.

Murdock:
B.A. says he saved your life over there.

Hulk Hogan:
Hey, he didn't save my life, I saved his live.

"B.A." Baracus:
No man, you get it all wrong, you've been getting it mixed up for years, man. Don't you remember Da Nang and the tent I visit?

Hulk Hogan:
Yeah when we were pinned down in the hut.

Hulk Hogan, "B.A." Baracus:
And you took a shell that knocked you cold

Hulk Hogan:
You took the shell!

"B.A." Baracus:
No, you took the shell! [they angrily but heads]

"Hannibal" Smith:
I think they both took the shell.

Murdock:
You know, I'm tired of being the blue collar guy in these cons. Why don't you guys let me broaden my acting repertoire?

Murdock:
Oh, I saw this old guy below deck, he looked like he somebody out of Dick Tracy's ten most wanted list.

Kerry Mitchell:
Sonny's father maybe?

Murdock:
That would explain the nome-de-neptune.

Hulk Hogan:
What's the plan, Hannibal?

"Hannibal" Smith:
We go to Pappa Kotero and we say... where did you hide it?

Col. Decker:
Mr. DeBerg, I want these men turned over to me immediately.

Special Agent DeBerg:
Hey pal, the FBI nailed these guys.

Col. Decker:
These men are military fugitives.

Special Agent DeBerg:
That were apprehended by the F.B.I.

Col. Decker:
The army's been chasing them for ten years.

Special Agent DeBerg:
And we've been chasing them for ten minutes.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Hey, Hulk, is there such a thing as a five man tag team?

Murdock:
You have to have a boyfriend, you're a pretty girl.

Dr. Kelly Stevens:
[blushing] Well, I have never been called pretty.

[Murdock takes her to a mirror and holds it boldly in front of her]

Murdock:
Pretty girl!

Dr. Kelly Stevens:
[Kelly sees in Murdock's eyes that he has genuine feelings for her, and her voice shows she is genuinely moved] Y... you're crazy, you know that?

Murdock:
I know it, but do you?

Kelly Stevens:
You're crazy!

H.M. Murdock:
I know it. How'd you know it?

Tanen:
What are you, crazy?

H.M. Murdock:
Of course I'm crazy, you got me out of a psychiatric ward of a V.A. hospital, stupid!

Royko:
Hey! You know what I do to guys who won't shut up? I take me some piano wire and sew their lips together.

H.M. Murdock:
That would hurt.

H.M. Murdock:
Now let me ask you a question: if you had a feeling that there was somebody in the back of your van, why, why didn't you tell those guys, why didn't you turn me in?

Kelly Stevens:
[indicating her dog] Homer. He didn't chew your head off. I always found animals to be a pretty good judge of character.

H.M. Murdock:
[fiddling with a radio] I can't believe this music. What happened to, to, Van Halen, Boy George, Frankie Goes To Hollywood?

Kelly Stevens:
Frankie Goes To Hollywood?

H.M. Murdock:
You'll love it, it has a great beat to it.

Kelly Stevens:
I gotta be honest to you, I've never really liked that kind of music.

H.M. Murdock:
What about The Rolling Stones?

Kelly Stevens:
Oh, oh, well, I know them, in fact there's a song they did I really like, 'Norwegian Wood'.

H.M. Murdock:
That was The Beatles.

Kelly Stevens:
[laughs] Oh, well I always get them confused.

Sheriff Bellows:
I'll tell you something, Colonel. A church mouse couldn't get across my backyard without us knowing about it.

Col. Decker:
Never underestimate the A-Team.

Faceman:
B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.

B.A.:
I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.

Faceman:
Oh, yeah, gee, well, I can't tell you what this means to me. I mean, here I am actually talking to The Cowboy himself. I mean, Billy Bob, Billy Bob! Can't wait to tell the little old lady, I'll now bet she'll never believe me...

Cowboy Billy Bob:
Okay, you saw the Cowboy. Now, why don't you two just make like a gun and shoot outta here, huh?

Faceman:
[putting on a Wolfman Jack voice] This is The Faceman sitting in for The Cowboy, yessiree, the Facial Phantom of the airwaves!

Hannibal:
They never learn. You gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to walk away.

B.A. Baracus:
Poor old Murdock. Out there all alone. Being chased by them bounty hunters. If they do anything to him...

Face:
B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.

B.A. Baracus:
I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.

Face:
Gee, I think we're seeing a whole other side of Mr. Baracus here.

B.A. Baracus:
You ain't seeing nothing! Now let's get Murdock.

Murdock:
[to the bounty hunters] Would you mind telling me why you blew a hole in my door?

Orderly:
Murdock, there's a visitor here for you.

Murdock:
Oh, if it's a bill collector, just tell them... just tell them that I ran out of stamps a couple months ago, they'll understand.

Kelly Stevens:
[visiting Murdock at the V.A] Why are you here?

Murdock:
That's a long story.

Kelly Stevens:
Can we discuss the long story over a pizza?

Murdock:
Does it have pepperoni and mushrooms on it?

Kelly Stevens:
Well, there's pepperoni but we'll have to make do without the mushrooms.

Murdock:
[opens the box lid] You took a bite out of it already!

Hannibal:
[getting static on the van's mobile phone] Hey, Murdock can't call us on this now. One of Decker's shots must've taken out the aerial! We'll have to go with our contingency plan.

Murdock:
[on the phone with the bounty hunters who are holding Kelly hostage] If you harm one hair on that girl's head, I will not sleep, I will not eat, I will hunt you down, and I will feed your head to the flies.

Deke Logan:
Well, you've come to the end of the road, pal. You just dug yourself a grave.

Hannibal:
No, this is too short for me.

Malcolm Jones:
Where'd you learn to drive like that?

Murdock:
I saw Cannonball Run... five times.

Murdock:
Luck is with us now. My rabbit's foot's gonna bring us luck all the way back to L.A.

B.A. Baracus:
Rabbit had four of 'em - didn't do him much good.

Deke Logan:
[pointing a gun at Murdock] Slide over and drive!

Murdock:
I'm warning you, you dont wanna take this van. I mean you really don't want this van!

Deke Logan:
I said you'd better move!

Murdock:
Well, let me put it this way: taking this van is like taking down town Tokyo away from Godzilla.

Col. Decker:
This has Hannibal Smith written all over it. First he impersonates me, then he starts a prison break.

Murdock:
[on the phone] This place is gonna be crawling with Decker bugs in a minute.

Deke Logan:
I owe you one.

B.A. Baracus:
If you try something, you better make sure I don't get up!

Murdock:
B.A., I'd like to take this opportunity to say I'm really sorry they took your gold.

B.A. Baracus:
That's alright, if I don't get it back I'll just have to kill you.

Hannibal:
The only problem with the 'Vette is the vibration starts whenever you take it over 95.

Murdock:
[being fingerprinted] I want a phone call, I want a lawyer, and I want to get this ink off my fingers. Gets under your nails and then you can't get it out.

B.A. Baracus:
[to Murdock] If you want to stay alive, keep your mouth shut, or I'll nail it shut for you.

Callie Russell:
Have you ever thought of hiring yourself out, Mr. Smith? I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who could your use help.

Hannibal:
Well, we ought to think about that. Huh, guys?

Murdock:
Yeah, yeah.

Hannibal:
[on carphone in Face's 'Vette] You know, I gotta hand it to you, Face, I found Decker's I.D. in the car trunk. It's perfect.

Faceman:
[on mobile phone at a pool surrounded by two girls] Aw, Hannibal... I was saving that as a surprise for your birthday.

Hannibal:
[chuckles] Well you can get me something else. Now listen: I'm almost to the camp and I got the release papers. Well meet you in L.A.

Faceman:
Ok, well as eh, as soon as things come together down here, I'll, Ill catch the first flight out.

Hannibal:
Take care, Pal.

Faceman:
Ciao. [hangs up and turns to his girlfriends] I promise, that's the last phonecall.

Hostess:
They're setting a table right now for you, can I take your name?

Tony:
Yeah, my name's trouble and you got some of it, lady.

"B.A." Baracus:
I hate dentists. And I hate driving with Murdock.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
But you hate flying with Murdock more, don't you? Don't you?

"Faceman" Peck:
[at the dentist] Aw, relax, relax! B.A. Dentists are our friends. And if you're real good, he, eh, might give you a sucker when you're done.

"B.A." Baracus:
A sucker is what I feel like for being here.

"Faceman" Peck:
You know, I think my idea of having all the help wear bikini's is really gonna pay off...

"Hannibal" Smith:
We gotta get our hands on Joey's girl. She knows what we need to know.

Sandy:
I hear you can find her every morning taking her beauty swim at her private beach, usually without her clothes on.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Really? Perfect. Face, you go out and say hello.

"Faceman" Peck:
Why, you mean that sweet, beautiful creature who pulled a 357 Magnum on you?

Sandy:
I don't know how we can ever pay you back for all you've done for us.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I got a tan, what more could I want?

Sandy:
And eh, I think I owe you an apology, Mr. Peck.

"Faceman" Peck:
What happened to 'Face'?

Sandy:
Well, I respect you now.

"B.A." Baracus:
What is this, Hannibal? [throws him a newspaper]

"Hannibal" Smith:
It's today's paper.

"B.A." Baracus:
Right. Today's paper, which means today is the ninth. Which means I got here in a day.

"Faceman" Peck:
Well, what's a day or two among friends?

"B.A." Baracus:
A plane ride, to me!

Denise:
You okay?

"Faceman" Peck:
Oh yeah, my legs are just a little weak from two hours of dog paddling.

Tina:
Took you long enough. I was only going to give you five more minutes.

"Faceman" Peck:
With a body like she had? Heh, not a chance.

"Faceman" Peck:
[after being rescued from pretending to drown] My whole life was passing before my eyes... I saw my little red wagon, my G.I. Joe doll!

Denise:
I think he's having trouble breathing, he probably needs mouth to mouth.

"Faceman" Peck:
Ah yes, yes.

Denise's Bodyguard:
I know CPR, I can do it.

"Faceman" Peck:
Huh! Ah! I can breathe, I can breathe.

Faceman:
[posing as a doctor] Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have my rounds to make. Get it? Rounds to make?

B.A. Baracus:
[Murdock is massaging B.A] Hannibal, I hope this plan of yours works, before this fool disconnects my back.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Ah, Doesn't a rat always come back for the cheese?

Murdock:
I can feel the tension flowing out of these sinewy slabs of muscle and they're turning... they're turning soft, very soft. They're turning into spongelike globs of jelly!

B.A. Baracus:
The only thing turning to jelly is your brain!

Murdock:
You know, you could be right.

Sonny Monroe's Girlfriend:
Do you know that when Sonny and I first met, he changed the combination of his safe to my measurements? Ooh, isn't that romantic?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah!

Martin James:
Have you heard this poem? "The time of right is the goal of the fight. The Lord will prevail where evil shall wail."

Hannibal:
Have you heard THIS poem? "Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, down he run, you smell worse than my socks!"

[Hannibal and the other members of the team laugh]

Hannibal:
I believe it was General Grant who once said: When you are surrounded and outnumbered, there's only one way out.

Amy:
Yeah? And what's that?

Hannibal:
Surrender.

Amy:
Wow. Those blood capsules are really realistic.

Face:
Think so, huh? I accidentally swallowed the capsules. Hannibal split the inside of my lip.

Hannibal:
Sorry, kid. You walked right into that one.

Face:
[spitting out a tooth] Oh, there goes another cap!

B.A. Baracus:
Hannibal, why did you go bust Face-man in the lip for? You know you make him ugly you're gonna mess up our meal-ticket. We won't be able to get into good hotel rooms.

Face:
Boy, eh, you really fill out that tunic. You used to be a line backer for the Rams?

Brother Stephen:
We do the Lord's work. If you're here to taunt us, please don't.

B.A. Baracus:
Hey, Jack, I thought you was a farmer. This place looks like a junkyard.

Tim Coulton:
Well, I turn a lot of junk into art, it's what I do.

Hannibal:
What's in the barn?

Tim Coulton:
My studio.

B.A. Baracus:
Studio? You make movies too? What do you call them, those art movies?

Tim Coulton:
It's where I sculpt.

Tim Coulton:
I don't know who you guys are, or what you're plannin' to do, but if I was you, I'd get in that jeep and head right out of here, fast. That reverend James does not play nice.

Hannibal:
Well, it wouldn't be fun if he played nice. Besides, I'm going back to his place.

Tim Coulton:
What for?

Hannibal:
He's got over a hundred kids he's terrorizing up there that need help. Besides, he stole my boots. Nobody steals my boots.

Coulton's Daughter:
Are you sure you're all right? You really should be lying down, you know.

Face:
Oh, I can't lie down. Not till we get Hannibal's boots back.

Hannibal:
Hey Face, what do you think these guy wear under their skirts?

Face:
Uh, I don't know. [to closest cult member] Half slip? [gets hit in the gut with a rifle] Ohhh!

Hannibal:
[to closest cult member] Garter belt? [gets in the gut with a rifle] Arrgh!

B.A. Baracus:
I think you guys wear panty hose! [gets hit doesn't react]

Face:
[Face to Coulton's daughter about Murdock] That guy's as crazy as a Mexican rattler, but I love him.

Howling Mad Murdock:
That's my unit down there, you gotta stick with your unit.

Hannibal:
[Face has been knocked out] Face, how many fingers am I holding up?

Face:
[dazed] Blue... tree!

Amy:
[captured by James' men and about to be executed] I thought they were supposed to be religious.

Hannibal:
It's got nothing to do with Christianity, it's about power. He's a crazy cultist terrorizing kids.

Sheila's Father:
We've got to do something, they might be killed!

Howling Mad Murdock:
They'd rather be dead than in jail, trust me.

B.A. Baracus:
[about Martin James] The man's a pothead, Hannibal, he's high on smack or a speedball or something. That's why he wears those shades, so you can't see his eyes.

Howling Mad Murdock:
Hey Face, those blood capsules work great!

B.A. Baracus:
Hannibal knocked out his cap!

Howling Mad Murdock:
HANNIBAL! Without the Faceman's smile we get lousy hotels!

Hannibal:
Get that bird off the ground!

Amy:
I think that you are crude and disgusting. All you do is yell at me! 'The pancakes are lumpy!'

Face:
The pancakes ARE lumpy!

Amy:
'The orange juice is too pulpy!'

Face:
Will you shut up, Sue Ellen? Just shut your damn yap! You've been braying about coffee all morning so let's just get the coffee and let's go, okay?

Amy:
OKAY!

Amy:
So now what do we do? How do we get out of here?

Hannibal:
Well first off we may not. We could die right here. Accept that. Anything else is just very good luck. Figure you're dead, can you do that?

Amy:
Are you kidding?

B.A. Baracus:
Look Amy, we all gotta accept death, that way we don't have no fear. It gives us the edge.

Amy:
Well I don't think I can.

Face:
Try. You gotta try.

"Faceman" Peck:
You know, we're supposed to be in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The Prince is real anxious to get back those two wives of his that were kidnapped by the Bedouin Sheik. Also, he's wiring to our account one milion Riyals.

"Hannibal" Smith:
That's nice.

"Faceman" Peck:
Isn't it?

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey man, I don't want those Riyows, or Ryhows, whatever it is, I want cash money!

"Faceman" Peck:
Which at the current range of exchange comes to 430.000 dollars, thank you very much.

Tawnia Baker:
You're doing it again, Face. Didn't Hannibal say to leave the keys in the ignition?

Face:
Aw, It's one thing to leave the car here in Siberia, but to leave the keys?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[B.A.'s van has been stolen] Wait a minute, wait a minute... The little guy is in the v-v-van. They got my plant! He's been plantnabbed. Oh, they'll probably cut off a leaf and send it to me to prove they got it!

"Faceman":
[B.A. cannot control his rage over losing his van] He's gone bonkers, Hannibal.

Murdock:
Personally, I think, think he's more concerned about my plant than he's admitted.

Templeton Peck:
Hey look, give me a week, huh? I'll be out selling every plant coat you got standing around on this lot.

Sam Friendly:
A week?

Templeton Peck:
Right.

Sam Friendly:
You got a day, big shot. Coat not included.

Templeton Peck:
Now I know why they call him Mr. Friendly.

B.A.:
Keep your eyes peeled, I need my van.

Templeton Peck:
[quietly] Hannibal, this is disgusting. I'm selling used cars, do you know what that does to the self esteem of an artist like myself?

John "Hannibal" Smith:
[disguised as rich Johnny B] Ah, poor chap, sales not going well, what?

Templeton Peck:
Not going well? I had to slow down so half the stiffs around here don't think I, my customers are set-ups.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[disguised as rich Johnny B] You know, B.A., your gold looks really good on me.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
No it don't!

Face:
You know, we should have taken that job in Saudi Arabia, then all we'd have to worry about were camels. [B.A. growls at him]

Templeton Peck:
[Face kisses Cindy passionately in order to cover up his safe cracking] I've been wanting to do that from the moment I first met you.

Cindy:
It looks like we've got a lot in common.

Templeton Peck:
Really?

Cindy:
Pumpkin. [she kisses him again]

Templeton Peck:
Mr. Friendly, Johnny B. is here for his Porsche.

Sam Friendly:
It ain't here. Tell him it ain't here.

Templeton Peck:
Oh, but he's gonna...

Sam Friendly:
What do you want me to do, give birth to it, huh?

Sam Friendly:
[on the phone] Thank you, and hey, call me that name again and I'll cut your face off and sow it on upside down.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Look at that old hearse over there. What a great way for four wanted guys to get into a funeral full of cops.

Murdock:
Two guys, they took it.

Tawnia Baker:
Thank heavens!

Face:
They took my 'Vette?

Murdock:
No, the van.

Face:
They took the van AND the 'Vette?

Murdock:
No! They took the van and not the 'Vette. Hannibal and B.A. got in the 'Vette to go after the van. And they took my plant!

"Hannibal" Smith:
How come he punched you in the eye but he didn't fire you?

Face:
Well he may be mad, but he's not stupid. I sell a lot of cars.

"Faceman":
I don't think they're really going to chop your plant, Murdock, I mean, what's to be gained? A salad?

"B.A." Baracus:
[to Mr. Friendly] I'm gonna use your body as a car bumper!

"Hannibal" Smith:
[B.A. picks up Tiny, pressing both hands against the side of Tiny's head] Now, unless you see some future for yourself in being an omelette, I suggest you speak up.

[Murdock is trying to pick the lock on the door of a small town store]

Murdock:
Face usally does this, makes it look real easy. An honest man doesn't really have the knack for this sort of thing...

Boy George:
Yeah, but who needs honesty?

[lifts his foot and kicks the door open]

[Boy George reveals his contract stipulated a fee of $1.2 million]

Hannibal:
Face?

Face:
We'll, I've been so busy, I didn't get a chance to explain our little contractual divot, here.

Hannibal:
Face, $1.2 million is not a divot, it is a crater!

[Murdock, with help from Boy George, has disguised himself as a pregnant woman in order to gain entry to the jail-house]

Murdock:
Herbert, open up, darling, its Cynthia!

Hannibal:
Cynthia, go away!

Murdock:
Herbert, oh Herbert, we have to talk, for the baby!

B.A. Baracus:
Baby? what's that fool talking about?

Face:
Let's open up and find out!

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have been locked in a small-town jailhouse by a fake sheriff, who then leaves with all his deputies]

Face:
Why would they lock us up then take off?

Hannibal:
They've probably gone to tell the townsfolk that *we* stole their money. Make a great diversion - the bad guys get away, while the locals start looking at us, and throwing ropes over tree limbs.

Face:
Makes sense!

Hannibal:
I think we need to figure a way out of this jail, guys!

B.A. Baracus:
That's why we brought you along, Hannibal. That's you're department!

Hannibal:
Okay, the Hannibal Smith Ideas Department is now open for suggestions!

B.A. Baracus:
That's not an idea, Hannibal!

Face:
[Walking to the bars and taking a small pouch from his pocket] Well, I have an idea.

Hannibal:
[Looking at the pouch] A set of lock picks! You know, sometimes Face, your sense of larceny is your most attractive trait!

Face:
I know!

Hannibal:
The Hannibal Smith Idea Department is now open for suggestions.

B.A. Baracus:
That's not an idea, Hannibal.

Face:
Well guys, [sighs]... I have an idea. [produces a small bag from his pocket]

Hannibal:
A set of lockpicks.

Face:
Hm hmm.

Hannibal:
Face, sometimes you're sense of larceny is your most attractive trait.

Face:
I know.

Murdock:
Remi St. Starland here.

Chuck Danford:
[laughs] That's a funny name!

Murdock:
Thank you, made it up myself.

Face:
Wait a minute, see I, I agreed to book Cowboy George...

Boy George:
Well, I'm Boy George and I agreed to play the Arizona Forum.

Face:
Forum, ah, well there's no Forum here, I mean this is a bar, this is a dance hall, it's called the 'Floor'em'.

Chuck Danford:
Okay partner, let me say this so you hear. I want Cowboy George. I don't want no English glitter prince. Now Cowboy George shows up, or you show up in a concrete bathrobe at the bottom of Frasier Dam.

Boy George:
Excuse me, I can't play this place, 'cause it's a certified toilet.

B.A. Baracus:
Hey Hannibal, why is Face out there spending all our money. That ain't right.

Hannibal:
Well ever since he took that showbusiness accountant course, he's been in a fiscal Twilight Zone.

Hannibal:
Face is trying to get something going between jobs, I mean we all got our outside interests. You got your daycare center, Murdock's got his psychosis, I got my acting.

B.A. Baracus:
Hannibal, you ain't no actor, you don't find actors dressing up like lizards.

Hannibal:
That's a very narrow interpretation, B.A. Boris Karloff wouldn't like it.

Hannibal:
Face, how could you trust a guy named 'Dash'?

Face:
You see, he owes me a little favor, 'cause I, eh, helped him out with his, eh, ex-wife.

Hannibal:
I hate it when I don't spot a phoney.

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have left the cell, only to find they can't leave because the jail-house surrounded by angry townspeople]

Face:
[Walking in from the cell area] I just found the real sheriff - dead!

B.A. Baracus:
Oh, man, they're going to think we killed him!

Hannibal:
Well, I admit that this situation has some ragged edges, but I can't think with all this noise!

[Murdock enters the jail-house]

Murdock:
[Lifting up the dress] Hold your breath, and remember your exercises.

[In a whisper]

Murdock:
Explosives!

Hannibal:
[Collecting the explosives] Great, Murdock, just great

Face:
You know, Murdock, you look more attractive to me as a woman than you do as a man!

Murdock:
Face, we haven't got time for that. Boy George is waiting behind the sheriff's office - we've got to go!

Hannibal:
How's it look, B.A.?

B.A.:
The fools under the truck. I hope he knows what he's doing!

Face:
You might be surprised at what ole' Murdock knows. Now, I get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many dfferent levels. Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wonderous aspects of H.M. Murdock.

Hannibal:
That's very poetic, Face.

Face:
I thought so.

B.A.:
Poetic? You mean pathetic! You peel at Murdock's brain, you get nothing but jello!

Murdock:
[after knocking out a bad guy using a frying pan] It's not a polite thing to interrupt an artist at work.

Patty Dutton:
I never thought I'd see the day when Cactus Jack Slater and his boys would start packing like that!

Hannibal:
This time we did 'em over easy. Next time we'll scramble 'em.

Face:
[posing as Colonel Mylowe] I hate to break security...

Murdock:
[speaking like Darth Vader] I believe, Colonel, in this instance that security is not an essential factor.

Face:
You know, Murdock, you'd make somebody an excellent wife.

Face:
You want me to go out and ask B.A. for paprika?

Murdock:
Remember that girl you had me call up?

Face, Murdock:
Paprika.

[Face nods and leaves]

Patty Dutton:
You'll never get away with this, Slater.

Edith Dutton:
My daughter's right. Someone will go for help.

Cactus Jack Slater:
Is that right? Who? By now, Joe Dutton is history. And those four cowboys you hired? Guys with machine guns don't go to the police.

Face:
I told you Decker saw us at that toll crossing this morning.

Hannibal:
Well, you were right, feel better now?

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
What happened to you?

Face:
[posing as 'Bareclaw' Jones] Well, I've been lookin' for the big one. Yeah, only, he found me.

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
Who found you?

Face:
Old Luke.

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
Luke?

Face:
Yeah, a griz. Big, ugly, mean, Yeah, I've been after him for a year.

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
I told you there were bears around here!

Face:
Bears? We ain't talking bears, we're talking Bears! [points to his eyepatch] What do you think, I got this from winking too much? No sirree, Old Luke gave me this. I'd show you fellers what's under this eh, patch, only you fellers probably just had lunch.

Hannibal:
Face, you're gettin' slow.

Face:
Slow? Twelve minutes? Hannibal, I had to say hello!

Col. Decker:
Captain, have you ever wondered why the A-Team manages to slip past us?

Capt. Crane:
They're good, sir.

Col. Decker:
Ah, they're the best. They think as one, feel as one and act as one. But... with a wounded man in their midst, they cease to be that. The good of the united becomes the good of an individual. And that will be they're undoing.

Tawnia Baker:
Face, do you think Murdock will be all right? He's lost so much blood...

Faceman":
Eh, Murdock, he's tough! Like a piece of rawhide. One that's just got out of therapy. Yeah, he's got the kind of strength that counts.

[points to his forehead]

Faceman":
Don't you worry about Murdock. A few weeks and eh, he won't be able to distinguish reality from a couple of breadsticks.

Tax Accountant Richie Hauser:
[faced with two of Decker's MP's] Whoa, don't shoot, we're tax accountants!

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
Right, I guess you guys are looking for old...

Tax Accountant Richie Hauser:
Luke!

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
Luke, right, the grizzly?

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons:
[the MP lowers his riffle and walks off] May- maybe not.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hang tough, Murdock, I ain't gonna let you down, buddy.

Tawnia Baker:
Face, are you listening to me? You go in there and you'll be on the first flight to Leavenworth.

Face:
Listen, without those medical supplies, Murdock is dead, so it doesn't matter what the risk is, now does it? And, like you said, the worst that could happen is I go to prison. Not exactly my idea of little fun in the sun, but eh, the hours are regular, the food's plentiful and there's plenty of starch in the shirts.

Tawnia Baker:
Face, you're amazing! I can't believe you pulled it off.

Face:
Well, green always was my lucky color!

Face:
This time's it's checkmate.

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[singing, after being shot and losing a lot of blood] Will you still love me, when I'm gone?

"B.A." Baracus:
Man ain't talking right, Hannibal, but now he REALLY ain't talking right.

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[after being shot] I feel like I got a finger poking me in the back, did I get it in the back or the front?

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
You better get out of here, Hannibal. If you're going to leave me, then leave me.

Hannibal:
Murdock, we're a team, we either leave together, or not at all.

"B.A." Baracus:
[to Murdock, who is becoming unresponsive] Come on, Murdock, I ain't gonna let you die, man, you' my friend.

"Faceman":
[the A-Team has just run through an obstacle course led by Hannibal] Oh, man I'm glad that's over.

Murdock:
Man, I'm telling you, I feel like a million bucks! There's nothing like pain and anguish to give a man self respect! I noticed Face lagging a bit, though.

"Faceman":
What?

"Hannibal":
He's right Face.

Murdock:
Oh, thanks a lot, Murdock.

"Hannibal":
That'll cost you two miles into town. And two miles back. But I'll be easy on you, I'll give you 32 minutes.

King:
[disguised as a milkman] Well, I gotta tell you guys, I never saw a milk order like this. You must have one hell of a big kitty around here.

[laughs]

"B.A." Baracus:
We love milk!

Capt. H.M. "The Soldier" Murdock:
Correction, oh Barracan one. You like milk. But for a hardened professional like The Soldier the basic moo-juice just won't win the war.

"B.A." Baracus:
[carrying three crates of milk] Shut up, fool, and grab this other one.

Capt. H.M. "The Soldier" Murdock:
Negative, negative. I gotta stay lean and lightning and ready to fight.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Look, you seem like a semi-nice girl under all that greed and make-up. Let me take you some advice: Don't lie to me. It's not nice to lie to me.

King:
[posing as a doctor] You haven't got a prayer, Smith. You drank some of that milk, I can see it on you.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I save my prayers for Sundays.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[trying to contact Murdock] Reflex, this is Hammer, do you read me?

Major Douglas Kyle:
Where's Smith, Peck?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
You know, that's the beauty of it. I haven't the slightest idea. I never do, really. He's a real mystery, eh, a walking riddle. Yeah, he might start dropping bombs on you guys. Then on the other hand he might just show up as a nun. I can't tell. And eh, I know, oh, just about as well as anybody else. Yeah, he's really quite... mystical.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[having just knocked out Jackie Hoffer] Good guys two, bad guys zilcherooney.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Now, next time you think you wanna take somebody out, pal. Don't get yourself a squad, get yourself a team.

"Hannibal":
[B.A.'s doubled over moaning] It's getting worse.

"B.A." Baracus:
What about you?

"Hannibal":
Got a stomach full of razor blades. I'll drive, we both need a doctor.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I'm ashamed to admit it, they got me with a girl.

Murdock:
It could be worse. They got me with a dog.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Yeah, I guess that's worse.

Murdock:
Hey, I fell for a dog!

Tawnia Baker:
Are you alright?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
There's a doctor in Bad Rock... Maggie Sullivan, get her... hurry! [collapses on the floor]

"B.A." Baracus:
[reading the vanity plate on a woman's car Face was seen with] Koochy, something tells me she's not an M.D.

Murdock:
[running Hannibal's obstacle course] I guess it's too late to ask you guys to bust me back into the V.A.!

Face:
[to Hannibal] Don't you smile at me like that... that's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind!

Murdock:
[singing, while puppeteering a teddy bear] I'm Bogey the Bear, I'm covered with hair...

Face:
[speaking to a potential client] We don't work mines, I don't see how we can help you.

Murdock:
[handing B.A. his stuffed Teddy] Take care of Bogey for me, will you B.A.? He's ain't old enough to drink yet.

B.A.:
The man is nuts!

[Throws the bear into the car]

Murdock:
I, I don't know if this is gonna work, Face. What country did you say this uniform's from?

Face:
Sherman Oaks neighborhood watch and parent patrol.

Murdock:
What rank?

Face:
Chief crossing guard.

Murdock:
Terrific.

Face:
Murdock, It's the singer, not the song.

Landers:
They say bad luck runs in families.

Hannibal:
I've heard it's the same with stupidity. Or was that ugliness?

Baker:
You guys are crazy!

Hannibal:
[indicating Murdock] No, he's crazy, we're just bad tempered.

Murdock:
[faced with a herd of stampeding elephants] Well, guys, not to run the risk to sound melodramatic: goodbye forever!

Face:
That's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind!

Carla:
Able Six reports he can drop on him any time.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
No, tell Able Six to wait. I want to do it... my way.

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana:
[referring to Hannibal] He's in there doing the death scene from Macbeth while I got cannisters going off.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Face, B.A., I'd like you to meet 'Dishpan' Frankie Santana, the best special effects man in Hollywood.

Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
Is this the dude who blew you up, Hannibal?

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana:
And who are you, a labor rep from the jewelery market?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I like him. He's got a reckless streak.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
If you fail, we won't even ask for your bodies back. But if you succeed, well, this man could clear you of all the charges against you.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
He says Captain Curtis is alive.

H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Curtis is alive?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Wait a minute: then he could testify that we hit that bank in Hanoi under orders. Yeah, then we'd uh - we'd be free to be normal people. No offense, Murdock

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Hannibal, just one question. How are we gonna get on an airplane controlled by terrorists?

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Effects!

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana:
[referring to Murdock] Who is he?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, eh, when we get on the plane, you can sit next to him and if you figure him out, let us know.

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana:
Are you ok?

H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
That has never satisfactorily been determined.

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana:
It's just hard to believe. the Monster Masher, The Id, the old Aquamaniac, is really the head of the A-Team.

Bad Guy:
Kill him, he's a fool.

H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Oh yeah, kill the fool, kill the fool. You know, there are places in this world where fools are worshiped? Like Hollywood, California!

George Olson:
I can explain. My real name was George Banner. I used to work for Tommy Largo as his accountant.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Tommy Largo? The Mobster? The man's an animal! He's the biggest crook in the city. He makes a rattlesnake look like a charm bracelet.

Priscilla:
Can I see your membership card?

Face:
[glancing at her name tag] Priscilla. I like that, that's nice. Randall St. James, but my friends call me Randy.

Ray Evans:
Look it was just a coincidence we were there...

"Hannibal" Smith:
I don't believe in coincidence. More importantly, neither does he. [indicating B.A]

"B.A." Baracus:
That's right. I hate coincidence!

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Face, when are you gonna shave that moustacio? I mean you just ain't the same person with that hair over your lip.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Eh, I'm Leo the Lizard, otherwise known as Hannibal Smith.

Eddie Devane:
Look, after I get rid of this guy, you take his pal in that frog suit out to the desert and dump him in a hole!

Face:
It's best we're not seen talking together. [whispering] They have spies.

Mr. Reynolds:
Spies?

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Yeah, spies. They're little guys with beady eyes and long fingernails. They plant bugs that can pick up the hush of a man's heartbeat or, the whisper of a falling hair.

Eddie Devane:
[Devane's men are all looking up at the sky] Hey hey hey hey, what's the matter? I'm not paying you guys to count clouds, huh?

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
[German accent] You will freeze like wiener schnitzels, my little ice cubes.

Face:
Oh, I don't know, Hannibal, I hate to be an alarmist, but getting caught between Attila the Hun and Jaws is not my idea of how to live to a ripe old age.

Eddie Devane:
You guys are never gonna get outta here in one piece, you're dead.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Button up, sleezeball!

Eddie Devane:
I've filled a cemetery with wiseguys like you. [Hannibal laughs]

Face:
Look to this day, For yesterday is but dream and tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

B.A. Baracus:
Let's cook the sucker!

[after getting no answers from a bad guy]

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Knowledge is power. And I want that knowledge.

Frankie:
Never get too friendly with a bird... you can eat.

A.J. Bancroft:
'Face'. That's a charming nickname.

Murdock:
That's because he's a charming sort of guy. We, eh, we call him 'Faceman' because he is so good looking, that he can extract the answer 'yes' from you without ever having asked a question.

A.J. Bancroft:
Any father would be proud of you.

Faceman:
Well, I'm also a wanted criminal. Who could be proud of a son like that?

A.J. Bancroft:
Or a father like that?

Hannibal:
Howdie fellas, Thanksgiving diner isn't till four O'clock.

Owens:
Cut it, Smith. I want Bancroft. I don't give a rat's brain about you or your men.

Hannibal:
Well, seeing as you've got a rat's brain, I tempted to believe you.

Hannibal:
[to Murdock] I'm sure I could rustle up some soup for you, but the rest of us - we've gotta have a turkey.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
[coming in] Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Hannibal:
I think he's too big for the pot.

Army Col. Briggs:
[on the trail of Hannibal Smith] Hey, Smith, you played out your last tricks on Lynch and Decker.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
[Irish accent] I don't suppose, my good man, that you ever heard of instantanious combustion? That's not to be confused with internal combustion. But, he's broken my rule number nine!

"Faceman" Peck:
[acting fey] Number nine? Never leave newspapers lying about.

Roy Kelsey:
Oh, eh, we were meaning to throw those out, actually.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Meaning to? Meaning to? You know that there are a thousand tragic cases of 'meaning to' in the naked city?

"Faceman" Peck:
Why don't you just step outside untill we've conducted our little inspection, huh? [urges Kelsey out the door]

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
[shouting] Newspapers! Newspapers! I hate newspapers!

Fire Chief Annie Sanders:
B.A., is he married? [indicating Hannibal]

"B.A." Baracus:
Who knows!

"Hannibal" Smith:
I didn't get a chance to tell ya, but you really know how to work a fire-hose.

Fire Chief Annie Sanders:
For a woman?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Now, you wave that flag any harder, you're gonna break the pole.

Roy Kelsey:
Cute little dustbuster you got here, pal, what are you planning to do, knock off apples from trees?

"Hannibal" Smith:
No, not really, I use it to spray lice.

"Faceman" Peck:
Hm, Vince Rogan. The guy makes a shark look like a box of brownies at a girlscouts jamborie.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Able Four and Able Six should have been back by now.

Carla:
Maybe they're still trying to contain the men or just stopped off for a call of nature.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Then they don't belong in my unit.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
What brings you here, Captain? Certainly not my men. Why come on your own accord?

Murdock:
Because I don't like wearing someone else's straitjacket!

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Whoever judged you insane, Captain, should have his license lifted.

Murdock:
You are going to help me spring my friends.

B.A.:
Hurry up, Face!

Face:
Give me a break, B.A., will ya? It took me all night to turn this spoon into a lockpick.

Murdock:
[to Father Stellini] Bless me, Father, for I am about to sin.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
[addressing Hannibal] You make fewer mistakes than anyone I have ever come across with the exception of myself. Don't make one at this stage in the game.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Now, make no mistake, these missions are obviously something I can't give to standard operatives. You must realize the possible consequences.

Face:
Suicide missions.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Ah, not... all of them.

Hannibal:
Well, how long do we have to let you know, I mean, before you get us out?

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Colonel... That's not part of the deal. I can't get you out.

B.A.:
Say what?

Face:
Wait a minute, what do you mean you can't get us out of here?

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Well, I could not assist three federal prisoners convicted of murder in escaping. Contact me upon your successful evasion of your current situation. Then we have a deal.

Face:
If Murdock gets us out of this, as far as I'm concerned, he can have anything he wants as long as I live.

B.A.:
I don't know... I gotta think about this.

Sergeant:
Get your hands away from your body and don't move.

Murdock:
Then how do I get my hands away from my body?

Ramon:
You're the A-Team. I heard you were killed. You were killed this morning!

Hannibal:
Well, we're back.

B.A.:
How long are you out for, man?

Murdock:
Well, as long as I want. I'm, uh, officially released.

Face:
What?

Murdock:
I'm, I'm, no longer insane.

Hannibal:
So, we do these missions, and after that, we're free to go? We don't work for you or the government anymore?

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
By then, you can work for the local McDonald's for all I care.

Face:
[reviving after being "executed", sees Carla] Oh, just like I dreamed it would be!

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
[walks up] Welcome, lieutenant.

Face:
Aw no, they sent me downstairs, didn't they.

Murdock:
The Colonel really bends my mind out of shape, you know.

"B.A." Baracus:
Man, if you're mind was bend out of shape, it'd be straight, fool.

Katherine:
You're a real pig, you know that, Strickland?

Strickland:
You're a real snowcone, for such a hot mama.

Faceman:
Oh, great, an entire terrorist army on our tail and we're out of gas.

Murdock:
Well, look at it this way, Face, we hit rock bottom now and the only way we can go is up.

Jennifer Teasdale:
[pointing a gun at Hannibal] You're gonna let me go now, or I'm gonna blow you all away.

Faceman:
This is up?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Miss Teasdale, I heard you were a bit of a loon, but you really jumped the double yellow line with this.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
You know, this story's getting too far out, even for me.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Sneaking back into a warzone with the same plan, second time, is insane.

"Hannibal" Smith:
It's brilliant. They'll never think we're crazy enough to do it.

Strickland:
Your all dead men!

Templeton Peck:
Really? Gee, I didn't think I'd feel this good after I was dead. I wanna thank you all for coming to the funeral.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
They'll never catch us, Mr. Teasdale. And just so you know: we're like socks. You can put us through a rough wash once, but you'll never use us again. Good luck, Jennifer.

Jennifer Teasdale:
You guys are incredible! I can't believe you actually did it!

Templeton Peck:
Neither can I. We lost our wheels, B.A. did 15 rounds with Godzilla, Hannibal did a 20 story high dive, we had our boat blown out from under us, and we still managed to save the girl, her boyfriend and retrieve the movey.

Marcus:
Now all you have to do is stop them from blowing up the dam.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Dam?

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
I wanna cry.

Faceman:
I probably got a broken nose, Murdock lost some ribs and B.A.'s lost his marbles!

Faceman:
You want us to go back and rescue one of your kidnappers from your other kidnappers?

Murdock:
[Murdock's answering machine] Howlin' Mad Murdock here, only this time my body's split along with my mind. So, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you just as soon as my shock therapy's over. Bye now.

Hannibal:
[the team is on an airplane that is about to crash] Okay, Murdock, where did you get this bird?

Murdock:
I clipped it off the rental plane repair line.

Hannibal:
It'd be ridiculous for me to assume that it had been fixed.

Murdock:
[annoyed] Of course it wasn't fixed! They start to miss 'em once they've been fixed! You got to get 'em BEFORE they're fixed!

[after crashing the plane]

Murdock:
That concludes your flight with Miracle Airlines, the only airline where Lady Luck is your co-pilot.

[Hannibal has just drugged B.A. and his head has hit the horn]

Face:
Why does he always fall on the horn?

Hannibal:
Beats me.

Hannibal:
[surveying a makeshift microlight B.A. has cobbled together from the wreck of their aeroplane] This thing is supposed to fly?

Murdock:
I got no fear. I'll go up in anything: except an elevator.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
This thing is supposed to fly?

Murdock:
I got no fear. I'll go up in anything. 'Cept an elevator.

Face:
I like working for the church now and then. Insurance against Judgement day.

Face:
We're probably the only guys to survive an airplane crash only to be killed minutes later by an irate passenger.

Murdock:
[Carrying B.A] This is the last time I'm carrying him.

Face:
You think it's easy on this end? I got 200 pounds of gold pulling me down. Maybe it would help if we took the jewelry off?

Murdock:
No, can't, I think he's got it hooked up to a burglary alarm.

Hannibal:
[Pretending to be in hostile territory] Face, take the point.

Face:
Anybody want to switch?

Hannibal:
Face!

Hannibal:
Those guys could be on us any minute. This plane sticks out like a fly on a wedding cake.

Reporter Mitchell Barnes:
So that's how I came to be in the Middle East for the six day war. Six days! I made it a full week!

Face:
Are you nuts?

Murdock:
Absolutely and totally.

Face:
How am I gonna get all this stuff out here in the middle of nowhere?

Murdock:
Hey, you always say you can anything, anywhere anytime.

Face:
Yeah, I...

Murdock:
Think of it as a challenge. How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?

Murdock:
[more skeptical] How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?

Face:
Professional secret.

Hannibal:
Of course, he was a lot younger then.

Louanne:
You know, I've always been kinda fascinated with priests because they aren't allowed. I mean they don't...

Face:
Ah, but sometimes... they do.

Louanne:
Oh no! You and Mary-Anne?

Face:
Sometimes the runner... stumbles.

Louanne:
Oh father, I'm truly sorry. What can I do to help?

Face:
Well... would you happen to have a gasoline engine?

Face:
Hannibal, sometimes I think you're crazier than Murdock.

Hannibal:
[laughs] Sometimes I am.

Murdock:
[firing up the ultralight] Red Carpet Flight 86 ready for boarding. All passengers holding tickets will now be on board.

B.A. Baracus:
You got structural weakness in the wing struts and it won't hold you if you start any of your aerobatics. Remember, keep an eye on the silks. If they start to shred, take it down.

Murdock:
I didn't know you cared, sweetheart. [reaches up and grabs B.A. by his gold and pulls him down] Thanks, B.A. [winks at him]

B.A. Baracus:
Don't thank me. [smiles at Murdock] Just keep it out of the trees.

Murdock:
[firing up the ultralight] Red Carpet Flight 86 ready for boarding. All passengers holding tickets will now be onboard.

B.A. Baracus:
You got structural weakness in the wing struts and it won't hold you if you start any of your aerobatics. Remember, keep an eye on the silks. If they start to shred, take it down.

Murdock:
I didn't know you cared, sweetheart. [reaches up and grabs B.A. by his gold and pulls him down] Thanks, B.A. [winks at him]

B.A. Baracus:
Don't thank me. [smiles at Murdock] Just keep it out of the trees.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
[Murdock is drving B.A.'s van] I don't suppose that you've noticed that I'm wearing gold, hmm? Do you know why? Let me tell you why. I got behind the wheel of this van here and I noticed that she was shimmying a little, pulling to the left. Well, it finally hit me: that ugly mudsucker tunes the suspencion of this van to compensate for all that gold he was wearing. So I put on a few chains, a few rings, a bracelet and some bricks under the seat. And it worked.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Come on, Hannibal, you know we didn't do anything. We took a mission. We knocked out an enemy position, which just happened to be a bank. Our commanding officer gets killed and, eh, so we end up getting sacrifised, to 'preserve international relations'.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Look, Rina, I know you're in trouble and I wanna help, alright, so just, just tell me!

Rina Turian:
Don't you think there's a few things you should tell me? Like who you really are?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, there's eh... there's a part of my life I didn't want you to know about.

Rina Turian:
Looks like we have more in common than we thought.

Johnny Turian:
My security is falling apart! You know, what am I paying you guys for? I got guys coming at me with machine guns in my warehouse and you let a couple of two bit jewel thieves waltz in here and rip off my cufflinks!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Oh, I'm, eh, sorry about that hole in your boat.

Johnny Turian:
What hole?

John "Hannibal" Smith:
[pulls out a grenade] The hole that, eh, this is gonna make.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
[throws the grenade down the corridor] Abandon ship!

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
I can't believe she turned him in! You better come up with a plan lickety split, Colonel, otherwise our Faceman's gonna be doing flip-ups with Charlie Tuna.

Face:
You really think anyone who lives in Porterville is gonna have enough money to finance one of our operations? Come on, Hannibal, we keep subsidising these, eh, charity cases out of our own pockets and pretty soon we're gonna end up on the streets.

Murdock:
Never. You can always stay at my place. Plenty of beds.

Carrie Hicks:
[noticing the title of Murdock's book] 'Abnormal Pschycology'? Are you a psychiatrist, Mr. Murdock?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Eh, no ma'm, I'm insane.

Carrie Hicks:
Oh. would you like a soda cracker with your soup?

H.M. Murdock:
You are constantly drawing false conclusions, based on little or no information at all.

B.A. Baracus:
You're a nut. And that's a conclusion based on fact!

H.M. Murdock:
Only based on your definition of what constitutes 'nuttyness'. Now I think the others here might agree that my recent behavior can only be discribed as 'normal'. A reasonable discription considering the fact that I have conciously decided to conform to less aberrant behavior, simply because of your constant verbal abuse.

B.A. Baracus:
Even when he talks straight he sounds crazy.

B.A. Baracus:
This is serious business, Murdock. So I don't want you to take your talking dog Billy with you, or your talking bug friends.You got that?

H.M. Murdock:
B.A., have I said anything about invisible dogs? Have I had any conversations with insects of late? No. You are the one displaying paranoid tendencies, my friend.

Templeton Peck:
[B.A. has been hypnoticed in order to get him on a plane] To think of all the sodium penthanol we waisted when all we had to do is hypnotise him.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Murdock, are you going straight on me?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Straight, sir?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Well, you know, no soliloquys, no songs, the words coming from your mouth could come from the mouth of an insurance salesmen. You're turning legit.

Faceman:
I don't believe it. You mean they actually keep records on drug smuggling?

Hannibal:
Everybody keeps records. Even ones they never want found. Remember Nixon?

B.A. Baracus:
Hey, Hannibal, I ain't flying, man. Now I don't know how you guys be getting me in and out of these planes, but this time I'm ready for you. This time...

Face, Hannibal:
Eclipse.

[B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance]

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless:
Who's this guy?

Mack Dalton:
His doctor. We needed him to get out of the hospital. And we figured we he'll probably help out, cause this banana keeps slipping in and out of reality every five minutes.

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless:
He's gotta get us to that plane.

Mack Dalton:
He'll get us to that plane, won't he, doctor?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I'm his doctor, I don't control his mind.

Judy Rogers:
[Hannibal is driving a plane through the bushes] You're actually gonna taxi this thing through the jungle?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
Oh man, I never though a day would come when I wished Murdock was here!

Judy Rogers:
Eh, I take it Hannibal's duck call isn't very good?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
Good? It's perfect. That's the problem. The last time he used that call, some duck hunters from the area nearly had us for dinner. Disgusting. Being mistaken for ducks!

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
[Murdock, as Mr. Nash, has fainted] Did you hear that, Mr. Nash? Would you like another painkiller?

Mack Dalton:
[c*cks his gun] I got a pain killer for the both of ya. Now where's the plane?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
My plane! My plane! My kingdom for my plane!

Faceman:
We're outta ammo, B.A., give me some clips.

B.A. Baracus:
What?

Faceman:
Clips, gimmie clips!

Judy Rogers:
[B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance] You said the trigger word. You said 'eclips'!

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless:
If I were you, Colonel, I would arrest these men and forget about everything else. I have friends in the Colombian government who could make things very difficult for you.

Venezuelan Army Colonel Sanchez:
I could care less about you're friends in the Colombian government. This is Venezuela you're in now.

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless:
[Hannibal laughs out loud] Venezuela?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, we knew we couldn't extradite you from Colombia, so we nailed you in another country. Neat, huh?

Venezuelan Army Colonel Sanchez:
Who are you men, wha- what have you got to do with all of this?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
We are agents for the United States drug enforcement agency. Undercover, of course.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
Hypnosis - that's it! You hypnotized me, didn't you? Hannibal, I want an answer from you, right now! Answer me, Hannibal, before I knock your head right off your shoulders!

Judy Rogers:
Hannibal...

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Eclipse.

Judy Rogers:
I canceled the word!

B.A. Baracus:
It's bad enough when Murdock flies one of these things but at least *he* knows what he's doing!

Murdock:
[about his new scar] I got this cutting my way through barbed wire, with my teeth.

Face:
I think we should make some swift vacation plans.

Hannibal:
Before they send another girl after us with long legs, huh?

Face:
Ah, no, that could happen to anyone.

Hannibal:
Yes, Face, but it always happens to you.

B.A.:
Flying is out man, anywhere we wanna go, we can stay on the ground.

Faceman:
Well, we could go to a movie, beyond that, I, eh...

B.A.:
All I know, this cupboard over there is as empty as Murdock's head. I shoulda known better than to let that fool plan our vacation!

Murdock:
Look, look, you don't have to be any good. I mean all you have to do is have someone less good along with you. That's the whole theory behind fishing.

Hannibal:
I'm gonna show these guys what a weekend in the country is really like.

Jenny Sherman:
What about saving yourselves?

Murdock:
We are beyond saving.

Col. Decker:
I'm through losing you guys. If you they do anyting, if they even twitch, shoot to kill.

Hannibal:
Now if you had been that way last year, you'd have gotten a lot further, a lot quicker.

Hannibal:
[the A-Team is waiting for a chopper to arrive] What's happening, Murdock?

Murdock:
What do you think? Cry baby ain't going [referring to B.A]

Hannibal:
[imitating Decker] This is it, Smith! [normal voice] Isn't that what you always say right about now?

Col. Decker:
I shouldn't ever have to say it again.

Gavin:
[posing as Roy Sherman] We're also the men who're going to help ourselves to your chopper.

Col. Decker:
What? [he and Crane get ambushed by the gang] They were right!

Captain Crane:
The A-Team?

Col. Decker:
Escaped criminals.

Lila Palmer - Pit Boss:
Sun Dog, this is Fortune, do you read me, over?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
We have located the planet where this garbagous material is emminating, Colonel.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I think I ought to give Tawnia a ring.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
[Murdock gasps and pulls his ringvinger] No, no, Murdock, on the telephone, I wanna check in on the old jounalistic databank.

Tawnia Baker:
[on the phone] Listen, Face, you guys should pick me up at the nearest airport so I can get a great story on this guy, er, even an interview on this Driscoll guy.

"Faceman":
The answer is no, as in foolish, impossible and say hi to Ted.

"Faceman":
Think I'll get home in time to make dinner for Charlene?

Murdock:
If you have a microwave.

B.A. Baracus:
The man said hit the deck, Jack, hit it!

Lila Palmer - Pit Boss:
Why should I trust you?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Because you can't trust those guys driving around in motorized garbage cans.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Colonel, Colonel! Either we got some baggage that's ticked off or... [opens the luggage compartment and reveals Tawnia]

Lila Palmer - Pit Boss:
What're you going to do?

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Lady, if I explained it to you, you wouldn't understand it.

Al Driscoll - Bike Gang Leader:
[the team starts pulling down metal shields over the bus windows] What's going on? What're you doing with the bus?

"Faceman":
This is an anti-Scorpion bite kit.

Joe Scarlett:
You think this judge, Mordente cares about my rights being violeted? Huh? You think this guy gives a toot from next Tuesday about whether or not I understood my rights? They got Joe Scarlett, Del. Do you understand that? They're holding a big patato. I'm not gonna be dropped through the bottom because of some legal beagle action you might think up.

Joe Scarlett:
The only way I'm outta this, is that judge tossing the case out. And the only chance of that is, by twisting his tube of toothpaste so bad he's got no choice.

Nicky:
I've been doing a lot of my own thinking. I wasn't born under the armpit of a rabbit!

"Hannibal" Smith:
Now lets concentrate on rescuing the girl.

Faceman:
Hannibal has a plan.

"B.A." Baracus:
We're going through the front door again, right?

"Hannibal" Smith:
I think he's getting to know me!

Lori:
I can't believe you came after me!

"Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, we're pretty amazing.

Colonel Roderick Decker:
[as Hannibal parachutes off the top of the building] I don't believe it!

"Hannibal" Smith:
[after B.A. drives the truck through the plane and blows it up] Well B.A., what do you have to say for yourself?

"B.A." Baracus:
We ain't flying. [laughing]

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[after B.A. destroys the plane] HOW could you do that? How could you destroy a helpless VC-3? It couldn't even defend itself!

Faceman:
I'll give him ten minutes and then I'll go ahead with the lobotomy.

Faceman:
[Murdock finds pages missing from his Peter Pan book] B.A., have you been eating Murdock's books again? [B.A. shakes his head]

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Oh now how am I going to find out how it ends?

Hannibal Smith:
Now Face, if we had endless amounts of money at our disposal and we could do whatever we want, whenever we wanted, we wouldn't really need you, now would we?

Faceman:
Hm. That's why I stick around, Hannibal. You have such a wonderful way of making one feel so much a part of the team.

Doctor Forbes:
[handing Face a ship's doctor's uniform] It's about, eh, as close to doctors as we get aboard this thing.

Faceman:
Ah.

Doctor Forbes:
We just dispense liniments for the sunburn and try and assure the people that there has never been a recorded case of death by seasickness.

Johnny Angel:
Carla, what do I have to give you to get a little kiss?

Carla Singer:
Chloroform.

Lori:
Are you absolutely sure that it's Scarlotti?

Faceman:
You know, some faces just make an indelible impression. Especially if you see them for the first time over the barrel of a machine gun.

B.A. Baracus:
[referring to Murdock] Man's not long for this world, Hannibal.

Hannibal Smith:
I'm not sure he was ever in it.

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[B.A. has just driven right through the airplane they flew to Italy in] How could you do that to a poor, defenseless DC3? She didn't stand a chance!

Faceman:
I don't believe this...

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Now we're stuck in this country without any means of escape!

Hannibal Smith:
Now... the captain has a point there, BA. What have you got to say about it?

B.A. Baracus:
[Gleefully] We ain't flyin'!

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
All the good costumes are taken, what am I supposed to be?

B.A. Baracus:
Hey Murdock, why don't you sit on Face's lap and go as Jerry Mahoney? [laughs]

Faceman:
Hannibal, your job is to help women in and out of the pool.

Hannibal Smith:
A pool boy?

Faceman:
We prefer to say pool persons.

'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[pushing B.A. back to his cabin in a wheelchair] You are just like an old lady! By the time you're 45 you'll be wearing a dress and then NOBODY will want to dance with you!

[Face has just been rejected by a girl and he turns to see Murdoch staring at him]

Face:
What are you looking at?

Murdock:
You. I've been watching you, and I'm worried.

Face:
How so?

Murdock:
Well, it's a bit disturbing to see the team's Love Doctor hit the ground and cry "Medic!"

Murdock:
I'll give you both fair warning. I'll count to... 175.

B.A. Baracus:
You got the clamps on tight, crazy man?

Murdock:
I am shocked. I am shocked that you would for even a moment, consider casting any doubts on the ability of a Knight of the Road.

B.A. Baracus:
I'll cast my fist on your lips if you don't answer the question!

Murdock:
Well they are tight, sir. I wrapped the monster jaws around the unsuspecting wire and I pressed, and I pressed until they became one with each other. In fact, it was such a beautiful moment, I may need a cigarette.

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
We couldn't turn a police chief in to the police.

Face:
Even though we tried.

Murdock:
[on the phone with Hannibal] Excuse me, I have to mail something.

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[on the radio to Murdock] It looks like they're doing something to the back of the car, can you see what they're doing?

Murdock:
[looks out through the glove compartment] It looks like they're changing the license plate.

Face:
What're we going to do now? We can't cross the border into Mexico, we're wanted by the police, remember?

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
We can cross the border, but not in time to catch up with them.

Murdock:
[climbing out from under a car's hood, having been transported over to Mexico] Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[finding out the drug dealer they took to the police is the police captain] So much for law and order.

John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[finding a bag of heroin in a car's trunk] Hey Face, look, powdered sugar.

Face:
[smiles] Not my brand.

Murdock:
[B.A. has him suspended from a car magnet] No, B.A., Knights of the Road don't fly! You're thinking about Superman!

Face:
Hey Murdock! There's no business like *tow* business!

Ray Cross:
[Yelling at the team] You're nuts!

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[Yelling back] No, I'm not! I'm condiments! I've been promoted!

"Hannibal" Smith:
How does baloney and whole wheat sound?

Murdock:
Actually, Colonel, it makes almost no sound at all.

"Hannibal" Smith:
You know, your first impression, mister, is just like a lizard's breath.

Ray Cross:
I haven't started to make a first impression yet.

Ted Jarrett:
You'll never get away with this! You'll have a union in this Valley over my dead body!

"Hannibal" Smith:
That's exactly what I was telling our union members this morning!

Murdock:
We're working on a theme song and uniforms and I'm pushing for matching bow-ties, and not that clip-on junk, those are for geeks! And geeks are a whole 'nother union.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
By the way, I didn't catch the name.

Old timer with truck:
Didn't throw it.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Murdock, are you watching the road?

Murdock:
Well, sure, it's just laying there like a big ole tongue going aaaaaaaah.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Murdock do you copy?

Murdock:
Of course I copy, 4 cents I copy, do you copy?

B.A. Baracus:
[to one of Jarett's men] I don't like to hear about people starving, especially children.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[channeling a Ouija board] D... Decker is coming! Decker is coming!

Hannibal:
[Hannibal gets a call on the top secret mobile phone] It's long distance. It's for Mr. B.A. Baracus. The... head of the A-Team.

B.A. Baracus:
They broke my mother's arm. Nobody puts their hand on my mother and lives to tell about it. We're going to Chicago right now, Hannibal!

Hannibal:
B.A., now take it easy. We're behind you on this thing 100 percent.

Face:
B.A., whatever you say. Remember, you're our leader.

B.A. Baracus:
Look man, I know I exaggerate sometime, but you do it all the time!

Face:
Well but ac-, actually, I always felt you had leadership potential.

B.A. Baracus:
Hey man, we gotta find the fastest way possible to get to my mother.

Murdock:
That's gonna mean flying, big guy.

B.A. Baracus:
That's right, flying!

B.A. Baracus:
Oh, momma, nobody calls me Scooter anymore!

Mrs. Baracus:
Well, you'll always be Scooter to me, I don't care much jewelry you wear.

Face:
You and your husband live in the building?

Karen:
[pause] I'm single. I have a two bedroom on the third floor.

Face:
Ah. I'd love to see it sometime.

Faceman:
[pretending B.A. leads the A-Team] Boy, B.A., you got us on the jazz now!

Hannibal:
Oh, he loves it when a plan comes together!

Phillip Chadway:
Somebody hit your car.

David Plout:
What? This isn't my day!

Phillip Chadway:
Maybe it was an old lady in a wheelchair?

Mrs. Baracus:
I remember the day that Scooter came and told me that he had signed up for the army. He was just a boy, eighteen. They told him they'd teach him a trade. He'd come home a trained mechanic and maybe be able to have a shop of his own. I was just hoping and praying he'd come home at all.

Hannibal:
I wish I could promise you that he'd come home for Christmas someday and stay.

Mrs. Baracus:
Oh I know you can't, and I accepted that a long time ago. But I'll tell you one thing Hannibal, I sleep a whole lot better now, knowing that he's not out there alone. He's with his family.

Phillip Chadway:
You try to interfere with another one of my properties, and they won't be able to put you guys together with crazy glue.

Mrs. Baracus:
Murdock, you are the craziest fellow I ever met. I think I want to adopt you.

Murdock:
Really, maybe I could be the long-lost brother he never had.

B.A. Baracus:
And maybe you can be the ghost I never had if you don't shut up.

Mrs. Baracus:
He doesn't look like a crazy man to me.

Murdock:
Wait'll you get to know me.

Mrs. Baracus:
[to Hannibal] One Christmas he sent me a card, well, it wasn't really a card, it was a picture of the four of you, with a piece of green and red ribbon tied around it. And on the back he said 'Don't worry about me, Mama, I'm not alone for Christmas'. Like he was reading my mind.

Mrs. Baracus:
The police are on their way. I'm placing you under citizen's arrest, any of you try to get up, I'm gonna slap you silly.

Hannibal:
Mr. Chadway doesn't own this block here.

Face:
That'll be a heck of a time trying to get from the lobby to the pool.

B.A. Baracus:
I wouldn't want to live there.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
This is a very exclusive club, Face. What are you? Their token fugitive?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I'm not sure about this, Face.

Lt. Templeton Peck:
Ashley. I'm Ashley Hemmings.

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
[posh accent] Funny. You're a dead ringer for Templeton Peck.

Lt. Templeton Peck:
What are you doing at my club?

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
I'm a guest of Dr. Richter's

Lt. Templeton Peck:
Your psychiatrist takes you to his country club?

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
Every Friday.

Sgt. B.A. Baracus:
I knew it ! I knew it, all these rich folks are crooks!

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
[posh accent] That is a gross generalisation applied to an entire socialogical target group.

Sgt. B.A. Baracus:
Yeah, but it's true!

Lt. Templeton Peck:
Unbelievable. Of all the country clubs in Los Angeles, General Fulbright has to be a member of my club!

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
Face, you're gonna have to get plastic surgery.

McKeever:
What did you say that you did for a living?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I recover valuable objects for people.

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
I'm telling you, that waiter's Peck!

Sgt. Case:
Beggin the Generals pardon, sir, but you got A-Team on the brain.

Lt. Templeton Peck:
Well, this it typical: one minute you're a member of an exclusive club, the next minute you're a waiter. A fake waiter.

Adrian Prescott:
Oh, I'm sorry about you losing your membership.

Capt. H.M. Murdock:
Why don't you become one of Dr. Richter's patients? Then maybe he can bring you here, as a guest.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, look at the bright side, Face. Chuck McCraw and Bob McKeever lost their memberships too.

Sgt. B.A. Baracus:
Yeah, they'll probably start their own club in prison.

Shecky Greene:
I understand we have a very special friend of the General is here with us tonight. He'd like to pay his respects. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a nice, warm welcome for Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Hannibal gets an enthousiastic applause] Thanks Shecky. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to say a few words about General 'Bull' Fulbright. A man I've known all my life. Needless to say, we don't call him 'Bull' for nothing. [the General jumps up from his seat to strangle Hannbal]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Murdock and I will handle the film commission.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Are we doing "Boots and Bikini's" again? Aw, I hate that movie.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
We're gonna keep making it till we get it right.

Malavida Valdez:
Hey, Mr. Massey, how about you come out, before I set fire to this whole stinking town! We talk, Mr. Massey. You will see that I yam a poor country man. A lover of life. A hunter of rabbits. A singer of songs. We will talk. You come out, okay!

Jos? the Hotel Manager:
Beunos dias, se?or, are you checking in?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I'm with 20th Century Fox, we're with the movie company.

Jos? the Hotel Manager:
Eh, pardon me sir?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
The Farrah Fawcet, Bo Derek, Loni Anderson movie?

Jos? the Hotel Manager:
The what?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Of course you've been told about it?

Grant Eldridge:
Allen, you need some time off. Now I'm suspending you at half pay for two weeks. You're a good reporter. But you gotta find some way to stop sitting on your brains.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Tip the joint over? Very macho, but is this smart?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
If I was smart, I wouldn't be working for some skirt with no money.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
That's the same thing he said about you.

Zack:
These guys knocked over the bank of Hanoi, four days after the Vietnam war ended. They wandered out of the DMZ with one hundred million yen and got busted by the army. Nobody knew anything about the mission. They claimed that they were under order of a Colonel, ah... Morrison. But Morrison took a round on one of the last shellings, his headquarters burned to the ground, so no record of the mission was ever found. There was a big stink. And then, right before the trial, they went over the wall and pfft, disappeared. That was ten years ago.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Is this part of the plan?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
No.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
I didn't think so.

Jerry - the film director:
The guy we had in Aquamania One stayed down four minutes.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Then why isn't he doing it now?

Jerry - the film director:
He had a little brain hemorrhage or something, I don't know.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Do you do this all the time?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
We haven't done the movie company in six months.

Boy on Tour bus:
Mommy, mommy, it's the Aquamaniac!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Wearing the Aquamaniac costume] Hi, how ya doing?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
I ain't stoppin' for no autographs Hannibal.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I think we'll spray this guy's field. A crop duster. Get some poison to kill his marijuana crops. I love it when a mark's angry, they don't think straight. And it will bring 'em to us. Make 'em play on our field.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
[about Hannibal] He loves the risk. The danger. He loves the jazz.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[referring to B.A] Is he nuts?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
No, I'm nuts, he's just an angry mudsucker.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Col. Lynch is stuck in the water of the Ten Commandments exhibit] Nice try, Colonel. But you ain't Moses.

Malavida Valdez:
Hey muchacho, why you shoot on Malavida?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
'Cause you're a lousy piece o' crud and you ought to be hung upside down from your heels in a vat of pig slop.

Malavida Valdez:
You're gonna make me angry, gringo!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
You're not smart enough to be angry. You're just mean and stupid.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
The A-team? Go to the Alley behind the Kozy Cat Club, in Hollywood, at two a.m. And wait until you're contacted.

Colonel Flores:
So, you are the man who's been causing se?or Valdez so much trouble.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Didn't take much to cause any trouble. He keeps tripping over his I.Q.

Army Col. Lynch:
I'm gonna press him hard and see what happens. Now that won't snap him, will it?

Mental Hospital Charge Nurse:
No, he's usually a lot of fun, however if he starts talking about ammonia, that's a clue he may become violent.

Army Col. Lynch:
Violent?

Mental Hospital Charge Nurse:
It hardly ever happens, but, eh, watch out. It's a trigger word for his aggressive cycle.

Army Col. Lynch:
Ammonia?

Colonel Flores:
You have a very irritating manner, se?or.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, I know, I've been working on my personality. Read the Don Rickles book and everything. Nothing seems to be helping.

Army Col. Lynch:
Well, who are we today? Harold Lloyd? King Kong? Napoleon's parrot?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
I'm not nuts. I keep telling everybody. Don't you think I wanna get out of here and see E.T., just like everybody else?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
B.A. was telling me about the jazz... and I think I caught the fever.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
So?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
So, you let me in, or I write the book and blow your cover.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Disguised as a bum] You're a princess in a world full of dragons.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
I love this jazz.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
What's your full name, kid?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Amy Amanda Allen.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Tripple A, huh?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Sounds like someone who belongs on the unit called the A-Team...

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Disguised as Mr. Li] Law say no park here!

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Please, don't yell at people!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[as Mr. Li] Yellow people? You don't like yellow people?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
No, not yellow people. Yell at people. Don't yell at me, okay! I got a terrible headache.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[as Mr. Li] You look like it! You go!

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
[holding up a mirror as Hannibal puts on some make-up] Are you comming out of the closet, Hannibal?

Face's Orphanage Priest:
Ah, you've been a project of my life ever since you wandered in of the streets, five years old, no home, no family. But you did keep all us old goats at the orphanage on our toes, that you did! I've been givin' ya a great deal of thought. First your orphaned by your parents, then by your country, now you spend your saturday's in here with me. You got to invest in yourself, son.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
What's going on here? This road leads directly to the airport, Hannibal!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
This road is no where near the airport. [a plane flies overhead]

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
[Referring to B.A] Why did he hit you?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Hit me? If he hit me, I'd be in the hospital.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Here we are, there they are. I love it when a plan comes together.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Excuse me, but what are you doing?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
We're tying him up so he won't kill us if he comes to.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
I see. [pause] Excuse me again, but isn't he one of you? I mean, isn't he on the team?

Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Yes.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
So then why did you have to drug him?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
He hates the pilot.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
Hates the pilot? Why?

Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Because our pilot is insane.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Now, if you wanted somebody with good manners, you should have hired an English butler.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
What I don't understand is why you aren't all living in Switzerland, where it's safe?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Because we're not Swiss. We're Americans. We got a little problem right now, but we'll work our way out of it somehow. In the mean time, we stick together and do what we do best.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[rushing Amy out of his room] I need to be alone with my phone.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I had to bring your uncle Deke into this.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
How is Uncle Deke?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
You don't have an Uncle Deke.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Oh that's too bad, I was just starting to like him.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
No, you hate him. He used to beat you.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
That creep!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Murdock, can you fly a Gulf Stream?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
If it's got wings, I can fly anything. Hey Faceman, what's a Gulf Stream?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
We got the plane but Miguel's having trouble coming up with the poison, he wants to use bleach but now he's starting to wheeze everytime he walks.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Hey, use ammonia, it's great!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Good idea, Murdock.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen:
The pilot's really insane?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
We think so.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
The gentle giant is starting to wake up, now how fast can you land us?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
[takes the plane down quickly] You just landed!

Templeton Peck:
Come on, guys, cheer up! I mean, it's not like I'm leaving you. Okay, sure, I won't have the fun of galloping through mud holes and getting shot at, but, uh, I'll be with you in spirit!

David Vaun:
A piece of advice: don't mess around in something that isn't your business.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Hm, that's good advice. I'll take it. Is there anything else? Or did you just kidnap us to be sure we'd listen up?

"B.A." Baracus:
Murdock, for the first time I'm glad to see you!

"Hunkman":
That's Hunk, or Hunkman to you.

Templeton Peck:
That's right, Chuck-a-Luck, it was tough, but you know, when, when, things are tough, sometimes they make you a better man.

Chuck-a-Luck the Chicken:
Why, that's really interesting, Faceman. [clucks] My b-b-b-barnyard friends were telling me just the other day, that when they got accused of something they didn't do, that was really tough, because they got very angry!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Face, can you let the air out of your head for the minute and listen to us?

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
How can they pardon that lying, stealin' piece of spit? He shoots at my men, robs our ordnance and now he's gonna be laughing in our face.

Sgt. Case:
What are you going to do, General Fulbright? Decker tried for two years and couldn't catch them.

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
Decker was soft. Decker was never fully committed to the capture of these men. That's why Decker is now on his rusty dusty in Bangor, Maine. There's a big difference between me and him, Sergeant. And you and the other men in this outfit are going to be finding out very quickly. Fix the emblem on your collar, and then you listen up.

Murdock:
If Faceman does leave...

Templeton Peck:
I'm not leaving, Murdock, I'm just gonna be our agent on surface, that's all.

Murdock:
As I was saying, if Faceman does leave, why can't I be the new scrounger? You know, new hair, swank new threads, I could drive the 'vette...

Templeton Peck:
Oh, eh, scuse me, Murdock, the 'vette goes with me

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
When Peck hits the streets, I'm gonna be on him like stink on a boot. Where he goes, I go. What he does, I do. And if the A-Team tries to make contact with him, we're gonna take them all. Fulbright's law, Sergeant: Never wait, attack.

Templeton Peck:
Who are you?

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
Fulbright, General Harland Fulbright.

Templeton Peck:
'Bull' Fulbright, the... Terror of Toledo? Well, well, well, and what are you doing here, General?

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
I'm here to squash you and all the slime you run around with. You see, I know what you really are.

Templeton Peck:
A war hero, unjustly charged with crimes he didn't commit.

General 'Bull' Fulbright:
Not even close. You're garbage that got wrapped up in a nice package.

"B.A." Baracus:
[Murdock is dressed as and impersonating Faceman] Oh brother.

"Hunkman":
Brothers are your bag, not me. I'm into sisters. And their mothers, if they're under forty.

"B.A." Baracus:
Cut it out, fool, I've had enough of this.

"Hunkman":
My name is not fool. I am the Hunk-man. You got it, boys and girls? The Hunker.

Templeton Peck:
[holding his autobiography, "Pecking Away At The System"] 'Course, we're gonna get Bob to play me, you know, we're gonna have to center it on the Faceman character, slightly.

"B.A." Baracus:
Bob who?

Templeton Peck:
Redford.

David Vaun:
Keep a chopper ready. If Chow dies in a shootout, that's not gonna break my heart.

Vaun's driver:
And what about Peck?

David Vaun:
Oh, he's nothing but the cheese in the trap. If the rat eats the cheese, what do we care? So long as the trap gets sprung.

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Now who said: Only use the air to create areas of opportunity on the ground?

"Hunkman":
Patton, General George.

"B.A." Baracus:
That was football coach Willy Hayes, fool!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Right, B.A.

"Hunkman":
['Hunkman' is handed a bag of grenades] I'll drop those pineapples like a crazed pigeon hovering over a mounted statue.

Templeton Peck:
Oh, Hannibal, did you see the news? My pardon went poof!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
If I were you, pal, I'd come clean!

"Hunkman":
I could charm it out of him.

"B.A." Baracus:
Or I could beat it out of him!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
Equally unappetizing notions, Mr. Vaun, I assure you.

Murdock:
[hugging Face goodbye] This is nice but I'd prefer a tall blonde.

"B.A." Baracus:
[to Murdock, who's on the phone] She hung up on you, all you do is disrespect those women.

Murdock:
Well as we say in the better health clubs on the west side, ask not, get not.

Templeton Peck:
[a grenade lands at his feet] Murdock, what about the grenade?

Murdock:
I didn't pull the pin out. [unties Face]

Templeton Peck:
Murdock, I swear, I never touched that girl.

Murdock:
Put it in your book!

John "Hannibal" Smith:
[to Vaun] I'm a nutburger, I have no fear of death, I may even be a homicidal maniac.

Daniel Davy Bowie Boone Murdock:
The slinky of destiny is making it's way right on back to the top of the stairs.

Hannibal:
You know something, Fulbright? You're too dedicated. You should go away for a awhile. [cut to Hannibal packing Fulbright in a crate bound for Australia]

Rudy:
That's my wallet!

Face:
Thats right! [Faceman pulls out a credit card] ...Charles Winston. Wait a minute, Charles Winston? The Charles Winston? Your Charlie the Clip?

Rudy:
You picked my pocket!

Face:
I can't believe it, I picked the pocket of Charlie the Clip! Do you know who this is? I studied every scam you've ever done. This is the guy who sold the Brooklyn Bridge... to Brooklyn!

Rudy:
A few minor accomplishments.

Daniel Davy Bowie Boone Murdock:
Come on, B.A. we have legends to begin. Pathfinder rides again!

Hannibal:
We would've been here sooner but...

Babbette:
The old lady wouldn't floor it on the accelerator. I don't speed!

B.A. Baracus:
You wanted her to speed, Hannibal?

Chief Watashi:
Many moons ago when my people were young...

Babbette:
Save it for the tour!

Daniel Davy Bowie Boone Murdock:
Colonel Fulbright, are you in there?

General Harlan 'Bull' Fulbright:
[in a shipping crate] Let me out of here, you idiot! I'm a General, not a Colonel!

Face:
[finding out the Chief isn't from Texas] I can't believe I fell for a Cleveland Indian!

Rudy:
Actually, he's not even an Indian. [Hannibal chuckles]

Hannibal:
[captured by Fulbright and the MPs] General Fulbright, I've missed you.

General Harlan 'Bull' Fulbright:
Very funny, Smith.

Face:
Knock knock!

"Pasadena" Murdock:
Who's there?

B.A. Baracus:
Us.

"Pasadena" Murdock:
Us who?

B.A. Baracus:
Us who's gonna knock you out, fool!

"Pasadena" Murdock:
You can call me 'Pasadena' Murdock.

B.A. Baracus:
Makes more sense to call you 'fool'!

"Pasadena" Murdock:
But 'fool' doesn't have that nice ring to it.

Hannibal Smith:
What's this?

Face:
Oh, he's an adventurer, forging new frontiers.

Hannibal Smith:
No kidding!

B.A. Baracus:
You crashed this plane with me in it!

"Pasadena" Murdock:
Don't be so cocky! I could've crashed this plane with or without you on board.

Face:
[having to untie B.A.s ropes after transporting him in a plane] I'd rather sit naked with a king cobra then let him out of that plane!

Salina:
[carrying a heavy backpack] I don't suppose you want to carry this for me?

Face:
Ah, no, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Salina:
[about her boot] I broke my heel!

Hannibal Smith:
[coming up] What's the problem?

Salina:
I broke my heel!

Hannibal Smith:
Oh, let me see. [lifts her other boot and snaps the heel off] There, now you're even.

B.A. Baracus:
Murdock, I ought to knock all your teeth out. [Murdock covers his mouth] I've had it with all you, all your crazy hats and your invisible dog!

"Pasadena" Murdock:
[with his mouth covered] If he's invisible, HOW did you know he was THERE?

Hannibal Smith:
[on the intercom to Kalem] We're having a little party for you down here in the engine room, so come on down and we'll wax your butt for you.

Face:
We seem to have more in common than we thought.

Salina:
Are you supposed to be getting married tomorrow too?

[Murdock has just crashed the plane with B.A. tied up on board and awake]

B.A. Baracus:
Hannibal, you gonna look worse than this plane if you don't let me outta here!

Hannibal Smith:
Well, [sighs] it's time to let B.A. out.

Face:
This, I'm gonna love.

B.A. Baracus:
Pretty soon, I'm gonna be really mad, Hannibal.

Face:
[groans] I'd rather sit naked with a king cobra than let him outta that plane.

Hannibal Smith:
Face, relax. Once I explain to him the circumstances under which he got aboard the plane, he's gonna be very understanding.

Face:
Hm. You don't really believe that, do you?

Hannibal Smith:
[smiling] Of course not.

B.A. Baracus:
That's it, Hannibal. Now I'm really mad. Let me loose! I'm gonna get even with you!

Hannibal Smith:
Now, uh, just take it easy, B.A.

B.A. Baracus:
Take it easy? I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'm gonna knock you into next week!

Amy:
Where's the pilot?

Murdock:
It was kinda strange. I was just standing there talking to him, and all of a sudden, he fell in my arms.

Amy:
You knocked him out.

Murdock:
Let's not get technical.

Major Briggs:
You know, Colonel Lynch, chasing Hannibal Smith as much as we have, I've come to appreciate his sense of humor.

Army Col. Lynch:
Sence of humor? You think that's funny, then? Hannibal Smith working under the name of Lynch?

Major Briggs:
Excuse me, we're looking for an actor named Lynch.

Army Col. Lynch:
His real name is John Smith. He's using Lynch as an alias.

Film crew member:
Lynch? You'd think he could do better than that!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Colonel, I'm impressed you read the paper. I thought you stayed away from anything that didn't have pictures.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
What kind of a rock did they find you under?

Army Col. Lynch:
Not nearly as big as the one I'm going to use to crush you, Smith.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
We accept the assignment. It's better than being pulled into a dumpster by a slime monster which I should have been playing anyway.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hannibal, you're crazy. Just like Murdock.

Murdock:
This is Kilo Charlie to Oscar Merlin One.

Amy:
Murdock, can't you just call me Amy?

Murdock:
No, that's not as much fun. Besides, all of these fighter guys got crazy names. Eh, Now, come on, how about, em, Penny? And I can be... Sky King!

"B.A." Baracus:
Where are we?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Borneo.

"B.A." Baracus:
Where?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Shhh!

"Faceman" Peck:
Borneo. You know, small island in the Western Pacific Ocean divided between Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei.

"B.A." Baracus:
Are you sure?

"Faceman" Peck:
Positive. I used to date a geography major.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
The U.S. Military pushed you out of an airplane.

"Faceman" Peck:
That's right, pushed all of us.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey man, the last thing I remember, we were being detained by the MP's. We all were. And they don't push out no airplane for robbin' no bank of Hanoi!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
'm afraid they did, when we told them we wouldn't take the mission if you didn't come along. I think they spiked our milk.

"Faceman" Peck:
Yeah, and that's a terrible thing to do to something that baby's drink.

Rashaad:
American commando's illegally in my country without papers? Hehe, this will be an international incident.

"Faceman" Peck:
What do you mean international incident? We heard you had great potato soup and wanted to get some before it was all gone.

"Faceman" Peck:
What about that trial?

Rashaad:
I find you guilty. You will be shot within an hour.

Hannibal (Empress 7):
Empress 7 to Mama Bear: Code Orange, repeat, Code Orange. Thirtysix hours to matchpoint.

Bobby:
Time is, eh, like empty bottle of wine. Only good when filled.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Where are Peck and Murdock?

Frankie Santana (Empress 12):
Oh, eh Face, he saw a woman... that he knows and Murdock he saw...

B.A. Baracus (Empress 10):
Something in his head and no telling what it was.

Murdock (Empress 9):
Bobby, are we getting any closer to where you took our friend?

Bobby:
Oh yes, eh, very close. The road is long with many a winding turn.

Face (Empress 8):
Yeah, well, we heard that one before, Bobby.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
We've got 15 hours and 58 minutes to find that plutonium, or it won't matter if whether Hannibal Smith is alive or dead. The only thing that will matter, is whether he died in vain.

Murdock (Empress 9):
How can a guy who peddles around all day be so large?

Murdock (Empress 9):
[Murdock thinks he's got radioactive poisoning] That flower, where I touched it, it's turned brown. I killed that flower with radioactivity... My hair is falling out. I have started down the long, last road to Dante's nuclear fires.

B.A. Baracus (Empress 10):
It's plastic, fool!

Murdock (Empress 9):
Than it's worse than I thought.

Murdock (Empress 9):
Frankie, do you think we're going to have to go in for checkups, to find out whether our nosehairs are gonna glow in the dark or not?

Frankie Santana (Empress 12):
I wanted to have children. Do you think we can still have children, Murdock?

Murdock (Empress 9):
I don't think I know you well enough.

Hannibal (Empress 7):
Status of the mission?

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
Code Red. According to your message, matchpoint is in 22 minutes.

Bobby:
Love it when a plan comes together!

Hannibal (Empress 7):
Well said.

Hannibal:
Murdock, how'd I ever let you talk me into this?

Murdock:
I don't know; I have intermittent memory loss.

Murdock:
They don't let crazy people vote! They take that right away from you once you're commited. We are also immune to fear. We cannot connect emotionally to the concept of cerebal damage.

B.A. Baracus:
I gettin' tired of this crazy rap, Murdock.

Murdock:
How do you think I feel about it? I have to listen to it all day.

Murdock:
TRASH BAGS! I want TRRRAAASH BAGS!

Murdock:
[shouting] Trash bags! I want some trash bags!

Prison Psychiatrist:
Do you have any trashbags? Maybe he'll but his inside and suffocate.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[Representing himself as his own agent] Your script, 'Sinbad goes to Mars', is absolutely beautiful and John is perfect casting as the Martian.

Amy Amanda Allen:
We found a book called 'The Reformed Convict' by Dwight Pepper.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Dr. Pepper? Are you kidding?

Amy Amanda Allen:
It's his first book. He's a doctor of psychology from L.S.U

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Face, you're the good doctor.

Murdock:
I'd like a trashbag please, if you have one. I really could use a trashbag.

Joey:
I don't have time to make ashtrays!

B.A. Baracus:
I know, neither do I. But since I got put in charge of arts and crafts, I *make* time.

"Hannibal":
Face said he knew a Reverend Taylor in Vietnam, but we had no idea it was you.

Reverend Taylor:
Yeah, that was me. You know, this place reminds me of that villa you 'acquired' in Saigon. Hm. Man, in those days, you'd do just about anything to get something you wanted. But pretending to be Vietnamese royalty... [laughs]

"Faceman":
The trick was never to make eye contact.

Tawnia Baker:
I can't tell you guys how included this makes me feel. I mean were like family, practically. I, I mean it's great, don't you think?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Tawnia, you may not be thanking us for long.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I love it when a partnership comes together, don't you?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Phase one of our operation is a succes

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, phase one is always the easiest. The bad guys never know it when we're doing phase one.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Heh, heh.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Phase two, that's when the soup sticks to the spoon!

Murdock:
Wait a minute, Face. I don't know what to say. I'm scared to death of dentists. I keep thinking that they're not fixing my teeth, but that they... they're, they're hiding things in there. Dog toys, vacuum cleaners, who knows. Who knows?

Murdock:
[in the dentists chair] She's gonna put braces all over my teeth and then sell my lips to a baloney factory!

Charles Drew:
You trying to be funny?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I'm trying to save you ten miles o' missery.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Now they may have asked us to dance, but they don't know that we're gonna do a flamenco on their little heads.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Alright, the bar's closed. Hands over your heads and start repenting, or we're gonna drop a little hell fire on your pitiful juice and send you all to kingdom come.

Reverend Taylor:
Well, Hannibal, I really gotta give you credit, I never could figure out how you were gonna get it done.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Well, Reverend, sometimes our work is a little like yours, just a matter of faith.

Frankie Santana:
'Scuse me, why is Murdock playing with his underwear?

"B.A." Baracus:
Some fool paying him to do it.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell:
You're going to be flying into East Berlin and bring him out.

"B.A." Baracus:
Flying into where?

H.M. Murdock:
East Berlin. It's just east of West Berlin.

"Hannibal":
You remember how quickly you struck up a conversation with that West German ambassador last year?

"Faceman":
Sure, I happen to know one traveling salesman joke in German, but I don't even understand the punchline!

"Faceman":
This plan is Von Schtinken.

"Faceman":
[trying to win over a guard with a German joke ] Ich kan nog immer klavier spielen!

[laughs]

"Faceman":
Ist gut, ja?

Rolf:
[ignoring the joke] Deine bevehle, Herr Smit?

Face:
Hannibal, I don't like it when you get that look.

Murdock:
[lamenting the plight of golf balls] All those naked balls... packed in together... and then that brush...

[shudders]

Parking Attendant:
Good afternoon, sir, may I...

B.A. Baracus:
May you what, sucker?

Parking Attendant:
Eh, may I park your vehicle?

B.A. Baracus:
Are you crazy? Nobody drives my van but me. Get outta here!

Murdock:
[pretending B.A. is a famous French actor] Bravo! Bravo, bravo!

B.A. Baracus:
[to the parking attendant] Don't touch my van, sucker. If you do, I'll feed you your socks.

Murdock:
Oh mella bell! It's the famous 'Feed you your socks' line from the Pulitzer prize winning play, 'Right on, Ruth' by Margaret Hanley.

B.A. Baracus:
Shut up, fool, come on!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[the Team finds out Faceman has been using the alias 'Mr. Toney'] Mr. Toney? You gotta be kidding!

B.A. Baracus:
Sounds like some hairdresser to me.

Amy Allen:
Mr. Toney, isn't that the name of a famous L.A. decorator?

Faceman:
Ah, a riot, isn't it? I supply the hideout and you supply the raspberries.

General Chow:
I have been informed of last nights... mistake.

Tom Anderson:
General Chow, this is not in Vietnam. You aren't the camp commander any more and I am not your P.O.W. Further more you'd be advised to remember that we have become partners.

General Chow:
You have let Lin Duk Coo slip away. You have robbed me of my revenge.

Tom Anderson:
Well, in case you've forgotten something, old buddy, we're in the narcotics business and not the revenge business.

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef:
The Colonel love it, when plan come together.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
You bet he does!

Tom Anderson:
I don't think you know what you're messing with, Smith.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Oh yes I do, I'm just impetuous. I'm also nuts and trigger happy, so get in the van before I foam at the mouth and start blasting.

Amy Allen:
Hannibal and the guys said you saved them in Vietnam. That you risked your life to feed the American soldiers.

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef:
I'm not political. Born in North Vietnam, forced to join army, but I make bread, cook like angel, so General Chow makes me personal chef. When he took over prison camp, I go, I cook.

Amy Allen:
You're really something, you know that?

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef:
If you are friend of A-Team, if they make you a member, than you really are something like that.

Murdock:
The Golfball Liberation Forces are on the way!

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef:
[tearfully] A-Team is my best friend I think. You saved my life.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
No, you saved ours.

Murdock:
[in a high pitched voice] This has been a warning from the Golf Ball Liberation Front!

B.A. Baracus:
[taking the elevator car apart] Another common area bites the dust.

Murdock:
I'm telling you, Face, he can talk. [shows his golf ball] Say something nice to Faceman, [speaks gibberish in a high pitched voice]

Face:
A lot of them can talk, Murdock, but can he sing?

Murdock:
I haven't taught him any songs yet.

Face:
B.A., you're destroying the elevator!

B.A. Baracus:
Another common area bites the dust.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[to Tommy Angel] You tell your daddy if he gets me mad, I'm going down to Phoenix and tracking him down. Tell him to keep his head low, I could be the postman, I could be the guy who cleans his pool, or even his golf caddy.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
While the other prisoners were eating roaches and grass, you were enjoying smoked almonds and getting your nails buffed.

Tom Anderson:
That was 10 years ago as you said, even you can't hold a grudge that long.

B.A. Baracus:
Maybe he can't, but I can! [corners Tommy]

Murdock:
It's always so easy to just look the other way, isn't it, Colonel? Injustice is always rewarded with indifference.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
I guess so.

Murdock:
[British accent, about Lin's singing] By Jove, I think he's got it.

Amy Allen:
Sort of.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[British accent, to Murdock] Not really, sorry.

Face:
B.A., don't sit down, you're gonna get grease on the couch. I don't live here, remember? I'm just a guest.

B.A. Baracus:
You not even a guest, Mr. Toney comes back he's gonna hit you with a lawsuit.

Face:
Not if he can't find me.

Meeks:
Hey Dorsette, I'm going with ya!

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
[posing as Dorsette] Hey, Meeks, I know how to buy clothes by myself, huh!

Meeks:
[noticing Faceman's Corvette] Hey, where did a record changer like you get a car like this?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, what you drive is what you project, right? Course, a guy like you is probably just happy to have air in his tires.

Meeks:
Yeah. Just drive!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Did Meeks pick the right pair of cufflinks?

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Of course! He picked the pink and purple babies that B.A. bugged.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[wearing a ski mask and firing a machine gun] This establishment is closed down!

Racketeer Johnny Royce:
You again!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, I'm like a lick of garlic, I linger. Now, guess what you just rolled? Snake eyes! You gentlemen want to step back from the tables? [starts staying bullets at the roulette tables]

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Hey Big Guy, you don't think they put that casino on wheels, do you?

B.A. Baracus:
Oh no, I'll go get the van, you check inside the warehouse!

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
You got it!

B.A. Baracus:
Hey fellas, did it go alright? [Murdock opens his mouth] No feedback, Murdock, just nod.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
[disguised as a tailor, taking Face's measurements] 32 on the waist.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
32? Hey are you sure you didn't reverse that tape and start from the other end?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
If I say you're a 32, you're a 32, and if you don't like it, then diet.

"Faceman":
Heheh, I just love picking locks. Eye-hand coordination, you know. [the door opens] Invaluable tools.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Come on, Face, what happened to all that eye-hand coordination?

Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
I'm concentrating. Don't rush genius!

Faceman:
Listen Hannibal, there's about a hundred reasons why I hate this plan of yours, but my biggest objection, even bigger than my objection to letting someone else drive my 'vette, my biggest objection is sending the Golden Age of Television here to back up Tawnia while she's trying to scam a piece of scuzzy luggage like Harnett.

Murdock:
Thanks for the support, oh facial one.

Faceman:
Oh, boy, I hate situations like this. You go in trying to help mankind and, eh, all of a sudden you realize you're adjusting your halo in a two way mirror.

Col. Decker:
[outside, over bullhorn] It's over, Smith. You lost.

"Hannibal" Smith:
And I was having such a nice day.

"Faceman" Peck:
Oh, don't worry, he'll give us a minute, just like he always does.

Col. Decker:
[off screen] You've got thirty seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Got to give him credit, he's learning.

Decker:
[on military phone] Decker here.

Hannibal:
Hello, Decker, how's tricks?

Decker:
Get smart, Smith. You and your people are at the bottom of a well and the only way up is past me.

Hannibal:
Anything you say, CD.

Mason Harnett:
You're in deeper than you know.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Oh yeah? I think we're doing real fine, especially since I'm gonna lock you in a trunk the size of your nose and then I'm gonna eat the key.

Decker:
[over bullhorn] Smith, this is Decker. I've given orders to fire, Smith. Quit while you're still alive.

John Smith:
Oh, he's always so pompous when he thinks he's got us cornered. Let's drop a little ice down his pants.

Hannibal" Smith:
[to B.A] You know how to find that adress?

Tawnia:
I do.

[Hannibal throws her a surprised look]

Tawnia:
I hang out at the beach quite a bit.

Hannibal" Smith:
I see...

"Hannibal" Smith:
Lady, you're lucky I have manners. You wouldn't like to hear what I say to people who lie to me.

"Hannibal" Smith:
You guys grab anything you like, but be sure you don't shoot the army boys out there, it's not their fault they're there.

"Faceman":
I don't know, Hannibal, somehow I feel like we might be sitting right on the bullseye.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Oh, relax, Face. The last place they'd think to look is the house that Decker's staying in while he's here.

"Hannibal" Smith:
These the only guys in the van, Murdock?

Murdock:
Yes, sir. I checked for invisibles, but they didn't have any with them.

Kerl:
Sykes, what is it about us that scares you so bad you have to attack us?

Kale Sykes:
Nothing. Nothing about you scares me, but what makes me mad, is you people moved in here. We don't want your little tribe dirtying up our country air. Of course if that bothers you, you can always kick us off your land...

Kerl:
No, I'm not gonna use my fist when I can still use my brain, Sykes.

Face:
You say you're Society doesn't believe in violence, well, eh, we're not exactly caterers.

Eric:
We want you to build our meeting house.

Hannibal:
We're not exactly carpenters, either.

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock:
Well, frankly, I don't see what's so non-violent about that. We're gonna have to be pretty rough on that lumber. We're gonna have to saw, we're gonna have to drill it, we're gonna have to pound it. Big nails go into it. You're talking about carnage, here, Eric.

Kerl:
[appalled at seeing the A-Team's weapons] Are those the tools of logic, Colonel?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
In some circles, yes they are.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Well, Paris doesn't have to worry about losing the tourists to all of the dear old Kellisburg.

"Howling Mad" Murdock:
Well, sometimes there's a lot to be said for the quiet life.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck:
Yeah, none of it good.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Well you see, that's what comes when you build too close to the road: anything can crawl in.

Kale Sykes:
Who the hell are you?

"Faceman" Peck:
Pretty snappy comeback!

Kale Sykes:
I asked you a question, boy!

"Hannibal" Smith:
Face, did he call me 'boy'?

"Faceman" Peck:
Yeah, no doubt about it, this is definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Sinclair:
[stops B.A. from carrying a child into the hospital] You ain't welcome here, hospital in the next town might take ya, if you pay 'em enough.

"B.A." Baracus:
Get out of my way, sucker!

Sinclair:
The only way you're gonna get in there is to walk over me! [B.A. hands the child over to Kerl]

"B.A." Baracus:
Walkin' ain't what I had in mind.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Face, we were fired. We don't work for them anymore. We work for us. And we're gonna go back there, and take Kale and his sleazeballs and teach 'em a little A-Team religion.

Kerl:
Are you expecting me to thank you?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
No. No, even though you're one of the most narrow minded men I ever met in your own way, I admire you for one thing, Kerl: You don't change your tune when you win. Most people do.

Face:
Hannibal, I hate waiting around to watch the end.

"Faceman":
Oh great, Hannibal's on the couch. Now we're gonna get one of his lessons in psychology.

Murdock:
I could use one of those, I get lost sometimes! Go ahead, Colonel, speak to Murdock, please. Explain the meaning of the world to a troubled traveler.

Hannibal:
It's just society's electricity, guys. The freedom to think... People's thought are the most elusive and their most valuable. And the soldiers pay the price to protect it.

"B.A." Baracus:
[finds a kid in the driver's seat of the truck he's fixing] Are you trying to steal this truck?

[kid shakes his head]

"B.A." Baracus:
Then you must be my helper.

[boy nods]

"B.A." Baracus:
Then come and down and help, I ain't paying you to fool around.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hand me a pair of pliers.

Ollie:
[Ollie picks up a screwdriver] Pliers

"B.A." Baracus:
Hand me a screwdriver.

Ollie:
[Ollie picks up a pair of pliers] Screwdriver.

"B.A." Baracus:
We're gonna do just fine.

Hannibal:
[sees Ollie riding in the truck] Who's you're friend?

"B.A." Baracus:
Oh, he's a little roughneck I picked up. He promised if I gave him a ride this far, he wouldn't tear us apart.

Hannibal:
Better keep an eye on him.

CEO Wilkins:
[thinks incorrectly that the cleaning lady is Hannibal in disguise] First a hot dog vendor, then a bait salesman, now a cleaning lady, huh? Please, sit. We eh, weren't sure you were coming.

Clara Dickerson:
When I'm supposed to be some place, you can make a book on it!

[the company CEO explains why he needs the help of the A-Team]

Clara Dickerson:
Sounds like you need them bad... why are you telling ME all this?

CEO Wilkins:
[thinks incorrectly that the cleaning lady is Hannibal in disguise] Because, we need you to go in and restore law and order in Rivertown and clean it up.

Clara Dickerson:
[puzzled] Me? I can't leave Los Angeles, I got a sister I take care of! You know, I've been an employee of this company for ten years...

CEO Wilkins:
Wait, wait a minute, aren't you Hannibal Smith?

Clara Dickerson:
[shocked] Clara Dickerson! Don't you know your own employees?

[the security guard, who stood so far quietly in the room corner, reveals himself as Hannibal]

"Hannibal" Smith:
No, he doesn't, Miss Dickerson. Gentlemen... Hannibal Smith at your service.

Boyle:
Who the hell are you?

"Hannibal" Smith:
I'm the new sheriff. My name's Hannibal Smith, but you can call me sir.

Boyle:
You know who I am?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, you're name is Boyle. You're the main pig-slop around here.

[Boyle smiles viciously]

[while patrolling with B.A., Murdock hums the opening bars to the theme from Dragnet]

Murdock:
It's early in the A.M. The city was quiet. Officer Baracus and I had been assigned patrol. The city was at peace with itself. But it wasn't gonna be that way for long. And when the peace is broken, that's when I go to work. I wear a badge.

"B.A." Baracus:
You oughta wear a muzzle, man. Why are you talking to yourself like some kind of fool?

Murdock:
I'm not talking to myself. When you talk to yourself you are alone. No one hears you. You happen to be with me. You hear me. Therefore I am not talking to myself.

"B.A." Baracus:
Talk to me, talk sense so I can talk back. Not all this jibberjabber like breaking the peace and all that.

[the A-Team are watching Boyle entering a cave]

Face:
A cave. What's he doing in a cave?

Murdock:
Makes sense to me. Most slimes I know hang out in caves.

[the A-Team and others are trapped in a cave]

"Hannibal" Smith:
Well, what's the story?

Face:
Did you ever hear of King Tut?

Murdock:
We ain't never gonna get out of here, Colonel.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey man, the first time ever we have guns and ammo, and can't get out of here.

[final scene:
B.A. is driving Murdock, Hannibal and Face into a cell, menacingly waiving a nightstick at them, as a retribution for flying him to Rivertown]

Face:
Now wait a minute, wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy not to hurt other deputies?

"B.A." Baracus:
[pointing to the table] I see three badges on the table. That mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail.

[B.A. locks the cell, takes the key from the lock and hits the bars with the nightstick, making Face and Murdock recoil]

"B.A." Baracus:
I love it... when a plan comes together!

[B.A. smiles triumphantly]

[after they finished beating up the whole gang, B.A., Faceman and Murdock stand in the middle of the bar, draw their guns and shoot towards the ceiling]

"B.A." Baracus:
Freeze! Peace officers!

Face:
Nicely phrased.

[the A-Team sits at picnic table. Hannibal gives the others hamburgers and chips, and explains their mission]

"Hannibal" Smith:
We're on our way to San Marcos. We are the new sheriffs of Rivertown.

Murdock:
[excitedly] Wow! Sheriffs! I always wanted to get into law enforcement. I saw every TV Western and never missed a rerun of 'the Rifleman'.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I hope not, Murdock, because it's a tough place.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey Hannibal, what ever happened to the other sheriffs they sent to Rivertown?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Disappeared, without a trace, as they say.

Face:
[snickers] And you said 'Sounds like a challenge'.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Face, a lot of people are gonna benefit from this. And they agreed to pay our fee. They even offered to let us take their new executive jet for the trip.

[Hearing the word 'jet', B.A. raises his head suspiciously]

[Hearing that they are going to Rivertown by airplane, B.A. gets suspicious]

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey Hannibal, you know I don't flying! And I've seen that trick before: you give me a burger and expect me to eat it!

"Hannibal" Smith:
[sighs] B.A., you know you get cranky on an empty stomach. Now, eat your burger.

"B.A." Baracus:
Not this time! I ain't falling for no sleeping powder in my burger. I'm taking yours!

[B.A. switches his burger with Hannibal's]

"Hannibal" Smith:
Help yourself... just fine.

"B.A." Baracus:
You figured I would think my burger was spiked and take yours! I'm taking Face's.

[B.A. takes Face's burger and gives him Hannibal's]

Face:
OK.

[Face chuckles. Hearing this, B.A. gets suspicious again]

"B.A." Baracus:
Wait a minute... I've got it! You figured I'd take your burger, get wise to it, then take Face's burger! And Face's burger is the one that got the sleeping powder in it... or Murdock's!

[Murdock looks at his hamburger, then offers it to B.A]

"B.A." Baracus:
Hey, wait a minute, I'm on to you guys... the one place you would never put sleeping powder, and that's in the first burger you gave me!

[B.A. takes back his original hamburger from Hannibal, gives him Face's, then takes large bite from his hamburger. Nothing happens. Hannibal, blank expression on his face, gives B.A. small carton of milk. B.A., in the euphoria of his 'victory', drinks the milk without suspicion]

"B.A." Baracus:
That's what I know!

[B.A. chuckles, but falls to sleep. Murdock grabs B.A.'s hambuger as he falls down, putting it in the bag]

Face:
And he was doing so well...

[the A-Team is at the sheriff's office in Rivertown. Hannibal, Face and Murdock are wearing sheriff's uniform. B.A., still under the sleeping powder effect, is in one of the jail cells]

"Hannibal" Smith:
[locks the cell where B.A. is] He should be waking up any time now.

Murdock:
Well, I sure hope these bars are strong, because he is gonna be mad. Not to mention the fact that he'll never eat lunch with us again.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I don't know, Murdock. He has a very forgiving heart.

Face:
[leans his feet on the desk] You know, it's gonna be nice, to be on the right side of the law for a change.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[smiles] You like that, ah, Face?

Murdock:
[waving his pistols] Pow-Pow-Pow... I call these babies 'Betsy' and 'Bertha'. As B.A. might say: I pity the poor man who crosses my path, because I am ready, willing and able to take on any bad guy who wants a taste of 'Fast-Draw' Murdock.

[Hannibal gives Murdock a thumbs up. Suddenly B.A. wakes up and start screaming]

[as the sleeping powder wears off, B.A. wakes up screaming and finds himself in jail cell]

"B.A." Baracus:
[stands, examining his sorroundings] What is this?

Murdock:
'What is this?' Well, after giving it a lot of thought and summing the situation real quick, this is one very mad B.A., holding on the bars of a jail cell... from the inside.

"B.A." Baracus:
Hannibal, let me out of here! You tricked me. You put me to sleep again!

Murdock:
[takes a metal cup] What you've got to do B.A., I've seen it in all the gangster pictures, is...

[Murdock rakes the cup across the cell bars, making terrible noise]

Murdock:
...and call up the warden's name.

"B.A." Baracus:
[covers his ears] Hannibal!

[Hannibal gestures to Murdock to stop. Murdock complies]

"Hannibal" Smith:
B.A., I have to swear you in as an official deputy of Rivertown. You have to take the oath.

"B.A." Baracus:
[sullenly] If I take it, will you let me out?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Word of honor. Face, swears him in.

Face:
[gets up, gets the bible and approaches the cell] Put your hand on the bible. Raise your right hand.

[B.A. puts his left hand on the bible, raises his right hand but crosses his fingers]

Face:
[scolding] B.A., this is the bible!

[reluctantly, B.A. uncrosses his fingers]

Face:
[reciting the oath] 'I, B.A. Baracus, will do all the laws of Rivertown. I will conduct myself as an honorable peace officer and obey at all time, all the rules of deputyship'. Do you so swear?

"B.A." Baracus:
[grudgingly] I swear!

Face:
[gives B.A. deputy badge] There you go. Done!

"Hannibal" Smith:
[unlocks the cell] Thanks, Face. OK, B.A., you're a free man.

"B.A." Baracus:
Now I'll tear you guys apart...

[after B.A. takes the oath of peace officer, Hannibal lets him out of the cell]

"B.A." Baracus:
Now I'll tear you guys apart...

"Hannibal" Smith:
But one of the rules is that a peace officer may not bring a harm to any other peace officer.

"B.A." Baracus:
What?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Yes, and you swore to it. And we're all wearing badges.

"B.A." Baracus:
[a bit calmer] This ain't fair!

Murdock:
[points at his badge] See? It's all nice and shiny.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[c*cks his shotgun] Alright, let's get down to business. Let's go clean up this town.

Murdock:
[to B.A] We're like brothers on the Bonanza show, ain't we? Go ahead... can I call you Hoss?

Face:
You want me to pick up who?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Lupus. He works for Boyle. We saw him yesterday.

Face:
Oh yeah, that's the big one, about 6' 4", built like a chest of drawers?

Murdock:
Yeah, that's the guy. Now you be careful, he almost killed B.A. He's at least 6' 5", 240 pounds!

"Hannibal" Smith:
Now, I'll check out his office. You check out his house. If that guy Lupus shows, bag him.

Face:
Wait... the guy is 6' 6", 250 pounds, he almost killed B.A., and you want ME to bag him?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Sure!

Face:
[checks his pistol] Right... well, you don't care how I go about it, do you, colonel?

"Hannibal" Smith:
No... use alacrity, and you can call me 'Sheriff'.

[after trashing the fake A-Team gang]

Face:
I think it's time the truth came out, don't you?

Murdock:
Yeah, and make sure my name is spelled "Murdock" - that's "Murdock"!

B.A. Baracus:
Hey, shut up, fool!

Murdock:
Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you're mentioned in the paper!

Hannibal:
Now look, Murdock, you're our secret weapon...

Murdock:
I don't want to be a secret weapon - I want to be an exposed weapon!

[a gang of hooligans is harassing a circus under the name of the A-Team. The real A-Team reunites, understandably not too pleased with this development]

Face:
[waving around a newspaper article] Did you read this, Hannibal? Do you seriously believe this?

Hannibal:
I read it - I believe it!

B.A. Baracus:
This is bad, Hannibal - real bad! Some guys are coming around and busting heads saying they're the A-Team! There's only *one* A-Team! Us!

Hannibal:
We are the A-Team!

Murdock:
[reading a newspaper article] "The A-Team. Three Vietnam soldiers on the run from the military." Three soldiers - three! I'm just as much a part of the A-Team as you are, and I'm not mentioned...

Face:
Murdock, you're a pilot, you're technically not one of the A-Team - that's why I have to come down here and scam out of your cell every time! But take it from me, you're just as much a part of the A-Team as any of us...

Lieutenant Wilson:
Sir.

Army Col. Lynch:
[sighs] Do you have anything to report, sergeant?

Lieutenant Wilson:
The fake A-Team showed up this morning and leanen real hard on Winnetka and his daughter to sell.

Army Col. Lynch:
I am not interested in the fake A-Team! The military gave me one more shot at the real A-Team and I am not going to fail.

Captain Winnetka:
[Murdock is putting up a show as an Indian Brave] Does he always go on like this?

"Hannibal" Smith:
[disguised as Rufus Cantrell] Ever since he lost his other feather.

"Hannibal" Smith:
B.A... a shovel, now that's no disguise.

"B.A." Baracus:
I don't wear disguises, Hannibal.

Murdock:
Not even a feather for your hair?

"B.A." Baracus:
This crazy fool away from me! You're not a real Indian. Real Indians don't look and act like a crazy fool!

Carrie:
Well,I didn't think anybody could stand up to the A-Team.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Glad to hear you say that, Ma'm, c'ause that's why we came here.

Murdock:
Did you hear Hannibal introduce me as a member of the A-Team? Well, I think the people have a right to know all of the facts. They should know who I am.

"Faceman":
Murdock, we know you're a member of the A-Team, that's the important thing. Besides, take it from me, fame is just a fleeting shadow. Just a pasing breeze in the storm.

Colonel Lynch:
[to himself] Smith... after all this time.

Carrie:
Oh, this is definitely going to hurt.

"Faceman":
Did you have to use the word definitely?

Army Captain Royce:
We have 'em, sir. The plan worked perfectly! We have the A-Team locked in the truck.

Army Col. Lynch:
No one else could do it, Captain. But I did.

Kyle Mason:
When we get through here, the only thing Winetka is gonna be able to peddle is ash!

Army General:
[to Lynch] I want a full report of this incident on my desk, and I want it ten minutes ago.

[a terrified Mason offers to hire the A-Team at any price]

Hannibal:
I like mathematical progressions, but we're really picky about whom we work for.

B.A. Baracus:
That's right, sucker! Real picky!

Hannibal:
Two things, Mason. Firstly, stop bothering the Wild West Show and leave it alone. Secondly, it is not wise to impersonate the A-Team - and if you continue to do so, we will lose our quiet and peaceful demeanor and come back here and turn your studio upside down.

Face:
Murdock, did you turn off the water?

Murdock:
I knew there was something I forgot. [takes the faucet knob out of his pocket and drops it on the floor]

Murdock:
B.A., how about this hat? You could wear this cowboy hat and it would just be you and me, a cowboy and an Indian.

B.A. Baracus:
I'm gonna play Stagecoach and run you over if you don't get out of my face.

Face:
You couldn't have shown up two minutes ago when she was putting horse lineament on my face?

Hannibal:
Horse lineament, eh?

Murdock:
[fighting the fake A-Team] Hannibal, I can't find... where... where?

Hannibal:
Murdock... uh, they don't have a you.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Of course, we do have one problem, though, eh, we're going to have to fly to Kenia, and B.A. is... well, he's not that fond of airplanes.

B.A. Baracus:
[refusing to lose face in front of their female client] What you talking about, man?

"Hannibal" Smith:
Eh, well, eh, you know, how you're eh...

Murdock:
Scared. The word is scared. Scared. You're scared to fly.

B.A. Baracus:
Huh, me? Scared of flying? That's just an act I put on sometime. I ain't afraid of nothing!

Kamora Kaboko:
Great. There's a flight that leaves tonight.

"Hannibal" Smith:
[of screen, on an airplane] I love it when B.A. comes together... to sleep.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Face, that Amsterdam shipment is exactly what you ordered. Put the grenades in your room.

Murdock:
Well, B.A. Baracus, what's it feel like now you here? You taking it all in? It's hard to imagine that, centuries ago, your tribesmen, settled right here, on this ground upon which we lay. Look at the dirt, go on, look at it, look at it, look at it. The tips of their toes curdled around each particle of dirt right here in the palm of my hand. The ashes from their campfires, right here in the palm of my hand. The drippings from their pots and pans, right here in the palm of my hand. The leftovers after Sunday dinner right here in the palm of my hand. B.A. Baracus, this is your roots!

B.A. Baracus:
[grabs the dirt] This is dirt, fool, which I'm gonna stuff in your face if you don't shut up. [walks off]

Faceman:
What's the matter with him?

Murdock:
Eh! Nostalgia.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I can hardly wait to find out what happens next.

Murdock:
[to head poacher] Hey! I wonder how your white suit is gonna look hanging up on a wall or maybe in front of a fireplace like a throw rug.

Murdock:
Colonel, when the going get's tough, the tough get aeronautical. But... can I take Kong with me?

"Hannibal" Smith:
No, but you can take Face with you.

Murdock:
That's not the same thing.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I know it's not.

B.A. Baracus:
Losing someone you love is hard. And there's nothing anyone can say or do that'll make it any easier. It's just gonna take time. That's the only thing that'll make it easier, just time.

Faceman:
Er, Hannibal, we got a lotta balls juggling here, I just hope your plan comes together.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Have a little faith, Lieutenant.

Faceman:
I don't believe that. Do you believe that? Do you believe those guys bought that?

Murdock:
Look, you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but that sucker back there we could have fooled every time.

Faceman:
Yeah, they don't make them bad guys like they used to, do they?

Murdock:
[posh British accent] You are a disease. You are an infection. And I only wish a court of law recognized the antidote.

Kamora Kaboko:
There's an old tribal expression: when souls have touched, friends are never apart.

Murdock:
[B.A.'s patrolling the grounds, a loud roar is heard, Murdock appears at the window] What was that?

B.A. Baracus:
Nothing, go back to sleep, your watch is next. [roar is heard again]

Murdock:
That's a great big nothing.

B.A. Baracus:
Yeah it is. Put your pants on and come on out here.

Murdock:
Why me? The next shift isn't even for...

B.A. Baracus:
Put them on and get out here!

Murdock:
Aw, you're just 230 pounds worth of fear.

Faceman:
[figuring how much poachers make for elephant tusks] You figure 30 pounds per tusk, about $30 a pound, and if they get 40 tusks a day... that comes to... $120,000. Not bad for a day's pay.

McKaydoo:
The last warden disappeared because he didn't listen. The one before him retired, a very rich man.

"Hannibal" Smith:
Well I'm not retiring, and I'm already rich.

B.A. Baracus:
Yeah, and I'm already mean!

Murdock:
[B.A.'s freaking out after waking up to a monkey on his bed] First we find out you're afraid of flying, and now you're afraid of simians.

Faceman:
Monkeys!

Hannibal:
There are two ways we can do this: the easy way and the hard way. In a few minutes my friends and I are going to come down on you like your worst nightmare. You're gonna wish the Earth had opened up and swallowed you whole.

bad guy:
What's the easy way?

Hannibal:
That *was* the easy way.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Now, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way. In about a minute I and my three friends are gonna unleash on you your worst nightmare. You're gonna wish the earth opened up underneath your feet and swallowed you whole.

Mobster Tommy Tillis:
What's the easy way?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Oh, that was the easy way.

"Hannibal" Smith:
What do you think, B.A.?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
I think maybe I wanna meet this dude, and maybe help him with his bridgework. Like bustin' up his mouth.

"Faceman":
Hey, B.A., that's very funny. You know, you're developing a sense of humor. Slowly, but, eh, it's developing.

[B.A. growls at him]

"Faceman":
[Murdock and Face arrive to join the fight already in progress] Almost predictable by now, isn't it?

"Faceman":
I don't think we wanna get in this guy's way. Crazy Tommy T hits a wall head on, there's nothing left but a pile of bricks.

"Hannibal" Smith:
I thought we were caught up in a jurisdiction dispute between hardhats, but it looks like we've kicked over a rock and found a scorpion.

Randy Stern:
But there's only four of you.

Mickey Stern:
Yeah, he's got an army!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith:
Yeah, well, the poor suckers haven't got a chance.

Face:
[Hannibal has ordered Face to bring Murdock home] I picked him up! I don't want him in my 'vette. What if he woofs out on me again, I'll get hair on my my seat, drool on my...

Murdock:
Oh don't be absurd, you're talking to me as if I was a dog! [barks]

Face:
I was looking for H. M. Murdock's room, well I guess I found it.

Nurse Beth Billings:
Well, ehm, he, he started off earlier this morning but we're used to strange behaviour with Mr. Murdock, but he's gotten much worse. I mean if I didn't know better, I'd actually believe he has been bitten and has contracted rabies.

Face:
Nurse, believe it.

Nurse Beth Billings:
Oh, but that's, that's not possible, you see, Mr. Murdock's dog is a figment of his imagination.

Nurse Beth Billings:
[momentarily distracted as Murdock scratches the door] Oh, I'm Sorry doctor, I don't know you, and apparently you're not familiar with this case...

Face:
Oh, that's because, eh, I'm not a doctor. [hands over a business card]

Nurse Beth Billings:
The United States Department of Animal Health and Welfare?

Nurse Beth Billings:
Wait! Mr. Murdock is a patient here, I can't just release him to someone from the pound!

Face:
We happen to be a division of the federal government, I am working in conjunction with the department of health services, which is a jurisdiction over any and all state intuitions, so please, please be careful before coughing up the word pound like that.

Hannibal:
B.A., weren't you going to get a haircut?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
Oh yeah... my hair is getting a little long.

Hannibal:
Face, you take Murdock back, I'm going to go with B.A.

"Faceman":
I just brought him! I picked him up! [Murdock sticks his hands in Face's pockets looking for animal crackers] Murdock will you get your hands out of my jacket?

Hannibal:
[window washing on a scaffold] B.A., take us down.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus:
What's up, Hannibal?

Hannibal:
They've got Face.

Hannibal:
[smoking a worn down cigar] I think better with a fresh cigar, Face...

Face:
Oh sorry Hannibal, I had to use my last cigar to escape.

Hannibal:
Too bad.

Face:
Too bad? Too bad?

Murdock:
[mouthing] Too bad?

Face:
[with Murdock, coming up on a fight between Hannibal, B.A. and the bad guys] It's getting almost predictable, isn't it?

Hannibal Smith:
Sorry you had to go through all this, Katrina.

Katrina Karpov:
It was wonderful!

Face:
Somehow I thought candlelight diner might be more to your liking.

Katrina Karpov:
It was like James Bond, no?

Murdock:
You know Katrina, I have to agree with you. From a standpoint of entertainment on the Murdock scale of one to ten, I'd have to give it a nine.

B.A. Baracus:
A nine? Let me see you drive like that!

Murdock:
But I never give a ten, never, never, never, never, never. I mean there's no such thing as perfection in the arts, B.A.

B.A. Baracus:
[raising his fist] This is a ten on B.A. scale. Ten being total pain!

Murdock:
Hannibal, don't you think it's a bit of a mistake to let Face stay in there with Katrina? I mean isn't that like giving the henhouse keys to the fox?

Hannibal Smith:
Captain, we must all deal with our own weaknesses

Murdock:
Ah yes, the old tragic flaw. The cornerstone of Greek drama from Euripides to the latter episodes of Mr. Ed.

Katrina Karpov:
I have heard so much about American men. I'm dying to try one on.

Face:
Eh, I think you mean try one out?