The Comeback

Valerie Cherish:
*This* is my comeback. All right, let me take that again... So *this* is my come - Jane, I'm sorry, the, um, camera keeps moving in and out.

Jane:
It's always going to be moving, just keep going.

Valerie Cherish:
No, yeah, oh, I know, I know, it's just - I didn't know if I should wait for it to settle or... That's right. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. This one's always going to be moving, because that one is stationary. Got it. Okay. Here we go. *This* is my comeback! You know, I want to do another.

Valerie Cherish:
Well, this is it, this is my It-wall. Used to be bigger, but then I got married and you know, you have to share. So... Um, let me show you this. *This* here is my people's choice award, that I got for I'm It. And it means a lot to me because it's from the people. So... and right here is my Leno. There it is.

Jane:
Talk more about that.

Valerie Cherish:
What is there to say? There was a monkey on my head and he pooed! You know - it was a real water cooler moment, you know, the whole next day everyone was... you know. And you know, this was Leno's first year. So it was a real important show for him too! You know. It was quite an appearance. Classic!

Valerie Cherish:
Note to self: After a long day at work, I *don't* want to see that!

Valerie Cherish:
You see puppies, I see Korean barbeque!

Valerie Cherish:
Instead of the barbeque line I could say, "If I let you have the puppies I'll have to let weird old Mr. Schmidt have a *SATAN* flag!" See, that's good, because EVERYBODY hates Satan!

Valerie Cherish:
[after seeing a woman giving oral sex] Good luck trying to get her to sign a release.

Valerie Cherish:
[about a pornographic video entitled "Ladies Loving Ladies 5" found in the bedroom] All right, look, I'm glad we cleared all this up, good, yeah, 'cause, you know this show, is not about, you know, "Ladies Loving Ladies" - it's about, you know, this lady loving this lady. You know, so... good.

Mickey Deane:
I love a leather anything!

Valerie Cherish:
[Mickey shows her a photo of his lover] What's this? Oh, that's your Robert? Oh my gosh. I didn't even recognize him. How old is this picture?

Mickey Deane:
In case you don't get Selleck.

Valerie Cherish:
Well...

Mickey Deane:
All these years, I've never asked, Red.

Valerie Cherish:
Now I know. I think, you know... they really wanna get a name.

Mickey Deane:
Well, keep him in mind.

Valerie Cherish:
Okay.

Mickey Deane:
He's perfect for the role of Big Dick... if you get my drift.

Valerie Cherish:
You know that overhead camera? Its probably on. [Mickey looks up at the hidden camera with a mortified look on his face]

Valerie Cherish:
Jane, how great would it be to have Tom Selleck on "The Comeback"? Huh? Oh, yeah. Okay, so, Sharon, lets get Tom Selleck.

Sharon:
Great.

Valerie Cherish:
Yeah!

Tom Peterman:
Yeah, Val, I don't think we can get Tom Selleck.

Valerie Cherish:
Well, of course we can't. Not without a personal call, but I think I can handle that.

Tom Peterman:
Oh, you know Tom Selleck?

Valerie Cherish:
Oh yeah, surel Yeah. I did a "Magnum P.I." back when I was just starting out. Played his godchild.

Sharon:
Long time ago.

Valerie Cherish:
I know. Oh wait, I'm wrong. My bad. That's wrong. I played a teen hooker on "Magnum P.I." I played Remington Steele's godchild. It was the same year, so.

Valerie Cherish:
Billy, listen... don't cry at work. It's not professional.

Valerie Cherish:
[when asked for her drink order at a hip Palm Springs resort] I'll have an Angie Dickinson...

Waiter:
A who?