The Girls Next Door

[spoken tongue-in-cheek]

Holly Madison:
I don't get jealous of other girls, because I was... raised in a cloning lab to be the perfect woman for Hugh M. Hefner, so, other than the fact that my I.Q.'s probably a little higher than he would like, I have nothing to worry about.

[the girls are on the floor playing with their dogs]

Hugh M. Hefner:
Very happy puppies.

Holly:
People assume, because I'm Hef's girlfriend, that I'm a Bunny and I'm a Playmate and I'm a centerfold, but they're different things. If you're a Playmate or a centerfold, which is the same thing, you pose for the magazine, you are one particular month, and not every Playmate is a Bunny. A Bunny is a girl who used to work at the Playboy Club, she had the Bunny costume, and now that we don't have Playboy Clubs, it's just Playmates who work special promotions and are fitted for a Bunny costume.

[Playmates are being instructed on how to stand while wearing the Bunny costume]

Pat Lacey:
The idea behind the stance is - pretty much sort of like Holly's standing now, or, with both legs like this.

[Pat demonstrates]

Pat Lacey:
In other words -

Playmate:
Don't have a camel toe.

Pat Lacey:
Exactly.

[on her Playboy shoot at the Mansion]

Holly Madison:
I know Hef doesn't like it when I walk around naked in the house, 'cause he's a little more old-fashioned, sometimes, than people think. But you tend to forget you're naked when you've been shooting naked all day.

[on her Playboy shoot]

Kendra:
My favorite part about this whole shoot is taking pictures of who I am. Sexy, classy nude pictures, you know?

[after Holly and Kendra's photo shoot in a shower]

Holly:
I think Kendra and I had such a great time doing the shower scene. It's great to just do stuff like that with your friends because it does bring you closer, and I feel like this whole experience shooting has brought us closer together because it's a common goal.

Bridget:
For Midsummer's, you're gonna get a total makeover.

Anastasia:
[laughs]

Bridget:
We're gonna get your hair done -

Kendra:
[interrupting] I'm gonna teach you how to get laid...

[on her Midsummer Night's Dream outfit]

Kendra:
I really don't start planning my outfits until, like, a week ahead, because, whatever I put on is gonna be hot - you know, you could wear... two Band-Aids and a cork.

Bridget:
The suspense is killing me!

Kendra:
I know!

Holly Madison:
I know! I feel like I'm gonna poop my pants any second!

Kendra:
[about the Midsummer Night's Dream party] I'm very excited because this is, like, one of my favorite parties because it's a celebration of [pauses] the middle of summer, I think, or the end... whatever.

Kendra Wilkinson:
A guy wearing a thong is *wrong*, I mean, it rhymes for a reason.

Kendra Wilkinson:
Is that a gun in your pants, or are you happy to see me?

Kendra:
[about the mannequin being hot] Oh, damn, that's a mannequin.

Holly Madison:
[trying to think of an epitaph for Kendra's friend Destiny] PIC to VIP to RIP.

Kendra Wilkinson:
That is so good! I love it! Ok.

[screams]

Kendra Wilkinson:
We got it! There we go!

[pause]

Kendra Wilkinson:
What was it again?

Bridget:
Wednesday is not very compliant with the bows I try to put in her hair. I think she's got a little bit of a tomboy in her. She just goes dog-a-tonic!

Bridget:
Wednesday just goes dogatonic!

Bridget Marquardt:
When I was stripping, I realized it's one of my favorite things to do. Maybe another career goal. [laughs]

Kendra Wilkinson:
I'm really excited right now. That means I might have to masturbate before the party so I don't get, like, horny.

Kendra:
the song goes like this: Slob on my knob Like corn on the cob Check in with me, and do your job Lay on the bed, and give me head Don't have to ask, don't have to beg Juicy is my name Sex is my game Let's call the boys, let's run a train Squeeze on my nuts Lick on my butt...

Hugh M. Hefner:
[to the camera] They're so romantic.

Holly Madison:
I think Kendra's the worst hula-hooper, but only because I haven't given her my super hula hooping class yet; Bridget's already taken it.

Holly:
[driving golf cart around the block] Contrary to popular belief, I know how to drive.

Hugh M. Hefner:
Holly, you're the only one dressed like a Disney princess. I feel like I'm in Shrek 2.

Kendra Wilkinson:
Yeah, why don't they call it 96?

Hugh M. Hefner:
That would be two people with their backs to one another.