The Green Green Grass

Tyler:
There was a fight in the pub last night - did you see anything?

Marlene:
Dad got rather close to the action!

Tyler:
[Spotting the black eye] What happened?

Boycie:
Somebody annoyed me so I hit him in the fist with mu eye!

Colin Cakeworthy:
Now she's having a grudge baby!

Marlene:
A grudge baby?

Colin Cakeworthy:
Someone had it in for me!

Tyler:
Girls, Eh?

Boycie:
Tell me about it!

Tyler:
Beth's trying to arrange my whole Christmas for me!

Boycie:
Tyler, when I said tell me about it, I didn't meam tell me about it - It's just a pieceof modern phrasiology I picked up from Channel 4.

Boycie:
I don't know where you get it from, Tyler, but you're turning into a right snob!

Boycie:
My god, it's like Rosemary's Baby meets the Archers!

Mrs. Cakeworthy:
How can I get pregnant, with my eggs? And his sperm [indicates Colin] swim about as well as Robert Maxwell!

[Boycie's car is driving along a curving lane]

Marlene:
We should have turned right there.

Boycie:
For Gawd sake, Marlene - we've got satellite navigation!

[the car moves out of sight, then night falls, and we see a pair of headlamps approaching]

Marlene:
Who did you get that satellite navigation from?

Boycie:
Who do you think!

Marlene:
Is it another woman?

Boycie:
Oh, good god, no - it's nothing like that!

Marlene:
Oh, thank gawd! [brings out a hand blender from under the table and puts it down]

Boycie:
I have cheated the European Union!

Marlene:
Everyone cheats the European Union - that's what it's there for!

Boycie:
It's our wedding anniversary in three months - I don't want to spend it playing Ping-Pong with Ronnie Biggs!

[Boycie has taken a local insomnia cure, which has made all his hair fall out]

Mrs. Cakeworthy:
[Examining the bottle] Who gave it to you, sir?

Boycie:
Who do you think! [points to Elgin, Bryan and Jed] Zippy, George and Bungle there!