The Return of Sherlock Holmes

Colonel Ross:
Good Heavens! You take my breath away, Mr. Holmes!

[last lines]

Colonel Ross:
[holding out his glass] Gentlemen, I give you a toast. To Silver Blaze coupled with the names of my friends, Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. [they clink glasses] To Silver Blaze.

Inspector Gregory:
Is there any other point to which you wish to draw my attention, Mr. Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes:
To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.

Colonel Ross:
But the dog did nothing in the night-time.

Sherlock Holmes:
That is the curious incident.

Colonel Ross:
I must say I am rather disappointed in our London consultant. I don't see that we're any further than when he came.

Dr Watson:
At least you have his assurance, Colonel, that your horse will run.

Colonel Ross:
Oh, yes, I have his assurance. I should prefer to have the horse.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, I have made a blunder, which I am afraid is a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs.

[first lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
It's no good. I shall have to go.

Dr Watson:
Go? Go? Go where?

Sherlock Holmes:
King's Pyland.

[points to newspaper]

Dr Watson:
[reads] "Last evening, Inspector Gregory of the Devonshire constabulary arrested well-known racing personality Fitzroy Simpson and charged him with the murder of trainer John Straker."

Sherlock Holmes:
[rousing a sleeping Watson before dawn] Come, Watson. Come. The game is afoot. [exits and Watson lays back down] [reopening the door] Get your clothes and come.

[first lines]

Inspector Hopkins:
Far now?

Sherlock Holmes:
I must admit, Watson, you do have some power of selection.

Dr. Watson:
Thank you, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes:
Which atones for much of which I deplore about your narratives. Your fatal habit of looking at everything from the point of view of a story instead of as a scientific exercise has ruined what might have been an instructive and even classical series of demonstrations.

Dr. Watson:
Why do you not write them yourself?

Sherlock Holmes:
I will, my dear Watson, I will. In my declining years.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
It's almost as though you disapproved of the happiness we have fostered today.

Dr. Watson:
Oh, no. I approve of that; of course I do. I am uneasy that you took upon yourself the duties of advocate *and* judge.

Sherlock Holmes:
You are too bound by forms, Watson!

Dr. Watson:
Forms are society.

Sherlock Holmes:
Hmph.

Dr. Watson:
Manners maketh man.

Sherlock Holmes:
Hah.

Dr. Watson:
It's just as well you are unique.

Mr. Viviani:
I assure you it is only through study of the good doctor's masterly exposition of your work that I now have any small capacity to reason.

Sherlock Holmes:
Really. You amaze me. Watson, are you taking notes?

Sherlock Holmes:
[Staring at the fog through his window] It's a real pea souper!

Sherlock Holmes:
[Musing about the fog] The London criminal is certainly a *dull* fellow. The thief or the murderer could roam London on a day like this as the tiger does the jungle, unseen until he pounces, and then evident only to his victim.

Sherlock Holmes:
It is fortunate for the community that I am not a criminal.

[last lines]

Mycroft Holmes:
[In a celebratory mood] There's an R in the month, and the Diogenes Club has the most excellent oysters. I should like both you gentlemen to be my guests. Come along, Sherlock.

Mycroft Holmes:
All my instincts are against this explanation, and yours too, I think. We are not brothers for nothing.

Sherlock Holmes:
Mrs. Hudson, you know, you're hideously in the way!

Mrs. Hudson:
I'm sorry, sir, but I only have one pair of hands!

Sherlock Holmes:
Please, disappear.

[first lines]

Clerk at Woolwich Station:
Evening, Mr West.

Cadogan West:
Third class, London Bridge.

Clerk at Woolwich Station:
Single or return?

Cadogan West:
Oh,it doesn't matter. Single. [a whistle is heard] Quickly. Quickly.

Sherlock Holmes:
[Reading a letter] It's from my brother Mycroft. He writes like a drunken crab.

[to Watson]

Sherlock Holmes:
You'd better read it. Doctors are more used to hieroglyphics than normal human beings.

Sherlock Holmes:
[In a depressive stone as he stares at an old grave marker overlooking the sea] Weather-pitted slabs of granite, ancient tombs scattered throughout the length and breadth of this peninsula.

Dr. John Watson:
Like the sea, I suppose, death is always with us.

Sherlock Holmes:
[Holmes stares intently at Watson before answering] Quite so.

Sherlock Holmes:
You went to the vicarage, and you waited there for some time.

Dr. Leon Sterndale:
How do you know that?

Sherlock Holmes:
I followed you.

Dr. Leon Sterndale:
I saw no one!

Sherlock Holmes:
That is what you may expect to see when *I* follow you!

[Holmes is testing out a theory by putting a poison in a lamp, leaving himself and Watson to inhale the fumes]

[the drug induces a nonsensical but disturbing series of images and distorted memories in Holmes's mind; the images stop and he is outside on the ground]

Dr. John Watson:
Holmes! Holmes! HOLMES!

[Holmes screams]

Dr. John Watson:
Holmes! HOLMES!

[Watson has to shout over Holmes's screaming]

Dr. John Watson:
Can you hear me? For God's sake, can you hear me?

Sherlock Holmes:
JOHN!

Dr. John Watson:
Thank God you're alright! That was a stupid and dangerous thing to do... We could have been killed!

Sherlock Holmes:
It was an unjustified experiment even for myself... Doubly so for a friend. I really am extremely sorry.

[last lines]

Dr Watson:
Not for the first time, Holmes, you've presumed to take the law into your own hands.

Sherlock Holmes:
I have never loved. But if I did, and if the woman I had loved had met with such an end, I might act even as our lawless lion-hunter has done. Wouldn't you?

Dr Watson:
Yes, I suppose so. But that's not the point.

Sherlock Holmes:
The point is: why should I do the work of the official police? And as you're very fond of telling me... I'm on holiday!

[first lines]

Dr Watson:
Almost there.

Sherlock Holmes:
What does a Harley Street specialist know about my health?

Dr Watson:
Listen, Holmes, Dr Moore Agar insists you have a complete rest if you wish to avoid an absolute breakdown. The sea air will do you the world of good.

Sherlock Holmes:
[In obvious pain from his drug withdrawal, he coughs] To work the brain without sufficient material is like racing an engine - it cracks itself to pieces.

[He takes a deep breath]

Sherlock Holmes:
Wait for me at the cottage.

Dr Watson:
Where are you going?

Sherlock Holmes:
Cheer up, Watson. Sea air, sunshine, patience!

[He throws the blanket over his shoulder with characteristic flourish]

Sherlock Holmes:
All will be revealed!

Inspector Lestrade:
The sort of case that would've interested our old friend Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

Dr. John Watson:
Yes, indeed.

Inspector Lestrade:
What a loss he is, Doctor. Oh, I didn't always approve of his methods but he was the best amateur there was or ever likely to be. Well, there were times when he even got the better of me.

Sherlock Holmes:
It's no joke when a tall man has to take a foot off his stature for several hours on end.

Sherlock Holmes:
About that chasm... I had no serious difficulty in getting out of it for the simple reason that I was never in it.

Sherlock Holmes:
My dear fellow, we have a hard and dangerous night's work ahead of us.

Sherlock Holmes:
It was a few months later that I read with great interest your description of my death. It was excellently done, a most picturesque and exciting piece of fiction.

Dr. John Watson:
I'm certainly glad from the bottom of my heart that it was fiction.

Dr. John Watson:
I would have thought I was as trustworthy as your brother.

Sherlock Holmes:
Of course you are, Watson! [sighs] But you have a kinder heart.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, may I occupy your couch for a few hours?

Sherlock Holmes:
[to Lestrade] You seem to want some unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, you know.

Dr. John Watson:
You were quite the heroine of the occasion, Mrs. Hudson.

Sherlock Holmes:
There's no sign of the bullet.

Mrs. Hudson:
Oh! Excuse me, sir. Er, a moment, if you please?

Sherlock Holmes:
What is it? [she thrusts her tray into his hands and reaches into her pocket]

Mrs. Hudson:
I have it here. I picked it up off the carpet.

Sherlock Holmes:
Mrs. Hudson, you are becoming indispensable.

Sherlock Holmes:
How many times have you not tethered a young kid under a tree, laid above it with your rifle and waited for your bait to bring out your tiger? This empty house is *my* tree and you are my tiger!

[first lines]

Dr. John Watson:
[voiceover] In 1891 at the Reichenbach Falls near Meiringen in Switzerland, Sherlock Holmes finally closed his account with Professor Moriarty, the most dangerous criminal of his generation. The two men were alone in that dreadful place, but the outcome of their struggle was obvious to a trained observer. Holmes had achieved the destruction of his arch-enemy only at the cost of his own life.

[last lines]

Mrs. Hudson:
Once again Mr. Sherlock Holmes is free to devote his life to examining those interesting little problems which the complex life of London plentifully presents. Mr. Sherlock Holmes!

Sherlock Holmes:
[in disguise] Just the books to fill up your bookcase. It looks untidy, does it not? [Watson gets up to look, turns back to see Holmes has stripped off his disguise] Watson, do you mind if I smoke a cigarette in your consulting room?

Sherlock Holmes:
Parker by name. A garroter by trade.

[referring to Moriarty's confederate who kept 221b Baker Street under surveillance]

Sherlock Holmes:
This is a trifle, of course, Watson, but there's nothing so important as trifles.

Dr. John Watson:
I was certainly surprised to see you in that place,

Sherlock Holmes:
I suppose you think I've added opium smoking to all my other little weaknesses?

Sherlock Holmes:
It's better to learn wisdom late than never to learn it at all.

Dr. John Watson:
It's now well past four in the morning. May I go to sleep?

Sherlock Holmes:
Certainly.

Dr. John Watson:
Thank you.

Dr. John Watson:
[awaking in bed after Holmes has tickled his foot] What time is it?

Sherlock Holmes:
Dawn.

Dr. John Watson:
Uh... I've only had two hours sleep.

Sherlock Holmes:
I wonder if you'd do me the very great kindness of considering the possibility of waking up.

Dr. John Watson:
I... I assume you have a good reason.

Sherlock Holmes:
Are you game for a drive?

Dr. John Watson:
Certainly, but does it have to be this early?

Sherlock Holmes:
I have a little theory I wish to test.

Dr. John Watson:
Is anyone's life at stake?

Sherlock Holmes:
Certainly not!

Dr. John Watson:
Would it be possible to test your theory a little later this morning?

Sherlock Holmes:
[leaving to go downstairs] I'll see you downstairs in five minutes.

Dr. John Watson:
Five minutes. [sighs and lies back]

Dr. John Watson:
Mr Holmes has disappeared without trace, as you can see.

Mrs. Whitney:
In that case, I really shouldn't bother you with my problems.

Dr. John Watson:
Oh, Mr Holmes disappears without trace at regular intervals. There's really no cause for alarm, only curiosity.

[last lines]

Neville St Clair:
Farewell, sweet Boone; a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest. William Shakespeare.

Mrs Hudson:
And what should I tell Mr. Holmes, should he return?

Dr. John Watson:
Tell him I have disappeared without trace.

Dr. John Watson:
May I ask why I'm going to Lee in Kent, in the middle of the night on a Friday in March?

Sherlock Holmes:
Because you are my trusted comrade and my loyal chronicler. I may need both.

Neville St Clair:
Boone says at some point, ' A policeman's lot is not a happy one'. This is a quote from Gilbert and Sllivan's Pirates of Penzance which came much later!

Sir Reginald Musgrave:
But you, you, I have noted, are still turning to practical ends those powers with which you used to amaze us at college.

Sherlock Holmes:
Yes, I'm still living by my wits. And how is the dear wife?

Sir Reginald Musgrave:
I'm not married, Holmes.

[Awkward silence]

Sherlock Holmes:
How wise!

Sherlock Holmes:
The measurements obviously refer to some exact spot to which the rest of the document alludes. We are given two guides.

Dr. Watson:
Yes, an elm and an oak.

Sherlock Holmes:
[pointing to a spot outside the window] And, gentlemen, there is a patriarch among oaks.

[first lines]

Dr. Watson:
Splendid air!

[Holmes coughs horribly]

Dr. Watson:
Rough shooting.

[Holmes groans]

Dr. Watson:
Perhaps a little fishing.

[Holmes groans again]

Dr. Watson:
And the best cook in the County of Sussex, wouldn't you say?

Dr. Watson:
If you feel so uncharitable, why'd you accept his invitation?

Sherlock Holmes:
To escape my lethargy. And your constant bullying to tidy our room in Baker Street.

Dr. Watson:
Huh. Hardly constant.

Dr. John Watson:
[Holmes has brought along a trunk full of his earliest cases] I wish I had notes of these cases. [Holmes promptly uses the trunk as a footrest]

Dr. John Watson:
Surely the house interests you!

Sherlock Holmes:
The house is freezing, Watson!

Dr. John Watson:
It's history.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, we must behave ourselves.

Sherlock Holmes:
I remember on my last visit he spent several hours explaining to me in French [starts laughing] the origins of the piccolo!

Sherlock Holmes:
I am convinced that there are *not* three mysteries here but only one, and the solution of one may prove the solution for the others.

Sherlock Holmes:
I must confess that so far I am disappointed in my investigation.

Dr. Watson:
What is it?

Sherlock Holmes:
Nothing less than a fragment of the ancient crown of the kings of England.

Sherlock Holmes:
There can, I think, be no doubt, gentlemen, that this battered and shapeless diadem once encircled the brows of the royal Stuarts.

Sherlock Holmes:
Now we must find where the shadow of the elm would have fallen when the sun is just clear of *that*.

Dr. Watson:
Well, that will be difficult, Holmes, since the elm's no longer there.

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh now, come, Watson. If Brunton can do it, then so can we. The answer lies in trigonometry!

[last lines]

Dr. Watson:
Was it chance the wood slipped? Was she only guilty of silence? She had a passionate Celtic soul; the man had wronged her; she had him in her power. Might it not have been vengeance that sent the stone crashing? Her hand that dashed it away. And what has become of her?

Sherlock Holmes:
Very probably she's far away from Hurlstone now and carries her secret with her.

Sherlock Holmes:
[Inquiring about the white pudding that Watson is eating in a run-down hostelry they are investigating] How is it, Watson?

Dr. John Watson:
It is disgusting, Holmes.

Dr. Watson:
Insufferable lout.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
This is a king's ransom.

Duke of Holdernesse:
You have given me back my future.

[first lines]

Mrs. Hudson:
There's a gentleman downstairs...

Dr. Watson:
Sh. Ask him to wait a moment, Mrs Hudson.

Mrs. Hudson:
He's most insistent.

Sherlock Holmes:
The situation is desperate... but not hopeless.

Dr. John Watson:
[Remarking about Lady Trelawney Hope] I say, what a really remarkable and beautiful woman!

Sherlock Holmes:
Mmmm... the fair sex is your department, Watson.

Dr. John Watson:
[reading from a newspaper] Murder in Westminster... crime of a mysterious character... Eduardo Lucas, unmarried, 34, well-known in society circles on account of his charming personality... valet out for the evening...

Sherlock Holmes:
[interrupting] They always are!

Dr. John Watson:
[still reading] ... elderly housekeeper... sleeps at the top of the house... heard nothing...

Sherlock Holmes:
[interrupting] They never do!

Sherlock Holmes:
Should I bring this to a successful conclusion, it will certainly represent the crowning glory of my career!

Sherlock Holmes:
[to Watson] This is a case where the law is as dangerous to us as the criminals are. You must be patient and wait.

Sherlock Holmes:
The motives of women are so inscrutable. I mean, how can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tong!

Lord Bellinger:
Come! There's more in this than meets the eye!

Sherlock Holmes:
Ah, Prime Minister, we too have our diplomatic secrets.

[first lines]

Dr. Watson:
[narration] One Tuesday morning in autumn at precisely half past eight, Sherlock Holmes received a mysterious message that two men of great public distinction would be visiting Baker Street in their private capacity and under circumstances of complete secrecy.

Inspector Lestrade:
If it might interest you, Mister Holmes...

Sherlock Holmes:
[Staring intently at a dead body in the morgue] Forgive me, Lestrade; I was just contemplating the one mystery that not even I can solve... Death itself!

Sherlock Holmes:
I would be grateful, Lestrade, if you could make it convenient to come around to Baker Street at six o'clock this evening. Until then I would like to keep this photograph found in the dead man's pocket.

Inspector Lestrade:
Ah, Mr. Holmes, that might be a vital clue.

Sherlock Holmes:
I trust it is; otherwise it's of no interest to me.

[When asked about Lestrade's theory about the six Napoleons]

Sherlock Holmes:
I'm sure that they have the greatest interest, but I regret to say I've not listened to a word of them.

[Holmes, Watson, and Lestrade are on a stakeout]

[Watson sneezes]

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, if you've caught a cold, it's your fault. You left the rugs behind.

Dr. Watson:
Sorry, Holmes.

Inspector Lestrade:
Don't suppose we can smoke, can we?

Sherlock Holmes:
[immediately] No.

Inspector Lestrade:
No. Thought as much.

Dr. Watson:
Have a humbug, Lestrade.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, this is no time for humbugs!

[last lines]

Venucci Snr:
? finita, Lucrezia.

Sherlock Holmes:
And now, Watson, I commend to you the universal answer to almost all problems.

Dr. Watson:
What's that, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes:
Sleep.

Sherlock Holmes:
I dare call nothing trivial, Lestrade. Some of my most classic cases have had the least promising commencement.

Dr. Watson:
Yeah. That dreadful business of the Abernetty family.

Sherlock Holmes:
Yah! Woo.

Inspector Lestrade:
I'd hardly call the dismemberment of an entire family trivial.

[Watson laughs]

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh, Watson, would you be so kind as to explain?

Dr. Watson:
What? Oh, uh, the point is that, um, it only came to Holmes's notice because of the depth to which the parsley had sunk into the butter on a hot day.

[Lestrade visits Holmes and Watson in their rooms at 221B Baker Street]

Dr. Watson:
Anything remarkable on hand, Lestrade?

Inspector Lestrade:
No, nothing in particular.

Sherlock Holmes:
[after a long pause, lowers the newspaper he's reading and smiles at Lestrade] Then tell us about it.

Inspector Lestrade:
[Lestrade speaks slowly, deliberately, and sincerely without his usual arrogance] I've seen you handle a good many cases in my time, but I don't know that I ever knew a more workmanlike one than this.

[Holmes beams with pride]

Inspector Lestrade:
We're not jealous of you, you know, at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we're proud of you.

[Holmes seems startled by this revelation]

Inspector Lestrade:
And if you come down tomorrow, there's not a man from the oldest inspector to the youngest constable... who wouldn't be glad to shake you by the hand.

Sherlock Holmes:
Thank you!

[Then quietly and softly with uncharacteristic humility]

Sherlock Holmes:
Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes:
[as a prelude to his explanation on how he solved the case] Observe... and learn!

Sherlock Holmes:
One must not confuse the unlikely with the impossible.

Sherlock Holmes:
Life is commonplace.

Sherlock Holmes:
You are like my friend Watson who has the bad habit of telling his stories wrong-end foremost.

Inspector Baynes:
A woman, as usual, is at the bottom of it.

Sherlock Holmes:
A Spaniard would write to a Spaniard in Spanish, Watson.

Inspector Baynes:
I was sure that Henderson, as he calls himself, felt he was suspected, and he would make no move so long as he thought he was in danger, so I arrested the wrong man.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
I really must congratulate you, Inspector. Your powers, if I may say so without offence, are superior to your opportunities.

Inspector Baynes:
You're right, Mister Holmes. In the provinces we stagnate; a case like this gives a man a chance.

[first lines]

Garcia:
Mr Scott Eccles.

Scott Eccles:
Oh, ah-ha, Mr Garcia.

Garcia:
I'm sorry, I did not recognize you at once.

Scott Eccles:
Oh, ah.

Garcia:
Please, allow me to carry your case.

Scott Eccles:
That's very civil of you. Thank you very much.

Garcia:
I'm sorry the weather has been unkind for your visit.

Scott Eccles:
Ah, well, unkind for you, perhaps, but, hah, we British, you know, we're hardy souls, hah-hah.