Ugly Betty

[repeated line]

Henry:
It's just something I know.

Marc St. James:
Hey Grub-stank, Grunstank! We need our checks early.

Amanda Tanen:
Yeah, got to buy me a red dress Grub-STANK.

Henry:
It's Grubstick! Grub-stick! Got it? It's one of the oldest and most honored names in Dutch history! Which loosely translates to; he-who- gives-the-fairest-price-for-his-bricks! The name is venerated and I am proud to be a Grub-Stick!

Amanda Tanen:
[Her and Marc walking rapidly away] Did he just get really hot?

Marc St. James:
[Taking his inhaler] Never been more attracted to anyone in my life.

Betty Suarez:
You are an attractive, intelligent, confident businesswoman.

Daniel Meade:
Betty, wait...

Betty Suarez:
This is what you wanted, isn't it? To humiliate me and make me quit? God forbid you had to work with the ugly girl your dad forced you to hire.

Hilda Suarez:
Betty, have you though about exploring other options?

Betty Suarez:
Hilda, I am not going to sell Herbalux.

Daniel Meade:
Maybe instead of Christmas we do other winter holidays... Kwanzaa?

Wilhelmina Slater:
Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?

Justin Suarez:
It's just like Top Model except no one's crying.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Come on, girl, I am black, you are Mexican, let's not talk around it like a couple of dull white people!

Wilhelmina Slater:
I have flower problems, catering problems, and Bradford wants something called a Shania Twain to perform at our reception.

Marc St. James:
What's wrong, Betty? Now that you're a big fancy editor, you don't even talk to the little people?

Betty Suarez:
Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your loud shirt.

Marc St. James:
[Marc and Amanda are trying to contact Gene Simmons] Maybe you need to communicate with him in his own language.

Amanda Tanen:
Hebrew?

Amanda Tanen:
I'm sorry. You were looking at me and saying things - I wasn't really listening.

Amanda Tanen:
Can you believe he's asking Betty for dating advice? That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.

Joel:
You look familiar. Have we met?

Wilhelmina Slater:
We're not even meeting now.

Marc St. James:
[Marc and Amanda are writing a song for Gene Simmons] If Gene Simmons were here right now, what would you say to him from your heart?

Amanda Tanen:
[Amanda improvises a song] A psychic told me your name, and I was glad / You didn't return my calls and I got sad/ I promise if you meet me, I won't be bad / I just want the chance to call you my father

Marc St. James:
I can only hope that one day I'll have an illegitimate daughter who will sing me a song thats that beautiful.

Marc St. James:
I'm not going stag, hag!

Amanda Tanen:
You'll have to buy your own beer, queer!

Marc St. James:
You can't just ditch, b*tch!

Daniel Meade:
She used to like taking us to clothing museums.

Alexis Meade:
Those were stores, dumbass! She just called them museums to get us out of school.

Evelyn:
Ok, so you see that stripper? She used to a nun, and she's pregnant with the butcher's baby, but she doesn't know that the butcher is her second cousin.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Story as old as time.

Marc St. James:
Mandy, you're going to be a reality TV star! It's what every pretty girl with no specific talent dreams of.

Betty Suarez:
You can take my bunny, but you can't take my spirit!

Marc St. James:
I swear on the abs of Mark Wahlberg.

Amanda Tanen:
Wow, you are serious.

Amanda Tanen:
Hey, what's different about you? Did you get your hair cut?

Betty Suarez:
I'm wearing an eye patch.

Amanda Tanen:
You didn't always have that?

Betty Suarez:
There is nobody here who cares about filling the inside, they only care about fixing the outside! You know what, this concealer here, this doesn't change the fact that she doesn't have a house! And this, this eyeliner isn't going to bring back the people you love! These women have lost everything, and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that.

Wilhelmina Slater:
What is it with white people and Taye Diggs?

Wilhelmina Slater:
Tyler, this is the third message I've left. Dick Cheney returns my calls after one.

Betty Suarez:
There is a swimsuit casting session at 10, I'm assuming you want to go.

Daniel Meade:
Wilhelmina can take that.

Betty Suarez:
What? Daniel, no - you love casting sessions! Hotties! Big b*obs!

Daniel Meade:
Please don't ever say "b*obs" again.

Daniel Meade:
I'm this close to splitting a Cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking about shoes!

Betty Suarez:
[Betty wants to set up Daniel with another celebrity] Somebody like Jennifer Aniston would be amazing.

Christina McKinney:
Betty, fixing up Daniel isn't part of your job description, is it?

Betty Suarez:
I know, I know, I just feel so guilty. What about Tara Reid?

Christina McKinney:
Lovely. Dinner with Tara Reid, breakfast at the free clinic.

Betty Suarez:
Right. Oh, Gisele! I wish I could make that happen, Gisele would make Daniel forget about Sofia.

Christina McKinney:
So do it.

Betty Suarez:
What do you mean, "So do it"? It's Gisele, it's not like we go to the same laundromat.

Christina McKinney:
Don't be such a numpty. You phone her representative and you arrange a dinner date.

Betty Suarez:
Celebrities do that?

Christina McKinney:
Where do you think Tom and Katie hooked up? Church?

Christina McKinney:
Oh, the sound of clinking ice cubes. It's like a Scottish lullaby.

Betty Suarez:
Oh, I'm sorry Mark, I couldn't hear you over your loud shirt.

Justin Suarez:
The key to sounding like you have good taste is hating everything. Just call it garish or ghoulish.

Betty Suarez:
I'm going to get Daniel a new horse to ride... that didn't sound as dirty in my head.

Hilda Suarez:
Looks like a gay version of Star Trek.

Hilda Suarez:
Guess we owe you four thousand dollars... and fifty cents.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Here's to the bundle of... what's the expression? Joy?

Marc St. James:
In the next few days something big is going to happen at Mode and when it does Wilhelmina is going to be in charge and when she is, these are the people who are staying and these are the people who get the Jimmy Choo.

Amanda Tanen:
What?

Marc St. James:
The boot.

Amanda Tanen:
What?

Marc St. James:
Gone.

Amanda Tanen:
Huh?

Marc St. James:
Later skater.

Christina McKinney:
Sofia was dating a stripper? Oh my God. I love her!

Cliff:
Maybe we could grab a beer before?

Marc St. James:
Sure, if by 'beer' you mean 'Appletini'.

Marc St. James:
What is it girl? Someone fell down a well?

Amanda Tanen:
Betty... internet dating... must mock...

Marc St. James:
What, you think he's out of my league? He's a nine, I'm an eight.

Amanda Tanen:
He's a ten, you're a six.

Marc St. James:
You're a b*tch, I'm a seven!

Daniel Meade:
[Betty has just told Daniel that they are going to a briefing being held by Wilhelmina] Is that where we're going? I wanted to go get some Danish. [Betty pulls a danish out of her purse] Are you really that good or did you just happen to have that with you?

Betty Suarez:
You'll never know.

Amanda Tanen:
[Betty is taking a picture to put on an online dating site] Head down, shoot from above, get those bangs to cover those caterpillars, and hide your chins by doing this [puts both hands, touching at the fingertips, under her chin], and for God's sake, lose the glasses.

Betty Suarez:
Amanda, I wear glasses, I'm not gonna lie.

Amanda Tanen:
Whatever, but guys don't make passes at girls who are fat.

Amanda Tanen:
These are the shoes I borrowed.

Christina McKinney:
You borrowed the Jimmy Choos. This is a sandwich.

Amanda Tanen:
You usually don't open the box that fast. I'll be right back. [hurries out of room]

Betty Suarez:
[Betty checks her profile on a dating website] Christina, look! I have responses to my profile!

Christina McKinney:
15 of them! First one's from ILoveTacos.

Betty Suarez:
I love tacos!

Christina McKinney:
Then ILoveChurros.

Betty Suarez:
I love churros!

Christina McKinney:
Then ILoveTortillas.

Betty Suarez:
[realizes all of these are fake] Amanda, you're not funny.

Amanda Tanen:
[walks over] I'm a little funny.

Christina McKinney:
Hey, there's one, NiceGuy47.

Betty Suarez:
Ooh! It's a real one. "I'd love to go out with you; your profile says you love bowling, so if you have some 'spare' time..."

Christina McKinney, Betty Suarez:
Aww!

Amanda Tanen:
I don't get it.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
So, did you hear? Phil Roth is in the house!

Betty Suarez:
Oh! You know who Philip Roth is? Author of 'Portnoy's Complaint', 'Goodbye, Columbus'...

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
...'American pastoral', yeah. Not everyone who makes sandwiches is a lunk.

Betty Suarez:
What?! Who's Phil Roth?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
He writes books on how to pick up chicks.

Betty Suarez:
[shrugs] Oh, my god! Daniel said Phil Roth, but I just thought he was doing his annoying casual thing... Bobby de Niro, Marty Scorsese. I don't want to interview a guy who writes books like that.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Hey! You get to write an article, okay? Now, go in there with an open mind. He's actually got a lot to say!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[at a Bar] I think I'm going to go for that blondie over there.

Betty Suarez:
Gio, don't you think she's a little out of your league?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
League?! I'm a guy. The universe is my league!

Henry Grubstick:
Statistically speaking, two test subjects increases your chances of validating this mating theory.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
You should open with that, chicks would love it.

Henry Grubstick:
Hey! I can Tap That better than you.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Are you serious?

Henry Grubstick:
Serious as a nova.

Betty Suarez:
Guys, no, this is my research, not a contest.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[to a girl at the bar] Cute outfit! You know, some people may call it 'slutty' but I think it really works on you.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[to a girl at the bar] It's so nice to meet a girl who dosen't buy into the whole skinny thing.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[to a girl at the bar] Man! You got some big feet!!

Henry Grubstick:
Who's The Man?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Usually, not the guy who says 'Who's the man'!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
I told that girl over there that I'm going to Iraq next week. Gotta strike now.

Betty Suarez:
Classy.

Betty Suarez:
[to Henry] Gio is a total dog... he's perfect.

Betty Suarez:
[to her relatives] Yo soy muy embarazada.

Ignacio Suarez:
[to Betty] You just told them you're pregnant.

Betty Suarez:
Oh no. Baby. No!

[Tavares has been exposed as straight at his fashion party]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Wow. My first public *inning*!

[Alexis hates the fact that Daniel is seeing her ex-girlfriend]

Daniel Meade:
You're just jealous because I've got the one thing you can't have. Guess you should have thought of that before you gave away the family jewels, huh?

Alexis Meade:
What's gotten into you?

Daniel Meade:
Nothing. You've just never seen me win before. See, this is me WINNING!

Hilda:
Guess who's coming over for Thanksgiving dinner?

Justin:
Martha Stewart? I won the contest?

Austin:
[to Justin] Hey, what are you doing, I thought we were gonna hang out?

Justin Suarez:
You guys go without me.

Austin:
Justin, I know you saw us! Come on, she didn't pick me over you or anything. You got to kiss her, and I wanted my shot.

Justin Suarez:
You guys seemed pretty into it.

Austin:
I guess...

Justin Suarez:
You weren't?

Austin:
Well it wasn't like you two on stage. That seemed intense.

Justin Suarez:
Well... I guess that's because I'm a good actor.

Austin:
Really?

Justin Suarez:
Yeah. It was better in my head.

Austin:
[Austin chuckles] This is messed up, alright? Oh, and by the way, you weren't that good on stage, okay? Cause you were totally blocking me when you kissed her! [Playfully shoves Justin]

Justin Suarez:
You just have to have everyone seeing you all the time.

Austin:
Trust me, they were looking at me anyways.

Justin Suarez:
[laughing] You are so in love with yourself!

Austin:
Wouldn't you be? [the two freeze for a moment and look at each other. Austin then kisses Justin]

Daniel Meade:
Don't call him my brother. My only brother is my sister, Alexis.

Betty Suarez:
I've had to say goodbye more times than I would have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even when it's for the greater good, it still stings. And though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do, is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye. Because, chances are, they're not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing. When it's a chance to start again.

Daniel Meade:
Mom, didn't Dad used to call me 'My Daniel'?

Alexis Meade:
Maybe he called you 'My Dumbass'!

Amanda Tanen:
You wait Pepper. You're gonna taste the wraith of my dog's vengeance.

Nick Pepper:
You don't even know what "wraith" means.

Amanda Tanen:
So. I know you'll taste it.

Daniel Meade:
Why are you so strong? What did they give you superstrength when they installed your vagina?

Betty Suarez:
Shut up! I so want to see this movie. I love romantic comedies.

Christina McKinney:
And I love James Marsden. I wanna bake him naked and eat him for dessert.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Why aren't they working?

Marc St. James:
Willy, a word. It's not that anyone minds being abused, it's just that they thought and I don't know where they got this that they are being paid to be abused.

Amanda Tanen:
[while having an argument] You are gay, right?

Nick Pepper:
Only when it comes to you.

Marc St. James:
Well, then we change your image. Come on, it's the media age, we can do it over night .Britney Spears shaves something or shows something or shows something shaved and it's around the world in seconds. Trust me, lady, I can make you Mother Teresa with better b*obs.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Well, that's why you're beloved - you're loyal to your fans.

Betty White:
Oh, well, I adore 'em... Except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
It's interesting, you only call me when you need something. When was the last time you've been down to my deli and bought a sandwich?

Betty Suarez:
Well, Gio, that's because every time I come in you tell, 'There she is: the eater!'

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
It's cute! It's our thing!

Betty Suarez:
Every weekend we have a themed topping. Last week we were watching Walk the Line, you know about Johnny Cash, so he topped up cashews. It was fun!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
And did you eat it with a Reese Wither-spoon?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Well, if I loved a girl, and I knew I had so little time left with her, then every night would be a chance to make a memory. Believe me, if there was any ice cream involved, I would be eating it off her stomach.

Hilda Suarez:
Sexy!

Betty Suarez:
Gross!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
I'd take her out to Montauk, with a bottle of wine, and we'd build a fire and sleep on the beach. Or maybe we'd climb the fire escape to the rooftop of The Blue Note and listen to music. Or maybe we'd just go out dancing. 'Cause you never feel closer to a woman than when you're holding her, ya know? So close you can feel her breath on your neck. [pause] Because love doesn't come around often and I'd want to make every second count.

Kenny:
[rapping] She's Alexis, big as Texas, and she knows what it's like to be both sexes!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
You always do this to me. Right when I think I'm out you pull me right back in.

Betty Suarez:
Well you know what, Gio? When this is all done you can get back into your 'meaty, cheese van' and drive as far away from 'Betty Suarez Town' as you want.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
...'Suarez Land'.

Betty Suarez:
Okay! I do not live in 'Betty Suarez Land'...

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Oh, yes, you do! '25 Teddy Bear Lane, Betty Suarez Land, USA'. And if you'd step out of it for one minute you'd realize that it takes two to make a relationship and I am not interested.

Betty Suarez:
Well, why not?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Because you broke my heart!

Betty Suarez:
What? Something to say?

Charlie:
No, I think my water just broke.

[Amanda is about to show Daniel the DNA test]

Amanda Tanen:
You know, even if this does come out positive, it only makes us half brother and sister. So if we did it 20 times, it was only wrong 10.

[Amanda failed to capture the media's attention]

Marc St. James:
You've got to out-Lohan Lohan. You've got to out-Britney Britney.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Okay, Chicken and Cheese Special on a Baguette, no chicken, no cheese... no baguette. [to Betty] I just sold her a plate of lettuce for seven bucks.

Betty Suarez:
Yes, but that's her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So really, it's a bargain.

Betty Suarez:
Can I please get the Turkey Sundried Tomato on a Baguette?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[claps] Yes! Man! I knew you were an eater!

Betty Suarez:
Oh! Thank you, I guess...

Betty Suarez:
So, you're new. What happened to Robert?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Ya know, I think he inherited money... or got arrested. I don't know, there was a lawyer and cash involved.

Betty Suarez:
Well... welcome!

Betty Suarez:
Oh, hey! I'm glad you're still here. There's just a little problem with my sandwich.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Oh, man! Is there a hair? I'm like the only one in my family with a full head.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Sorry, I don't know where Robert is. I'm not his keeper. But Robert didn't know jack about food. A sundried tomato is a concentrated flavor, more than three on a sandwich would overwhelm the smoky flavor of the turkey.

Betty Suarez:
Okay, ya know what? I think my turkey can handle it. So, could I please just have some more sundried tomatoes?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Well, you must be happy.

Betty Suarez:
[into phone] I'll call you back. [to Gio] Why?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
I just got fired because you went crying to your boss. Now I don't have a job... [to self] Man! I'm going to have to go back to stealing cable from my neighbor, which I don't feel right about. All because the little Mode-girl wasn't happy with her sandwhich.

Betty Suarez:
No, look! I wasn't trying to get you fired...

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Well, nonetheless, you did. [to the rest of Mode staff] Alright, everybody! That's it for me! But before I go: there is no such thing as fat-free Mayo. There's a hundred and twenty-five calories of pure fat per tablespoon and I put two on every sandwich. [to Betty] See you around Mode-girl.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Wow! That was... that was nice of you.

Betty Suarez:
See? I'm not a Mode-girl. A Mode-girl wouldn't have done that.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Yeah, I guess not. But, that's okay. I don't want it back.

Betty Suarez:
Why?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
'Cause loosing that job was exactly the kick in the butt I needed. It was taking me away from my 5-year plan.

Betty Suarez:
What's happening in five years?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
I'm starting my own place. Ya know, Gio's Sandwich Depot: three hundred seats, a thousand kinds of sandwiches and the world's longest condiment bar. You name it, it's on there. Go ahead, name one.

Betty Suarez:
Um... mustard?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Of course there's going to be mustard there! Come on, use your imagination.

Betty Suarez:
Sorry, you caught me off-guard.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Gio's going to be huge!

Betty Suarez:
Hey! Wait! You have a van! We need a van. Would you drive me to New Jersey to pick up a wheelchair? We'd pay you.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Sure, I could do that. Get in!

Betty Suarez:
[thinks for a moment] Sour-kraut?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Don't embarrass yourself.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[on the phone] Daniel, it's Betty again, we got you your chair but you're just going to have to meet us here because it's almost eleven o'clock so you're just going to have to meet us here, and I've got the lint roller so I'll just go over you when you get here.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Man!

Betty Suarez:
What?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
I think I know the reason why you don't write: you're too busy de-linting your bosses ass.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
What have you written?

Betty Suarez:
A lot! Actually, I used to practically run the Queens Community College newspaper, but since I've left the quality has gone way down.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
No, I mean lately.

Betty Suarez:
Uh, well... nothing, really, but I do have a lot of ideas.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Good! Keeping it all up there! That's how Hemingway did it. He was thinking 'What a nice morning' and The Sun Also Rises just "magically" appeared on the page.

Betty Suarez:
Are you making fun of me?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Nah [smiles] I'm sorry. I just hope you're not one of these people who just waits for things to happen. What are you, like thirty now?

Betty Suarez:
I'm twenty-three!

Betty Suarez:
How could you? I wasted my entire day trying to get that stupid thing... Do you have any idea what I could have done with that time? I could have written a short story. Or a whole bunch of short stories depending on how short they were. Or written in my journal, because I'm pretty sure my last entry went something like, "I love Lance Bass. I want to marry him.

[after hearing Betty's ringtone of "La Cucaracha" on an incoming call]

Claire Meade:
I didn't pass out in a Mexican whorehouse again, did I?

Wilhelmina Slater:
Birthdays are the gateways to Secret Santas and casual Fridays!

Wilhelmina Slater:
Excuse me, is this you? [Holds up photograph and woman nods] You're fired!

Evelyn:
Ok so you see that stripper, she used to be a nun and she's pregnant with the butcher's baby, but she doesn't know that the butcher is her second cousin.

Wilhelmina Slater:
A story as old as time.

Betty Suarez:
When we were at the spa your mom kept saying that she wanted to go back to happier times, like when you were younger. Is there anywhere special you used to go?

Daniel Meade:
Well she used to like taking us to clothing museums.

Alexis Meade:
Those were stores dumbass. She just called them museums to get us out of school.

Christian Siriano:
The House of Siriano has arrived. Worship me b*tches.

Hilda Suarez:
[inspecting Gina's shoe] This doesn't look right.

Gina Gambarro:
You know these luxury brands: everything's handmade, so it's unique, like a snowflake.

Hilda Suarez:
This isn't a snowflake-it's a snow FAKE.

Gina Gambarro:
Excuse me?

Hilda Suarez:
[indicating her own shoe] THIS is PRADA [indicating Gina's shoe] ,THIS is NADA.

Betty Suarez:
Hey Amanda, will you hold all my calls? Diego and Victoria are going to be here in 42 minutes and I need every last second to prepare for my interview.

Amanda Tanen:
Okay calm down, Betty. Good things come to those who weigh less.

Amanda Tanen:
[on phone] If I can't pay my bill, then I can't pay my rent, and if I can't pay my rent, then how will you send me my bill? See, this is actually all for you!

Wilhelmina Slater:
Sorry, I sometimes blackmail people when I'm nervous.

Hilda Suarez:
Justin, don't dance near that man with his hand under his coat!

Justin Suarez:
Fine, but if I miss one minute of the first act... you think this is diva now?

Wilhelmina Slater:
You're not here to stitch, you're here to snitch!

Marc St. James:
She means she needs information, b*tch!

[Alexis just gave Joel her number]

Joel:
[to his friends] GOT IT!

[Joel's friends start cheering]

Alexis Meade:
I don't understand. What's going on?

Joel:
Me and my friends had a bet that I could get your number. You know I haven't been living in a cave, DUDE! I know exactly who you are, and by the way, I don't date FREAKS! Unless I get paid.

[after Alexis decides not to fire Daniel]

Wilhelmina Slater:
You know, you may be new at being a woman, but you're an old pro at being a B*TCH!

Amanda Tanen:
Grow a pair, Bambi. You've been working here long enough. It is time to seize your inner Mode girl. Mode girls aren't the other woman, we are the only woman. Fight for your little dweeb. Find this chick's weakness and exploit it.

Betty Suarez:
Maybe I'm just a bigger person than you.

Amanda Tanen:
Well...

Betty Suarez:
Don't; it's too obvious.

[after Marc's mother calls Justin "swishy"]

Marc St. James:
Why don't you open your eyes and look at your own "swishy" son.

Betty Suarez:
Marc, are these really the answers that are going to convince your mother you're straight?

Marc St. James:
Uh, straight guys-mystic tan. Hello, Tom Cruise.

[Wilhelmina, Daniel, Alexis and Marc are discussing the current Mode situation]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Seems like everyone's an Editor-In-Chief here except me!

Marc St. James:
Oh, and me.

[Wilhelmina glares at Marc]

Marc St. James:
[going through his story with Betty in order to fool his mother] We met when I made a bet with my friends that I could turn you from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan

Betty Suarez:
Marc, that's "She's All That."

Marc St. James:
No, in that movie, she actually became beautiful. I felt in love with you because of that whole inner beauty crap.

Mrs. Weiner:
Hello, Amanda.

Amanda Tanen:
Hi, Mamma Weiner.

Mrs. Weiner:
Dear, I hate to be rude, but now that you've broken my little Mark's heart with, shall we say, your indiscretions, I think you should go back to Mrs. Weiner.

Amanda Tanen:
Indiscretions?

Mrs. Weiner:
Mark told me about the other men. And women. Drug addiction makes you do strange things, but Mark says your working on that - one day at a time.

Betty Suarez:
So, Miss Weiner, how did you get started with cat shows?

Mrs. Weiner:
I had a hairless sphinx named Mr. Meowington. I entered him in a local cat show. For the talent competition, he flushed a toilet.

Diane:
You are SUCH a chick flick! I would totally pay twelve dollars to see you.

Ang?lica:
Okay, I just checked her file, she had her cleaning two months ago. Her insurance will not cover this every six months.

Diane:
Rinse and spit, Ang?lica, just put it through. Where's your sense of romance? She's doing this for the man she loves. [to Betty] Ooh, we should give you pink rubber bands.

Betty Suarez:
Ooh, yeah, that would be really fun!

Ang?lica:
Dentistry is not about fun. [to Diane] You always think that you can bend all the rules because you're pretty... and blonde. [exits]

Betty Suarez:
Is she okay?

Diane:
She's just mad because we had a nitrous party the other night and we didn't invite her.

Ang?lica:
That was unethical and costly.

Diane:
BACK TO YOUR CAVE, SHREK!

Diane:
[to Betty, who is cleaning her teeth with dental instruments] Don't put that in your mouth, I just cleaned my nails with it. Kidding!

Diane:
Okay, maybe I do escape to the movies more often than I should, but this is your movie, Betty?

Betty Suarez:
It is?

Diane:
This is your chance for the happy ending you always wanted.

Betty Suarez:
Yeah.

Diane:
Now go home and put on some totally cute top and run a brush through that hair, or maybe a hat and go and stop that plane. You're Drew Barrymore!

Betty Suarez:
Okay. [exits but then enters again] Wait, I have my nephew's show tonight and I don't have the flight number and what about security, I...

Diane:
Drew Barrymore!

[Betty and Henry are trying to have a romantic moment in the copy room]

Amanda Tanen:
Who is hogging the -? [gasps] Oh, dorkus interuptus.

Betty Suarez, Henry Grubstick:
GET OUT!

Amanda Tanen:
[exits] Hey, everyone, Betty's in heat!

[Daniel's lie to Betty has been exposed, as well as his new drug addiction]

Daniel Meade:
I know, you're disappointed.

Betty Suarez:
No, Daniel! I am *way past* disappointed!

[Betty storms out]

[Betty is leaving for a new job and Amanda is trying to get Betty's position as Daniel's assistant]

Betty Suarez:
Amanda, look, I need to plan a Mode-worthy party for $500, get Daniel a new assistant and get Justin a signed photo of Lindsey Lohan in two days, I'm kinda busy!

Amanda:
Well, today is like, your lucky day. Hire me. You know you wanna.

Betty Suarez:
Are you serious? After what you and Daniel have been through?

Amanda:
What is the very first thing I ever said to you?

Betty Suarez:
[thinks] Are you the "before"?

Amanda:
Ok, the second thing.

Betty Suarez:
"Are-you-de-liv-er-ing-some-thing?"

Amanda:
Whatever.

Amanda:
What is the first thing I ever said to you?

Betty Suarez:
Are you the 'before'?

Amanda:
Okay, the second thing?

Betty Suarez:
[gesturing in faux sign language] "Are you de-li-ver-ing something?

Amanda:
Whatever

Daniel Meade:
[on the phone] I have something to tell you...

Daniel Meade:
You do take my beath away...

Daniel Meade:
You make my heart beat faster...

Daniel Meade:
You make my palms sweat...

Daniel Meade:
But that doesn't mean i don't love you...

Daniel Meade:
It means i do.

Daniel Meade:
Sometimes... you heart knows things your mind can't explain...

Daniel Meade:
And my heart doesn't race for anyone else.

Daniel Meade:
I love you, Sofia

Daniel Meade:
This is Daniel by the way

[drunk, to Santa]

Christina:
A heart for Wilhelmina, courage for Mark, and a brain for Amanda.

Amanda:
Look around. We're a bunch of unstable, hungry, back-stabbing b*tches. Do you really think anyone would sell us guns?

Amanda Tanen:
Look around. We're a bunch of unstable, hungry, back-stabbing b*tches. Do you really think anyone would sell us guns?

Betty Suarez:
You bought us a Christmas tree?

Daniel Meade:
Betty, I've thrown up in four rooms of your house. It's the least I could do.

Marc St. James:
This is embarrassing! AJ, you were assigned number six on Shakira's rider; read that to me!

A.J.:
Uh. One box of bendy straws?

Marc St. James:
UH HUH! BENDY STRAWS! Now, let's take a look at what you brought back. Okay, so I'm Shakira and I would like to take a drink. So I take a straw, and I put it in my cup. And - oh, but what's this? It doesn't bend? I don't understand! How am I suppose to drink? Like this? This isn't comfortable! I can't drink like this! Am I some kind of animal? NO! YO SOY SHAKIRA! And I will not be holding my drink down under my chin, like some savage, if I'm thirsty!

Wilhelmina Slater:
We'll work with each other to fix it. I'll start with the leak.

Daniel Meade:
I'll tackle the new spread.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Perfect. We're in this together.

Daniel Meade:
Are you as creeped out as I am?

Wilhelmina Slater:
More

Marc St. James:
Nice vest!

Justin Suarez:
Ralph Lauren, we got it half price because there is a small hole but you can't even see it.

Marc St. James:
So, the kids at school, do they like it?

Justin Suarez:
No. They don't really get me.

Marc St. James:
A word of advice, be who you are, wear what you want, just learn how to run real fast.

Amanda Tanen:
Have you been smoking one of your ponchos?

Betty Suarez:
Oh, look, here's some of my friends.

Amanda Tanen:
Just because we're sharing an elevator, doesn't mean we're friends.

Betty Suarez:
Marc, Amanda, this is uh, Justin.

Marc St. James:
Oh, so that's pregnancy weight!

[Amanda laughs]

Betty Suarez:
Um, no, he's my nephew.

Justin Suarez:
[looks down at Amanda's shoes] OH MY GOD! Manolo Blahniks Spring 2004!

Marc St. James:
[gasps] Wearing two-year-old shoes! Even I didn't catch that.

[to Betty]

Marc St. James:
Definitely not your son.

Amanda Tanen:
Ho-la!

Ignacio Suarez:
It's hola.

Amanda Tanen:
No. There's a "H" in it.

Wilhelmina Slater:
[to MODE staff] We have two days to conceive and execute an entirely new concept!

Daniel Meade:
If any of you have plans, I need you to cancel them. I want everyone working together to pull this off.

Wilhelmina Slater:
What Daniel's trying to say is, kiss your loved ones goodbye and expect to come home to dead pets!

Marc St. James:
[to himself] Schmoopy...

Daniel Meade:
Ok, off that... the sand is desert sand, like Africa. So maybe instead of Christmas, we do other winter holidays... Kwanzaa?

Wilhelmina Slater:
Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?

Justin Suarez:
Oh my god! It's just like Top Model, except no one's crying.

Ignacio Suarez:
Betty, maybe your guests would like... a snack? We have flan.

Amanda Tanen:
What's a flan?

Ignacio Suarez:
It's a delicious custard.

Amanda Tanen:
Oh, BRING it!

[Wilhelmia just got fired and Daniel reinstated at Mode]

Wilhelmina Slater:
I still own 1/3 of this company!

Claire Meade:
No! Your unborn child own 1/3 of this company.

Wilhelmina Slater:
[to Daniel and Alexis] You are going to *regret* this! I promise you!

Claire Meade:
Don't you ever threaten my family, Wilhelmina!

Claire Meade:
[menacingly] You have *no idea* the lengths I will go to protect my children!

[Daniel is back as Editor-In-Chief at Mode]

Daniel Meade:
So, do you want to come back?

Betty Suarez:
Well, only if I can keep the raise Wilhelmina gave me.

Daniel Meade:
[mildly amused] Boy, you sure know how to capitalize on leverage, don't you?

[Betty smiles]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Look at us! Two women of color out for a fancy lunch in the town! Isn't this fun, girlfriend?

Betty Suarez:
[laughs nervously] I guess.

Wilhelmina Slater:
And that blouse is heaven! Where did you get? I love it!

Betty Suarez:
No you don't!

Wilhelmina Slater:
No, I don't. It's hideous, like driving through Ohio.

Betty Suarez:
Can you believe it? My first day here and I helped sell.

Marc St. James:
Did you flip your wig? I told you to be invisible.

Betty Suarez:
She asked me a question, and I was helpful.

Marc St. James:
Don't you get it? Wilhelmina doesn't need help. You never outshine the Queen.

Betty Suarez:
Yeah, well, she landed a major advertiser, and, by the way, Wilhelmina totally smiled at me.

Marc St. James:
She wasn't smiling... she was showing her teeth.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Betty! In my office, now.

Wilhelmina Slater:
On the contrary, I was very, very impressed. And it made me think that maybe you were the one.

Betty Suarez:
Like "Lord of the Rings?"

Justin Suarez:
Look Mom, I'm the Phantom of the Opera!

[Claire just tripped Wilhelmina, sending her into Bradford's grave]

Claire Meade:
Motion to terminate Wilhelmina Slater as Creative Director of Mode Magazine. All in favor.

Daniel Meade, Alexis Meade:
YES!

Claire Meade:
Motion carried. Rest in Peace, B*TCH!

Daniel Meade:
You came to clean out your office?

Wilhelmina Slater:
Actually, I came to clean out *yours*.

Justin Suarez:
So let me get this straight. Wilhelmina Slater was pushed in to a grave and you didn't get one picture?

Justin Suarez:
A pink tree would be so kitsch. Pink is the new green.

Cameron Ashlock:
Mode Magazine? Yeah, I think I did the cover. And probably the photographer. I usually do.

Sheila:
Amanda, I knew Fey Sommers. I worked with Fey Sommers. I once made out with Fey Sommers. Amanda, you are no Fey Sommers. Kid, I think it's time you went back to the phones.

Betty Suarez:
Wil-hel-mi-na.

Kimmie Keegan:
Will-memina!

Betty Suarez:
No, no there's a "hell" in it; Wil-HELL-mi-na.

Kimmie Keegan:
Hell-memina!

Betty Suarez:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Professor Barrett:
[after hearing Betty read the graphic account of a Bear attack] [addressing the writing class] That is exactly what I want! Why can't the rest of you get attacked by a bear?

Marc St. James:
We're doomed! Doooooomed!

Claire Meade:
[to Daniel] If you are having such a hard time with her leaving, you need to give her a reason to stay.

Daniel Meade:
[to Betty] I can't live without you.

Ignacio Suarez:
Betty? Who the hell are you?

Yoga:
Uh... Cable company.

Claire Meade:
The cable company? Seriously?

Ignacio Suarez:
Mrs. Meade?

Claire Meade:
How many homes did you break into before you got caught? The cable company?

Yoga:
How many times you be busting me out in front of people? I told you this is not a good word. Everyone believes somebody come from the cable company I told...

Claire Meade:
You telling me "Fish don't do this, Fish don't do that." You've known exactly what you were doing, you've known it from the beginning.

Claire Meade:
Mr. Suarez, so nice to see you again.

Hilda Suarez:
Who's she?

Yoga:
Exterminator.

Claire Meade:
Unbelievable.

Hilda Suarez:
Mrs. Meade?

Claire Meade:
You are the worst fugitive in the world.

Hilda Suarez:
Oprah told me that I need to take control of my life. And then Dr. Phil told me that I need to take on a challenge. And then Rachael Ray made a pie..." [to Betty, while explaining her newfound motivation to find a job]

Amanda:
You're booking a cruise? You can't afford to cruise the bathroom on the seventeenth floor. [to Marc, after she sees that he's checking out the Island Boys Cruise website]

Fabia:
I had a doctor... a Dr. Wong, on Spring Street. He give me the injection into my face, and, poof, ten years gone. And you can look 65 again.

Fabia:
I love your assistant. I have the same one in beige.

Wilhelmina Slater:
You wil be at my side at all times. You will be my seeing-eye gay.

Marc St. James:
[Wilhelmina has just injected duck sauce in her face, and her eyes have swelled up] It's a blessing, Willie. Think about it, Fashion Week! All those people you don't want to see!

Wilhelmina Slater:
But they have to see me! And you will be by my side at all times. You will be my seeing-eye-gay.

Justin Suarez:
I swear mom, I will run away. I know a kid in sixth grade who sells crack.

Marc St. James:
Just so you know, you'll always be my little chimichanga. [pause] It doesn't mean I like you or anything.

Ignacio Suarez:
Mrs. Mead, what do you take in your coffee?

Claire Meade:
Vodka and ice, hold the coffee

Betty Suarez:
Now, can we discuss this Cheeto tan?

Daniel Meade:
What? I was supposed to be in Rio for two weeks.

Betty Suarez:
You look like an oompa-loompa.

Betty Suarez:
Daniel!... So, how's Rio?

Daniel Meade:
It's bueno.

Daniel Meade:
Look at you. Five months ago you thought Cavalli was a kind of pasta.

Betty Suarez:
Yeah. So did you.

Marc St. James:
We should hit it with a bat... see if candy falls out. [to Amanda, after seeing that Betty has returned to Mode with Daniel]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Now take off that ridiculous costume! I can't even stand looking at the real one.

Betty Suarez:
Just think, if you become a power couple they'll call you Gisaniel.

[the masked lady is revealed]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Boy that skiing accident sure paid off... Alex Meade.

Alexis Meade:
Alexis. It's Alexis now.

Wilhelmina Slater:
[to Daniel] You're no longer Editor-In-Chief at Mode. I am!

[to the frightened umpire and catcher]

Naomi Campbell:
Don't worry, darling, I'll wield this bat with love.

Kimmie Keegan:
He means you, Betty.

Naomi Campbell:
[holding a baseball bat] Not now darling, I'm playing cricket.

Betty Suarez:
I don't think Daniel is going to go for a baby in chainlink.

Amanda Tanner:
It's chainmail.

Betty Suarez:
Whatever. If she tries to move, she's going to need first aid

[Bruno has been fired by Betty]

Bruno Jacobs:
Who the hell does she think she is?

Sofia Reyes:
For today. She's the boss.

[Daniel has heard of Sofia's job offer to Betty]

Daniel Meade:
You didn't grow up wanting to be my assistant. You have your own dreams. I would never stand in your way.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Who on this staff would be willing to eat something that is 15 grams of fat per serving?

Betty Suarez:
Isn't there anything in here that would work for a 6-month-old?

Christina McKinney:
No, nothing. Yes, there is. Kate Moss' Spandex dress! No, no, because I'm going to have to take it out a bit.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[nods] Egg salad, shoulda known, it travels well.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
But, come on, the guy is going down there to see his girlfriend. But relax! It's not like... he's going to get her pregnant again!

Betty Suarez:
That's disgusting! He would never cheat on me.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Yeah [nods] you're right. That's not Eggie's style.

Betty Suarez:
His name is not 'Eggie'... it's 'Egg Salad'!! [loud laughs]

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Betty, are you okay?

Betty Suarez:
No. It's Henry... It's Henry.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
You know, for what it's worth, you smell really good!

Betty Suarez:
You smell really good, too.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Well, don't worry. Whatever happens in Tucson, stays in Tucson.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Look, I've been thinking about it and I just want to apologize. I should have never said Egg Salad was going to do something wrong in Tucson. And I know you don't like it, so I'm not to call him Egg Salad anymore. [looks away] It's Henry... you're boyfriend, Henry.

[after Betty ruined her chance ousting Daniel from MODE]

Alexis Meade:
[angrily] You should ask for a raise!

[Tavares and Amanda just had sex although Tavares is supposedly gay]

Amanda Tanen:
Did I turn you straight? 'Cause I have been known to do that to guys, though usually the other way.

Tavares:
No, I'm straight. Just in the closet.

Amanda Tanen:
Oooh. The *straight closet*.

Lena:
[to Petra] You must be starving. I'll get you a club soda.

Marc St. James:
This is Mode, not... Dog Fancy

Amanda:
Ah! She's so fabulously douchy.

Justin Suarez:
I can't eat flan! Flan makes me fat!

[seeing Betty talking with Christina and two other less-than-attractive co-workers]

Marc St. James:
Ooh. The bizarro version of Sex and The City.

Amanda:
Stop it! I'm *gagging*!

[after being publicly humiliated at a photo shoot]

Betty Suarez:
[to Daniel] This is what you wanted, isn't it? To humiliate me and make me quit! God forbid you should have to work with the ugly girl your Dad *made* you hire! Well, congratulations!

Justin Suarez:
I don't want flan, I'll get fat!

Daniel Meade:
I realise I have some awful big [looks at Betty] teeth... shoes to fill.

Marc St. James:
Killer poncho.

Marc St. James:
Well he's well on his way to falling flat on his face, I mean can you belive that assistant? This is Mode, not... dogfancy.

Daniel Meade:
Betty, wait-...

Betty Suarez:
This is what you wanted, isn't it? To humiliate me and make me quit? God forbid you had to work with the ugly girl your dad forced you to hire. Well, congratulations.

Betty Suarez:
You are an attractive, intelligent, confident, businesswoman.

Amanda Tanen:
Hi. Are you the before?

Betty Suarez:
Huh?

Amanda Tanen:
Before and after? The photo shoot? [Betty does not understand] Are you de-liv-er-ing some-thing?

[Betty has been obsessed with Daniel lately]

Daniel Meade:
Listen! I don't need a babysitter or a bodyguard! When we leave the office, your day is over! Now please let me live my life! PUNCH OUT!

[Daniel just found out that Petra is 16 after having slept with her]

Lena:
You didn't check for ID, did you? You naughty boy.

Wilhelmina Slater:
I thought there was a gag order against him.

Marc St. James:
It should be. A red hat with his skin tone? I am gagging.

Vincent Bianchi:
How about Mrs. Rodriguez? Does she still teach there?

Amanda:
I'm going to say... she died.

Marc:
Betty! [takes picture of Betty on his cell phone] I found my new screensaver!

Betty Suarez:
There has to be something here Christina, a sweater, or a jacket. I just can't walk in there looking like me.

Christina McKinney:
You look fine.

Betty Suarez:
But you're not Vincent Bianchi. He's expecting one of these 28th floor girls.

Christina McKinney:
And since when did you wanna look like them, they're not even real. Real women snort when they laugh, they have fat arses, wobbly upper arms,Fart and get PMS. I thought you wanted to run a magazine some day.

Betty Suarez:
Yeah but this job is the only chance I'll ever have at getting there. I was in Daniel's office earlier and he wanted the opinion of a MODE girl. He didn't even look at me. So you honestly think I don't have a future if I don't at least try to change?

Amanda Tanner:
It's about to get nerd nasty.

Amanda Tanner:
I've been de-wenched!

Nick Pepper:
You mess with the Pepper, you get the spice!

Marc St. James:
Middle Ages is gonna be duh-licious. It's gonna be Britney shaving her head all over again!

Amanda Tanen:
Oh, that was fun. But then it got sad.

Marc St. James:
No, but then it got fun again!

Amanda Tanen:
Promise you won't say anything to anyone?

Marc St. James:
I swear on the abs of Mark Wahlberg.

Amanda Tanen:
Wow, you are serious.

[Shows Mark her acting reel]

Marc St. James:
Shut the front door! Your acting reel? Bring it!

[after watching Amanda's video]

Marc St. James:
That was hi... wait for it... larious!

Betty Suarez:
You are such a dork.

Henry:
You know you love it.

Amanda:
You showed up on a daily basis looking like a yard sale. Didn't even care. It's like you were genetically engineered without the fear gene. I gotta give you props. FYI, none of this means I like you or anything." [when Betty was interviewing her for an MYW fish-out-of-water story]

[Sofia revealed her true intentions on Rise and Shine America]

Daniel Meade:
How could you DO THIS?

Sofia Reyes:
How many times have you done this to how many other women?

Daniel Meade:
I can assure you NONE of them were broadcast on NATIONAL TV!

Betty Suarez:
[via text messsage] You're about to hear a cough. That's me saying hello.

Henry:
[via text messsage] You're about to hear a sneeze. That's me saying hello.

Giovanni:
You're about to hear a gag. That's me... gagging.

[Betty and Henry hide in Glinda's bubble and a technical snafu causes it to turn on during "Defying Gravity" and interrupts "Wicked"]

Megan Hilty:
[out of character] What the...?

Eden Espinosa:
[also out of character] Holy crap!

Henry:
Smile, Betty, you're on Broadway.

Betty Suarez:
Maybe you could try something catchy. Oh! Like that donut shop downstairs: 'A Hole Lot of Fun'. That just makes me smile! [smiles]

Giovanni:
Yeah yeah yeah! That's also the name of a strip club in Bayside!

Betty Suarez:
Eww! And now I know you better...

Giovanni:
So, I'm just curious, being your boyfriend and all, am I a gentle lover?

Betty Suarez:
Ew! Shut up. I had to tell my boss that I was going out with someone and you were the first guy I saw.

Giovanni:
Flattered. So, why are you lying to him?

Betty Suarez:
Because, well, I'm dating someone that I don't want Daniel to know about.

Giovanni:
Oooh! You're cheating on me? After I was so gentle?

Giovanni:
Looks like your boss is trying to put the moves on his mother.

Betty Suarez:
That's ridiculous! It's business. He's a total professional.

Giovanni:
Yeah, [scoffs] Professional dog! Check it out! He's trying to do the old Armrest Boob-Graze.

Walter:
[taking something off a shelf] What? I'm shopping!

Betty Suarez:
Walter, you do not have a feminine itch.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Well good luck returning my ass!

Betty Suarez:
Walter!

Walter:
Wh-what? I'm shopping.

Betty Suarez:
No you don't have a feminine itch...

[Daniel wants to dine with Oshi one-on-one]

Oshi:
Oshi is OSHI!

[indicating his entire entourage]

Betty Suarez:
You can take my bunny but you can't take my spirit!

Hilda Suarez:
It looks like we now owe you four thousand dollars... and fifty cents. [to Gina Gambarro, after tearing out some of her hair extensions]

Amanda Tanen:
WHATEVER! I am still prettier.

Betty Suarez:
I don't think I've ever seen a butterfly come out of it's cocoon before.

Olivia:
Everyone talks about the miracle of birth. I think re-birth is even more of a miracle.

Betty Suarez:
Oh, I think he's struggling.

Olivia:
Oh, he can handle it. I suspect caterpillars stay in their cocoon's a little longer than they really need to. It's got to be scary... to change into a whole new thing.

Betty Suarez:
Wow. He's so beautiful. Oooh... but the caterpillar's just... gone.

Olivia:
Aw... he's still in there. Other people just see the wings... and the colors. I'll always see the caterpillar.

Gio:
You frenched me, Suarez. You frenched me good.

Marc St. James:
I'm here, I'm queer and I'm eating your pastries.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Am I smiling, I can't tell?

Marc St. James:
I think you are.

Marc St. James:
[to Wilhelmina Slater]. You are a horror movie I wish would never end.

Alexis Meade:
[talking about Wilhelmina Slater] She's nothing more than a Chanel-suit with an office.

Gio:
I don't want to be the rebound guy...I want to be The Guy.

Betty Suarez:
My trophy speaks with a Mexican accent?

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
All trophies do!

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
So, the principal turns to her and says 'Betty Suarez, you're expelled!'

Antonella:
No way!

Justin Suarez:
Badass!

Betty Suarez:
No, it is not badass to be expelled from school so don't go getting any ideas.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
[hugging his sister Antonella] Too late, you're officially a bad influence.

Amanda Tanen:
Betty, we are so glad you finally found a rebound guy. You and Henry?

Marc St. James:
Mismaaatch! One time, I saw him changing his shirt in the bathroom, and I wasn't staring, and I definitely did not take a picture, but for a nerd accountant? He has body kar-ate [shows Amanda a picture on his phone]

Amanda Tanen:
Ooo. But Gio smells like salami.

Marc St. James:
And he's perfect for you!!

Amanda Tanen:
Betty, Gio loves you!

Marc St. James:
And that's a direct quote from a stall in the men's room.

Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi:
Oh, I see, you get your kiss and now you're blowing me off.

Christina:
So go on and flit! Flit!

Betty Suarez:
What?

Christina:
Flit, it's what butterflies do.

Betty Suarez:
Oh, I thought you were swearing at me in Scottish...

Hilda Suarez:
There is no twirling in the armed forces!

Wilhelmina Slater:
I can't deny it anymore; it's happened. I've become a woman of a certain age

Wilhelmina Slater:
I can't compete anymore with the bevy of 22 year old gym bodies. You starve yourself, you pull yourself, you inject yourself, you think your safe, but they keep coming to the door younger and younger like a hail of bullets until down you go. Why is it such a crime to age in this business?

Christina McKinney:
It's true! It started because women are so punitive.

Wilhelmina Slater:
And who's fault is that. I set the standards. Lifetime achievement award, there's my achievement; it bit me in the ass, and the hips. Serves me right, huh?

[Marc is dressed as Betty for Halloween]

Marc St. James:
Hola! Happy Halloween!

[Amanda laughs like a hyena]

Wilhelmina Slater:
Marc!

[Marc flips around to face Wilhelmina]

Wilhelmina Slater:
That is the absolute cruelest thing I've ever seen. Someone's getting a raise.

Daniel Meade:
Don't give me the look.

Betty Suarez:
[dressed in a butterfly costume] What look?

Daniel Meade:
That look! The all-judging butterfly.

Wilhelmina Slater:
[about Marc's Betty costume] Take that disgusting thing off! I can barely stand looking at the REAL ONE!

[after Betty is taken away by the police for fighting Kimmie]

Kimmie:
How did you like that, Ugly Betty!

Justin Suarez:
I'm going to meet Austin.

Hilda Suarez:
Where are you going?

Justin Suarez:
Nowhere. Just hanging out.

Hilda Suarez:
[to Bobby] Why is everything about Austin always such a big secret?

Bobby Talercio:
No secret. Austin's a good kid. They're both good kids. Everything's cool.

Hilda Suarez:
What's going on? Do you know something?

Bobby Talercio:
No. I don't know anything. What, what would I know?

Hilda Suarez:
You do know something. I swear to God, Bobby, you better tell me.

Bobby Talercio:
No, I can't. I promised I wouldn't say anything. I'm not gonna break that promise.

Hilda Suarez:
He's on drugs. Oh, my God! That Austin kid has got my baby hooked on drugs!

Bobby Talercio:
It's not drugs.

Hilda Suarez:
Well, then, what is it, Bobby? Because I cannot think of another reason why my son is always spending time with Austin. Oh, suddenly he's sneaking off all the time, or he's up in the room with the door...

[pauses as Bobby stares at her]

Hilda Suarez:
Ooohhhhh.

Marc St. James:
Come on! He is totally hot! He looks like Taye Diggs.

Wilhelmina Slater:
What is it with white people and Taye Diggs?

Betty Suarez:
And so I learned about how you grew up behind the iron curtain, dreaming of a life on the other side of the Berlin wall. And that you lost your father when he got caught trying to escape over the barbed wire. And so even when the wall came down, you still carried that pain. Pain that is always with you even in the clothes you make. Maybe the only way you can imagine escaping is raising giant wings and letting the wind carry you away. Is that right?

Heinrich:
[close to tears] Now we will make love!

Betty Suarez:
Well. No. Thank you though.

Betty Suarez:
I only get two tickets to the mode show this year so we have to decide who's going

Justin Suarez:
I get one, or I tell everyone you still love Ricky Martin

Betty Suarez:
*gasps* okay

Justin Suarez:
I'm sorry I had to play hard ball

Marc:
[Dressed up as Betty] Ho-la! Happy Halloween!

Wilhelmina Slater:
Nico, I told you only emergencies. [pauses for a moment, listening] No. You cannot submit my apartment for 'pimp yo house'!

Hilda Suarez:
It looks like the gay version of 'Star Trek'. [upon seeing the Mode offices for the first time]

Gio:
Sorry, not quite the birthday you imagined, huh?

Betty Suarez:
It's my own fault. I had this stupid fantasy, fireworks, epic romance... like Romeo and Juliet.

Gio:
Ah! you know those two ended up dead in a tomb, right?

Betty Suarez:
Yeah... But I don't like thinking about that part.

Gio:
Fantasies are fun but you live in reality. It's not perfect but that doesn't mean it can't be pretty good.

Betty Suarez:
I know. I know. And I'm lucky... except for the part where Henry's leaving me after his baby is born.

Betty Suarez:
Whoa! Gio! Your hair!

Gio:
Summer's coming, gotta let the head breathe.

Wilhelmina Slater:
Do you have some kind of death wish?

Kimmie Keegan:
[explaining the scenic design to Marc and Amanda] It's Suri-realism. It's named after Tom Cruise's daughter.

Hilda Suarez:
You got to take every advantage you get in this life. When I go to the butcher shop, I put on my tightest tank top. And thank you to the Pointer Sisters right here, Abundio the meat man, he puts me in the front of the line. Is that fair? No. So what, who cares?

Wilhelmina Slater:
[Wilhelmina and Marc are discussing Connor] He is ambitious, he's shrewd, he's competitive, he's hot, he's - -he's me.

Marc St. James:
He's the Male-amina

Christina McKinney:
Betty's magazine is going to kick your magazine's arse!

Marc St. James:
Oh, really? What's it called, "Clashing Patterns Digest"?