Yes, Dear

Greg Warner:
What do you mean you can't kill it? You used to go hunting when you where young!

Jimmy Hughes:
I just liked to chug beer and paint my face!

Jimmy Hughes:
So you and that girl Lisa seem to be getting along.

Marcellas Reynolds:
Yeah, she's sweet.

Jimmy Hughes:
Oh she is fine! I think you have a chance with her.

Marcellas Reynolds:
Jimmy, you do know that I'm gay, right?

Jimmy Hughes:
Oh... Okay... well check out the abs on Nathan.

Nathan Marlow:
I heard what you said about my abs... thanks.

Lisa Donahue:
I heard what you said about my ass... thanks.

Christine Hughes:
[explaining to the babysitter] Ok, this baby monitor will let you keep track of Dominic from the house. Now, if he begins to cry, press this button to turn it off.

Kim Warner:
[following a night of unusually good sex] It was amazing... all the screaming...

Greg Warner:
Yeah... I just hope I didn't wake Sammy.

Gloria:
[Kim and Greg has just found Gloria, their babysitter, on their couch with a guy] Oh, I'm sorry... have you met my husband Guillermo?

Kim Warner:
No, I don't believe I have.

Gloria:
Well, if you do, don't tell him about Lou.

Christine Hughes:
[hands Kim a blender] Here, have your Daquiri maker back.

Kim Warner:
Why, doesn't it work?

Christine Hughes:
Well, yeah, it works just fine, but... do you remember yesterday?

Kim Warner:
Yes.

Christine Hughes:
I don't.

Greg Warner:
Where's Sammy?

Kim Warner:
Up in the room with Dominic and Logan.

Greg Warner:
Really?

Kim Warner:
They asked for three sheets and shut the door. Either they're playing ghosts, building a fort or having a clan meeting.

Greg Warner:
[Sammy has fallen down from the jungle-gym] Does it still hurt, Sammy?

Sam 'Sammy' Warner:
No.

Christine Hughes:
I'm just glad he stopped crying...

Greg Warner:
I was worried about my son!

Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg and Kim are kissing, and Jimmy walks in] Get a room.

Greg Warner:
Get a house.

Mr. Savitsky:
Warner, give me that Bop-It game!

Grandma Nan:
[to Greg] You were always my favorite, Jimmy.

Kim Warner:
No, Grandma Nan, that's Greg.

Grandma Nan:
Greg who?

Greg Warner:
Where do you see yourself in twenty years?

Jimmy Hughes:
I don't know. Where do you see me in twenty years?

Greg Warner:
Hopefully just at holidays and other family functions.

Greg Warner:
Hey, what's up?

Kim Warner:
Nothing. Just thinking of names for Jimmy's boat.

Greg Warner:
How about the S.S. Jimmy's An Idiot?

Logan Hughes:
Why do we have to take a bath? We're not dirty.

Christine Hughes:
Logan, in the last hour I've seen you stick your finger up three different nostrils.

Greg Warner:
Great, dinner with Jimmy. It's like "Tuesdays With Morrie" except you don't learn anything, and at the end you want to guy to die.

Kim Warner:
Sammy, why do you keep on scratching your head?

Jimmy Hughes:
Maybe he's perplexed... What? That's a word, right?

Jimmy Hughes:
Wait, I thought you said you would support my decision no matter what!

Christine Hughes:
Yeah! If you made the right one!

Kim Warner:
Every time something goes wrong at work do you want me to put on the Batman cape and fly into town because they upset my Greggy?

Greg Warner:
Actually Batman can't fly.

Kim Warner:
Is that really important?

Greg Warner:
It is to the citizens of Gotham.

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
Can I have some coffee so I don't fall asleep in school again?

Jimmy Hughes:
Dominic, you are six years old, you can't have coffee. Here, drink these Mountain Dews.

Kim Warner:
How is the practice date going?

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
She won't even let me get things started

Kim Warner:
[to Christine] I'll bet no one who's been on a first date with you has ever said that.

Christine Hughes:
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Did you guys clean up your toys in there?

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
No.

Christine Hughes:
Well, go back in there and pick 'em up. You want your mom to trip on a Power Ranger again and break her other ankle?

Logan Hughes:
No, we're sorry.

Kim Warner:
Christine, you broke your ankle trying on slutty shoes at the mall.

Christine Hughes:
Shh! Knowing their mom's a clumsy tramp isn't going to keep their room clean for the next six to eight weeks.

Logan Hughes:
I'm not wearing any of Dominic's old clothes

Jimmy Hughes:
Now you're being picky? The last three mornings I had to make you spit out Dominic's gum.

Kim Warner:
I never would've thought of such a... natural method of toilet training.

Christine Hughes:
Well, it worked so well for Dominic, he picked it up in no time.

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
I had to learn in the snow.

Jimmy Hughes:
It's great to see you, Dad. Too bad Mom couldn't come with you.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
Yeah, well, it's the big gin tournament at Sun City this weekend.

Jimmy Hughes:
Gin tournament? I didn't know Mom played gin.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
She doesn't play it; she drinks it. She's got a good chance this year. Last year's champion is waiting for a liver transplant.

Jimmy Hughes:
Well, Dad; this is a good opportunity for you to be around kids.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
Are you kidding? The people at Sun City have their grandchildren running around all of the time. I've never seen so many people wearing diapers changing diapers!

Christine Hughes:
You don't know who Uday and Qasay are?

Jimmy Hughes:
No. I never learned Pig Latin.

Christine Hughes:
I don't like hitting my kids. What are we Bill Cosby.

Kim Warner:
Bill Cosby didn't spank his kids.

Christine Hughes:
Who am I thinking of?

Greg Warner:
Bing Crosby.

Jimmy Hughes:
What's more important to you, playing the game or winning the dog?

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
I want the dog.

Jimmy Hughes:
Give me the hammer.

Realtor:
Hey kids, I'll give you a nickel for every roach you squash.

Logan Hughes:
[later on] Aunt Kim, could you tell Emily to stop eating bugs? She just cost us 15 cents.

Kim Warner:
[Greg and Kim found out that Jimmy and Christine had sex in their bed while house-sitting] You had sex in our bed?

Greg Warner:
Well, yeah, I thought that was a given.

Christine Hughes:
What's the big deal? We left the bedspread on.

Greg Warner:
Oh, no, now I'll have to sit on the dresser to put on my socks!

Jimmy Hughes:
Greg, if you are skipping the bed, you might want to pass on the dresser too.

Kim Warner:
You two are animals! Maybe that wasn't a water leak. Maybe God was trying to throw water on the two of you.

Christine Hughes:
[Smirking] Well, God's name did come up at the end.

Jimmy Hughes:
Oh, and Greg; remember that drawer on your desk you couldn't get open? Try it now.

Greg Warner:
On my desk too?

Jimmy Hughes:
[Smirking] Maybe you just weren't banging on it with the right tool.

Jimmy Hughes:
Hi everybody! I'm back and I took Dominic to get his hair cut.

Christine Hughes:
My God, Jimmy! You got him a mullet!

Greg Warner:
[to Kim] He looks like the world's shortest lesbian.

Christine Hughes:
Jimmy, I can't believe you got Dominic a mullet.

Jimmy Hughes:
Why? It's an acceptable haircut. Everybody in our hometown has a mullet.

Christine Hughes:
Jimmy, people in our hometown even give their dogs mullets. This isn't back home, this is LA.

Greg Warner:
Uh, Dominic; you want to go out back and play catch with me?

Dominic Hughes [#2]:
Sure! [Runs out]

Jimmy Hughes:
Why'd you do that?

Greg Warner:
Well, I didn't think he should hear you two arguing over his haircut. It might break his heart; his 'Achy Breaky Heart' [Runs from room with Jimmy chasing him]

Kim Warner:
How's Emily?

Greg Warner:
Sleeping like a 'Jimmy'.

Kim Warner:
In that case, she's sprawled on her back with one hand down her diaper.

Greg Warner:
Yeah, in a bed that belongs to us.

Jimmy Hughes:
[Jimmy and Greg are leaving to vandalize a neighbors house] Ok, the men are leaving to fight this battle. It would be nice if the women would greet us appropriately when we return.

Christine Hughes:
I'll be waiting in bed with a grilled cheese sandwitch

Jimmy Hughes:
[Looking at Greg] Let's go!

Greg Warner:
[Greg and Kim developed a roll of film that had nude pictures of Jimmy and Christine] There were a lot of things I hoped I'd never see and three of them are hanging from Jimmy. [Smiling] Christine did look good though.

Kim Warner:
[Looking at Greg] Shut up!

Christine Hughes:
Look, the governor is chasing some guy around the basketball court. Natalie, isn't that Tom running around and making a fool out of himself?

Natalie:
[Never looks up from her magazine] Yep.

Christine Hughes:
You didn't even look!

Natalie:
[Turning a page] Don't have to.

Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg and KIm are getting ready to go out] Hey, hey; all dressed up and ready, huh?

Greg Warner:
Jimmy, you are seeing the being of a great and wonderful Valentine's Day.

Christine Hughes:
As long as I don't have to see the end. [to Jimmy] Can you imagine watching those two skinny little bodies naked? It would be like watching a praying mantis having sex with a cricket.

Jenny Ludke:
[Someone knocks on the door to the dressing room during the wedding video followed by a protracted period of coughing and hacking] Ah, I see the mother of the groom has arrived.

Greg Warner:
So, Curtis; you went to college?

Curtis:
Yeah, for about a year and a half; then the money ran out so I went to ask my mom for money and that's how I wound up in jail.

Greg Warner:
It's not a crime to ask your mother for money for college.

Curtis:
It is if your mother is a bank teller and you're holding a gun on her while asking.

Jimmy Hughes:
[Greg has agreed to do a favor for Jimmy] Thanks, Greg; you'd really do that for me?

Greg Warner:
Sure, no big deal. It's not like you asked me to help you move; although I am always available to help you move.

Jimmy Hughes:
I know; you put that on our Christmas card. Losing five minutes of sleep won't kill me.

Christine Hughes:
Why are you worried about Greg?

Jimmy Hughes:
Well, Roy and I were kidding him about being scared to go to that barbeque place down in 'the hood'. He's been gone about two hours and we haven't heard from him.

Christine Hughes:
Well, what did he tell you when you called him on his cell phone?

Jimmy Hughes:
[Looking confused] Uhhhhhhh.

Christine Hughes:
You didn't call him on his cell phone?

Jimmy Hughes:
Uh, well, no.

Christine Hughes:
Well, excuse me if I don't wait around for the exciting end of 'CS-I'm-a-moron'.

Mr. Savitsky:
[Savitsky is writing alimony checks for his ex-wives] Listen, Warner; do you think if I just made this out to 'Money Grubbing Whore #2', the bank would still cash it?

Christine Hughes:
Jimmy, I've told you before, it's okay if you look at porn. Just let me know when you find something good.

Jimmy Hughes:
How hot is that?

Roy:
Now that's freaky!

Jimmy Hughes:
Geez, if I hadn't drooped that bag of Skittles I'd be dead right now.

George Savitsky:
There's something I've always wanted to know. Could a white guy ever join a Latino gang?

Hank:
Sure, but if they riot, they're picking the gringo as the human shield.

Christine Hughes:
Why not just get him one of those paddles with a ball and string?

Greg Warner:
Oh, no. He'd tie me up with the string, beat me with the paddle... God only knows where the ball would wind up.

Jimmy Hughes:
[talking about Greg's father's retirement] Boy, must be great to be retired. No job, sleep as late as you want, no responsibilities, just sit on the couch and watch tv all day.

Greg Warner:
Or as you like to call it, 1986 through 1999.

Jimmy Hughes:
R2... D2

Christine Hughes:
Tequila makes me horny and mean. And Jimmy and I just had a quickie.

Greg Warner:
Where's Kim?

Christine Hughes:
She's out with Jimmy.

Greg Warner:
Out with JImmy? Where'd they go?

Christine Hughes:
To that bar we went to last night. JImmy's showing her how to have a good time.

Greg Warner:
Wow, Kim's with Jimmy, you're here with me; it's almost like we;ve switched wives.

Christine Hughes:
Yeah, so; come on out to the kitchen, I've fixed you dinner.

Greg Warner:
You fixed me dinner?

Christine Hughes:
[Laughing] Sure I did, and later I'll have sex with you.

Greg Warner:
[Walking toward the kitchen] So, there's no dinner?

Jimmy Hughes:
You know you've had to much to drink when you have to pay your bar tab with your Vette.

Kim Warner:
You had a Vette?

Christine Hughes:
Chevette.

Jimmy Hughes:
Hey. What are you guys talking about?

Kim Warner:
We're thinking of having another baby.

Greg Warner:
Kim! Do we have to share everything with them? You know, why don't you to just come into our bedroom at night and watch us have sex, okay?

Jimmy Hughes:
Sure. Christine? You?

Dominic Hughes:
Our mom and dad are not sleeping.

Kim Warner:
What are they doing?

Dominic Hughes:
Practicing wrestling.

Christine Hughes:
What did you just say?

Christine Hughes:
Dance, puppet, dance.

Kim Warner:
[Kim is playing 'Fer Elise' on the keyboard] I did it! I played the song all the way through! At least I still have my Mozart.

Greg Warner:
That may be true; but that song is by Beethoven.

Kim Warner:
Damn it!

Jimmy Hughes:
[Jimmy is trying to get out of dancing with Logan] You'd do that for me? You'd break my toe so I don't have to dance?

Billy:
Hey, I'm your best friend; I'd even sleep with your wife if you asked me to. [Jimmy looks at him] Just puttin' it out there, you know.

Christine Hughes:
[talking to Logan] Never give up. Look at me, I went back to school and now I'm smarter than your Aunt Kim.

Kim Warner:
I wouldn't brag if I were you, Christine. Until recently, you thought Thomas Jefferson was George and Weezie's son.

Kim Warner:
Sammy, do you have to make pee-pee first?

Lisa:
[Kim is trying to be friendly with Savitski's new wife] Hi, Kim. How's your White Russian? Mine's really strong.

Kim Warner:
Yeah, mine's kinda strong too.

Lisa:
Boy, a couple of more and I'll be on my back with my dress pulled over my head.

Kim Warner:
[laughing nervously] Well, I prefer to keep my dress pulled down.

Lisa:
Suit yourself but I didn't drop five grand on new jugs to keep them covered up.

Christine Hughes:
[pretending to be Anna Nicole Smith] Have you met my husband? He wasn't cremated. He was just so old he turned into dust.

Greg Warner:
[Greg has to study for a test] I'm going to finish the reading tonight.

Jimmy Hughes:
You mean you're going to read the entire assignment tonight?

Greg Warner:
This is the way I study; this is the way most people study. They cram it all in the night before, ace the test and then forget it. That's how this country was built; at least I think so, I don't remember much about history. Besides, I only have to read the first five chapters. My God! This whole book is only five chapters!

Jimmy Hughes:
You're screwed. You might as well blow off the test and get drunk with me and Christine.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
I've never shaken hands with the governor.

Gray Davis:
Actually, I'm not the governor anymore.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
That's why I said I'd never shaken hands with the governor.

Big Jimmy Hughes:
Look at me, Jimmy! I'm eating the meat out of the shrimp tails of the former governor! [crying] This is the happiest day of my life!

Big Jimmy Hughes:
You know, I was Big Jimmy long before Little Jimmy ever burst onto the scene.

Christine Hughes:
Um... Natalie, is that Tom running around crazy on the court?

Natalie Warner:
[without looking up] Mm-hmm.

Kim Warner:
You didn't look.

Natalie Warner:
I don't have to.

Christine Hughes:
We're going out to dinner.

Greg Warner:
Where're you going?

Christine Hughes:
P.F. Chang's.

Jimmy Hughes:
[at the same time] Hooters.

Christine Hughes:
P.F. Chang Hooter's. It's one of those new hybrid restaurants.

Jimmy Hughes:
Yeah, there's no MSG in the food and there's no... silicon in the waitresses.

Greg Warner:
I know one person who couldn't work there.

Kim Warner:
What, you wanna see Monica's new b*obs in her bathing suit?

Greg Warner:
No, no, not in her bathing suit.

Mr. Savitsky:
I'd make you pay for this out of your salary if it wouldn't take 200 years.

Christine Hughes:
[Greg is having to wear a security guard uniform] Watch out, here come Barney Fife!

Greg Warner:
Very funny, Aunt By-otch.

Jimmy Hughes:
[Jimmy is having to pose as Greg for a day] Uh, Mr. Savitsky; I don't own a suit.

Kim Warner:
Doesn't it ever feel like you have a huge penis?

Jimmy Hughes:
[14 years after Greg got beat up by Brian] What's wrong with you?

Gregory Thomas 'Greg' Warner:
I'm still thinking about that guy Brian. I mean I know he was lying and all but he still never took back what he said about Kim.

Jimmy Hughes:
Greg it was 14 years ago, let it go.

Gregory Thomas 'Greg' Warner:
If only I could Jimmy, if only I could.

Trainer:
[after some time and training with Mr. Myiagi] Now you are ready Gregory-san.

Gregory Thomas 'Greg' Warner:
[after a long flight, Greg is back in the bar where he and Brian fought. Brian is standing there drinking a beer] Hey you!

Brian:
What?

Gregory Thomas 'Greg' Warner:
Take it back.

Brian:
No!

Gregory Thomas 'Greg' Warner:
[after Brian beats up Greg again, he is back on the plane home] Give me some ice please.