An Audience with Kenneth Williams

Kenneth Williams:
She had a long nose like the Malay Peninsula. With a large wart at Singapore. There was a hair on that wart, it used to crack like a whip each time she sneezed.

Kenneth Williams:
Joe he was a young Cord-Wangler, Munging Greebles did he go. And he loved a Bogler's daughter by the name of Chiswick Flo. Vain she was and like her Grusset, Oh her Gander Parts were fine. But she sneered at his Cord-Wangle as it hung upon the line. So he stole a Wogler's Moulie for to make a Wedding Ring. But the Bow Street Runners caught him and the Judge said "You will Swing". Oh they tied him by the Postern, Nailed his Moulie to the Fence! For to warn all young Cord-Wanglers that it was a grave offence. There's a moral to this story; Though your Cord Wangle be poor keep your hands off other's Moulies, For it is against the Law.

Kenneth Williams:
So this cabbie says: "Know who I had in this cab last week? Bertrand Russell! Wisest man in the Western World. And I says to him 'Bertie, what's it all about?' And do you know, he couldn't tell me..."

Kenneth Williams:
My hair's like spun gold!

Kenneth Williams:
I'm ablaze with the acne!

Kenneth Williams:
And she was ensconced! It was a mourning brief as Clytemnestra's...

Kenneth Williams:
And then the waiter broke wind quite violently, and she said, "This place has gone off terribly!"

Kenneth Williams:
I did impressions. I did Mabel Constandeiros and Felix Aylmer. He said "Nobody's ever heard of them Kenneth!"

Kenneth Williams:
"I'm sprinkling woofle dust! I'm sprinkling woofle dust to frighten away the wild elephants!" And he was supposed to say "There are no wild elephants around here" and I would say "Well, this isn't real woofle dust."