Bad Teacher

Amy Squirrel:
Shut the front door.

Shawn:
LeBron is a better rebounder and passer.

Russell Gettis:
LeBron will never beat Jordan. Call me when LeBron has six championships.

Shawn:
That's your only argument?

Russell Gettis:
It's the only argument I need Shawn!

Elizabeth Halsey:
Sign my yearbook.

Russell Gettis:
Hold my ball sack.

Russell Gettis:
That was a nice thing you did for him.

Elizabeth Halsey:
He was going through a difficult time.

Russell Gettis:
I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?

Elizabeth Halsey:
I'm not wearing any.

Principal Wally Snur:
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.

Elizabeth Halsey:
I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.

Carl Halabi:
[slurred] I'm gonna rock your vagina.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Look Carl, I know that you are a very busy man; so I'm just gonna get right down to it. I've been speaking to various [quick thinking pause] uh black citizens, who allege that you're test are biased toward white people and orientals.

Carl Halabi:
Okay. Lemme tell you something right away. "A"... Orientals test better. "B"... every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and - lemme duh-dat - You should hear the things that they call me! Racist. Faggatron. Faggy Hitler. Dick breath. Ok? But, I... am not a racist. I voted for Barack Obama. You can quote me on that.

Russell Gettis:
Twilight, what did we talk about in class? Throw it through her, not at her.

Elizabeth Halsey:
I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Did you know I walked in on him trying to f*** his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.

Scott Delacorte:
Hey, they don't make songs like this anymore, right?

Russell Gettis:
Ya know, that's actually not true, Scott. I'm writing a song right now called 855824177 ext. 777.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Hello titties.

[the police find Elizabeth's drug stash in Amy's desk]

Amy Squirrel:
Those aren't mine! That's not even my desk!

Elizabeth Halsey:
[with fake sympathy] Don't worry, Amy. We'll get you the help you need.

Amy Squirrel:
You MONSTER! [goes for Elizabeth, only to be dragged off by the police]

Amy Squirrel:
[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!

Mark:
If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're f***ed!

Lynn Davies:
I love how his eyes sparkle.

Elizabeth Halsey:
I want to sit on his face.

Russell Gettis:
So i heard about the whole engagement thing. That blows.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Did you know i walk in on him trying to f*** his dog. Peanut Butter everywhere.

Elizabeth Halsey:
[takes bite out of an apple] I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples.

Amy Squirrel:
Well I think the students teach me at least as much as I teach them. That's just something I say sometimes.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Stupid. [tosses apple at a recycle bin and misses]

Scott Delacorte:
Oh, I'm dry humping the sh*t out of you.

Elizabeth Halsey:
Oh yeah, dry f*** the f*** out of me, Scott!

Scott Delacorte:
Just stop talking.